Open Letter to Jeff Garcia Revisited

I wrote the following Open Letter to Jeff Garcia in 2004. At the time Garcia was a Cleveland Brown, struggling on the field, and dating Carmella DeCesare. Though I never heard back from Garcia, I figured now was as good a time as any to revisit the subject. Here goes:

"Mr. Garcia,

You came out of San Jose State and toiled in the CFL for five years before eventually starring in the NFL. You set quarterbacking records for a franchise that Joe Montana and Steve Young starred for before you. You made the Pro Bowl three straight years. It has been a good run. Now you are 35 and balding. The program lists you at 6-1, 200 pounds (2 measurements I don’t believe). Any snap now some 270 defensive end with fast twitch fibers could go Lawrence Taylor circa 1985 on you. It is time to put a ring on Carmella DeCesare’s finger before it’s too late. She is a former Playmate of the Year who once drop kicked another woman in the head for you. Maybe her call to WXYT 1270 to defend you was shades of Brenda Warner. But Brenda was never Playmate of the Year. If you keep this up you’re going to end up like George Costanza in the meat packing plant by day, exclusive club by night episode.

P.S. DeCesare is 23."

Some thoughts 4 years later:

- Not only did Garcia not retire, he played for not 1, not 2, but 3 teams after I wrote that open letter. In my defense he did not have success with the Browns and he broke his fibula the following season in Detroit. Not quite LT/Joe Theisman (click on that if you dare), but I'm going to give myself some credit here. Meanwhile, in Garcia's defense, he led the Eagles and Buccaneers to the playoffs and made it to a freaking Pro Bowl when a certain quarterback I'm tired of had to pull out of the game. Hint: said quarterback's last name rhymes with Carve.

- Speaking of that guy I'm tired of hearing about. When it was rumored that he might go to Tampa Bay, Garcia said the following about the Buccaneers' starting point guard job, “[I'm] going to choke it to death until somebody pulls my grip off of it." I wish I had the video of that press conference. It was mesmerizing.

- Garcia did marry DeCesare, albeit 3 years after I called for it to happen.

- I should mention that DeCesare was actually acquitted of the drop-kick charges. So we don't get to rank where said drop-kick would have fallen in the all time list. Yes Izzy Alcantara is still #1. And it's not close.

Random Questions That I'd Like to Throw Out to the Readers:
No matter what NFL squad you root, we all can agree that Lawrence Taylor is an absolute bad ass right? I mean even fans of the other NFC East teams have to recognize that. Hell I begrudgingly respect Dan Marino for all of the damage he did to the New England Patriots in my youth. And LT is on a completely different level as a player and as a bad ass. So here's my question: What do you make of LT jumping around trying to get Theisman medical attention?

Ladainian Tomlinson has quietly morphed into a guy fans love to hate. And it has nothing to do with his incredible talent. Looking back I'm not entirely sure how it happened. However, hypothetically speaking, what if he had come out and said, "There is only one LT - Lawrence Taylor. Please don't call me LT. I won't respond to it or talk to any media members who refers to me as such. I want nothing to do with that nickname. It's taken...forever"? Wouldn't we all feel a little better about him. That is all.