The Babcock Report: Manny Quits Pot, Chaos Ensues

I’ll tell you what is going on with Manny Ramirez, and really, it should come as no surprise. What we have here is a clear cut case of a stoner quitting cold turkey, with catastrophic results. In just the past month Manny has engaged in fisticuffs with Kevin Youkilis, thrown a 60 year old man to the ground, and is hitting in the low .200s. This is not Manny being Manny. Where has the “Hey, whatever man” attitude gone? Where is all the head rubbing and home run admiring? The daydreaming in left field? Manny’s actions paint him as irritable, moody, tempermental, and hence, barring the possibility that he has somehow or another become the first human male to menstruate, I conclude that he has given up pot.

Manny isn't High and neither is his Batting Average.

Now, sure, you’re thinking, “How would you know that Manny used to be high all the time?”, and rightfully so. The truth is that I have never hung out with Manny, or stood near him, or discussed my favorite Allman Brothers album with him over a Burrito and a large Mountain Dew, though god knows I want to. If that was going to stop me from making ridiculous claims about a total stranger’s drug use then…well, there would be no Babcock Report to speak of.

The case:

First, we all remember a while back when Manny put his grill up for sale on ebay. This should have been our first warning sign that something was wrong. It has been scientifically proven by a number of unbiased medical publications that a disinterest in grilling is one of the top five warning signs of Marijuana withdrawal. I don’t know what the winning bid for the grill was but I wonder if whoever has it now can sleep at night knowing that they own a shiny stainless steel flavorizing piece of Manny’s soul. May all your steak tips be overdone, and your chicken dry and stiff like the leather of my grandfather’s shoes.

Julian Tavares during the great Visine shortage of 2006.

Secondly, we all know that throughout history all great Stoners have come in pairs: Cheech and Chong, Simon and Garfunkel, Jay and Silent Bob, Ricky Williams and his depressed Indian alter-ego Richard Williams, and not to be outdone, Manny and Julian Tavares. When the Red Sox designated Tavares for assignment this spring they broke up one of the greatest pairs to burn one down since Bob Dylan and John Lennon shared a J back in the 1960s. How can we expect Manny to be a dominant player again when there is no Bill to his Ted? I can remember fondly the days when Manny would sit quietly in the dugout nonchalantly stroking Tavares’ head, make his way to the batters box, and promptly deliver a timely 2 run double. This begs the question…was Tavares Manny’s dealer? One thing is for certain, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Curt Schilling.

God Damn Hippies!

Finally, the recent outbursts of physical violence make it clear to me that Manny could not possibly be smoking pot. Take the Youkilis incident. I’m pretty sure that if you were high you would want to stay far away from Kevin Youkilis. He is way too intense for a stoner to handle. He also has a shaved head and a hardcore goatee, not exactly a stoner-friendly countenance. If Manny had been stoned during the altercation he would probably have reacted differently…that is to say that he would still have watched the bench-clearing brawl from the dugout, but when Youkilis approached him wondering why he wasn’t involved he would have already forgotten that the fight had happened and would have shrugged and then asked a batboy for a slurpee and a small soft serve vanilla ice cream in one of those little helmets. I am sure of this, don’t ask me why, just trust that I have a sense for these things.

Furthermore, I have scoured the annals of history and I could not come across one single incident where a stoned professional athlete has attacked a 60 year old Traveling Secretary over 16 tickets to his own baseball game. It has never happened. You may think I am crazy but it is the truth.

The Good Old Days

Also, after doing an intensive statistical analysis I have concluded that Manny’s Runs Batted In (RBIs) decline in direct proportion to his Righteous Bonghits Inhaled (RBIs). In addition I also noted the same trend with his AVG, (that is Acquired Video Games) and his OPS (Open-faced Peanutbutter Sandwiches). I know not all of you are familiar with Stonermetrics, but I assure you that several Major League ball-clubs have hired Stonermetricians and are implementing these very same statistical analyses into their player evaluation systems. Simply put, we have all felt that Manny was not hitting .420, and now I have the statistics to prove it.

Will Manny ever return to form? Red Sox fans, myself included, can only hope. I miss the fun-loving Manny. I never imagined that in my lifetime Manny would be involved in two physical altercations with members of the Red Sox organization, or two physical altercations of any kind for that matter. But Manny, for your sake, ask JD Drew to pass that shit, because I don’t know if you’ve checked lately but his SLG (Serious Latenight Gorditas) is through the roof.

The Summer Lull

All good things come to an end. At mid-summer, that is. The NBA season is over, hockey season is history, and although NASCAR and baseball are in full-swing, I could honestly care less. The Olympics are too corporate, and as Nick mentioned the other day, Team USA is only moderately interesting. And frankly I could go without communist propaganda, so I won't be watching the Olympics this summer.

Hence the "Summer Lull" as I like to call it. From July until late August you have a period of time which lets you prepare for the regular season both emotionally and physically. This time is important because other sports do not distract you and by the time August rolls around, your head is clear and ready to focus on NFL. Like many of you, I spend this time anxiously dissecting the free agent markets, recent deals, waiver releases, off-season troubles, and training camp performances. I also follow the high-stakes drama throughout the league with interest. So without further ado, I'd like to discuss the top-five stories and themes which have characterized this year's off-season:

1. The Jason Taylor Saga is interesting because Bill Parcells is a badass. The Dolphins had a horrible season last year and instead of working out with his team in the off-season, their best player decided to become famous on TV. To fix the Dolphin's terribleness, the owner hired task-master Parcells and the first thing he did was target the Dolphins apparent sickness: players who care more about themselves than the record of their team.

Parcells should be a Hall of Fame coach for this type of intelligence alone. Join a new team and quickly identify why the team sucks so badly. Identify and cut out the cancer immediately:

"Oh hey, maybe it's your best player dancing around like a chick on national TV? Maybe he cares more about Hollywood than his team and winning."

As GM do whatever it takes to get this guy working-out or off the team. Antagonize him. Don't take his shit. Throw down if necessary. Show him whose the Alpha dog. Well Bill, I salute you. What you did with Jason Taylor is legendary and awesome. Expect the Dolphins to hit .500 this year as a result. Taylor: say goodbye to an owner and GM with kid-gloves.

2. The Shockey Saga. A part of me wants to feel bad for Jeremy Shockey. Here you have a guy with a lot of talent, drive, and charisma who is forced to sit with an injury during his team's Super Bowl run. I bet you Shockey went insane while the Giants kept winning. What else could be worse?

But then again, Shockey is an asshole and by skipping the White House celebration, berating his owner for a new contract, demanding to get traded while under contract, and speaking badly about his teammates, the guy is doing himself no favors. So maybe I don't feel so bad for him.

As Nick mentioned the other day, the Giants should trade him for Jason Taylor. The Dolphins need a receiving threat and the Giants need someone to replace Strahan. Both players want out so the deal would be win-win. And then Shockey could return to the U and find his roots, while Taylor could be closer to NYC in order to fufill his entertainment ambitions. Imagine Taylor hitting Broadway if he gets injured!

3. The Bucs' spending spree on QB's and running backs is interesting because it gives Coach Gruden an arsenal of talented guys. First they load up on Warrick Dunn and Michael Bennett -- two very good running backs. Then they resign Earnest Graham and keep Cadillac on the back-burner while he heals, effectively using their other backs as contract leverage over Cadillac. Very smart moves by Coach Gruden if you ask me.

Also consider their QB situation. You have an unhappy Simms whose dad won't stop complaining about the situation; you have Griese who is very solid; and you also have Garcia, whose old, but probably worth a few more good seasons and without a contract. So how will all of this play-out – will they pay the guy Terrell Owens called a “F**”? Who will start this year? Should be very interesting on both fronts. I like Coach Gruden a lot so I hope they work it out.

