Week 3 Picks: Random 90s TV Show Edition

Here are the Roomofzen Picks for week 3...after a slow start we are looking to pick things up.  First we have to acknowledge that we are not worthy of using a theme such as Greg Lloyd until performance improves, hence this weeks theme of early 90s TV shows that I may or may not have watched occasionally featuring girls I may or may not have humped my couch to.  Also, the picks will be made to rhyme. 

Tennessee + 2.5 @ New York Jets:

The Titans getting 2.5, surely you must be joking,

Rex Ryan's eating candy bars... oh no I think hes choking!

Alas they beat New England, but I think they are a fluke,

If I knew where Mark Sanchez lived, you can bet I'd hide the Duke.

Houston -4 vs Jacksonville

For the last two weeks this season, I've spent some time a waitin

For the appearance of a running back- the one they call Steven Slaton

Jack Del Rio may call to mind a sideline Charlie Bronson,

But the Jags won't stop the Texans, especially Andre Johnson.

Philadelphia -9 vs KC

It won't even make a difference-  Ty Thigpen or Matt Cassel,

KC won't make this close at all ,it will barely be a hassle

If Kolb starts to struggle, we just might see Mike Vick,

Westbrook, McCoy, and Jackson, The Eagles O is sick.

Baltimore -13.5 vs Cleveland

I think this is the year that the Browns turn things around,

No I don't, I'm only kidding, they're the biggest joke in town.

The Ravens D is playing well, thats really all they need,

And seriously is there anyone more badass than Ed Reed?

New York Giants -7 @ Tampa Bay

The Giants are really rolling, two good wins to start,

Tampa's got no Quarterback and I just ripped a fart.

In fact even on the road I'm surprised its only seven,

Does anybody out there know what became of Dorsey Levens?

Detroit -6.5 vs Washington

The Lions have some talent, I guess that much is true,

And I want to pick this upset, honestly I do.

I think the Redskins blow this one, despite playing solid D,

But the Lions are so due to win, it makes me have to pee.

Green Bay - 6.5  @ St. Louis

The Packers are a solid team, they're going to win this game

On the road or in Green Bay, its really all the same.

The Rams have Steven Jackson, but it really aint enough,

I heard that Aaron Rodgers loves a hairy muff.

San Francisco +7 @ Minnesota

I wouldn't eat food at Friendly's, in fact I'd rather starve,

And I'd rather wax my asshole than put money on Brett Favre.

The 49ers have some juice, so I'm going to take a chance,

I love a team whose coach is known for taking off his pants.

New England -4 vs. Atlanta

The offense it has struggled, the point production poor,

But lose two games back to back? it aint been done before.

The Falcons they are a decent team, in fact they are quite good,

But will win this game I say-- Giselle she gives me wood.

Chicago -2 @ Seattle

The Bears head out west this week, to the land of rain and grunge,

Does anybody anymore use a spermicidal sponge?

Forte has a breakout game, I think this one's a lock,

I wish I had a hundred grand and a 12 inch cock.

New Orleans -6 @ Buffalo

The Saints can score with ease, some would say at will,

If TO doesn't catch a score there'll be one unhappy Bill.

I know the meltdowns coming, I can feel it in the air,

New Orleans might hang 50 and I still might not care.

San Diego - 6 Vs Miami

San Diego can put up the points, and I hate Phillip Rivers,

And Merriman is a dirtbag, and Darren Sproles delivers.

Miami is a year away...we've heard that one before,

I've also read somewhere that Tia Tequilla is a whore.

Cinci +4 Vs Pittsburgh

The Steelers running game it blows, and Polamalus out,

Cinci has some talent, of that there is no doubt.

Big Ben will turn it over, that same old tale again,

Chris Henry looks exactly like a Roswell alien.

Denver pk @ Oakland

Who Cares!

Indy +2.5 @ Arizona I think the Colts are solid, though they struggled Monday night,

Peyton has some weapons, and man is that guy white!

I laugh at his commercials, he plays a real good tool,

Kurt Warners wife is hot now, man am I a fool!

Dallas -9.5  vs Carolina

Lose twice at Jerry's palace, you know it can't be done,

The Boys are back in town they say, Panthers on the run.

Delhomme is mighty shitty, they used to call him good,

Tony Romo dumped Jess Simpson cause she gained 47 pounds. Haha. Yes.

'Big Fan'

The Nick LaRocque story? Roomofzen can neither confirm or deny. Now showing in Kendall Sq. in Boston...

Foil in the Oven: Week 2 Picks

If you're reading this, I can only assume that you didn't follow my picks last week. Those who did can probably be found camped out at the nearest street corner.

5-10....not a great showing. But, weeks 1 and 2 are always the toughest to pick. The NFL is the most unpredictable of the 4 major sporting leagues, and this unpredictability is one of the elements that makes it so great. I was way off on some, and missed by half points on others. Nevertheless, it's great to be picking games again. I feel much more confident as we head in to week 2. Here they are. Home teams are in caps.:


Raiders +3 over CHIEFS: Even as the home team, I don't see how Kansas City can be favored here. Despite putting up 24 points against Baltimore, the Chiefs were dominated in all phases of the game. Most notably, they were only able to muster 29 yards on the ground. Oakland, on the other hand, looked great on Monday night. They outgained the Chargers, the had the edge in time of possession, and they held even in first downs (19 a piece). Richard Seymour may no longer be playing for another Super Bowl, but he is playing for a new contract and it showed. The guy made a huge impact with virtually no practice time. I love the Raiders here. I still meant all that bad stuff I said last week about them though.


TITANS -6.5 over Texans: I wasn't right about much last week, but I think I was dead on about Houston not being able to live up to the hype and about the Jets being better than you think. In that same post, I said that the Texans can't be a favorite in the AFC South because they are nowhere near as good as the Titans. I guess we'll see if I was right. That was a staggeringly lopsided affair in Houston last week.


Patriots -3.5 over JETS: This is tough. The Jets looked fantastic on the road last week, while New England looked completely out of sync at home. The Jets defense looks better than ever, while the Patriots are down Teddy Bruschi, Rodney Harrison, Mike Vrabel, Richard Seymour, and now Jerod Mayo. All this, plus the fact that this game is in the Meadowlands, says to me that the Jets should be giving points. Since they're getting points, it seems like a no-brainer that I should pick them. But I can't. Not when we've got a rookie head coach and quarterback taking on Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, and especially not when they've got defensive backs talking shit just days before suiting up against Randy Moss.






Bengals +9 over PACKERS: I'm such a dumbass. Look, the Packers are a really good team. And, there's no question that year 7 of the Marvin Lewis era is shaping up to look just like year 6. HOWEVER, the Bengals have a habit of showing up, playing hard, and then losing by about three when they play really good teams. Knowing that, I can't in good faith advise you to take the Packers by 9. But, if you really lay it down on the Bengals, you're going to feel like a real dickhead if you're wrong. Best to stay away from this one. Bet on Tennessee.


Vikings -10 over LIONS: I've never heard commentators so captivated by a 110 yard, 1 touchdown passing performance. I would rather bathe in shit than watch this game.



Saints even over EAGLES: We can't just dismiss the Saints win last week because it was against the Lions. They didn't just beat them. They fucking killed them. They did everything they should have and more. I'd lean towards New Orleans even if Donovan McNabb were healthy.


Panthers +6 over FALCONS: Of all my blunders last week, none is more humiliating than Carolina being my "lock of the week". But, I'm far from quitting on the Panthers. Things got out of hand pretty quickly last week. Jake Delhomme is a hot-cold guy and he could play great against Atlanta.



REDSKINS -9.5 over St. Louis: This will make the Redskins wish they played in the NFC West. They'd probably take home the division crown.



JAGUARS -3 over Arizona: the Eastern seaboard has not been kind to the Cardinals.



Seahawks +1.5 over NINERS: Here's your lock of the week. I'm drinking the Seahawks kool-aid, and I'm not yet ready to say the Niners "look good".



Bucs +5 over BILLS: The Bills love to tease us into believing in them during these Sunday and Monday night performances. I don't know how much they have left this week.



Steelers -3 over BEARS: The Bears are interesting at home here, particularly with everyone questioning Jay Cutler. But, if you followed us last season, you know I always have a hard time picking the Bears because I can't hitch my wagon to a team that relies on flukey special teams plays and converts kick returning defensive backs into number one receivers. Jay Cutler will play better, but they need to run for him to be successful. They won't do that against Pittsburgh. Also, I think the absence of Urlacher is much more crushing than the absence of Polamalu (not because I don't think Polamalu is elite, but just because I think the Steelers are better built to absorb that loss).





Ravens +3 over CHARGERS: The Ravens are a very quiet contender in the AFC. Even at home, I don't think the Chargers have the cajones to hang with them.


Giants +3 over COWBOYS: Did you see the way Tampa was able to run on Dallas? This Cowboys team is very ordinary. I can't wait for Sunday night.


Colts -3 over DOLPHINS: This is my one to skip. But, I will just say that I think this line should be wider.

UPDATE: I forgot to add this one:

Cleveland even over BRONCOS

The Greatest Day of the Year

Happy Week 1 everyone. I know the Super Bowl is supposed to be the greatest day of the year, but I've always found it to be bittersweet because of the season being over. Sunday of Week 1 gives us the fix we've been craving for 7 months, and it also provides the comfort of knowing that things are going to be like this for a long time.

I don't want to discount thanksgiving. Maybe we can call it a tie.

see our week 1 picks below.


To celebrate, some Marshall Faulk highlights:

Foil in the Oven: The Greg Lloyd Edition: Week 1 Picks

Well, just like last season, we missed the kickoff spectacular. However, there was no way I could let this week pass without getting up the rest of my week 1 picks. Generally, these will be up by Thursday night.

Miami +4 over Atlanta: I was originally inclined to go with Atlanta. I feel great about the Matt Ryan era, and Tony Gonzalez brings more (tangibles and intangibles) than just about anybody they could have brought in. On top of that, the Falcons are at home. But, I hate their defense, and I can't get that out of my head. Miami is the more balanced team, so I'm taking them. However, they say you should always stick with your first instinct, so we'll see how it works out.



Baltimore -12.5 over Kansas City: Steep line here, but how can you not take it. Even if things were going smoothly in Chiefs camp, I'd like the Ravens. The fact that things have been disastrous makes it a no-brainer.



Carolina +2.5 over Philadelphia: This line infuriates me. Carolina is the lock of the week.



Bengals -4 over Broncos: This Bengals team is very intriguing. Cedric Benson could be primed for a huge year. Laverneus Coles is a nice piece to put with Ocho Cinco and a supposedly refocused Chris Henry. Tank Johnson and Roy Williams have come over from Dallas. If they weren't in the AFC North, I'd give them a fighting chance to be a playoff team. The Broncos, on the other hand, have been spiraling out of control ever since Mike Shanahan was fired at the end of 2008.






Cleveland +4 over Minnesota: Now that TO outed the Browns QB situation, is it really necessary to leave the QB section of their depth chart completely blank? The Browns are well built on both sides of the line, and I like them at home here. The Vikings are pretenders.



Jets +4.5 over Texans: The Texans seem to be this season's "it" team. I was shocked to log on to espn.com earlier this week to see them listed with the Steelers, Patriots, and Giants as favorites. That's a tough division that they play in, and in my opinion they are nowhere near as good as Tennessee. The Jets are better than you think.



Indy -7 over Jacksonville: Each week this season, I will pick one game that I would prefer to not discuss. This is it for week 1.



Detroit +13 over New Orleans: Maybe I'm crazy, but 13 just feels like a lot. Great teaser potential here.



Dallas -6 over Tampa Bay: This will be a tough year in Tampa, but I'd say the reconstruction is off to a good start.





Arizona -6.5 over San Francisco: Kill me please. NFC west matchups are the only thing keeping me thinking that maybe I really don't need to bother getting Sunday Ticket.



Giants -6.5 over Washington: The Giants are, in this one incredibly biased fan's eyes, the unquestioned favorite in the NFC. Their defensive line is going to set a new standard for dominance this season.

The Redskins, on the other hand, are as uninspiring a group as I can imagine. They've made it clear that they have no confidence in their quarterback. Clinton Portis will be worn down by week 8. The offensive line is old, and struggled mightily last season. Albert Haynesworth is the most dominant player at his position, but frankly not even he could help this group. Throwing 100 million dollars at one great defensive lineman and surrounding him with bums does not work. Haynesworth was able to make such an impact in Tennessee because he was surrounded by other good players (did you even notice that Tennessee didn't have him last night? No. That defense didn't miss a beat). The Redskins are starting Phillip Daniels at defensive end. He's 36 and coming off knee surgery. Guys like this make Haynesworth less effective.



Seattle -8 over St. Louis: Don't let the monochromatic turquoise uniforms fool you. Seattle has a lot of playmakers on both sides of the ball. Everyone is talking about the addition of TJ Houshmandzadeh, but I'm really more interested to see if Edgerrin James will be rejuvenated by the change of scenery.



Green Bay -3.5 over Chicago: The Packers, in my mind, are the clear favorite in this division.



New England -11 over Buffalo: The Patriots are not fucking around right now, and I'm excited to watch their offense operate. I'd be more excited if I wasn't constantly surrounded by their insufferable fans.





San Diego -9.5 over Oakland: Oakland doesn't deserve to play on Monday night. In fact, they don't deserve to ever be on television outside of the Bay Area. They are an absolute black eye on this league, and they should be treated as such. Oakland had the highest payroll in the league last season (over 152 million). This is a very puzzling fact when you consider the 5-11 record they compiled and the fact that a recent Forbes article lists them as the least valuable franchise in the entire NFL. So, really, it would seem impossible for things to get worse. But then, at the end of last week, they did.

Really stop and think about this most recent deal. Richard Seymour is a guy who many feel has been on the decline over the past few seasons. He's a guy who many believe, despite playing for an extremely competitive team, lost motivation after signing his last contract. Already, he doesn't sound like the type of guy you want to give up too much for. His momentum's going the wrong way. On top of that, he's up for free agency at the end of this season, and there is NO FUCKING WAY he would ever consider signing with the Raiders (why would anybody) as a free agent unless Oakland just blew away all the other bidders. So, on top of being on the decline, he's a guy that will only help you for one season.

There is no way in the world I can ever imagine giving up a first round pick for this guy. That, in itself, is ridiculous. What's equally ridiculous is that the Raiders never talked to Seymour before making the deal. If you're going to give up something as valuable as a first round pick, you'd better make sure the guy you're getting is motivated and start negotiating long-term before the ink dries. There are rumors that the Raiders requested contact with Seymour and the Patriots refused. If that is true, then it should have been a dealbreaker for Oakland. Now they've given up a first round pick, most likely a top ten pick, for nothing.

I understand that Davis (and I blame only him, because he's the only name you can click on when you go to the Raiders administrative page) has the right to do whatever he wants with his team. I also understand that he's not a bad guy and that he's been extremely influential in this league. However, it is unacceptable. The NFL needs to start pushing for a change of hands, and that starts with refusing to put this team in a prime time slot. At some point, Raider fans are going to lose interest in professional football.






Son Volt, Windfall:



and Uncle Tupelo, Gun, from 1992: