Week 5 Picks: Favorites In Rhyme

Babcock is living the good life in Los Angeles, watching games 3 hours early. So, I'm back, and hoping to improve. Rhyming seemed to bring him a lot of success, so I've tried to make all my picks in rhyme. It won't be as good as him, but I've tried.

Tough week. I count two good games, and I expect the favorites to clean house (despite the big lines).

Here we go:

Minnesota -10 over ST. LOUIS:
Clearly I was wrong: this Brett Favre hype was not fake
What a huge difference a good line and a great back can make
Who would have guessed that at night after he pulls down the drapes
Jon Gruden beats off to old Brett Favre practice tapes



Dallas -8.5 over KANSAS CITY:
I couldn't be happier about how things have gone for America's Team
Seeing Tony Romo playing so badly feels like a dream
Kansas City is a good place for people to turn their luck
But no matter how many TDs Tony throws on Sunday, the Cowboys still suck


BALTIMORE -8.5 over Cincy:
Over the past few years I've grown extremely tired
of trying to figure out what it will take for Marvin Lewis to be fired
Sure, right now wins are up and arrests are down
But will that be enough after the Ravens pound the Bengals into the ground?





CAROLINA -3.5 over Washington:
The Redskins may as well be 0-4
They almost lost to both the Rams and Bucs, and what's more...
They lost in Detroit, something no team has done in years
If I were a Skins fan, I'd find Dan Snyder and cut off his ears


TAMPA BAY +15 over Philadelphia:
It was pretty easy for me to pick
that a shitty organization like the Eagles would take a chance on Mike Vick
Killing dogs and racketeering just sounds like foolish fun
compared to some of the shit that Andy Reid's kids have done


Cleveland +6 over BUFFALO:
The only part of this game I can really respect is the fans who put up with this shit
Braylon Edwards gone to an already shitty offense is a pretty big hit
Year after year, fans of both these teams cheer hard, even in the cold
And yet their teams always suck dick, it must be starting to get old


Steelers -10.5 over DETROIT:
I hope Lions fans enjoyed that win, because it may not happen again
Certainly they have no shot this weekend against Big Ben
His team is back on track, and he looked great against the Bolts
In fact, I think the only guys better than him are Drew Brees and #18 for the Colts


GIANTS -14.5 over Oakland:
Eli's Plantar Fasciitis made me feel very sad
Because I remember in 2007 when it made Kendrick Perkins play bad
But even if Carr is in, the offense still cruises
and Osi, Tuck, and Pierce will cover Jamarcus Russell in bruises





NINERS -2.5 over Atlanta (lock of the week):
The Falcons are good, I certainly feel
But this thing the Niners have going is real
Giving less than three at home, this is my lock
If they blow this one, Mike Singletary might show the whole team his cock


BRONCOS +3 over Patriots:
To Randy Moss, Champ Bailey has always been a pest
And I couldn't be happier that Brian Dawkins decided to move West
He put a dirty hit on Ike Hilliard, and I have never forgotten
After this game, Vince Wilfork's jockstrap will smell really rotten


Houston +5.5 over ARIZONA:
Both of these teams look different every week
Some days they're really good, some days they're weak
Kurt Warner in the Super Bowl again? I think it not
But, he can thank God for the greatest miracle of all: making his wife suddenly hot



SEATTLE over Jacksonville (pick em):
I'm sure it will be another packed house at Qwest
Fans at the games - The Jags will be impressed
Nobody ever comes to see them, they're blacked out every day
On this pick em game, no money should you lay


Indy -4 over TITANS:
It sure looks LenDale White must be back on the sauce
The Titans without a win- I'm at a loss
Avoid the Tennessee betting trap, there is no turnaround in sight
Only a fool would bet against Peyton Manning on a Sunday or Monday night


Jets -2 over DOLPHINS:
Even on the road I like the Jets here
Miami's wildcat is something the Jet's defense does not fear
After the game, Mark Sanchez will probably sleep with many a Miami Dolphin dancer
Don't get too excited Jets fans....on the way is a locker room cancer





COLLEGE PICK OF THE WEEK

LSU +7.5 over Florida:
"A win is a win" is the cliche I normally expect
from these experts who refuse to give the Tigers respect
History tells me LSU is good, and Tebow may be out....the feeling is right
for an upset in Death Valley on Saturday night.

What Does Favre Retierement Mean For Michael Vick?

We've all been wondering what team out there has enough to gain from taking a chance on Michael Vick. When Brett Favre informed the Vikings that he will not be returning to the NFL, they became the clear front runners. Their current quarterback situation, a duel between Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels, is not a recipe for success. Michael Vick, at his best, is better than both of these two guys. By signing him, the Vikings at the very least would be gaining a guy that can be a dangerous situational weapon. They're also gaining a guy who will push their current QBs to take their game to the next level. At best, they're gaining a starting quarterback and maybe the most feared ground attack we've seen in a long time.

And, I'm sure it won't be lost on Vikings fans that this was the first visiting quarterback to win a playoff game at Lambeau Field.

The commercial at the start of this video is one of my favorites (Vick throwing the ball out of the stadium):

Monday Morning Bullets Complete With My Bachelorette Prediction

1- T.O. and I are so in sync lately. I can't even handle it. When it comes to sports, there is nothing I like more than watching talented players, and I am giddy about being able to appreciate TO again now that he is over in the AFC. I have also been going out of my way to convince everyone I can that Michael Vick needs to be reinstated to the NFL immediately. TO is on the same page, of course. In a league where everyone seems to be terrified to speak out against the commissioner, guys like Owens are more valuable than ever:



I will direct you to a direct quote from Babcock (our CFO)which was given to me when I was preparing to write my own piece on Vick's case:

"If we can't throw a guy in jail, take everything he has, make him pay for his crimes, and then turn him loose with the freedom to get it all back, then we've really lost our way as a nation."

The man has paid for what he has done, and he did not receive the celebrity discount on his jail time. He spent nearly two years in prison. As far as we know, he has committed no crimes since. He should now be free to put his life back together. It is not our job as a society to punish him further. If our goal as a society is really to rehabilitate crimals when possible, then we should want them to get back on their feet. We should hope that they can all find work and build a life that keeps them clean, and that helps the future generations not make the same mistakes. This Vick case is a great scenario. I wish all released inmates had skills as marketable as Vick's...we'd certainly see significantly fewer repeat offenders.





2-I've hosted and attended many Big Lebowski parties over the past 8 or so years. Nothing that I've experienced rivals the Seattle Lebowski Fest, which Jim Caple recaps in this column. Caple describes the event as a cooler man's Star Trek convention: where fanatics gather in meticulously constructed costumes to mimic the mannerisms and recite the lines of their favorite characters.

Caple also introduces us to the real life dude, Jeff Dowd. I had no idea that such a man existed. The greatest quote comes when Dowd explains that he wasn't actually in to bowling, and instead was really into running:

"Well, you had to be in shape to drink all those White Russians and make love to all those women."

Here he is, the real dude, with Jeff Bridges:



alright.




3-I'm not going to waste too much time justifying this, I'm going to try to just jump in to it. I'm a married man. My wife has watched virtually every Celtics and New York Giants game since we've lived together (and many before that as well). Most of the time, she enjoys that. It's only fair that I have taken in my fair share of reality tv as well. So yes, I have watched every episode of this season's Bachelorette. And, I'll admit that most of the time I enjoy that.

Judge me if you want, but I know there is at least one other member of the roomofzen staff who is in the same boat. Also, let me just point out that this is really not much different than Rock of Love or Flavor of Love. In fact, in the last episode, we had to watch Jillian and Ed rub lotion all over each other as foreplay, and then we learned that the night came to an abrupt end because Ed was too tired and couldn't get it up. If that's not entertainment, then I don't know what is.

You may be wondering whether or not this is appropriate for the roomofzen, and I assure you that I would never post this unless I felt like I had a chance to be correct in my prediction for tonight's finale. Here it is:

So, we're now down to two men, Ed and Kiptyn. However, because of the unusual way this season has unfolded, we cannot assume that Jillian is limited to picking one of those two men tonight. Ed has already left and returned to the show. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this. If it is indeed, a competition, then once you're gone you should have lost your chance to win. However, we're all supposed to be worrying about Jillian "finding love", so clearly the integrity of this competition means nothing.

Anyways, because of the way things have gone, we have to assume that a previous contestant could appear. Now, there were only two eliminated contestants not present at last weeks "Men Tell All". One was Wes, who is off promoting his new country album, and who may have been too controversial (I actually think he came into the show with a much more realistic and attainable goal ((promoting his music career)) than any of the other men, but this isn't the time for that) to feature. The other was Reid, who was the last man eliminated. Chris told us that Reid was not in attendance because he had "a prior engagement." I thought it seemed strange: these guys get paid for being on the show, and they are obviously all doing it as an attempt at fame. So, why would Reid not be there? Plus, I imagine that the men knew about this WAY ahead of time, and were told that they all had to be there. So, I wonder exactly what must have kept Reid away.

At the end of the show, they showed a preview of tonight's finale. There was a definite screenshot of Reid in there. And then, I suddenly remembered Chris's words: "a prior engagement". A clever play on words? I think so. Reid seemed like he had the best chemistry with Jillian on the dates in Spain and Hawaii, and I was surprised to see him go. My prediction: he returns, finally tells her that he loves her and wants to get married. She will then choose him.

It's a little out there, but if it happens, remember that you read it on the roomofzen first.

A little note here: When Reid does this, he won't actually mean that he wants to get married. But, he will say it anyways. No guy wants to get married after spending 6 MONTHS dating a girl. Nevermind 6 weeks, with her dating 29 other dudes simultaneously, including banging a few of them in the fantasy suite. It's completely unrealistic, but you have to say that's what you want if you want to stay alive in this game. Kiptyn, Ed, Jake, and Michael S. all knew that. Reid clearly didn't understand what it took to be a champion. It's not surprising that he's from Philadelphia.

UPDATE: I was close, but not quite on the money. Reid did return in a minivan, looking quite disshevled. He did also propose to Jillian. Then, in typical Philadelphia fashion, he was sent home crying right before a winner could be crowned. The winner was Ed. Worth mentioning that Babcock picked him to win in week 2.

In Defense of Michael Vick. Or, At Least, In Defense Of Another Chance

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Michael Vick was released from prison this week after serving 19 months for bankrolling a major dogfighting ring. ESPN has had full coverage of every possible stage of this process, pulling out all the stops to show us just how far this former hero has fallen. They had camera crews and a reporter outside the prison walls in the middle of the night, even as they were telling us that high profile inmates are released under the cover of night to protect their privacy. They’ve been camped outside his house, going as far to dub images of him stepping outside to test out his ankle tracker as “breaking news”. There are a lot of people out there who feel like Michael Vick should have to face some type of gruesome punishment for his crime, and I think ESPN is at the top of that list. Honestly, they’d probably love nothing more than a public execution, one that they could present to you in HD for two uninterrupted hours. All of this has made me feel very sad about Vick and how far he has fallen, and I’d like to just publicly make my plea for Michael Vick to be reinstated to the NFL.


The biggest mistake that Vick made in all of this was that he was never able to separate himself from his old life. Emmitt Smith talked about this, saying that this separation is one of the most difficult parts of being a pro athlete. A lot of what went down with this dog fighting ring did not happen under Vick’s watch, but on his property and with his money. Remember, despite what people might be saying, he was not serving time for running some kind of doggy death camp. He was serving time for sponsoring the operation. I have no problem with that. I’m quite confident that he was the only one of that circus with the means needed to bankroll such a major operation. I don’t think Michael Vick is a bad person. I think he just needs to be smarter about who he associates with and what he does with his money.

Let’s look at the reality of Michael Vick’s situation today. He just served 19 months in prison. He’s bankrupt. He has millions and millions of dollars in debt. His public image has been irreparably damaged. He has nothing. He has been punished. The best thing for him, and for society, is for him to be allowed to return to football. I would ask those who disagree with me what the overarching goal of our justice system is with regard to sentencing and punishment. The answer, I believe, is rehabilitation. The goal is to help convicts, whenever possible, to realize the error in their ways and help them re-enter successfully into society. Vick is probably more ready to do that than he has ever been in his life. Sure, he had petty troubles before (the marijuana water bottle incident stands out in my memory). But, I’m sure he never felt any real threat of his new lifestyle being taken away. Now, it’s all gone. We’ve all been waiting for Michael Vick to turn the corner, and he’s never been in a more ready position to do that.

The people who disagree with me, those people that want Vick to be punished more, would probably start their arguments with either “well, as a dog owner,” or “professional athletes always get breaks”. First of all, being a dog owner does not qualify you as a legal expert in this case, so please stop prefacing your statement with "well, as a dog owner" expecting us to put any weight behind your opinions. You don’t get to turn his legal situation into your own personal vendetta. And, as far as people never wanting pro athletes to get breaks, let me repeat myself: he just spent almost two years in prison, he’s bankrupt, and he owes over many millions of dollars in debt. He did not catch a break here. He was made an example of. I hear people calling radio stations talking about how he hasn't even begun to serve his time, and constantly saying "I mean, I can't even imagine doing something like this". Please, stop trying to boost your own self-esteem by bringing others down.

Now, to those who believe Vick should not be reinstated to play football, let me pose this question to you: how exactly should Michael Vick LEGALLY go about resolving his debt problems? There is literally only one possible way for him to do it, and that way is playing football. His predicament is especially severe given the lifestyle he was living before these charges were filed. Now, I’m not saying you have to be sympathetic to his financial issues. Sure, if he didn’t want to lose it all he should have abided by the law. But, by refusing to give him this chance, you’re ensuring that the cycle will repeat itself. Destitution breeds crime. Vick will have no choice but to resort to illegal means in order to pay off his debt, and his three children will grow up no better than he did. Again, further punishment might help to satisfy some deep seeded emotional reaction you had to an ESPN special about the dogs that were harmed, but the best thing for all of us is for this former felon to have the chance to earn his way back and provide a better life for his children. That is undeniable.


I’d like to close by quoting Babcock from this morning’s staff meeting:
"If we can't throw a guy in jail, take everything he has, make him pay for his crimes, and then turn him loose with the freedom to get it all back, then we've really lost our way as a nation."