4. The Titans Receiving corps is interesting for a lot of reasons:

a. They are very young and unproven.

b. Their performance will tell us whether or not Vince Young is not Michael Vick 2.0. In other words, can he make no-name receivers good through his improved passing skills? Or, will he be known as a runner without passing skills like Vick? I'd like to know.

c. The lack of stars or proven quantities will give a lot of players opportunities to become stars if Young comes through.

d. The corps will give Mike Williams a shot a redemption. I was a huge fan of his at USC so I hope he can turn his career around.

5. The Raider’s questionable roster investments and the signing of SEC BEAST Darren McFadden.

a. Will Javon Walker be worth the cash? Remember what happened with Jerry Porter? Will he recover from his Vegas robbery or the death of his teammate?

b. Will Jamarcus be a bust? Has his weight loss affected his play?

c. Will McFadden live up to the hype a high price tag? (I hope so…) For those of you watch the SEC, you know what I am talking about. If this guy stays healthy, he will be an amazing player.

d. Will their spending strategy play out, considering how the league's cap situation may change? Is Al Davis a total idiot or genius in disguise? Next year should give us a pretty good idea.

There are, of course, about 100 other stories I'm not mentioning here. Chad Johnson and the Bengals; Kevin Jones without a team; Terry Glenn calling out Jerry Jones and having his bluff called which was awesome; Pacman changing his name and team; McNabb's shoulder; Plaxico without a contract; Strahan retiring; Lynch's hit and run; Harrison's gun; Marshall's multiple DUIs; Zach Thomas' contract; Urlacher without a deal on the Bears; Benson's boating DUI; the Cardinal's receiving corps; Snee's new contract; Favre retiring -- to name a few.

But these top five, so far, have really been the stories of interest. After training camps begin in July, I'll have more to report.

Foil in the Oven: A Stroll Down Memory Lane

Gilby (or, Ted Gilbert, as he is known in the blogosphere) and a friend launched a magazine called Lunchmeat last week. It has a lot of great stuff in it, and the response thus far has been overwhelmingly positive. The magazine reviews obscure movies, and has a lot of creative material. I am not a connoisseur of film by any means, but I found this to be incredibly entertaining nonetheless. Ted is a great writer, and I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anybody that knows him who wouldn't tell you that this is a worthwhile investment. We're all really excited about it. You can pick it up on the Relapse Records website.

And, in case you needed more convincing, this is what the cover looks like:



----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was away this weekend for a family barbecue, and I returned home just in time to work last night and this morning. Hence, I have no time for a full Foil in the Oven. However, I have two links prepared for you to read. These are some of the earlier roomofzen work. Since the NBA playoffs began, we have just about tripled our readership. I always find it enjoyable to look back at the archives. We didn't really have as much direction when we first started, and we probably weren't quite the writers we are now, but I'd like to think that we've preserved the spirit and style of the early days.

First, this piece by Babcock was one of the first roomofzen posts ever. From the early fall of 2007, this piece had me in stitches and is still the post that brings the most new readers from Google searches. Essentially, this is the Babcock Report before there was a Babcock Report.


This is one of the earliest Foil in the Oven editions on record. I don't really know if it is good, or if it is an attempt at humor gone totally wrong. I had been awake for 48 hours straight when I wrote it. I returned home from work at 11 PM, wrote it, then there was a problem saving it and I had to write it again. It took a long time because of all the links. The next day at work, which was Christmas Eve, I actually fell asleep on my feet while being paid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming up this week from ROOMOFZEN

- We've been very harsh on Al Davis and Jerry Jones for their spending this off-season. But, are they actually a few steps ahead of us in terms of what they believe the future holds with regard to the NFL's collective bargaining agreement?

- Is it time that the Celtics stop retiring numbers and think of a different system (perhaps the ring of honor). They may be less likely to retire a great players number now because they are running out. Why should we be cheated out of ceremonies for the great players of our era because they gave out so many in the past?


Finally, please check out Weeksy's piece below. It's fantastic.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out

I wrote the following post for a contest back in 2005. I lost. Such is life. However, I enjoyed it and thought the ROOMOFZEN readers would at the very least be brought back to a time in their lives when 8-bit Nintendo still mattered. The premise is analyzing how Mike Tyson would fare against the other characters from his video game, which was excellent. Some ground rules:

1. Cus Damato is dead but Jim Jacobs (manager) is still alive. That's important.
2. Tyson is not involved with Robin Givens yet. This is a good thing.
3. Tyson has not given up his boxing skills in favor of reckless, rage fueled charges.

And now onto the fighters:

1. Glass Joe says, “Make it quick…I want to retire” and “Don’t hit my jaw.” Also he’s 40. Sounds like a guy just out for a paycheck. I see this fight playing out like Michael Spinks in 1988 (91 seconds). And that may be too long.

2. Von Kaiser’s pseudo German intimidation tactics would have little to no effect on Tyson. For example, given that Tyson was in and out of juvenile detention centers throughout his youth, in New York no less, the following threat is almost humorous: “I was a boxing teacher…at the military academy!” Tyson by KO in round one.

3. Piston Honda – As I already established this fight will take place prior to 1990. So even if it is in Tokyo there is no bad mojo from the Buster Douglas fight. I can’t picture Tyson caring about Honda’s eyebrows or putting up with the Piston Rush. Bottom line: Piston is no match for Tyson’s power. Once again, Tyson by KO in round one.

4. Don Flamenco – Anyone who steps in the ring with Iron Mike and says, “People like my hair. Don’t mess with my hair.” is going to be punished. For some reason I see Tyson trying to kill Flamenco. For the sake of Spanish-American relations, Flamenco’s manager has a McNeely like moment and throws in the towel in the second round.

5. King Hippo – He does not have the agility or coordination to hang with Tyson. But I could see the King taking an absolute beating before he goes down. This goes five rounds unless Tyson picks up on jab to the face/repeated punches to the stomach tactic that served as King Hippo’s kryptonite. So in conclusion, this definitely goes five.

6. Great Tiger – If this is a domestic fight there’s a good chance that the tiger flash punch will be outlawed, especially if Don King is promoting Tyson. Therefore, Tiger pushes for an international fight and in a lot of ways proves to be Tyson’s biggest challenge. However, the fact that Tyson is still bobbing and weaving effectively at this point in his career is trouble for the Tiger. Tyson by TKO in seven.

7. Bald Bull probably has a few inches on Mike. It’s important to remember that Tyson originally used his lack of height as an advantage by creating leverage and delivering powerful punches while rising from the crouched position. He’s simply not going to put up with Bald Bull’s crap. TKO for Tyson in round two.

8. Soda Popinski is a loud-mouthed bully. Unfortunately for him the whole “I can’t drive so I’m gonna walk all over you” routine is not going to work against “the baddest man on the planet.” Furthermore, I think it’s safe to assume that Soda will be drunk. Caught up in anti-Soviet sentiment (the wall is still standing) Tyson shows a vicious side and allows this one to go nine rounds just to punish and humiliate Soda. Shades of Muhammad Ali’s treatment of Floyd Patterson.

9. Mr. Sandman is a disciplined, technical boxer. Once again, Tyson still exhibits sound boxing skills at this stage of his career. Therefore, Mike’s head and shoulder movements and great combinations overpower Mr. Sandman. Tyson in eight. As a side note it always bothered me that Mr. Sandman was simply Bald Bull with a different skin color and face. That’s almost as bad as fighting Don Flamenco, Piston Honda, and Bald Bull twice. Is it that hard to make up characters?

10. There are some parallels between Super Macho Man and the post 1990 Tyson. While women, alcohol, and partying side tracked Tyson, Macho Man met a similar fate due to tanning, bodybuilding, and presumably raves. Also Macho Man’s spin punch was the type of wild ring behavior that Tyson exhibited as his career spiraled out of control. Given that Macho Man is from Los Angeles there is some west coast/east coast potential here. Luckily Tyson’s prime did not coincide with the Biggie/Tupac feud. I can picture Tyson killing an opponent just to represent Brooklyn. Regardless, Tyson wins in six.

