Week 5 Picks: Favorites In Rhyme

Babcock is living the good life in Los Angeles, watching games 3 hours early. So, I'm back, and hoping to improve. Rhyming seemed to bring him a lot of success, so I've tried to make all my picks in rhyme. It won't be as good as him, but I've tried.

Tough week. I count two good games, and I expect the favorites to clean house (despite the big lines).

Here we go:

Minnesota -10 over ST. LOUIS:
Clearly I was wrong: this Brett Favre hype was not fake
What a huge difference a good line and a great back can make
Who would have guessed that at night after he pulls down the drapes
Jon Gruden beats off to old Brett Favre practice tapes



Dallas -8.5 over KANSAS CITY:
I couldn't be happier about how things have gone for America's Team
Seeing Tony Romo playing so badly feels like a dream
Kansas City is a good place for people to turn their luck
But no matter how many TDs Tony throws on Sunday, the Cowboys still suck


BALTIMORE -8.5 over Cincy:
Over the past few years I've grown extremely tired
of trying to figure out what it will take for Marvin Lewis to be fired
Sure, right now wins are up and arrests are down
But will that be enough after the Ravens pound the Bengals into the ground?





CAROLINA -3.5 over Washington:
The Redskins may as well be 0-4
They almost lost to both the Rams and Bucs, and what's more...
They lost in Detroit, something no team has done in years
If I were a Skins fan, I'd find Dan Snyder and cut off his ears


TAMPA BAY +15 over Philadelphia:
It was pretty easy for me to pick
that a shitty organization like the Eagles would take a chance on Mike Vick
Killing dogs and racketeering just sounds like foolish fun
compared to some of the shit that Andy Reid's kids have done


Cleveland +6 over BUFFALO:
The only part of this game I can really respect is the fans who put up with this shit
Braylon Edwards gone to an already shitty offense is a pretty big hit
Year after year, fans of both these teams cheer hard, even in the cold
And yet their teams always suck dick, it must be starting to get old


Steelers -10.5 over DETROIT:
I hope Lions fans enjoyed that win, because it may not happen again
Certainly they have no shot this weekend against Big Ben
His team is back on track, and he looked great against the Bolts
In fact, I think the only guys better than him are Drew Brees and #18 for the Colts


GIANTS -14.5 over Oakland:
Eli's Plantar Fasciitis made me feel very sad
Because I remember in 2007 when it made Kendrick Perkins play bad
But even if Carr is in, the offense still cruises
and Osi, Tuck, and Pierce will cover Jamarcus Russell in bruises





NINERS -2.5 over Atlanta (lock of the week):
The Falcons are good, I certainly feel
But this thing the Niners have going is real
Giving less than three at home, this is my lock
If they blow this one, Mike Singletary might show the whole team his cock


BRONCOS +3 over Patriots:
To Randy Moss, Champ Bailey has always been a pest
And I couldn't be happier that Brian Dawkins decided to move West
He put a dirty hit on Ike Hilliard, and I have never forgotten
After this game, Vince Wilfork's jockstrap will smell really rotten


Houston +5.5 over ARIZONA:
Both of these teams look different every week
Some days they're really good, some days they're weak
Kurt Warner in the Super Bowl again? I think it not
But, he can thank God for the greatest miracle of all: making his wife suddenly hot



SEATTLE over Jacksonville (pick em):
I'm sure it will be another packed house at Qwest
Fans at the games - The Jags will be impressed
Nobody ever comes to see them, they're blacked out every day
On this pick em game, no money should you lay


Indy -4 over TITANS:
It sure looks LenDale White must be back on the sauce
The Titans without a win- I'm at a loss
Avoid the Tennessee betting trap, there is no turnaround in sight
Only a fool would bet against Peyton Manning on a Sunday or Monday night


Jets -2 over DOLPHINS:
Even on the road I like the Jets here
Miami's wildcat is something the Jet's defense does not fear
After the game, Mark Sanchez will probably sleep with many a Miami Dolphin dancer
Don't get too excited Jets fans....on the way is a locker room cancer





COLLEGE PICK OF THE WEEK

LSU +7.5 over Florida:
"A win is a win" is the cliche I normally expect
from these experts who refuse to give the Tigers respect
History tells me LSU is good, and Tebow may be out....the feeling is right
for an upset in Death Valley on Saturday night.

Vegas: I will own you

Pop quiz, hotshot: What do John Daly, Charles Barkley, and Michael Jordan have in common? Answer: They are successful athletes who enjoy gambling. Question number two: There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do? Question number three: What else do they have in common? Answer: After a successful career, they lost a ton of money gambling. For example:

· “In an ESPN interview in May 2006, Barkley estimated that he'd lost about $10 million gambling over the years.”

· “In a 2007 interview with Phoenix television station KTVK, Barkley said he lost $2.5 million "in a six-hour period" one night last year.”

· On May 2008, “Charles Barkley acknowledged he owes a $400,000 gambling debt to a Las Vegas Strip casino and promised Thursday to repay it after a prosecutor said the retired NBA star faced criminal charges.”

· In 2006, John Daly admitted losing over $50 million dollars in gambling over the last 12 years.

· In a 2006 interview with Ed Bradley, Michael Jordan admitted, “he’s made some reckless choices at the gambling table with his money.” Jordan goes onto say, "Yeah, I’ve gotten myself into situations where I would not walk away and I’ve pushed the envelope.”

FOCUS, JACK! Your concern is the athlete's gambling problem. And don't try to call Larocque for this one. The radio's down. All right, pop quiz: why do these athletes continue gambling after losing so much money? Common sense would dictate that after losing millions of dollars, or at least a sizeable portion of your net worth, you would give it a rest, right?

"You're crazy! You're fuckin' crazy!"

But let’s say you did your homework and found out that the odds are always stacked against you at the casino. Blackjack, for instance, gives the house a 52% edge and to the best of my knowledge, craps is the only game which allows gamblers to break even. So why on earth would you continue gambling if: a. you keep losing a ton of money b. it’s basically impossible to EVER win at the casino? A TNT analyst asked Barkley this question, and he replied:

"It's not a problem. If you're a drug addict or an alcoholic, those are problems. I gamble for too much money. As long as I can continue to do it I don't think it's a problem. Do I think it's a bad habit? Yes, I think it's a bad habit. Am I going to continue to do it? Yes, I'm going to continue to do it…I'm going to continue gambling. I like to gamble. It's really nobody's business, because it's my own money, I earned it.”

Barkley’s response is fascinating on many levels and I think it gives us a window into the mindset of athletes who gamble for outrageous sums of money. Be prepared! This isn't the Boy Scout marching song.

First of all, Barkley admits his gambling is a problem, but doesn’t entertain the notion that it can be an addiction like drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol exist on a separate plane from gambling and from an athlete’s perspective, drinking and doing drugs could ruin your career while gambling is just harmless fun in the offseason. Gambling is legal and while I may lose some money, my ability to play basketball and therefore make more money is not diminished.

(Of course I am merely speculating as to what an athlete may think about gambling, but what I can say for sure is that denials like this one are a sure sign of an addiction. Despite what Charles may say, gambling is addictive just like drugs and booze. And as you all probably know, denial is the first sign of an addiction.)

Barkley also reminds us that not only can he afford to gamble like a madman, but also that the way he spends his time and money is no one else’s business except his own. I suspect his thinking goes like this: after playing basketball throughout my 20s and 30s, I made a ton of cash and now I have free time to burn. I have more money than God, so who are you to say I can’t gamble it away? “I like to gamble. It's really nobody's business, because it's my own money, I earned it.” The whim of a madman...I like that!

Fair enough, Sir Charles. Spend away! You can think of this mentality another way: what may be a lot of money to regular people is really not that much to rich people. Buffet spending a million dollars is like a regular guy spending $5,000 dollars: probably too much to be gambling, but well within their ability to pay-back over a reasonable length of time.

And what about the overwhelming desire to win and the consequences that may have on your mentality or actions? Jordan and Barkley were fierce competitors and both had the “whatever it takes” mentality during their hey-day.

You think these players wouldn't have been prepared for gambling losses, right? Two years they spent setting up that playoff career, two years they invested in it. You couldn't understand the kind of commitment players like that have. You ruined a man's life's work with this gambling and you think you can walk away? You got blinders on to the world! But I got your attention now, didn't I? Maybe your desire to win “no matter what” makes you do stupid or irrational things sometimes? In his 60 minutes interview, Jordan explains this concept as it relates to gambling:

"I want to win. I want to go out on a limb and win,” says Jordan. "And sometimes that can take you past the stage that you know you probably should take a step back from. Sometimes I don’t look at that line. I just step over that line. But once I step over it and I feel the lack of success,
it’s very embarrassing things.”

It's a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bank account blows up he wins.

Whichever reason you choose to believe, it’s always interesting to read about how athletes gamble away their fortunes. I like to think about it this way: no matter who you are or what you’ve done, Vegas is the ultimate equalizer. You can bring a ton of hustle, talent, or hard work to Vegas, but it will always eat you alive and then spit you out.

That said, I can’t wait for my Vegas trip in June....and Speed 3 if they ever make it.