Foil in the Oven: In Defense of the BCS, In Defense of Rajon Rondo, and in Defense of Hating the Dallas Cowboys

For my first order of business, as I did last year, I'd like to make a preemptive strike against all of those fans, coaches, players, analysts, and politicians who are gearing up for their annual bashing of the BCS, which is set to begin soon. It's gotten to the point now where we are all programmed to believe that the BCS system is somehow inherently unfair and unjust. We're supposed to blindly agree that it doesn't work the same way we're supposed to agree that kids shouldn't smoke cigarettes and fast food is unhealthy. Politicians are even speaking out and taking action against this system not because they truly feel it an abomination, but rather because there is seemingly no other matter on which the American people seem more passionately unified.


My biggest fear in all of this is not that the BCS might be changed. The system is certainly imperfect, and the methods for which a national champion are chosen could no doubt be improved. Rather, I worry that as the naysayers are swept up in all of the anti-BCS hysteria, they lose sight of the fact that this system is an improvement over what was in place before. And, most of the time, the system gets it right.


Obviously, the biggest issue that people have with the BCS is that teams are not given the chance to settle things on the field. Teams can make it through an entire season unscathed, and still be denied the chance to compete for the national championship. It doesn't feel right. However, the only way to fix this trouble would be to implement a playoff system, which is something we've never had.


Many people act as if the BCS was implemented in place of a previously existing playoff tournament. Not the case. In fact, before the BCS, there was no national championship game, and the potential for trouble was far greater. John Flinn, loyal Michigan Wolverine fan and roomofzen follower, still tenses up when he discusses the 1997 season, the final season before the BCS. His Michigan Wolverines were 11-0, and had one of the most dynamic players in the history of college football (Charles Woodson). John swears up and down (and it's hard to argue with him) that the Wolverines were the best team in college football. By taking care of business against PAC-10 champion Washington State, he argues, they should have earned their sole place as national champions. Instead, they (the AP poll champs) had to share their championship with the Coaches Poll champion, Nebraska.


Both Michigan and Nebraska finished their seasons undefeated, and were clearly the two best teams in college football. There is no question that they should have been playing each other for the national championship. However, because the old system offered no such game, and they were instead each forced to play one loss teams in their Bowl Games. This was our old system, and we survived with it for a long time. I don't see how you can think we haven't made progress in the past 10-12 years.




Look, if it could work, I'm all in favor of a playoff system. College football is a spectator sport, and this would add more excitement and draw in more fans. That's why it would be great. More drama, more tailgating, more rowdy screaming fans, and more cheerleaders. It would scratch the fans right where they itch, and sports are all about the fans. That's the most persuasive argument for a playoff system. However, it's not the one I normally hear. Most people who argue in favor of a playoff system because they think it would do a better job than the BCS currently does of finding us college football's two best teams. On this, I disagree.


Last year, T wrote about a book he had read called The Drunkard's Walk by Leonard Mlodinow. The book talkes about randomness in the world, and deals mostly with statistics. My wife really enjoys studying statistics and also is a college football fan. She posed this question to me today when discussing the BCS vs. playoff system issue (and she wants me to be clear that she wasn't giving an opinion here): Who deserves to be in the championship game more: the team who wins 1 actual game or the team who would win more often over the course of hundreds of games?. She then referenced this passage from The Drunkard's Walk (note, he is discussing baseball and a 7 game series, but the passage is still relevant):


"....you will discover that in a 7 game series, there is a sizeable chance that the inferior team will be crowned champion. For instance, if one team is good enough to warrant beating another in 55% of it's games, the inferior team will nevertheless win a 7 game series about 4 times out of 10. And, if the superior team could be expected to beat its opponent on average 2 out of ever 3 times they meet, the inferior team will still win a 7 game series about once every 5 matches. There is really no way for sports leagues to change this. In the lopsided 2/3 probability case, for example, you'd have to play a series consisting of at minumum the best of 23 games to determine the winner with what is called statistical significance, meaning the weaker team would be crowned champion 5 percent or less of the time. And in the case of one team's having only a 55-45 edge, the shortest statistically significant "world series" would be the best of 269 games, a tedious endeavor indeed!" (pages 70-71)


What this tells us is that a playoff tournament would probably be less effective at giving us the two best teams in the nation at season's end than a system that factors in season-long trends, the vote of people who know the game well, and algorithms that crunch statistics that go beyond simply wins and losses. Take our current season. There are two clear classes of undefeated. We have the juggernauts: Texas, Florida, and Alabama. If all goes according to plan, two of these three will meet in the national championship. When this happens, the fans of the other undefeated teams (potentially Iowa, TCU, Boise State, and Cincinnati) will no doubt scream injustice, particularly mid-major fans. Well, sure, there is no doubt that in a one-game playoff situation Iowa, TCU, Boise, State, or Cincinnati COULD upset Florida, Texas, or Alabama. Anything can happen in one game. But, would that really mean that they are better than Florida, Texas, or Alabama? No. Wouldn't you know that you weren't watching the two best teams if Iowa or Cincinnati were in the game? Yes, you would. If all you're really concerned about is finding the two best teams, this system is probably more accurate than a playoff would be.


Perhaps I have veered all over the map here, so I'll try to sum up what I'm trying to say to the BCS bashers. First, you should be glad that we have a national championship game. It hasn't always been so. Next, a playoff system would no doubt be amazing, because it would add a great deal of excitement and upset potential. But, there is evidence that what we have in place might actually be more effective at finding the two best teams. Also, given the stadium and media contracts involved, I wonder if the logistics are as easy to overcome as people think (for the record, I'm still in favor of a playoff, because this is a spectator sport, and who ends up winning at the end has no real global implications one way or the other).

And, lastly, college football is awesome, and you shouldn't let all this negativity ruin it for you.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------



Sources report that the Celtics and Rajon Rondo are going to make one last effort on Sunday to reach a contract extension. I will be at the Garden Sunday night to see the Cs and Hornets, and I am very hopeful that before tipoff the announcement will come that the sides have finally reached an agreement.


Look, I understand why the Cs are hesitant to overpay here. They have the right to match any offers after the season, and doing so is a great way to make sure they're not dishing out more than what the market commands (sucks to be restricted). But, there is something that really doesn't feel right about the way this whole thing has been handled. The negativity that came out over the summer did not sit well with me. This guy needs to be a Celtic for life, and even though I know they wouldn't let him go in the offseason, I'd feel great about getting it done now.

Take a look at Rondo's line from Friday night against the Bulls: 1-2 from the field with 2 points, 8 rebounds, 16 assists, and only 2 turnovers. There could not be a more perfect line from the point guard of this team. He was totally in control of the game, forcing nothing, letting things come to him, not concerned with how many shots he gets, and distributing the ball to his scorers. On top of that, he is one of the best guards in the league when it comes to rebounding and defense. Mike Gorman said on Friday night that the Cs have been working hard to increase the number of deflections that they get on defense. They have been tracking the stat in practice and in games. Rondo was the first guy I thought of, because he is so good at getting into the passing lanes and disrupting opponents' flow.

I won't say he's the best point guard in the league. But, I will say that I NEVER look at other ones and think "god, I wish we could have him instead of Rondo." The thought has never crossed my mind. At least not in the past two years.


That being said, am I excited to see Chris Paul tonight?....



----------------------------------------------------------------------



I'm a sucker for articles like this one from Green Street that describe what great chemistry the Celtics have. I sent it around to a bunch of people, and we all had the same reaction: great article, but why the hell is Rasheed Wallace a Chiefs fan? I wouldn't expect that. We all agreed that maybe Sheed was from the Kansas City area. I left it alone for a few weeks.


However, then Steve Buckley had this to say in the Boston Herald on Thursday:

"Coming off the bench with 4:06 remaining in the first quarter of the Celtics' too-easy, 92-59 victory against the Charlotte Bobcats in last night's Garden opener, Wallace got the place rocking just 40 seconds later when he pumped in a 3-pointer from 25 feet out. Ninety seconds later, he did it again. And the place rocked again. He had three treys and nine points in all. Could the new guy feel the love? 'I didn't feel it, I heard it,' he said as he buttoned up his stylish black-and-white Philadelphia Phillies warmup jacket, all while glancing at the flat screen to check out his hometown nine's Game 1 victory in the World Series. [...] 'Guys were talking about it on the plane (ride home from Cleveland). They said, ‘The fans here ... they're going to be crazy.' And you felt that as soon as they said, ‘And now, your starting lineup for your Boston Celtics.' Wallace then did a cool imitation of a roaring crowd. It's simple as this: He fits in. He has played just two games with the Celtics, one at home, yet somehow it seems as if he's been around for a long time, an old soldier of the parquet."


Now...obviously chemistry piece is great and Sheed is such a good fit here....but, more importantly...Sheed a Chiefs fan? This doesn't add up.

1. He is from Philadelphia, and this article suggests that he supports his hometown teams. So, you'd think he'd be an Eagles fan.

2. Even if he didn't like the Eagles (no argument from me), there are a clear pool of favorites from which fans generally draw. It includes the Cowboys, Raiders,and Packers. The Chiefs are not one of these teams. I find it hard to believe he would have arrived on this conclusion by himself.

3. Sometimes there are historical trends in certain areas that explain why fans choose against their home teams. Many people in New York are Dodgers or SF Giants fans. I am one of many Giants fans living in Massachusetts because my father grew up rooting for the Giants. But, I cannot for the life of me think of any reason why someone growing up in Philly would find themselves rooting for the Chiefs.

This all had me stumped on Thursday. I chewed on this stuff all day, and finally came up with this answer, which seems the most logical. But, unless I actually get the chance to sit Sheed down and talk to him, I won't be satisfied.

My explanation: Ok, the original Green Street article scene begins with Kendrick Perkins declaring the greatness of the Cowboys to the Celtics lockerroom. Sheed then interjects as he cheers for his alleged "favorite team", the Kansas City Chiefs. He gloated as Perk walked off into the trainers room when the Chiefs scored to sent the game into overtime.

I'm a Giants fan, and I would do the same thing if I were watching that game with a Cowboys fan. Everyone hates the Cowboys, particularly NFC East fans. I wouldn't be surprised if Sheed were an Eagles fan. At the very least, I suspect that growing up around so many Eagles fans taught him to hate Dallas. I believe that Sheed's gloating was nothing more than anti-cowboy sentiment. The writer, in this case, chose to assume him a Chiefs fan, because it paints the perfect picture of a lockerroom scene: two big men taking in a matchup beween their favorite teams.

Unless I hear otherwise, this issue has been put to rest in my mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Having free NBA League Pass this week has been great, and I thought I would end with some quick thoughts I have from flipping around the League Pass channels this week:

- One nice thing about League Pass is that you see teams you wouldn't see otherwise. I haven't watched the Kings play anyone but the Celtics in years. I caught parts of all their games this week, as they played three teams I wanted to see (Thunder, Hornets, and Spurs). The Kings aren't good. But, they are young, and they aren't boring. In particular, I was impressed with Jason Thompson, who appears to be a strong rebounder and a pretty solid all-around piece.


- If I were a Rockets fan, I would be absolutely loving this team. They are uptempo, and they have all hustle guys and overachievers. Trevor Ariza showed me more this week than Tracy McGrady ever has in terms of his prowess as a complete player. The Rockets, even without T-MAC and Yao, will be a tough out for everyone, and will give their fans something to be excited about all season.


- I am not afraid of the Cavaliers. That game with the Bobcats on Saturday night was much closer than the score indicates. I am hoping, with every fiber of my being, that Stephen Jackson and Ronny Turiaf come over and Big Z is run out of town. Big Z has always created matchup problems for the Celtics because of his shooting range. He spaces out the defense. If he is gone, this is going to be the most predictable and easy-to-plan-for offense in the NBA. LeBron could score 38 every night and it won't matter. On top of that, it will leave a greater burden on the old, achy, flabby back of Shaq.

Odds and Ends

Random Recommendation: Grocery store pizza. I'm not talking about grabbing something from the frozen food section. Rather I'm talking about hitting up the made to order section of a Shaws, Big Y, etc. The pizzas are always reasonably priced, tastier than you may think and frequently come in a sweet party size. Give it a shot.

Article You Should Read: Things aren't going well for old friend Delonte West. Hopefully he get's the help he needs and returns to playing ball. Let's just flash back to happier days for a moment. Also Danny Ainge took a lot of heat for his youth movement back in 2007 that was allegedly lacking in talent. Well Big Al is legit (and we knew this), there was a ton of talk about how much the Cavs needed Delonte on opening night, Perk is one of the best defensive centers in the league, Rajon Rondo is stellar, and Gerald Green...never mind. So it hasn't been perfect. Passing on Brandon Roy comes to mind. But it's been great to watch. And the Pau Gasol deal was way more of an egregious farce than the KG trade.

Game of the Week: I'm just not overly impressed with Giants/Eagles right now, or the NFC East for that matter. I could see the division rounding into form, but we'll see. Meanwhile, the AFC east could be an under the radar solid division. Long story short I'm going with Jets/Dolphins. For the record I still enjoy Bill Parcells and wish he was guiding a NFC team.

Phrase I Can't Pull Off: "Git-r-done." And I'm okay with that.

Some NBA Thoughts:

1. I hope the C's don't devolve into a "Live by the 3, Die by the 3" type of team.

2. I turned on the Spurs/Bulls game and thought, "I didn't realize San Antonio still had Bruce Bowen. Of course I immediately realized it was Richard Jefferson. Not sure what to make of this except the Spurs are happy with the current situation. Also, throw me in the DeJuan Blair fan club. He might give the Spurs what some people thought Jackie Butler would a few seasons back.

3. Hypothetically let's just say the wheels come off the Rasheed Wallace in Boston experience. And let's say it happens in the spring while a recently activated Leon Powe gets buckets in Boston. That may be the point Tommy Heinsohn loses his mind, repeatedly shouts "I love Leon" and pours a scotch before they cut his mic.

MLB Thoughts:

1. I thought it was surreal to see Pedro pitch against Manny. And then Pedro went to the House that tons of money built. It was fascinating. Especially when Pedro pulled off the wily veteran role in the early innings.

2. In other news, I definitely caught more C's/Bobcats than Game 1 of the World Series. That's odd.

3. I hate the music Fox is using.

Closing Thought: In college we played football with a guy who wore gloves in the weight room. He took a fair amount of abuse for that. But he continued to wear them. I bring this up because I respect him more than the guy who shows up in them, gets some heat and discards the gloves. That's sort of how I felt about Brett Favre when I saw his Sears commercial. I'm still tired of the Wrangler ads, how much fun he's having out there, his bitterness towards an organization that he toyed with for a few years, the free pass he got on that abysmal pick he threw against the Giants that ultimately cost the Pats Super Bowl #4, how much of a factor his wife is in the news, and the general Favre circus. But I get a kick out of this:

WEEK 8 Pick: ESPN Scandal Edition

Let's just dive right in shall we?

Denver +3 @ Baltimore

I think that the Bronco's are going to hit a wall, and this very well could be the week, BUT you have to like how this offense has been playing especially now that Marshall is on board and contributing and Correll Buckhalter is back of the IR to spell Moreno.  I like the Bronco's and their whack-ass uniforms.

Indy -13 vs San Francisco

Was last week a coming out party for Vernon Davis and Alex Smith?  I'd have to say its more of an anomaly.  Rumor has it that Singletary has a bunch of lewd photographs on his phone to use as motivational tools, should the need arise, but even still Indy rolls at home.

Houston - 3.5 @ Buffalo

Its hard to believe that the Bills are really only two special teams plays away from being 5-2 and alone atop the AFC East, and Houston has shown some real inconsistent streaks this season.  Nothing so far this year has brought me more joy than watching TO languish in despair with 1 touchdown, 15 catches, and 5 drops.  Unfortunately this makes his inevitable jump to color commentator all the more imminent...

Chicago-14 vs. Cleveland

Eric Mangini should really think about seducing, groping, or molesting an intern to stir things up in Cleveland...This is the least interesting team in the world.  The world.  PS, somebody tell Matt Forte to show up this season please, he's totally under performing his draft position in both of my fantasy leagues.

Miami + 3.5 @ New York Jets

Didn't this game just happen? Whats going on here?  Well anyway, I think that the tables have turned for Sanchez, Miami's got their ground game cruising and I think Henne is going to have a strong game here.  Hot Dog to Interception ratio for the Dirty Sanchise 2:4.

Very phallic club placement...this aint his first rodeo!

Saint Louis PK @ Detroit Lions

If you're betting on this game, you have a gambling problem.  If you already know this, and you're ok with it or simply refuse to better yourself and move your life in a positive direction take the Rams.

Cowboys- 10 Vs Seattle

What if you could have a swimming pool filled with any cereal you liked what would it be?  You really should be thinking of these things.

Giants-1 @ Philly

I like both of these teams, and if Philly can find the same holes in the secondary that New Orleans did this one will be an absolute shootout.  But, I think the Giants know this and will try to play ball control with the freak of nature known as Brandon Jacobs carrying 25+ times.  Desean Jackson is 21 years old.

Oakland +17 @ San Diego

I hate the Chargers so much that I just have to take this line!  Also, tell me I'm not the only one who sees a future Sean Salisbury in Phillip Rivers...well at least you can acknowledge that hes a Douche.

Tennessee -3 vs Jacksonville

Either this is the weak or Tennessee will really fall off the deep end.  I cannot for the life of me figure out whats going on with this team, it seems like total chaos and lack of giving a shit.  Steve Phillips says, "Get yourself a slump buster".

Mr and Mrs. Steve Phillips Ladies and Gentlemen!

Before I go on, I have to throw these out there as renaming suggestions for ESPN:

ESPN: Exposing Salisbury's Penis Network

ESPN: Extramarital Steve Phillips Network

ESPN: Especially Sleazy Persons Network

Green Bay Packers - 3 Vs Minnesota

I'm beginning to hate Favre less, but I think that the Packers have something to prove here.

Arizona - 10.5 vs. Carolina

Total chaos in Carolina...almost as strange as Tennessee.  Maybe it has something to do with the South?  I can't figure it out.

New Orleans - 10.5 vs Atlanta

The Saints are the team to beat right now and I don't see the Falcons slowing them down enough to keep it close.

I'm Back Bitches!

Check Out The Basketball Jones

Not that I want to bump this post down the blog. However, The Basketball Jones podcast is back. This is a truly awesome development. Bonus points because our own Nick L is referenced in the inaugural show of the season and makes a comment on the previously linked TBJ post. Between watching the C's last night and listening to the Jones this afternoon I was so fired up that I snapped on a co-worker who derisively said, "They don't play defense in the NBA." Foolishness. As a side note, is it just me or is Nick L. one of the biggest Wayne's World fans out there? Just something I was thinking about.

Time for the Celtics/Bobcats, which hearkens back to the good old days of an intense, inexplicable rivalry between a lowly Tampa Bay Devil Rays squad and the superior Red Sox. Awesome.

ROOMOFZEN Fantasy Football Update

Awards

The 2006 LaDanian Tomlinson Top Performing Team of the Week: Favre's Old Balls (136.42 points) took the week with 7 of 9 players earning double digit points and DeSean Jackson putting forth a monster effort.

The 2009 JaMarcus Russell/Derek Anderson Low Performing Team of the Week: Pitino Spamortion registered slightly more than 55 points. Strangely it was more about his guys under performing than anything else. Other than starting the Bears D instead of the Dolphins D, a move that cost him 16 points and given the match ups made a ton of sense, there's not much he could have done.

The Clutch Pick Up of the Week: It's all about the D. Buffalo's D gave Favre's Old Balls 14 points, narrowly edging the 13 Cincinnati put up for Move it up 5.

Owner of the Best Overall Player: Pitino Spamortion's Adrian Peterson threw up 18 points to hold down the top spot. It should be noted that Matt Schaub of Stan Mikita's Donuts had a similar week. In the process he moved up to #2 in the rankings and took the overall points lead. Can anyone knock Peterson out of that top spot?

Owner of the Worst Overall Player: Another back to back winner - LenDale White. And I only put him here again because he got the start in his bye week with a ranking of 1464. On the plus side he couldn't lose points in his bye week. I should note that I have a dangerous number of low ranked guys. They're on the bench, but it might be time to drop them regardless.

Call Out of the Week: This week brought up a question I never thought I'd ask - Is it better to start a player in his bye week or a player who recently had surgery and will not be on the field for several weeks? I tend to think the answer is neither and you should find someone else. But for whatever reason the latter continues to work for Stan Mikita's Donuts. Meanwhile, OBI WAN CANOLI and Rogue Trader decided to go 7 vs. 7 in week 7. Maybe it is better to have a blank roster spot instead of throwing Derek Andersen out there. Still I think it's bad for the competitive balance of the league. Of course writing a round up of a fantasy sports league is a sign that I may be taking this whole thing too seriously. So what do I know?

The 2007 Derek Anderson He's Ranked What? Award: He was frequently drafted somewhere around the 121st pick right after Laurence Maroney and Tim Hightower and well behind Beanie Wells, yet has risen to the 18th in the rankings. That's right Ricky Freaking Williams. And let the record show I never faulted Williams for walking away from an organization that seemed determined throughout the 2003 and 2004 seasons to prevent him from ever walking after his 40th birthday. Throw in his Texas carries and there's no way Williams is still around if he doesn't take some time off.

Matchup to Watch in Week 7: Once again That's a Tasty Burger gets the nod, sharing the spotlight with Rogue Trader this time around. They're tied at 5-2, battling for control of the league and as always they hate each other.

If the Season Ended Today...: Awkward Silences, That's a Tasty Burger, Rogue Trader and Bad Newz Kennels would make the playoffs. When it's all said and done I think Favre's Old Balls and Move it up 5 will bump those last 2.

What ever happened to...

I'm starting a "What ever happened to..." series here at ROOMOFZEN that delves into fictional characters from movies, television and video games and figures out what the hell they're up to now. Hopefully it's more successful than the fantasy football league updates that caused Bad Newz Kennels to plummet from a previously strong position. First up - Butch Coolidge.

Last time we checked Butch was driving Zed's chopper, with the Coolidge family watch in his possession, to pick up his girlfriend Fabienne. Since there never was a Pulp Fiction II, which is a good thing, I'm left to my own devices on this one. Here goes.

The Assumed Ending: Butch was financially set. He used Marsellus Wallace's bribe to bet on himself and realistically struck it rich in the process. On top of that he definitely seemed like a fighter approaching the end of the line. Provided he recognized it was time to hang up the gloves and accepted the Marsellus Wallace decree of lost "LA privileges", Butch could have disappeared with his golden parachute to start fresh somewhere else. That's entirely plausible. However, I'm not convinced that happened. Here's why:

The Breakup: Fabienne was incredibly annoying. While they enthusiastically played the part of an over the top teenage couple throughout the movie, I see Butch eventually tiring of her. And let's not forget that she had one real responsibility in the whole movie - keep track of the Coolidge family watch. She failed. Now factor in the astronomical divorce rate of professional athletes, particularly in retirement. Greg Bishop explored just that in this article, which looked at a number of factors including the following:

"When athletes retire, most face an identity crisis. Many do not retire on their own terms, and once they leave the game, they also leave behind the fame and fortune, the crowds and adoration. Their wives experience a similar loss of status. The dynamic players they married can become passive and withdrawn."

And Butch wouldn't even have to go through the hassle of a divorce.

The Finances: Butch received a substantial pay day for his successful double cross. Yet athletes have a long history of going broke. While he seemed to avoid the drug, alcohol, and procreating potholes, I envision him making some bad investments and burning through his nest egg. We also know that prior to that fateful night Butch's entire boxing career netted him a modest apartment and a white civic. He's no Hakeem Olajuwan (although I wonder how the Dream is doing since the market downturn).

The Personality: Butch was not someone who shied away from danger. First he enraged Marsellus Wallace, which by all accounts is an awful idea. Then he returned to his apartment for the family watch when everyone in the Wallace organization had to be looking for him. Upon retrieving the watch he disregarded his hunted status for a toaster pastry snack. Tangent alert - I'm not prepared to choose a winner in the Pop Tart versus Toaster Strudel debate. I'm just here to say, "Pop tarts win because you can eat them hot or cold" is not a valid argument. Cold pop tarts are no bueno. But back to Butch. He risked death at the hands of 2 gun toting, deranged rednecks to save Wallace. Granted Butch had a samurai sword and his decision ultimately removed the bounty from his head. Doesn't mean it was a safe bet. Are we really expected to believe he simply rode off into the sunset?

Retirement?: As previously discussed Butch appeared to be at the end of the line. But often times an athlete will struggle to retire. And it wasn't like he won his "final bout" in unconvincing fashion. Butch killed his opponent. Provided the whole legal, public homicide doesn't psychologically drive him away from the only career he's ever known, Butch could very easily get the itch to fight again. I'm betting he'd scratch it.

The Fall of Wallace?: And finally the most crucial point of all. Marsellus Wallace banned Butch from a) discussing the rape and b) returning to LA. However, that whole incident may have been the beginning of the end for Wallace. First there's the entire rape and dealing with the aftermath of it. Even if Butch kept his word and remained silent are we sure Wallace's cavalry would? What if one of his guys showed up in the shop, tortured Zed and then decided to take a shot at the crown? From Vincent and Jules' earlier massage conversation we know the organization is prone to gossip. Details of the account could spread like wildfire and cripple Wallace's authority. I picture a mad dash for power reminiscent of European monarchies warring in their heyday. In the resulting power vacuum Butch could return from laying low and pick up where he left off.

Conclusion: In the end the discovery of Vega's bullet ridden body in his apartment, coupled with Coolidge's AWOL status would be the biggest obstacle to his return. However, Vega was a heroin using, career criminal. Any half decent lawyer could help beat those charges. And the notoriety would only increase interest in Butch and the purse for his bouts. I see several more fights, a tell all book (Killer Inside and Out of the Ring?) some paternity suits (he's due) and eventually a remarkable downward spiral that ends with Butch working as a collector for a loan shark, just as Rocky Balboa did before his career took off.

Week 7: Looking to Bounce Back

KANSAS CITY +5 over San Diego: I don't really have the logic to explain myself here. My head is saying I should pick San Diego. But, I hate the Bolts, and they really are not good. They haven't impressed me once so far this year. This Chiefs team seems to be growing more confident each week, and they haven't won at home yet. They're due. The way the Chargers have looked, I think the best case scenario for them this week is a 3 point win.


Indianapolis -13.5 over ST. LOUIS: The three team tease is back and more reliable than ever. The Colts should be at the top of your teaser flow chart every week. You don't even need to look at the matchup. It's like the new Velveeta version of Easy Mac. You can't go wrong.





Chicago +1 over CINCINNATI: The Bengals looked very ordinary last week, and I really don't think they're as good as that 4-2 record. The injury to Antwan Odom makes this game a lock for the Bears, who have impressed me even in their losses. Also, doesn't it seem like it would be smart to always tease an underdog against the Bengals? They seem to always win on the last minute, ensuring a small margin of victory, or they lose. Either way, with the tease, you're probably in good shape.



Green Bay -8.5 over CLEVELAND: The Browns suck, and they seem to be getting worse. I'm really not sure what else you want from me.



Minnesota +5.5 over PITTSBURGH: The Steelers have won 9 in a row at home, and they'll have Troy Polamalu, a major game changer, back in action. But, I just don't like that pass-happy offense against this Vikings defensive front. This could be a long day for Big Ben. The Vikings big wins (San Fran, Green Bay, and Baltimore) have come at the Metrodome. This will be their first major road contest (they've been at Cleveland, Detroit, and St. Louis). This win in Pittsburgh will be a major statement.



New England -15 over Tampa Bay: Last year I lost when I wagered on the London game. I expected the Giants to steamroll the Dolphins, but the rainy field in London made it just a three point game. But, after last week, I certainly can't justify taking Tampa because of weather considerations. The Patriots are building momentum.




San Francisco +3 over HOUSTON: Frank Gore is back, Glen Coffee has some experience under his belt, Michael Crabtree is in the starting lineup, and I love the Niners from this point forward. Plus, they are coming off a bye, and they were embarrassed their last time out. I can only imagine that the image of Mike Singletary's grundle is permanently burned into Dre Bly's memory after that one.




OAKLAND +6 over NY Jets: 6 points? really? The Jets have lost three straight, and haven't looked good doing it. Their head coach seems completely shell-shocked after these losses, and they're bringing a rookie quarterback into the black hole to face a tough defense. On the other hand, the Raiders seemed to have bounced back extremely well from the ass whooping the Giants put on them a couple of weeks ago. They just beat a team that was playing in the NFC championship game last year, their coach was just cleared of assault charges, their new stud defensive lineman has guaranteed they will make the playoffs, and their recently deceased players are coming back to the field as pigeons. Yeah, I like Oakland here.







Buffalo +7 over CAROLINA: I don't care if Ryan Fitzpatrick is playing quarterback or not. There is no reason for Carolina to be giving 7 to anybody besides St. Louis.



New Orleans -6.5 over At Miami: Miami is a very popular pick this week. I guess I understand it from the standpoint that the wildcat might neutralize the Saints pressure and Miami will chew up minutes. But, I will direct your attention back to Monday night in week 2. Miami perfectly executed their game plan, holding the ball for over three full quarters. And yet, despite having less then 15 minutes of possession, Peyton Manning was able to score his points quickly enough to win the game. The Saints can do the same thing.



DALLAS -4 over Atlanta: I love Dallas coming off the bye here. Some of you out there might be wondering what it's going to take for me to believe in the Falcons. I don't have an answer. Every week I'm wrong about them, and I'm still not convinced.



NY GIANTS -7 over Arizona: I wouldn't want to be the Cardinals this week. The Giants were embarrassed last week. They are better than they showed, and I'm sure they are itching to get back out on the field. They were getting blown out in the first half, and they still had a chance to make it a one possession game had it not been for Roman Harper's forced fumble.

CC Brown had the Roy Williams syndrome last week. He was so eager to play the run that he got roasted in the passing game. Of course I'd rather have Kenny Phillips. But Brown started in this league for 4 years with Houston, and I expect him to bounce back and at least play competently from here on out.



Philadelphia -7 over WASHINGTON: NFC East divisional matchups are always closer than you'd think. Were it not for the Eagles losing to Oakland last week, I might like the Skins here. But, like the Giants, I'm sure the Eagles have had a bad taste in their mouth all week.



Your Teaser of the Week:




10 point teaser:

Indy -3.5 over St. Louis, Green Bay +1 over Cleveland, and New England -5 over Tampa Bay.

ROOMOFZEN Fantasy Football Update

Awards

The 2006 LaDanian Tomlinson Top Performing Team of the Week: Flying Elvises hung up 108 points and grabbed a playoff spot for the time being.

The 2009 JaMarcus Russell Low Performing Team of the Week: We all have our down weeks. This week it just happened to be Rogue Trader's 65.26 points that stood out. That's good enough to lose every single matchup from week 6 with everyone else scoring at least an 80. And in typing this I'm heading for a solid 55 next week.

The Clutch Pick Up of the Week: Not a lot to choose from on this one. Put it this way - no one is praising my (Bad Newz Kennels) pick up of Mike Wallace. So I'm giving the hat tip to Movie It Up 5 for grabbing Nate Kaeding. That's 14 points and a comfortable victory. Had Move It Up 5 gone with Rod Bironas, as favre's old balls did, it would have netted him 0 points. Of course both those teams won their matchups and who thought the Titans would be that awful?

Owner of the Best Overall Player: I'm going with ranking instead of points. And the current leader is...Adrian Peterson of Pitino's Spamortion. Although it's worth noting that 5 QBs currently have more points over the course of the season than the former Sooner.

Owner of the Worst Overall Player: Initially I started with ranking instead of points. But I wanted to go with someone who had played in all his team's games to date and started for his fantasy squad in Week 6. That eliminated Chansi Stuckey (sat out the last 2 weeks), Josh Johnson (Byron Leftwich was the starter on opening day) and Davone Bess (bye week). Strangely all 3 of those guys are on Drugs Delaney's roster. But I digress. And the winner or loser is...LenDale White (ranked 1370) of OBI WAN CANOLI. Bonus points because White scored -.50 points and looked atrocious in New England. Of course if OBI WAN CANOLI had dropped him last week I would have swooped in and promoted White over Derrick Ward. As is Ward earned 0 points. So what do I know?

Call Out of the Week: I was all set to call out Nick (Stan Mikita's Donuts) for starting a player (Adam Vinatieri) in his bye week. But then Nick beat me. Now he looks like an evil genius - "Hey Weeks I only need 8 to beat your 9, a receiver (Wes Welker) from your favorite team will thrash you, I don't need Laurence Maroney's 19 points either, and I'll even taunt you with the best kicker in your team's history. Have the Pats won a Super Bowl since he left? What about in 2007?" I haven't seen someone this unnecessarily vengeful since *Rick James assaulted Eddie Murphy's Couch (NSFW). As a side note, I'm assuming that's a Wayne's World reference, but Stan Mikita was pretty cool. Long story short, I'm calling myself out for losing to an undermanned team.

The 2007 Derek Anderson He's Ranked What? Award: That's right Derek Anderson was ranked 9th in 2007. 9th! He's completed 11 of his last 41 passes and has as many yards in his last 2 games (145) as some QBs have had in quarters. Okay I'm too lazy to do the research on that one, but I assume Brady, Brees and possibly Peyton Manning have done it lately. I thought about Ray Rice (5th), but he's freaking awesome and is just coming into his own. I was tempted by Kyle Orton but he out dueled Brady, is 6-0 and once had this picture taken. Orton might have a mustache too. No the winner was drafted in 36% of Yahoo! leagues and usually went around 109th. That's right Cedric "I was cut by the Bears in June 2008" Benson. He's ranked 13th and plays for shotintheleg.

Matchup to Watch in Week 7: We're all looking forward to That's a Tasty Burger facing off against Flying Elvises. They're currently tied at 4-2 and separated by just under 15 points and one spot in the standings. For our purposes let's also pretend they hate each other.

If the Season Ended Today...: Pitino's Spamortion, Bad Newz Kennels, Awkward Silences, and Flying Elvises would make the cut. Of course there's a lot of season left.

Standings:
* It seems like all of those clips were remixes on YouTube.

Book Recommendation: Bringing the Heat

The Reader's Digest (hopefully someone gets that reference) version from the Publisher’s Weekly review on Amazon.com:

“This look at the Philadelphia Eagles covers both the tenure of coach Buddy Ryan, which began in 1986 and ended with his firing in 1991, and the next three years of current coach Rich Kotite's regime. The 1992 season is the focal point, but Bowden, who covered the Eagles for the Philadelphia Inquirer, deals in depth with the years leading up to that season. Of particular interest are Bowden's profiles of many of the Eagles' colorful characters, including Ryan, owner Norman Braman (who sold the team to Hollywood producer Jeff Lurie in 1994) and players Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner and Randall Cunningham. Bowden pulls no punches, documenting the stormy off-the-field lives of several team members including Joyner and Wes Hopkins, as well as describing the players' dislike of star quarterback Cunningham. Although a bit melodramatic at times, this is as thorough an account of a sports franchise as any fan, even Eagles fanatics, could want.”

Ten Reasons You Should Read This Book:

Bonus reason #1: It's a minor thing, but Bringing the Heat is a great title, epitomizes the style of those Philly defenses and still works. Even today you can use it to describe both football and daily interactions. How many things that were cool from the early 90s have that kind of staying power? For example, consider this.

Bonus reason #2: - Let's just say this book does nothing to dispute the fact that many professional athletes end up broke when their careers are over.

10. Mark Bowden. He is a fantastic writer/author. I haven’t read all of his work, but Killing Pablo (Vince should have bought the rights), Guests of the Ayatolla (great title), and Black Hawk Down (mesmerizing in the movie theater as a side note) speak to his talent. When a real writer completes a sports project it's almost always better than anything from the average sportswriter or hack blogger (damn). While I can't say that I agreed with everything and at times wondered if Bowden had disdain for the entire football enterprise, it's easily a top football book.

9. The Eagles of that era were an underrated video game team. Even to this day that squad doesn’t get the respect it deserves. There’s still a ton of buzz about Bo Jackson from Tecmo Super Bowl, and rightfully so. But I’d take the Eagles against his Raiders any day of the week. The defense, led by Reggie White, Clyde Simmons, Jerome Brown, and Seth Joyer, is stacked. Strangely Eric Allen is nowhere near as good in the game as he should be and for some strange reason Andre Waters (more on him later) is awful. So while the defense is dominant against the run and has a great pass rush, it's suspect if the QB actually gets rid of the ball.

However, none of that matters as QB Eagles (Randall Cunningham) is light years better than every other quarterback. If you know how to maximize his running and passing potential he’s better than Bo. And the skill guys, especially Keith Jackson, can play.

Three Tecmo Super Bowl points before moving on:

- If you think this game is dead, think again.

- This website is also incredibly researched and informative. An updated format would put it over the edge.

- It's been 18 years and I still don't understand why they didn't call it Super Tecmo Bowl.

8. Seth Joyner. The Eagles organization caught up with him almost four years ago for a nice "Where are They Now" style piece. It's a quick, interesting, although far from in depth read that portrays Joyner in a better light than Bowden's book. While Bringing the Heat definitely acknowledges how dominant he was as a linebacker, Joyner also comes off as extremely unlikeable. Some of that stems from the fact that Joyner was devoted to Buddy Ryan and simply wasn't a Richie Kotite fan. Yet Joyner also despised Cunningham, barely acknowledged the offense (and never in a flattering way) and was a lousy family man at that point and time.

7. Mike Golic and Eric Allen. Bowden featured both of them prominently and after reading about their football days their respective media careers make sense. Every time I see Allen on ESPN he's as smooth as can be and looks like he could still play. Meanwhile, Golic started out somewhat as a court jester. Although I have to admit I'm still surprised by the success of Mike and Mike, and Golic has evolved over time.

6. Fight at the Vet. I'm linking to this article because it should simultaneously annoy Nick and introduce the story of Wes Hopkins' wife meeting his mistress:

"There was the former Philadelphia Eagles safety Wes Hopkins, whose marriage collapsed one blustery afternoon in Veterans Stadium when his wife discovered a second Mrs. Hopkins in the stands."

Imagine a current NFL player's wife beating up his mistress at a game. I can barely believe it happened. You have to read the book.

5. Randall Cunningham. First check out his stats, particularly his rushing numbers from 1986-1992 and his out of nowhere 1998 campaign with the Vikings. Then remember that he played during a time period when the NFC East was absolutely terrifying. Maybe I was younger and more impressionable. And I'm sure people will talk about the Giants' current D-Line in reverential terms in years to come. But the Skins, Eagles, Giants, and Cowboys were loaded back then. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.

Once again I encourage you to read the book to fully grasp how enigmatic he was. His personality, appearance (seemed to permanently pout), flippant approach to film study, and most of all big contract, caused some of his teammates to loathe him. Cunningham's cult of self, successful self promotion and belief that only Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Aresnio Hall, and a select few others walked in his circle, made things even worse. The following clip actually gets at the heart of a lot of it:

Steve Young was sick too.

4. Free agency. This was right on the cusp of free agency with Keith Jackson jetting for the Dolphins mid-season to unofficially kick off the movement. Of course Reggie White left town following the season to officially get the ball rolling. Do you remember how crazy that was? Politicians tried to lure him to their cities and or states and Sports Illustrated ran one of my favorite covers of all time:


Some more points about White:

- Everyone raved about his "monster contract" - $17 million over 4 years. Don't get me wrong I'd take it. But compare that to some of today's deals.

- I caught a show on the NFL network about this year's Hall of Fame inductees that called Bruce Smith the most feared defensive player and best defensive lineman ever. I respect his game. But don't those titles belong to Lawrence Taylor and Reggie White respectively?

- White was 31 when he signed his deal. That's up there for a NFL player.

- Somehow I didn't realize that White played in the USFL. I love "The Memphis Showboats" as a team name. More on the Minister of Defense later.

3. Social Commentary. Bowden takes the book into a lot of interesting directions. A couple stood out to me:

- Some of the players beat pretty ridiculous odds to make it to the NFL. Yes there were some amazing athletes like Allen, Cunningham, White, Herschel Walker, Keith Jackson, and others. But Andre Waters and several other Eagles literally clawed their way into the league and were far from a sure thing. On top of that some of the players came from the lowest levels of poverty.

- The over the top and in many ways unnecessary "Dream Home for Mom" phenomenon. And it was even more interesting when Bowden looked at the conflicts players' moms and wives had. This was particularly true for African Americans who grew up in poverty and married someone from a very different socioeconomic class than their mothers.

2. Jerome Brown and Reggie White. The book opens with Brown's death, which happened right before the '92 season. It shook many of the players, particularly on defense, to their core and seemed to simultaneously inspire and haunt the Eagles throughout the season. Brown was simply a larger than life figure that lived hard and fast and drew people to him. He was a hero in his hometown as well as an unabashed partier, spender, and pursuer of women. Yet 15 years later White's death has to be even more shocking. Consider the fact that White was far less reckless and just seemed like a super hero. I did not see that coming. Meanwhile, the book obviously can't get into his Super Bowl run with the Packers or his infamous speech to the Wisconsin state legislature. Pretty complex guy.

1. Andre Waters. When I recently reread this I somehow forgot that Waters committed suicide in 2006. Like my first reading Waters emerged as my favorite player in the book. Yes, he may have made Rodney Harrison look mild. Just ask Dan Dierdorf. Yet Waters truly was an unlikely NFL starter that beat the odds. On top of that he comes off as a great guy. So when I finally remembered his death it was even more tragic. Furthermore, while I'm in no way qualified to fully understand the research, I'm intrigued by the contention that "the depression that family members recalled Mr. Waters exhibiting in his final years was almost certainly exacerbated, if not caused, by the state of his brain -- and that if he had lived, within 10 or 15 years 'Andre Waters would have been fully incapacitated.'" - Dr. Bennet Omalu

As much as we all love football there are two things we have to eventually face.

- A good chunk of these guys have to be using HGH right? The size, speed, strength, and quickness have risen to outrageous and dangerous levels.

- It truly can be a debilitating game. And despite the stellar efforts of the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund it does not seem like monumental changes have been made yet. And watching last year's Steelers, Ravens and Titans it seemed like a player's death on the field was more of a matter of when than if.

Prime Cleveland Real Estate For Sale

Formerly owned by NFL player, 6BR, 4.5 Baths, 5000sf.  Top of the line Kitchen with custom cherry cabinets.  Includes shattered dreams and utter disappointment of Browns fans, Media room, jacuzzi.  In ground pool and 3 car garage full of MetRx supplements.  Finished basement features Wainscotting and unfounded hype.  Used almost as little as owner. Highly (un)Motivated Seller--Make an offer! MLS#100696901

Week 6 Picks: The Blue Record Edition

My deluxe copy of The Blue Record, the new Baroness album, finally arrived on Tuesday night. Because of this, needless to say, my week has kicked more ass than usual. The album is unreal. Coming off the Red Album, my expectations could not have been higher, and they were all exceeded. On top of that, the deluxe edition of the album comes complete with a live CD with 5 great live Red Album cuts. You need to get this for yourself. You can order it here.





Now, the picks.


Kansas City +6.5 over WASHINGTON: A colleague of mine, who is a Skins diehard, is making a pretty strong case for his team to be the worst in the entire NFL. At first I didn't buy it, but the more he talked with me, the more I became convinced. Even their wins have felt like losses. Despite being an NFC team, the strength of schedule factor hurts the Skins on a historic level. This will mark the 6th consecutive week that the Redskins will face a winless team. This is week 6. Every single team they have played has entered the game winless. That has never happened before. And yet, despite this cupcake schedule, they have not managed to turn in one solid performance. So, are they the worst team? You'd be hard pressed to argue otherwise.


CINCINNATI -5 over Houston: The Bengals are currently one super flukey play in Denver away from being undefeated. They also currently have the NFL's leading rusher. Carson Palmer seems to have returned to form for the time being, and you have to love the way this team is finally gelling after the better part of a decade.



PITTSBURGH -14 over Cleveland: I'm not a Browns fan (which I am thankful for every day), but I have to believe that win in Buffalo on Sunday felt like a loss. Derek Anderson, who was supposed to help breathe some life into this offense, completed 2 passes for 23 yards. Between the piss poor performances on the field, and all of the turmoil off the field (I don't know how often multiple players file grievances against their coach in the same week, but I'd imagine it means 2 things: 1) the players are unhappy, and 2) they don't feel like their coach would be receptive to them communicating that unhappiness), this team is not going to win another game.






MINNESOTA -3 Baltimore: I was sure the Vikings would flame out eventually, but they're showing no signs of that at the moment. In fact, they seem to be getting more and more powerful and in sync as each week passes. Coming off two straight losses, the Ravens are certainly hungry, but I can't pick against Minnesota at home with the way they've looked.



JACKSONVILLE -9.5 over St. Louis: What the fuck was that last week, Jacksonville? All along we've been saying that you never know what you're going to get with the Texans and Cardinals, but this Jaguars team seems like the ultimate wildcard right now. I thought they might have trouble in Seattle and I didn't expect them to win. But, I couldn't believe they got waxed like that. Still, I'll take them at home over the Rams just like I would take anybody at home against the Rams.


Giants +3 over NEW ORLEANS: Maybe I'm missing something, because just about everyone I've talked to or heard talk on tv has picked the Saints. I get that they're coming off of a bye, but the G-Men played the Raiders at home last week. I also understand that if you're not looking any further than the quarterback matchup, it's hard to go against what Drew Brees has been doing. But, this game is about a lot more than Brees vs. Manning.

The Giants can bring huge pressure with their front four, so Drew Brees will have to get rid of the ball quickly. This will prevent big plays. The Saints blitz a lot, and they can get a lot of pressure that way. But, the Giants running game is so solid right now, and it seems like they are always facing manageable down and distance. Because they are so good on the ground, it's hard for me to imagine the New Orleans blitz forcing mistakes. I've tried to slice this one a lot of different ways, and I come up with the Giants winning every time. That being said, don't overestimate the importance of this matchup. It's only week 6.


And then there's this guy.....who I hopes takes a lot of hits on Sunday:








TAMPA BAY +3.5 over Carolina: I'm taking the home team in this matchup, because I can't be bothered to consider any other elements.



GREEN BAY -13.5 over Detroit: With Calvin Johnson most likely on the shelf this weekend, it's hard for me to envision the Lions making a game of this. The Pack should be fresh after their bye week, and I'm sure they're itching to feast on the Lions after losing a tough one to Minnesota their last time out.


Philadelphia -14 OAKLAND: I don't think I realized how pitiful the Raiders were until I experienced it first hand. The Raiders only touchdown came off a Giants muffed punt and an officiating miscue which allowed them to keep possession after a fumble. If Eli Manning had stayed in for the whole game, the Giants were on pace to score 100 points.


Arizona +3 over SEATTLE: That goal line stand against Houston last week was just the kind of thing that rejuvenates good teams (see Giants in week 3 of 07-08 at Washington). That was a gut check moment for the entire season. 1-3 would have been impossible to overcome. At 2-2, I like the Cards to keep improving.



NY JETS -9.5 over Buffalo: On the plus side, the Bills defense held Cleveland to 23 yards through the air on Sunday. But, they lost that game, which is unforgivable. Coming off of two straight road losses, the Jets will cruise at home this week.






Tennessee +9.5 over NEW ENGLAND: New England has looked good at home, but I don't know if I really buy that the Patriots are good enough to be giving 9.5 here. I don't think they should have been favored at Denver last week, and certainly not by more than three! More than anything, I'm angry about the line, which I just think is too high given New England's holes. So, it may be my undoing, but I'm taking Tennessee on principle. While I'm feeling this way, I'll go bold: Titans get their first win this Sunday.



Chicago +3 over ATLANTA: I showed the Falcons no respect last week, and it came back to bite me. But, I'm still not buying it. I think the Bears make some big plays on Sunday night, and pull this one out.



Denver +3.5 over SAN DIEGO: The Broncos are undefeated, one of the Chargers two wins was a nailbiter against Oakland, and San Diego has key guys banged up. The fact that Denver is getting points at all here is absurd. More than three points certainly makes no sense.

Remember That Time the Redskins Lost to the Lions...And Other Thoughts

MJ's epic Hall of Fame speech did not bring me back. I did not run a post when a member of the Los Angeles Lakers married a reality television star. I remained quiet when T's Redskins eked out a win against a dreadful Rams team, lost to the Lions and barely managed to top a pretty bad Tampa Bay squad.* And to be honest I didn't even want to touch the nauseating coverage of Tom Brady's return against the Bills that gave me one of those rare, "If I were a fan of another team I would hate this" moments. And yet four events happened within a span of a couple of days that ended a months long drought:

4. I was in a police station getting fingerprinted (background check) by a wildly unfriendly police officer who said maybe 3 words to me and seemed intent on twisting my clearly bruised finger (basketball injury). The bigger point is that on our way back to the lobby I debated the pros and cons of giving him a flat tire. Could he hold me for that? Would it break the awkwardness of his surly demeanor?

3. I've been thinking about running a "Jay Leno joke of the week" segment for about 2 years now. It finally got to the point a couple weeks back where I actually almost did it. It would question the very fact that someone so unfunny could be considered the exact opposite by so many. And then this happened:

"Q: What if there was a day on Twitter where everyone tweeted Leno-esque jokes? Such as: "Dr. Christopher Post saved a man's life at a Pirates game. His only regret? The newspaper printing that he was at a Pirates game!"
-- Dan, Philly

SG: I like it. How's Oct. 16? "Sad day for Charlie Weis yesterday. No, Notre Dame didn't lose again. His local Red Lobster canceled its all-you-can-eat buffet!"

Let's be honest. I don't have that many original ideas. And when I do have one I should jump on it. Alas.

2. I had to wear a suit. That's something I rarely do. The only bright side of wearing a suit is it always makes me think of a line from Hoosiers that goes something like this:

"I got me a suit. A real humdinger. It's the suit I was married in." - Shooter

1. I was playing Mike Tyson's Punchout, which is reason enough to be regularly posting on a blog. As I working my way towards Mike Tyson I couldn't help but think of the huge advantage Floyd Mayweather Jr. had in his recent fight. If that's supposed to be bad for boxing consider Bald Bull's 191-pound advantage on Lil Mac. How much of a fine would that prompt if there were a weigh in? How could Doc Louis even let that fight happen? Ultimately I just can't get that worked up about Mayweather.

These are the kind of things I need to be sending out into cyberspace (do people still say that?) from time-to-time. On top of that ROOMOZEN has been quiet of late. So I'll end this post by reworking a line from Hoosiers, "I don’t know if it’ll make a difference, but I figured it’s time I started writing again."

* That has to be one of the worst 2-1 stretches of football...ever.

Week 5 Picks: Favorites In Rhyme

Babcock is living the good life in Los Angeles, watching games 3 hours early. So, I'm back, and hoping to improve. Rhyming seemed to bring him a lot of success, so I've tried to make all my picks in rhyme. It won't be as good as him, but I've tried.

Tough week. I count two good games, and I expect the favorites to clean house (despite the big lines).

Here we go:

Minnesota -10 over ST. LOUIS:
Clearly I was wrong: this Brett Favre hype was not fake
What a huge difference a good line and a great back can make
Who would have guessed that at night after he pulls down the drapes
Jon Gruden beats off to old Brett Favre practice tapes



Dallas -8.5 over KANSAS CITY:
I couldn't be happier about how things have gone for America's Team
Seeing Tony Romo playing so badly feels like a dream
Kansas City is a good place for people to turn their luck
But no matter how many TDs Tony throws on Sunday, the Cowboys still suck


BALTIMORE -8.5 over Cincy:
Over the past few years I've grown extremely tired
of trying to figure out what it will take for Marvin Lewis to be fired
Sure, right now wins are up and arrests are down
But will that be enough after the Ravens pound the Bengals into the ground?





CAROLINA -3.5 over Washington:
The Redskins may as well be 0-4
They almost lost to both the Rams and Bucs, and what's more...
They lost in Detroit, something no team has done in years
If I were a Skins fan, I'd find Dan Snyder and cut off his ears


TAMPA BAY +15 over Philadelphia:
It was pretty easy for me to pick
that a shitty organization like the Eagles would take a chance on Mike Vick
Killing dogs and racketeering just sounds like foolish fun
compared to some of the shit that Andy Reid's kids have done


Cleveland +6 over BUFFALO:
The only part of this game I can really respect is the fans who put up with this shit
Braylon Edwards gone to an already shitty offense is a pretty big hit
Year after year, fans of both these teams cheer hard, even in the cold
And yet their teams always suck dick, it must be starting to get old


Steelers -10.5 over DETROIT:
I hope Lions fans enjoyed that win, because it may not happen again
Certainly they have no shot this weekend against Big Ben
His team is back on track, and he looked great against the Bolts
In fact, I think the only guys better than him are Drew Brees and #18 for the Colts


GIANTS -14.5 over Oakland:
Eli's Plantar Fasciitis made me feel very sad
Because I remember in 2007 when it made Kendrick Perkins play bad
But even if Carr is in, the offense still cruises
and Osi, Tuck, and Pierce will cover Jamarcus Russell in bruises





NINERS -2.5 over Atlanta (lock of the week):
The Falcons are good, I certainly feel
But this thing the Niners have going is real
Giving less than three at home, this is my lock
If they blow this one, Mike Singletary might show the whole team his cock


BRONCOS +3 over Patriots:
To Randy Moss, Champ Bailey has always been a pest
And I couldn't be happier that Brian Dawkins decided to move West
He put a dirty hit on Ike Hilliard, and I have never forgotten
After this game, Vince Wilfork's jockstrap will smell really rotten


Houston +5.5 over ARIZONA:
Both of these teams look different every week
Some days they're really good, some days they're weak
Kurt Warner in the Super Bowl again? I think it not
But, he can thank God for the greatest miracle of all: making his wife suddenly hot



SEATTLE over Jacksonville (pick em):
I'm sure it will be another packed house at Qwest
Fans at the games - The Jags will be impressed
Nobody ever comes to see them, they're blacked out every day
On this pick em game, no money should you lay


Indy -4 over TITANS:
It sure looks LenDale White must be back on the sauce
The Titans without a win- I'm at a loss
Avoid the Tennessee betting trap, there is no turnaround in sight
Only a fool would bet against Peyton Manning on a Sunday or Monday night


Jets -2 over DOLPHINS:
Even on the road I like the Jets here
Miami's wildcat is something the Jet's defense does not fear
After the game, Mark Sanchez will probably sleep with many a Miami Dolphin dancer
Don't get too excited Jets fans....on the way is a locker room cancer





COLLEGE PICK OF THE WEEK

LSU +7.5 over Florida:
"A win is a win" is the cliche I normally expect
from these experts who refuse to give the Tigers respect
History tells me LSU is good, and Tebow may be out....the feeling is right
for an upset in Death Valley on Saturday night.