And if you don’t think Tyson would run roughshod through the characters of his own video game well, “I'm coming for you (insert disbelieving reader’s name). My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!" – Mike Tyson

The Babcock Report: It is 1:49 am.

First, this Christian Okoye video really is a "wonderful nightmare". Keep looking, keep learning, keep laughing.

Here is Okoye getting dropped by Steve Atwater:

I've seen this movie, it actually exists.

sick.

Public Service Announcement

At this risk of being the guy at ROOMOFZEN who always talks about food I want to make people aware of a disturbing new trend. It started during the regular season when I attended the first Celtics/Pistons game at the TD Banknorth Garden. At some point I headed to a concession stand to grab a snack and a beer. This was way back in December so I’m a little fuzzy on the details. But as I recall they offered some sort of buffalo chicken snack – boneless Buffalo wings, buffalo chicken tenders, something like that. I figured it would hit the spot. Thankfully the guy in front of me ordered whatever the hell it was. I watched in horror as the vendor simply covered the fried meat with hot sauce. This led to an inconsistent coating and prevented the meat from soaking up the sauce. That would be like grilling a steak and throwing some sauce on afterwards instead of marinating it ahead of time. Nobody wants that. In the end I went with 2 beers. Clearly I did not come out a loser in this situation and I narrowly avoided disaster. But I've seen this type of things in a few other places as well. This needs to be stopped immediately and order should be restored:

Foil in the Oven: Sometimes We Like To Watch Videos

Before we move on, I need to speak about Michael Beasley once more. I really do believe he was the best player in the draft. Even as I saw the Bulls taking Derrick Rose, I felt like they were making the wrong move. Beasley is going to step in and make an impact right away. On top of that, as the analysts alluded to, the Bulls already have a lot of money invested in that back court. As you can see here (warning, you may throw up when you actually see Larry Hughes' contract charted out year by year), they have Kirk Hinrich, who is a pretty damn good point guard, locked up for the next four seasons. I'll really never understand why people soured on Beasley so much as the draft approached, but I was glad to see that the Heat had the sense to make the right call.

Speaking of salary cap situations, I had to look up the Knicks also just for fun. A lot of Knicks fans think that D'Antoni was brought in to suffer through this season and then to work with a team that management would build for him once they got some money off the books. Well, anybody that thinks Eddie Curry is opting out of this money is fucking crazy. As long as he doesn't eat himself to death like Pizza the Hut, he's going to be there for the next three seasons. Look at Zach Randolph's money too. God that hurts. Did I mention that the Jazz have the Knicks first round pick in 2010. No wonder those fans were so angry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was really hoping that Darrell Arthur would fall to the Celtics at 30. I never expected it heading into the draft, but once we hit about pick number 24 I started to become optimistic. Obviously, we missed out. After that I was really hoping for Mario Chalmers or Chris Douglass-Roberts (hats off to the Nets for getting Douglass-Roberts at 40. Who would have thought?). The JR Giddens pick threw me off completely, but now I feel pretty good about it.

- Giddens is a senior, which means that he is more likely to have an impact right away. This is a big plus in my mind.

- Jay Bilas had great things to say about Giddens as a player, but mentioned that his drawbacks are that he has had some issues off the court and that he has been hard to control. I think sometimes we all need to remember (and this was the case with Beasley as well) that these guys are young. Think about your college days and the people you knew who are perfectly good and professional people now. What kinds of things may have come out about them heading into the draft?:

"well, we've heard that this guy and a friend crushed up a large bag of salt and vinegar chips and dumped them all over a Dead River pizza. No word as to what caused such hunger"...

"apparently an e-mail with very sketchy photos of this person putting on a glove were accidentally sent to the entire college administration".....

"apparently this guy would occasionally have too much to drink and would then run around the college dining hall waving an American flag"....

"We've got photos of this guy...humping.......a keg......in public....during the day.".....

"We hear that this guy actually boarded himself in a room with four other guys, leaving only small openings for pizza delivery, and the five of them drank an entire keg before forcefully breaking through the barricade that they had created. All this in just under twelve hours. Pat Riley is concerned."...

The point here is that I'm not surprised that many of these guys need to mature. Imagine being a 19 year old college student and having scouts probing into your personal life.

- They said that Giddens has been hard to control even as a teammate and player before. If he does step out of line, I have a feeling KG will handle it.

- Giddens played at Kansas and New Mexico and had great stats in college. Also, here is a video showing Giddens freakish athletic abilities (dunking in warmups at Kansas and New Mexico and also in dunk contests):


sick.



So, I feel pretty good about the Giddens pick. There seems to be a lot of upside there, and I think drafting guys that are relatively old makes sense given the Celtics current state. Overall, the Celtics scouting team has done a great job under Danny Ainge, and I trust them on this one.

What struck me even more, and really gave me the energy to write this post, was the announcement at about ten minutes to midnight that the Celtics had acquired Billy Walker from the Wizards for cash considerations. I had almost gone to bed, and I'm really glad that I stayed awake to get this news. Walker is a great fit for the Celtics. He has been described as an explosive athlete that will be able to provide a lot of energy off the bench in limited minutes, which is exactly what the Celtics need. When I heard Bilas talking about him after Washington took him I thought "god, that guy sounds perfect for the Celtics", and then it happened. If things work out right, this Celtics squad will have a lot of young talent and they will be very deep.

Here he is, Billy Walker:



again, sick.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

There have been a lot of rumors swirling around over the past week or so about Mike and the Mad Dog (Sports Radio WFAN, New York) splitting up. The pair have maintained that this is not true, and that their recent issues are natural in a partnership that lasts for roughly 20 years.

They aren't totally convincing. They have cited the fact that they are under contract as proof that they are not splitting up, but this indicates to me that a break up is somewhere in the future. This would be a crushing blow to sports radio. I always imagined these guys staying together until they retired, teammates for their whole career. Bill Simmons and Jack-O touched on it in the most recent BS Report and, along with doing great impersonations, made some great points. To hear Mike Francesa or Chris Mad Dog Russo doing radio with new partners would just be wrong.

I truly believe that Mike and the Mad Dog is the best spors radio show out there. One of the greatest things about being a Giants fan is that I was able to get the experience of listening to them pretty regularly. I'll be honest, I'd rather listen to them discuss the American League West than listen to anything on the Big Show or Dennis and Callahan. Really, unless it's Mikey Adams or Dale and Holley, I could take or leave WEEI. For now, let's all hope that these rumors of their split are truly rumors and nothing else.

Now, some Mike and the Mad Dog Videos (and I can assure you that if they do split up, this site will have a lot more of these for about a month):

1) I've posted this tons of times, but it never gets old. Here is Mad Dog going on his famous rant about Pacman Jones. Love it.


2) Here's Mad Dog Russo again with an even better rant after the San Francisco Giants were eliminated by the Marlins in '03, just like in '97(note, he is a huge SF Giants fan):


3) Here is a video of both of them (Mad Dog Russo on the left, Mike Francesa on the right) in classic form ripping Brian Cashman for apparently never shutting up during their interview with him (they have Cashman every week).


4) Finally, a guy calls and asks Francesa why he wasn't on Letterman with Russo. Seems like no big deal, but if there is a riff you have to wonder if it isn't related to this in some way. It seems like Russo is more popular (on Letterman several times). Just the fact that there are tons of Russo videos out there and far fewer of Francesa says it all. But, to hear them together for a whole show is to really be enlightened. Russo is crazy and Francesa is always overly calm. Somehow it works. It wouldn't if they were separate. Anyways, here's the clip:

Dr. J

Sick.

Giants Sign Craphonso

Amazing name for the Giants new receiver. Now they need to unload Shockey, resign Plax, and prepare for the Redskins to own them.

EAST RUTHERDFORD, NJ - The Giants’ competitions at wide receiver and returner added another contestant today when the team signed second-year pro Craphonso Thorpe.

The Giants claimed Thorpe off waivers after his release earlier this week by the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Thorpe, a 6-foot, 187-pounder, played five games last season for the Indianapolis Colts. He caught 12 passes for 70 yards and a touchdown, returned 15 kickoffs for 318 yards (a 21.2-yard average) and brought back six punts for 31 yards (5.2-yard average). He had a long kickoff return of 40 yards and a long punt return of 29 yards.

Thorpe’s best game was in the regular season finale against Tennessee, when he caught six passes for 23 yards, including a 3-yard touchdown.

Vegas and the NBA

Today, a question from one our readers:


Ted,

Although I hope to some day, I've never had the Vegas experience. However, everything that I've heard about it and seen about it on TV leads me to believe that it would be the perfect spot for an NBA franchise. I know that the NBA summer league games there attract a lot of attention, and I really think that an NBA franchise could be a hit. I think any hope of this died after all of the problems during all-star weekend there. But, the biggest story of that weekend was Pacman, sorry I mean Adam, Jones and he has nothing to do with the NBA. Some people are worried that there wouldn't be a big enough fan base, but I disagree. I think that a lot of the travel agencies would sell tickets in their packages, and people would go to games on their trips. I think that there would be great entertainment at the shows. I think that a lot of the players would do a lot of public appearances. I think it could be very successful.


After just having been there, what are your thoughts?


Thanks for the question. I think the answer is somewhat complicated and difficult to simplify. But I will try anyway. First, some issues to keep in mind:


The NBA could easily move to Vegas and find a supportive market. Vegas is one of the most populous cities in the West, and due to the casinos and federal government, the city has a growing population with access to available and cheap land. In other words, it has a big existing market with potential for growth.


Think about it: with all the tourists visiting Vegas to gamble, the city has to have a massive population of casino workers and hotel staff looking to stay in town. Also think about the military base, Nellis Air Force Base, which just opened. The base means thousands of federal workers, people who have jobs with longevity and decent pay, will be in the Vegas area.


Also think about the land and building density throughout Clark county. You're in the middle of the goddamn desert and nothing is within 100 miles! To me that means Vegas has a lot of room to grow and as soon as they build a metro or better public transportation, property values in that town will literally sky-rocket. But for now, the availability of cheap land close to the city will prompt development to house the needs of a growing population.


So we've established that there is a potential market base for an NBA team. How about some numbers backing that up? In December, 2007, Clark County declared the population now exceeds 2 million residents. I can think of a few NBA teams that don't have that type of market right now (Bucks, Bobcats). Current estimates place growth at 3 million people by 2019, and 4 million people by 2025. Not bad, I'd say.


Vegas houses a 49 billion dollar industry which thrives on the weak dollar and attracts people from around the world. Also remember that people will always gamble because it's addictive. Population growth, especially in a place where the local economy will NOT take a significant downturn if the economy tanks, is what all sports franchises want to take advantage of. It's basically a recession proof city. So Vegas is here to stay and it will always be making money.


The rationale for a team is almost too good to be true. The area can sustain future growth in infrastructure since it has the world's largest energy producing facility; it has a growing population; it's the entertainment capital of the world; it's a 2-4 hour flight from every major American city; and it has a glamorous reputation. So why the hell not?


My sense is that Vegas will never see a professional sports team despite the characteristics I'm citing. Yes, the city is a perfect fit. Yes, Vegas would be the perfect showcase for NBA talent. Yes, Vegas would become another LA-Celebrity love-fest. But the issue of gambling and organized crime clouds Vegas in a veil of uncertainty.


What's uncertain?


1. If a Vegas team would tarnish the NBA brand in the eye's of it's more conservative fans (either existing or future fans). Most Americans deplore gambling (although most of them do it anyway). Associating the NBA with a gambling city may upset a lot of people who would otherwise follow the league.


2. If players could behave themselves in the City of Sin, avoiding the types of embarrassing mistakes made by Pacman and others. A young guy makes millions of dollars and moves to Vegas where drugs, gambling, and prostitution is pretty much legal. If that's not a recipe for trouble, I don't know what is. And last time I checked, the NBA is obssessed about the public's perception of it's players both on and off the court. Vegas is very risky in this regard.


3. If gambling and organized crime can stay out of the games played there. Like it or not, people will automatically assume that Vegas games can and will be rigged. Will this perception affect an NBA team there negatively?

Foil in the Oven: I Must Be Missing Something Here

I'm sure pat Riley knows what he's doing. I just wish that I knew what he was doing. I've heard a lot of speculation that he knows this Heat team has a chance to be good next year, and he wants to try and land a veteran, possibly Elton Brand. That would make sense. Maybe he's saying he doesn't want Michael Beasley because he wants somebody else (possibly the Clippers, as I've alluded to) to trade with him. That has to be it. Why else would he be passing on Michael Beasley? I just don't understand.

Now, I'm not an NBA scout, and I'm certainly not an expert on what makes a guy a sure thing in the NBA. But, am I crazy in thinking that Beasley is the surest thing in this draft? I wouldn't even pass on him for Derrick Rose. Sure, if I were the Chicago Bulls I MIGHT given his Chicago roots, but I don't think I would when the time came. Rose is a great player for sure, but I don't agree with a lot of the reasoning that I've heard. The arguments that I have heard in favor of Rose say that today's game revolves around great point guard play. People point to Chris Paul and Deron Williams. Well, we're certainly expecting a lot from Rose if we are expecting him to be as successful as Paul and Williams. These guys are two of the five best point guards in the league. What if Rose doesn't turn out to be of the same caliber?


Again, as I've said, I don't spend a whole lot of time analyzing these guys. I spend much more time analyzing NFL draft prospects. But, you don't need to analyze Michael Beasley, you just need to watch him. The guy is phenomenal. He had a better year in college than Kevin Durant did last season. He can score from anywhere. He has the inside game, the mid-range game, and he is an excellent outside shooter. This wasn't just him having a few strong performances, he looked like a man among boys for the entire season. The guy is going to be able to play at the next level.

I've heard the character knocks on Beasley. He coasts through games at times. He doesn't always work on the defensive end. He's not the most coachable player in the draft. First of all, that sounds like about 80 percent of the league. Secondly, I've heard many people say that the reason he appears to be coasting through games is that the game comes so easily to him. He is at an NBA talent level, so that should change. Plus, what better fit could there be than for him to play under the watchful eye of Riley, and to have a teammate like Dwayne Wade to set an example for him? Finally, I've heard that Riley might take OJ Mayo over Beasley if no trade comes along. There are just as many questions with Mayo in my mind. He seems like a bit of a head case.

I could end up being totally wrong about this, but I just don't see how. I've seen Beasley play and been blown away. I've seen the stats that resulted from this play and have been blown away. As I've said, he can score from anywhere. He does it consistently. He helped to take a bad college team in a bad situation (Huggins leaving) and turn them into a pretty good team (beating eventual national champion Kansas once this season). I was just as impressed with Beasley's game as I was with Kevin Durant's game last season. I think that he is the surest pick in this draft, I think that he will prove to be the best rookie next year, and I certainly believe that he should be the first pick this year. If the Bulls take Rose, as many believe they will, the Heat are getting a big-time NBA scorer in Beasley. I think they'd be crazy to pass on him.

How Do We Feel About Jerry Remy?

First I'd like to apologize to anyone who does not care about the Red Sox or does not watch them on TV, where Jerry Remy is the long standing, 20 years as of yesterday, color commentator. But I want to get this out there because I seem to be in the minority when I say that I am not a fan. Also to be fair I'm a fan of Tommy Heinsohn, even if he is guilty of some of the things I am about to accuse Remy of. Those are the facts. Now on to my issues.

1. At times Remy will completely talk over the game about numerous non-baseball related topics. Off the top of my head the most egregious examples came several years ago when in a short span of time (couple of weeks as I remember it) he actually read lacrosse box scores from the newspaper and tried to get one of the interns into Syracuse. Those are two unrelated incidents but they stick out to me. Granted the baseball regular season is 162 games long and some of those are downright atrocious. This was even more true before this current golden age of Red Sox baseball. But I'm of the opinion that the games matter. It's up to sports talk radio, guys in bars, television shows, now blogs, and to a lesser extent newspapers to talk about the off topic stuff. During the game I want to know what was just thrown, how fast it was, etc.

2. The biggest issue for me, which is somewhat related to the first is that Remy thinks he is a major part of the show at this point. It started with the cameras focusing on all of the Remy signs in stadiums. Granted this is not the WWF and those signs were made by the fans. Why not show them? Still from there it went to the love fest with Wally the mascot, the whole president for Red Sox nation thing, numerous commercials including a recent one where he plays air guitar (I couldn't make that up), Rem Dawg, the Remy Report, and everything else.

Now I can be open minded. For starters a ton of people genuinely like him. Also he knows baseball. That counts for a lot. And for someone who is from the old school he does not seem to fear/hate the sabermetrics stuff. And some of his schtick is at the very least similar to Tommy Points and "I Love Waltahhhh!", while a lot more on point than - "Gerald Green will be an All Star someday." If I'm off on this one so be it. Just throwing it out there.

Foil in the Oven: Some Thoughts on James Posey

You don't need to sell James Posey's worth to me. I understand what a vital piece he was, both on and off the court, to this Celtics championship team. On the court, he is a clutch shooter and a lock-down defender. I'm not going to claim that he is a better sixth man than Manu Ginobli, but I do believe that he did more for this Celtics team than many of the players that finished above him in the sixth man of the year voting (along with Ginobli, he finished behind the following: Barbosa, Terry, Korver, Gordon, Childress, and J.R. Smith).

As great as this Celtics' starting 5 was, they did not always start games well. This was to be expected. The three cornerstones had never played together, and the other two pieces are barely old enough to have a beer. The Celtics bench, led by James Posey, was an essential piece to this team's success. I can't think of how many times I wrote a post about the Celtics after a game and started it off talking about how solid the bench was. Think about it, this team won 66 games. There's no way they do that without the bench being as good as it was.

Posey's importance rose to a whole different level in the post-season (note here, am I the only one that says "a whole nother level" when they speak, but then tries to type it and realizes that nother is not a word?). In fact, it is probably the memory of his post-season play that caused me to speak earlier about his worth in comparison to guys like Kyle Korver, J.R. Smith, and Josh Childress. What more can we say about what this guy gave to us in the post-season? The Celtics stumbled several times in the first two rounds, but Posey never did. His timely post-season three pointers were like clockwork. I'll never forget the one he hit in game four to put the Celtics within one, 81-80. His defense was consistently stifling, even when matched against some of the most prolific scorers in the entire NBA (see LeBron, Kobe). Huge shots, timely stops, taking key charges, getting under opponents' skin while remaining completely calm and collected, Posey delivered these services to us every night during the post-season. During the playoffs, Pat Riley made the public statement that the Miami Heat could not have won the championship in 2006 without Posey. By that point, many of us were thinking the same thing about the Celtics.

Outstanding play aside, it was clear from the very start that Posey was one of the strongest personalities on the roster and a galvanizing force on this team. The legendary hugs that he gave the starters before they stepped out on the court, as painful as they appeared, sent a very clear message to opponents, fans, and anybody else concerned. This was a united front. It was going to take a lot to take this team down, because they were so committed to each other and to their ultimate goal. You could see this in Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen every night when they took the floor. To see it in a role player is more surprising. These Celtics showed us something that seems so rare in sports these days. They were a real team. You could feel the camaraderie coming through your television set each night when you watched them. Think about how many good players there were on this team. And yet, egos never became an issue. This team had great chemistry, and James Posey was a big reason for this.

So, now let's think about big James. He's a two-time NBA champion. He just turned in one of the most memorable seasons a role-player has had in recent memory (the closest thing I can think of is Antwan Jamison with the Mavs in 2004, but I don't really think we can call him a role player, even then). He's got NBA franchises drooling over his defense, his clutch shooting, and all of the other intangibles that he brings wherever he goes. His stock is higher than it has ever been. It is not surprising that he is expected to opt out of his contract, roughly 3.5 million, for next season.

Now, I'm sure that there will be a whole lot of interest. In fact, the buzz around the internet was that the Lakers were already interested in signing Posey, and the backbone with which he might supply them, the day after the Finals ended. I'm sure that Posey would love to be back in Boston, for the right price. But the question that we want to keep in mind here is, how much is too much?

Everything that I have heard indicate the Celtics best shot at re-signing James would be to offer him a mid-level exemption deal. This would put his salary between 5 and a half and 6 million dollars. That's a lot of money for someone that doesn't even start. That's a lot of money for a role player. And, here's what we need to keep in mind. There is a nice core of young Celtics under contract right now. Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins, Glen Davis, and Leon Powe all appear to have bright futures ahead of them. Furthermore, the Celtics are very high on Gabe Pruitt. Overpaying for Posey means that the Celtics most likely will not be able to keep this young nucleus in place.

In the short term, there is no question that paying Posey big money would be justifiable. He would no doubt help this team achieve great heights next year, and we'd all be toasting management for shelling out the dough for him. But, think ahead four or five years. What happens if there is no plan in place after the big three retire? Do we want to go through the mid-late 90s all over again? Perhaps I'm being extreme here, but the question is a fair one. We have Pierce. We have Garnett. We have Allen. You can only dump so much money into veterans before you are officially fucking yourself in the future.

Look, I know that it's hard for us to part with someone that was so instrumental in bringing us such a great moment. But, it's harder for me to come to terms with the idea of Rondo and Perk coming back and playing even better next season, and then not being able to retain both of them. I know it's still early in his career, but I want Rondo to be a Celtic for his entire career.

Now, ideally, Posey would be willing to come back for less than what I've described above. I've read a lot of articles about how the Big Three should have been working him as soon as the parade ended last Thursday. But, remember, we don't just want James Posey back. We want the James Posey from last year back. This Celtics season was almost too perfect. Next season might not run so smoothly. The team might not win 66 games. There could be some turmoil. If Posey feels pressured, and agrees to stay for less money than he might have gotten in another situation, his demeanor may change. A James Posey who feels cheated because he took less money to stay with a championship team might not be as valuable if things don't go as planned. In order to get the most that we can from him, the decision to come back needs to be made on his terms.

As I said, it will be interesting to see how it plays out. He might not end up getting offered the kind of money that people are expecting, in which case the Celtics would almost certainly match any offer. But, we'll see. Either way, I couldn't be more grateful for what he brought us in this championship season.

Vegas, baby

After spending four days in Las Vegas, I can safely say that "whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." So instead of discussing various exploits, which included hanging out with Willie McGinest (no, I am not kidding), I will give you some thoughts on the City of Sin, raw and unedited:

1. Las Vegas represents the very best of America and the very worst of America.

Vegas hotels embody this concept. They are modern marvels, featuring the best in architecture, food, service, and amenities. They also represent some of the best commercial real estate developments in the world, bar none. For those of you who view America as a modern-day Roman empire, Vegas represents the peak of building and human triumph during this particular gilded-age. It’s as if humans have built a modern day Babylon to the god of money. You can see it soaring into the Vegas sky from the Strip. Just go there and take a look.

Where else can you find 10-12 hotels with 10,000 rooms, 5-star dining, gourmet buffets, beautiful pools, lavish casinos, and world-class shopping within a five-mile radius? Answer: no where else.

The strip is really a testament to American ingenuity or better yet, a clever response to the demand for high-end resorts and hotels. Attention to details, combined with the miraculous ability to keep visitor's costs low, make Vegas the premier attraction for vacationers and cash-heavy Americans. Want examples?

- The hotels keep everything clean and in tip-top shape
- The service is amazingly good - Polite, knowledgeable, and accessible people make these hotels run smoothly
- The food is always good, and readily available (you can eat the Bellagio buffet for 20 bucks and have some of the best food in the world)
- Small details like the amount of booze in your drinks are always thought through. Think of the movie Casino where Ace asks his chef about the blue-berries in the muffins.
- The hotel architecture is thematic and completely over-the-top; some would call it pleasing to the eye (but not me!)

Paradoxically, Vegas attracts some of the seediest elements of American society. Drugs, hookers, addicts, organized crime -- you name it. With the very best of America comes the very worst. Exploitation, greed, and sin. But a far more insidious force was in play in Vegas. Scratch the surface and the rot is exposed if you look close enough.

Everyone knows the mob founded Vegas. Everyone knows about prostitution and how it exploits women. Fair enough. Nothing new to me. What really surprised me, however, was something completely unexpected. It was the sheer amount of people visiting Vegas who a. probably couldn’t afford to be there in the first place and b. were getting ripped off by the casinos. Basically, people were getting hosed left and right. Cheap flights, deals on hotel rooms, and cheap buffets make Vegas a good destination for people on a strict budget. But the gambling at these hotels changes this picture entirely. What I saw in Vegas was people throwing away fortunes on the card-tables. And these people were not high-rollers or foreigners with money. They were regular dudes like you and me.

Even if you saved a boat-load of money on your trip-planning, how can you justify gambling thousands of dollars on Vegas card tables? A quick google search will remind you that the odds are ALWAYS stacked against you in Vegas. In other words, the house always a slight percentage edge in each of their games. That said, gambling is like throwing away your money for the slight chance you'll come out ahead. Insane, right?

The problem with Vegas is that attracts people without a lot of money who are suckered into going there with cheap flights, food, and rooms. The reasoning is simple: with the money I don’t spend on rooms and food, I will use for gambling. The Casinos basically make a wager that says: I will make it cheap and easy for you to get here, but in exchange you will gamble enough to make this arrangement profitable.
The Casinos basically hose you for four days and when you're done staying there, you've lost a ton of money. And this brings me back to my original point which is that Vegas brings out the worst in American society. On the one hand you get nice hotels and modern marvels. But on the other hand, you have casinos ruthlessly exploiting people who can't afford to be living or experiencing this lifestyle. You could call it American capitalism at its best or exploitation at its very worse. Either way, it bothered me to a certain degree.

2. Vegas attracts all sorts of interesting people and it functions as a microcosm of America. The weak dollar also makes Vegas an international hotbed of intrigue.

People watching in Vegas is like attending a zoo for the planet earth. You will see every type of person imaginable. Instead of over-generalizing or even attempting to describe what I saw, I will give you a list of my top-four favorite groups:

1. The guy's weekend. Walk around the tables in the Casino and you will quickly identify this particular group. They are rowdy and drunk and ready to high five you after hitting blackjack or seeing the dealer bust. Since most of them married, they quickly want to know “what the women are like in Vegas” since they can’t go out to the singles bars. These guys are about 30-50 and they’re there with friends, looking to win big or come home ahead. These guys also love the strip clubs, a topic they will broach without prompting at the black-jack tables. High-five! Texas rules! 2. The family vacation. Since Vegas has to compete with Indian Casinos, guys like Steve Wynn and Adelson decided to make Vegas a family destination which can attract non-gambling dollars. How do you do this? Build museums, theme parks, golf courses, shopping malls, and “stuff the kids and wife will like.” Well, it worked. Walk around Vegas and you will see 14 year old kids accompanying their parents through the hotel lobbies. This is weird because the gambling age is 21 and you’re literally not allowed on the floor unless you look over 25. Families will also haul their small kids onto the gambling floor, throwing dice or hitting the slots while junior sleeps on their back or arm. Not a pretty sight!

3. The foreign whale. The American dollar is weak relative to other currencies. Aside from boosting exports and weakening the trade deficit, the weak dollar sparks investment into the United States from outside investors or in this case, whales. Whales are a classic Vegas term, which embodies the concept of a foreign gambler who has been flown into Vegas in order to gamble obscene amounts of money. Vegas will show you plenty of that, but I’d like to add a new category: the foreign dolphin. With the dollar so cheap, Vegas is inundated with foreigners looking to spend their money. They may not be millionaires playing 10,000 dollar blackjack, but they’re staying in Vegas to have some serious fun and spend money on clothes. I call them dolphins because they are aquatic mammals smaller than Whales.

4. The addict. Sadly you will notice your fair share of addicts or desperate people. Like alcoholism, gambling can become an addiction or even a disease. And Vegas seems to attract these types of people for obvious reasons.

So now that the NBA playoffs have ended and the NFL season sits tantalizingly on the horizon and is rapidly approaching, there is no excuse for my participation level to continue to lag. I would like to start by thanking Weeks for his recent post on the cake / pie dilemma. As a huge fan of cake myself I know first hand the unbeatable satisfaction of following a meal with a moist chocolate cake with rich creamy frosting, however I have also felt the bottomless dissapointment and despair that is the "dreadful whipped frosting."

Back to football, I would love to rave about how excited I am to watch the birds this season (and of course I am), however I really can't ignore the fact that all of the areas that were big questionmarks at the end of last season (receivers, D-line) are still pretty big questionmarks. I long to return to the days when I would sit at winners hungover on a sunday afternoon wondering, "the talent, coaching, and motivation are all here, what the hell is going wrong?" The former is far more satisfying than "Why do can't we compete in the division? oh yea, we don't spend any money during the offseason, we don't consider wide receiver to be a "valuable position," and our coach's kids are on drugs and in and out of juvenile detention centers." All this being said I still believe that we will beat the Giants twice because there is now way that team could pull a season like that out of their ass and not see some negative consequences the next year.

Here is Disfear because they rule

Arbitrary Manute Bol Highlights

To the best of my knowledge this is the cream of the crop when it comes to Manute Bol youtube highlight compilations.

Foil in the Oven: Team USA and the Death of the Olympic Spirit

I haven't been able to get excited about the Olympics in a long time. When I was a kid, my parents built them up to me as this really special event that embodied everything that was right about athletics. Perhaps it was only because I was young and naive at the time, but I can recall being really excited and genuinely feeling that "Olympic spirit" as I made it a point to acquaint myself with all of the major players in the events that interested me.

Of all the great individual performances that I have seen, Michael Johnson and his golds in the 400 meters stand out to me the most. However, the Olympic memory that still remains the strongest in my mind is seeing English sprinter Derek Redmond's father help him finish his race in Barcelona in 1992 after he had suffered an injury. Even at ten years old, I could feel the emotion of that moment. This was different than seeing a millionaire professional athlete play through an injury. This guy had devoted his whole life to his sport with the dream of competing at the Olympics. To see his father help him finish the race, and to see the ovation that he got, truly made me realize what a great event the Olympics were. The competition itself was secondary. This was a celebration of sport, and I truly believed that there was something greater that came from it. Again, I was young, so I may have just been naive. Maybe there was no real Olympic spirit. I certainly don't think there is now.

I'm not sure when exactly it started, and I don't have my own computer anymore to figure it out. But, I have to believe that part of it started with the whole Nancy Kerrigan/Tanya Harding fiasco. Think about it, athletes from the same countries trying to injure each other. That scenario doesn't seem to fit with the Olympic Spirit that I remember. Others tell me that it began in the 80s when it came out that athletes from the Soviet Union were doping, and it was discovered that the Soviet Army was essentially a training ground for Olympic athletes. Perhaps both of these examples just speak to a larger overall trend of the "win at all costs" mentality contaminating the spirit of this once great event. I don't know if it was money, or politics, or a combination of both, but somewhere along the line the priority seems to have shifted.

This brings me to USA Basketball.

I'll preface this by saying that I plan on watching all of the games that team USA plays. As an NBA fan, how could you not be excited about a roster that includes Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Dwight Howard. I get overcome with excitement just looking at the list of names. To see them playing together will be quite a spectacle, which I'm sure was the intent when the roster was assembled. Furthermore, almost all of the players on the roster have experience with the international game, which should serve them well in August. I expect a gold medal. But, to be honest, I won't really care either way.

I saw a press conference with Carmelo Anthony today in which he discussed how valuable his experience with the international game will be, and how excited he is for this team to start practicing. I was excited too. The possibilities for this team are endless. Then, he talked about how the team will bring home a gold medal. Suddenly, I felt a little bit empty. I can't think of this as an Olympic team. That I will no doubt enjoy watching them is due to the fact that I love the NBA. It has nothing to do with the Olympics. One of the things that made the Olympics so great for me as a kid was the fact that amateur athletes were competing. The emotion in the eyes of those athletes always seemed so real. We always say that we wish sports weren't about money, and on some level the Olympics used to give this to us.

But, what will a gold medal really mean to this American basketball team? Regardless of how things finish up, they have bigger, better, and more important things to return to when the competition ends. I'm sure they will not be staying in the Olympic Village during the competition. As is the case throughout the rest of their lives, I'm sure they will be waited on hand and foot and ensconced in luxury throughout their stay in China. This is, essentially, something exciting for them to do. It is a chance for them to increase their marketability. It is a chance for some of them, Bryant and Anthony come to mind here, to improve their image with NBA fans. Perhaps I'm being too cynical, but that's the way I see it. It's not their fault, they get paid millions of dollars to focus the majority of their time and energy on their NBA careers, and of course I don't expect them to turn down an opportunity like competing in the Olympics. I'm just saying that they shouldn't have had the opportunity in the first place.

I felt this way two years ago when I heard Mike Modano blast USA hockey after the US lost unexpectedly early in the Turin games. He complained about things like travel plans and family accommodations. Essentially, it sounded like the US Olympic hockey team was treated like the US Olympic hockey team, and did not receive the NHL all-star treatment to which Modano had become accustomed. There are lots of really good college hockey players out there who most likely would have paid out of their pockets to stay in hostels for opportunity to play in the Olympics.

Maybe this stuff shouldn't bother me, but it does. I can't help it.

I remember the original Dream Team, and of course I loved it. But, even then, I didn't view it as an Olympic team. It was more of a traveling entertainment show, like the Harlem Globetrotters. I still have my "Bird and Magic: Together at Last" and I ate more than my fair share of All-American Triple Cheeseburgers at McDonalds, but this was a celebration of individuals. This was not the Olympics.

I don't like expecting Gold medals. It feels too much like this is rigged. Maybe a team with Derrick Rose instead of J-Kidd, Michael Beasley instead of LeBron, Chris Douglas-Roberts instead of Kobe, and Tyler Hansborough instead of Chris Bosch wouldn't be a lock. In fact, given how good many of these international teams are, they may not medal. But, they'd certainly be exciting to watch. They'd be fun to root for. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to be there. And, who knows, they might surprise us and give us an Olympic memory that we would never forget. Regardless of how this TEAM USA fares in 2008, I'm quite confident that I will forget all about it once the NBA season starts up.

All that being said, we will watch, and we'll have the coverage here for you on ROOMOFZEN.

Cake, Pie, and George Carlin

Over the weekend, after making the jump to ROOMOFZEN, I wrote a rough draft of a post that started like this:

Before this gets going I just want to cover my bases and make sure I don’t pull a Mike Barnicle. To that end I vaguely recall George Carlin debating the merits of cake and pie. My Internet searches for said discussion have failed to dig up exactly what Carlin said. Regardless, I’ll press ahead with my own take on the situation. It starts with the eternal question:

If given the option of choosing between cake and pie for dessert, which do you take?

Ironically Carlin died hours later. I encourage you to follow that link to a lot of Carlin videos, including his infamous 7 words routine as well as his inexplicable, G rated performance on a kids television show. Meanwhile, I still wanted to push ahead with the post even if it pales in comparison to something he would do. So here goes. Once again the premise:

If given the option of choosing between cake and pie for dessert, which do you take?

Now maybe you prefer pie over cake. Or vice versa. Fair enough. This post is not for you. But if you’re like me you have a great deal of respect for both cake and pie. And if asked to choose between the two your mind immediately wonders about the quality of the cake. And therein lies the whole dilemma. Given the way the question was asked it is impossible to tell how good the cake is. If the cake in question is an ice cream cake, a ridiculous cheesecake or even a simple Pillsbury style cake (I highly recommend the Funfetti) you can happily turn down the pie.

Unfortunately there are some really low quality cakes out there. I’ve come across horrendous store bought cakes (think the dreadful whipped frosting), tasteless sponge cakes, and atrocious carrot cakes. So while the ceiling for cake may be higher than pie, a bad cake has the potential to ruin the post meal experience. Contrast that with pie. Worst case you end up with a Hostess Pie and that’s a no lose scenario. Best case you get a good old fashioned, just like grandma used to make apple pie that can rival any cake. I’d argue that any pie on the scale between Hostess and grandma’s would be better than the worst cake.

Long story short everybody loves a good ice cream cake. Yet pie is a safer bet.

Foil in the Oven: from the internet cafe

I had a great post in mind as I left work last Friday, not too long and incredibly important given the impending weekend. About an hour before I left for work, my playoff withdrawal began, and I had to start facing the depression that was quickly setting in. Sure I had plans that night, but what could possibly give me the stimulation that I had become used to virtually every night for the previous two months. I felt empty inside. Sure, football would come eventually, but the way I was feeling it seemed like an eternity away.

A customer that had also been at the game last Tuesday came in. We briefly discussed how awesome it had been. He then said, "but man, I gotta tell you, even last night.....my wife was away, I had to get up early today so I didn't want to go out. I was really bummed out last night with no game on. Like really depressed." It was then that I realized I wasn't alone. Basketball fans all around the nation would be feeling that same sinking feeling, and I had to figure out a way to help them. My mind sprung into action, and I put together the perfect plan to fight playoff withdrawal over the weekend. It went something like this:

1) Stay positive: Remember, we've got Team USA basketball playing later on this summer. Just watch baseball for about a month, then you can watch basketball, and then by the time that ends college football and NFL pre-season will be in full swing. The light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you think.

2) Just because there isn't basketball on TV doesn't mean that you can't watch basketball. I recommend watching two of these four favorites:

A) White Men Can't Jump: One of my favorites. Great action, great characters, great lines. A winner all around. As soon as I started step one, I wanted to watch this movie.

B) He Got Game: A great movie, particularly if you are a UCONN fan. It seems especially relevant given the role that Ray Allen played in this post-season.

C) Blue Chips: I love this one. I'm willing to concede that it might not be a "good movie". But, I was 11 when it came out. To be 11 during that time meant that you would like any movie that came out starring Shaq and Penny Hardaway. I'd say the same rule applies for No Holds Barred with Hulk Hogan. And, while we're on the topic of this movie, apparently Nick Nolte used to be an internationally recognized sex symbol. I'm glad I missed out on that.

D) No Holds Barred: Just decided to Throw it in at the Last Minute. Not a basketball movie, but certainly good for curing all forms of depression.

---A note here: It really depends on your age. There are some that would prefer to watch Hoosiers. I'm not one of them.

3) You probably haven't read anything other than a sports magazine or a "sports" magazine since before the playoffs started. Reading a book will help to strengthen your mind, and a strong mind will help you to fight this depression. I read Breaks of the Game right before the playoffs started and it was pretty interesting. But, I'm going to recommend Shaky: Neil Young's Biography . This is hands down the most bad ass book out there.

4) the Drive for 17 should be on Comcast Sportsnet a lot. Watch often, and consider DVRing in case you have any bad episodes.


So, I had this plan all laid out. I was going to follow it, and I was going to post it for all of you. I even stopped on the way home and purchased the "Harlem Globetrotters: The Team the Changed the World DVD", which came highly recommended. On the way home, I decided I would include the Ghetto Cowboy video, just because.

Here it is:





So, I had great plans for Friday afternoon. Then, I returned home to find that we had been robbed. Somebody had broken into our apartment and taken all of our valuables. Now, I can tell you that getting robbed is the most effective method that I have found to get basketball off your mind, but I certainly don't recommend it. The detectives came, they took prints, and then they took ours. At this point the investigation is open. But, I imagine that if they don't get a hit on the prints (sick Law and Order phrase) then the investigation will end.

So there are a few important things here:

1) My girlfriend has renter's insurance. This is a very good thing to get. I can't recommend it enough. It's just over 100 bucks a year, and it covers you up to 20 or 30 grand depending on your plan. Really, get it right now.

2) For the time being, I have no computer. Hence, my posts will be less frequent and shorter in length.

3) The roomofzen will not allow our momentum to be slowed by these thieves. We have added Weeks (you may know him as Jim from Green Bandwagon), which we have wanted to do for some time. Please help us by writing in comments and sending e-mails to oracle@roomofzen.com .

4) Sure, they took all of our electronics and ALMOST everything of value. However, the Taliek Brown autographed basketball was spared and still sits on high in the living room. It's nice to know that some things are still sacred.

KG and Paul Pierce talk with Rachel Nichols

This interview is great, and longer than the one that aired on Sportscenter this weekend.

Flying High Again

enjoy.

The Babcock Report: 38 Special

God...is that you?

I’m sure in a few years I wont remember where I was when Curt Schilling announced that he was having season and most likely career ending shoulder surgery. I was sitting on a 5 gallon bucket on the side of Mass Ave in Cambridge, MA listening to a police officer explain to me the benefits of backing up ones cell phone contact list. Lord knows I have lost a cellphone or two in my day.

A brilliant pony-tail and shirt combination here.

But Schilling’s announcement got me to thinking. Of all the Boston sports figures of the last 10 years Schilling may be one of the most interesting. On the field, there were few players in all of the major sports (I am of course intentionally excluding the perpetually wallowing Bruins, sometimes I feel very lucky that I have no emotional ties to the game of Hockey) that were more reliable in big-game situations. Can you think of a big game where Schilling didn’t bring his A game? How clutch was he in 2004? You could argue that he was the ace of that staff, no offense to Pedro. His bloody sock became legendary in Boston, and helped to spawn one of those terrible ESPN Baseball Tonight commercials. By the way, if I never hear Peter Gammons say “HE WENT TO GET THE HOT SAUCE!” again, it will be too soon.

Here are a sampling of two highlights of Schillings career:

The Turtleneck Photo. Seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess.

Schilling Played with Micki Morandini and Lenny Dykstra. I played college football with these guys. Tie.


Schilling was never at a loss for an opinion, and in an age of sterile interviews and pre-packaged answers to pre-packaged questions, Schilling never shied away from a question or offered an ambiguous response. A lot of people in the New England area were turned off by Schilling’s conservative viewpoints on politics and religion. I have to admit, Curt and I probably don’t see eye to eye on some things but it was refreshing to actually know where he stood. I never felt as though he was being unnecessarily preachy. Some did. Life goes on.

I have a sock that looks just like this under my bed.

Looking back on my lifetime, I can’t remember a more consistent Red Sox starting pitcher in the postseason. Schilling was an old school hurler who brought a certain nastiness to the mound with him every 5 days. I have to think that off the hill he has had a great impact on younger Red Sox pitchers. Certainly, you can never have enough veteran “character” guys on your roster, and Schilling was just this type of ballplayer and person. Red Sox fans are currently enjoying an embarrassment of ritches with the plethora of talented young pitchers in the system, so in reality Schilling’s loss will not have as much of an impact as it would have had two, three, or four years ago. In fact I don’t think it will have any. That is a good thing.

In my mind, Curt Schilling is a Hall of Fame pitcher. He came through the steroid scandal unscathed, and in fact, the scandal (and the fact that so many of his peers were using) should elevate his status as one of the elite pitchers of the past 20 years. Hall of Fame voters need to consider this, along with the fact that he called out Kobe Bryant for being a douchebag, and do the right thing.

Very Zen.

Kane is Able

After a couple of weeks of negotiations that included several e-mails, one arbitrary Blue Chips reference, and a promise to finally make good on previous statements of my desire to purchase a shirt or two from the ROOMOFZEN store, I have joined the ROOMOFZEN crew. Big day. I'm not entirely sure what I'll be posting about primarily. However, I figured I'd start by praising Joe Kane from The Program, or as I like to call it - the greatest college football movie of all time. So without further ado the Joe Kane experience:

1) It all starts with his image. Jeans, leather jacket, sunglasses, huge forehead, and Nomaresque hair. Unfortunately there were also a disturbing number of scenes in which Joe wore tight sweat pants. The count stands at three to my knowledge and one was too many.

2) Kane’s attempts to keep his edge. This included riding his motorcycle over suicidal type jumps in a gravel pit at one point. And of course he got drunk enough on the eve of the biggest game of the year that he played chicken with a train.

3) And finally Kane had the unique ability to deal with failure. The quintessential example occurred after a loss to Michigan simultaneously derailed ESU’s perfect season and the “Kane is Able” Heisman campaign. Predictably Kane embarked on an alcohol-fueled bender. Eventually he found himself in a local bar. There, in the midst of drowning his misery, he caught the eye of a local, much to the outrage of her jealous boyfriend. It led to the following exchange:

Townie: “Hey you looking at my girl?”
Kane: “I don’t know. Which one is she?”

Townie: “You think my girl’s hot for you?”
Kane: “Probably.”

Now that is one hell of a line. The guy was battling inner demons and yet he still brought his A game and elevated a tense situation into violence. Of course Kane threw the guy into a trophy case (shattering glass everywhere), ran out of the bar with Darnell Jefferson (Omar Epps - tail back), and got picked up for a DUI within the next five minutes driving a buddy's car. So in a span of 24 hours Joe got drunk twice, dodged a train, lost a hard fought football game in front of 80,000 fans, threw a guy into a trophy case, and was arrested. That's an epic stretch. Contrast that with Joey Porter getting shot in the ass, engaging in a war of words with Ray Lewis, and spitting in William Green’s face to start a pre-game brawl over the course of a whole year.

And yet I haven't even mentioned the highlight of the Kane's magical performance in the Program. Way back before his roller coaster junior year Kane's sophomore campaign ended without a major bowl appearance. That's a major no-no for a storied program such as ESU. Think Florida State in the Emerald Bowl and the Music City Bowl in the last seasons. Well Kane returned to his father’s small shack in the shadow of a huge smoky factory. Interestingly we never saw if the Kanes had any neighbors. As far as we know their house was inexplicably located in the midst of an industrial zone. Inside the house we are treated to Joe drinking beers on the couch with his father and brother. There was some talk about his place on the couch (apparently the Kanes sat around and drank together a lot) as well as his most recent failure on the gridiron. And then it happened. Joe’s father finished his beer, rose presumably to get another cold one, and placed his empty on their Christmas tree. It was a Christmas tree and the only ornaments were empty beer cans. The message was clear: the Kanes are a long line of alcoholics. The point was further hammered home by a later exchange:

“Whatcha doing here?” - Kane’s Dad
“Thinking about some things.” - Joe Kane
“That’s what the damn rehab will do. Make you think a about a lot of things you can’t do nothing about.” - Kane’s Dad

Ironically Kane didn't enter rehab until a year later. Still it doesn't get much better than Joe Kane. And yet he might not even be the best character in the movie. A PLACE AT THE TABLE: