Camp Lo "Luchini" (AKA This Is It). Sick.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A Daily Dose of Megadeth
Engaged in crime I grasp my throat
Enraged my mind starts to smoke
Enforce a mental overload
Angry again, angry again, angry
Enraged my mind starts to smoke
Enforce a mental overload
Angry again, angry again, angry
The 2008 NFL Season: Let's Get Ready to Rumble!
Why you should be excited about this year's NFL extravaganza? Plenty of reasons. While some of them revolve plot-lines relating to last year's post-season, others have to do with teams rebuilding themselves and establishing their names as contenders. Oftentimes your proclivity towards a team will influence your interest in the league, but this year I urge you to take a step back, and consider the following issues:
1. How will Peyton’s knee and injured center affect him and the Colts offense? From my experience on the 0-line, center to QB exchanges are very important to the extent that they either help or destroy rhythm for the offense. Manning and Saturday have been together for more than five years and obviously they’ve established a fair amount of rhythm and trust between each other. How well will Manning take to a new center? And will it disrupt the juggernaut Colts offense? Imagine the pained look on Manning’s face when he keeps fumbling snaps? Priceless. Also consider Manning’s knee which is a lot worse than everyone thinks it is. Let’s say a blind-side sack aggravates Peyton’s knee and takes him out of the game. What will the Colts do then? I can promise you every d-linemen in the league is going to be aiming for Peyton’s knee this year, by the way. One slip-up by an offensive tackle and Peyton’s knee will end him.
2. Now that Mr. Umenyiora is out for the season, how will the Giants’ defense compensate and rebound? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the Giants’ pass-rush was a huge reason why they won the Super Bowl last year. Strahan and Umenyiora were the pillars of the Giants’ pass-rush and now they’re gone (on second thought, the Redskins taking Jason Taylor now looks brilliant with these two guys gone for the Giants). My sense is that the Giants will suffer because of this loss…and probably finish dead last!
3. Favre and the Packers. Simply put, if Favre does well and Rodgers sucks, then GB will get a lot of heat while the Jets will look like geniuses. Separating the ill-will Favre engendered from me during the off-season, he was actually pretty good last year. Favre’s play and an inspirational run by the Packers youth movement propelled them to the NFC Championship game. But then again the NFC sucked, with the exception of the Cowboys and Giants, so that’s not saying much. So if Favre plays well in the AFC, which is a lot better than the NFC, then the Packers will look like idiots for giving up a competitive player in th. But if Rodgers even posts even a decent season and Favre struggles, then the Packers will come out ahead (at least in the eyes of most fans).
4. The Titans intrigue me this year. Their defense is really good and Vince Young is always exciting to watch. But with a terrible and unproven wide-receiver set, how is Young supposed to be any good? The play of Vince Young this year will determine how good of a quarterback he really is in my mind. Yes the guy can run. Yes the guy can throw short passes. But can he lead the team to victory with sub-par and young receivers and actually throw the ball more than ten yards? This will make Young either a budding McNabb or a wilting Michael Vick who can’t run as fast.
5. The Vikings also intrigue me. We know Adrian Peterson is a nasty back, but do we know how much of a liability Tavaris Jackson will be? And will the Vikings repeat their performance with AP at the helm or have Tavaris completely screw it up? Brad Childress seems to think Tavaris is up to the task, but I have my doubts. Jackson is also injured, or was injured this summer, and that makes me nervous.
In summary, there are more than a few reasons to watch the NFL aside from your team. I only went into five reasons to watch the league this year, but there are about 100 more.
- Which rookie will explode this year and become a perennial starter or All-Star?
- Who is this year’s Earnest Graham, or player that comes out of nowhere to be nasty?
- Which team will pull a 2007 Packers and unexpectedly win 10+ games this year?
I think you get the point: the NFL will be awesome this year.
1. How will Peyton’s knee and injured center affect him and the Colts offense? From my experience on the 0-line, center to QB exchanges are very important to the extent that they either help or destroy rhythm for the offense. Manning and Saturday have been together for more than five years and obviously they’ve established a fair amount of rhythm and trust between each other. How well will Manning take to a new center? And will it disrupt the juggernaut Colts offense? Imagine the pained look on Manning’s face when he keeps fumbling snaps? Priceless. Also consider Manning’s knee which is a lot worse than everyone thinks it is. Let’s say a blind-side sack aggravates Peyton’s knee and takes him out of the game. What will the Colts do then? I can promise you every d-linemen in the league is going to be aiming for Peyton’s knee this year, by the way. One slip-up by an offensive tackle and Peyton’s knee will end him.
2. Now that Mr. Umenyiora is out for the season, how will the Giants’ defense compensate and rebound? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the Giants’ pass-rush was a huge reason why they won the Super Bowl last year. Strahan and Umenyiora were the pillars of the Giants’ pass-rush and now they’re gone (on second thought, the Redskins taking Jason Taylor now looks brilliant with these two guys gone for the Giants). My sense is that the Giants will suffer because of this loss…and probably finish dead last!
3. Favre and the Packers. Simply put, if Favre does well and Rodgers sucks, then GB will get a lot of heat while the Jets will look like geniuses. Separating the ill-will Favre engendered from me during the off-season, he was actually pretty good last year. Favre’s play and an inspirational run by the Packers youth movement propelled them to the NFC Championship game. But then again the NFC sucked, with the exception of the Cowboys and Giants, so that’s not saying much. So if Favre plays well in the AFC, which is a lot better than the NFC, then the Packers will look like idiots for giving up a competitive player in th. But if Rodgers even posts even a decent season and Favre struggles, then the Packers will come out ahead (at least in the eyes of most fans).
4. The Titans intrigue me this year. Their defense is really good and Vince Young is always exciting to watch. But with a terrible and unproven wide-receiver set, how is Young supposed to be any good? The play of Vince Young this year will determine how good of a quarterback he really is in my mind. Yes the guy can run. Yes the guy can throw short passes. But can he lead the team to victory with sub-par and young receivers and actually throw the ball more than ten yards? This will make Young either a budding McNabb or a wilting Michael Vick who can’t run as fast.
5. The Vikings also intrigue me. We know Adrian Peterson is a nasty back, but do we know how much of a liability Tavaris Jackson will be? And will the Vikings repeat their performance with AP at the helm or have Tavaris completely screw it up? Brad Childress seems to think Tavaris is up to the task, but I have my doubts. Jackson is also injured, or was injured this summer, and that makes me nervous.
In summary, there are more than a few reasons to watch the NFL aside from your team. I only went into five reasons to watch the league this year, but there are about 100 more.
- Which rookie will explode this year and become a perennial starter or All-Star?
- Who is this year’s Earnest Graham, or player that comes out of nowhere to be nasty?
- Which team will pull a 2007 Packers and unexpectedly win 10+ games this year?
I think you get the point: the NFL will be awesome this year.
Watch It!
Great montage because it shows how well the Giants executed all game long (unlike other videos that show the Tyree helmet catch 500 times at varying speeds):
And, my favorite, that still makes me emotional after watching it roughly 3000 times:
And, my favorite, that still makes me emotional after watching it roughly 3000 times:
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Healing Process
If you get a chance, you have to check out Simmons podcast with Chris "Mad Dog" Russo. People can say what they want about Simmons, but he always gives me exactly what I need.
The intro to the final Mike and the Mad Dog show, the day after the announcement came that Chris Russo was leaving, in which Mike gives his thoughts:
I haven't really known how to handle the news that the greatest sports radio team in history was splitting up. Weeks e-mailed me last week to ask about it, and at that point I told him I could not really articulate my feelings. "It fucking sucks" I said "and I won't write anything about it until I can say more than that." Well, Simmons' podcast really helped me sort my feelings out and come to terms with this situation. I know I wasn't the only person shaken up by this split, and this podcast can help you too.
Many people, and Simmons in this podcast, compared the split of Mike and the Mad Dog to a divorce. I didn't like that comparison at first (maybe because I had heard it used for Brett Favre 5000 times), but my own emotions during the podcast made me realize what an accurate comparison it is. Simmons waited until about halfway through the podcast to ask Russo if he and Mike were still going to be friends and have a good relationship. Up until he asked, I kept thinking "ask about he and Mike. How are they? I just want to know if the two of them are going to be able to get along." Why do I care? Why do I have such concern for the relationship between these two men? Maybe I blame myself.
Here is Chris calling in on August 15th to say goodbye and clear the air (the final show):
There will never be another show like this. Francesa and Russo both have great sports knowledge and both have unique personalities and senses of humor that complement each other well. I think that I would find Francesa, although funny in an understated way, boring on his own and I think that Russo is a little too over the top for me without Mike to balance him out. On top of that, the chemistry that these two were able to develop over 19 years is something that I don't ever expect to be replicated.
Here is a video from the same final show of Tony Russo (Chris' father) calling in to talk to Mike. I got choked up when Tony asked if he could still call:
I've been extremely upset since hearing about the split of these two, but the Simmons podcast really helped me to feel better about this whole situation. The final show left me feeling despair. The podcast is filled with hope, and even makes me look forward to watching what happens with these two great personalities. In a way, I guess you would say that I felt like I had lost two close friends when the last show took place. But, I didn't lose anybody. These two are still out there, and I can still listen to them.
Hell, I might even order Sirius so I can listen to Mad Dog Radio .
And, for the last time (and about the 15th time this year) I think we need to watch this video:
RIP Kevin Duckworth
I've always remembered the Trailblazers teams from my youth with great fondness. I was very sad to read this morning about the passing of Kevin Duckworth at the young age of 44. For many people my age, he and the Blazers were one of the teams that made the league exciting to watch and roped us in early in life.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Julie Donaldson Story
I'm not sure how many people outside (or inside) the Boston area have been keeping tabs on the Julie Donason story. If not, I'll give you the Reader's Digest version: Donaldson is a former beauty queen from Florida who came to Boston to work as a smokeshow sports reporter for Channel 7. In July, she pressed charges against her boyfriend Ivan Lattimore (a professional Slamball player) for assaulting her (including breaking bones in her face by punching her). He is currently being held until a September trial.
This story was intriguing to me before for several reasons. One is that, and I'm sure many roomofzen readers feel the same way, I'm always looking out for the well-being of attractive sportscasters (I'm sure nobody would dare lay a hand on Erin Andrews for fear of falling victim to some kind of crazy vigilante). Second, the fact that Lattimore is a professional slamball player intrigues me, because I'd like to know more about how common legal trouble is with slamball in comparison to leagues like the NFL and the NBA. I've always thought of it more as a sort of circus act than anything else, and pictured a lot of illegal drugs surrounding it. Finally, the similarities between the name Lattimore and Lattimer (as in Steve Lattimer, who earned a spot on the starting defense and also a place at the table during his senior year at ESU) is impossible to ignore.
Anyways, this story got a little more interesting today when Lattimore (in something that Steve Lattimer most likely would have also done in this situation) proclaimed that he still loves Julie Donaldson, and he has a sex tape to prove it.
This guy is an idiot. I don't know how he possibly thinks that this might have helped his cause in any way. He is asking us all to assume that 1) Having sex with somebody and filming it is an undeniable sign of love and 2) The fact that he had sex with her on camera means that he obviously loves her which means that he would never have hit her. Obviously, this is something that most likely will not affect his trial in any way, but will draw much more attention to both of them (much of it will probably be negative for Donaldson).
Lattimore also said that he won't allow the tape to be floated out in to the public because he doesn't want to hurt Donaldson's career. That's a good move on his part. I'm sure that since nobody has seen it, everyone will just ignore the fact that he has made its existence public. This slamball bastard is taking down Julie Donaldson's reputation, and I think all of us have a responsibility to look out for the well-being of our hot sportscasters. Roomofzen supports Donaldson and hopes that she will remain employed at channel 7 for as long as her smokeshow sportscaster status remains intact.
This story was intriguing to me before for several reasons. One is that, and I'm sure many roomofzen readers feel the same way, I'm always looking out for the well-being of attractive sportscasters (I'm sure nobody would dare lay a hand on Erin Andrews for fear of falling victim to some kind of crazy vigilante). Second, the fact that Lattimore is a professional slamball player intrigues me, because I'd like to know more about how common legal trouble is with slamball in comparison to leagues like the NFL and the NBA. I've always thought of it more as a sort of circus act than anything else, and pictured a lot of illegal drugs surrounding it. Finally, the similarities between the name Lattimore and Lattimer (as in Steve Lattimer, who earned a spot on the starting defense and also a place at the table during his senior year at ESU) is impossible to ignore.
Anyways, this story got a little more interesting today when Lattimore (in something that Steve Lattimer most likely would have also done in this situation) proclaimed that he still loves Julie Donaldson, and he has a sex tape to prove it.
This guy is an idiot. I don't know how he possibly thinks that this might have helped his cause in any way. He is asking us all to assume that 1) Having sex with somebody and filming it is an undeniable sign of love and 2) The fact that he had sex with her on camera means that he obviously loves her which means that he would never have hit her. Obviously, this is something that most likely will not affect his trial in any way, but will draw much more attention to both of them (much of it will probably be negative for Donaldson).
Lattimore also said that he won't allow the tape to be floated out in to the public because he doesn't want to hurt Donaldson's career. That's a good move on his part. I'm sure that since nobody has seen it, everyone will just ignore the fact that he has made its existence public. This slamball bastard is taking down Julie Donaldson's reputation, and I think all of us have a responsibility to look out for the well-being of our hot sportscasters. Roomofzen supports Donaldson and hopes that she will remain employed at channel 7 for as long as her smokeshow sportscaster status remains intact.
Open Letter to Jeff Garcia Revisited
I wrote the following Open Letter to Jeff Garcia in 2004. At the time Garcia was a Cleveland Brown, struggling on the field, and dating Carmella DeCesare. Though I never heard back from Garcia, I figured now was as good a time as any to revisit the subject. Here goes:
"Mr. Garcia,
You came out of San Jose State and toiled in the CFL for five years before eventually starring in the NFL. You set quarterbacking records for a franchise that Joe Montana and Steve Young starred for before you. You made the Pro Bowl three straight years. It has been a good run. Now you are 35 and balding. The program lists you at 6-1, 200 pounds (2 measurements I don’t believe). Any snap now some 270 defensive end with fast twitch fibers could go Lawrence Taylor circa 1985 on you. It is time to put a ring on Carmella DeCesare’s finger before it’s too late. She is a former Playmate of the Year who once drop kicked another woman in the head for you. Maybe her call to WXYT 1270 to defend you was shades of Brenda Warner. But Brenda was never Playmate of the Year. If you keep this up you’re going to end up like George Costanza in the meat packing plant by day, exclusive club by night episode.
P.S. DeCesare is 23."
Some thoughts 4 years later:
- Not only did Garcia not retire, he played for not 1, not 2, but 3 teams after I wrote that open letter. In my defense he did not have success with the Browns and he broke his fibula the following season in Detroit. Not quite LT/Joe Theisman (click on that if you dare), but I'm going to give myself some credit here. Meanwhile, in Garcia's defense, he led the Eagles and Buccaneers to the playoffs and made it to a freaking Pro Bowl when a certain quarterback I'm tired of had to pull out of the game. Hint: said quarterback's last name rhymes with Carve.
- Speaking of that guy I'm tired of hearing about. When it was rumored that he might go to Tampa Bay, Garcia said the following about the Buccaneers' starting point guard job, “[I'm] going to choke it to death until somebody pulls my grip off of it." I wish I had the video of that press conference. It was mesmerizing.
- Garcia did marry DeCesare, albeit 3 years after I called for it to happen.
- I should mention that DeCesare was actually acquitted of the drop-kick charges. So we don't get to rank where said drop-kick would have fallen in the all time list. Yes Izzy Alcantara is still #1. And it's not close.
Random Questions That I'd Like to Throw Out to the Readers:
No matter what NFL squad you root, we all can agree that Lawrence Taylor is an absolute bad ass right? I mean even fans of the other NFC East teams have to recognize that. Hell I begrudgingly respect Dan Marino for all of the damage he did to the New England Patriots in my youth. And LT is on a completely different level as a player and as a bad ass. So here's my question: What do you make of LT jumping around trying to get Theisman medical attention?
Ladainian Tomlinson has quietly morphed into a guy fans love to hate. And it has nothing to do with his incredible talent. Looking back I'm not entirely sure how it happened. However, hypothetically speaking, what if he had come out and said, "There is only one LT - Lawrence Taylor. Please don't call me LT. I won't respond to it or talk to any media members who refers to me as such. I want nothing to do with that nickname. It's taken...forever"? Wouldn't we all feel a little better about him. That is all.
"Mr. Garcia,
You came out of San Jose State and toiled in the CFL for five years before eventually starring in the NFL. You set quarterbacking records for a franchise that Joe Montana and Steve Young starred for before you. You made the Pro Bowl three straight years. It has been a good run. Now you are 35 and balding. The program lists you at 6-1, 200 pounds (2 measurements I don’t believe). Any snap now some 270 defensive end with fast twitch fibers could go Lawrence Taylor circa 1985 on you. It is time to put a ring on Carmella DeCesare’s finger before it’s too late. She is a former Playmate of the Year who once drop kicked another woman in the head for you. Maybe her call to WXYT 1270 to defend you was shades of Brenda Warner. But Brenda was never Playmate of the Year. If you keep this up you’re going to end up like George Costanza in the meat packing plant by day, exclusive club by night episode.
P.S. DeCesare is 23."
Some thoughts 4 years later:
- Not only did Garcia not retire, he played for not 1, not 2, but 3 teams after I wrote that open letter. In my defense he did not have success with the Browns and he broke his fibula the following season in Detroit. Not quite LT/Joe Theisman (click on that if you dare), but I'm going to give myself some credit here. Meanwhile, in Garcia's defense, he led the Eagles and Buccaneers to the playoffs and made it to a freaking Pro Bowl when a certain quarterback I'm tired of had to pull out of the game. Hint: said quarterback's last name rhymes with Carve.
- Speaking of that guy I'm tired of hearing about. When it was rumored that he might go to Tampa Bay, Garcia said the following about the Buccaneers' starting point guard job, “[I'm] going to choke it to death until somebody pulls my grip off of it." I wish I had the video of that press conference. It was mesmerizing.
- Garcia did marry DeCesare, albeit 3 years after I called for it to happen.
- I should mention that DeCesare was actually acquitted of the drop-kick charges. So we don't get to rank where said drop-kick would have fallen in the all time list. Yes Izzy Alcantara is still #1. And it's not close.
Random Questions That I'd Like to Throw Out to the Readers:
No matter what NFL squad you root, we all can agree that Lawrence Taylor is an absolute bad ass right? I mean even fans of the other NFC East teams have to recognize that. Hell I begrudgingly respect Dan Marino for all of the damage he did to the New England Patriots in my youth. And LT is on a completely different level as a player and as a bad ass. So here's my question: What do you make of LT jumping around trying to get Theisman medical attention?
Ladainian Tomlinson has quietly morphed into a guy fans love to hate. And it has nothing to do with his incredible talent. Looking back I'm not entirely sure how it happened. However, hypothetically speaking, what if he had come out and said, "There is only one LT - Lawrence Taylor. Please don't call me LT. I won't respond to it or talk to any media members who refers to me as such. I want nothing to do with that nickname. It's taken...forever"? Wouldn't we all feel a little better about him. That is all.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
NOW WE'RE FUCKING PISSED
The New England Patriots 2008 Season Preview
It has been exactly 201 days since time ran out on the New England Patriots' run at a perfect 18-0 season. I have done my best to block all memory from this game from my mind. Alas, with the preseason in full swing and on the verge of the 2008-2009 season the inevitable “how the season ended montage” will be played again and again, and undoubtedly, I will see the Eli to Plaxico touchdown one thousand times before week 5 is over. I wrote back in February that this was the first time that I had become physically ill while watching a sporting event, and to this day, Eli slipping from the defensive lines grasp to complete his miracle pass to David Tyree evokes the same dry-heave response that I get from watching 2 Girls 1 Cup. Fortunately I have only seen it a couple of times...the Tyree catch that is.
However, as football season looms on the Horizon I am coming to terms with the disappointment of SuperBowl XLII and beginning to realize the potential benefits this loss might have for the Patriots as they prepare for the upcoming season, and a return to the pinnacle of the NFL. First, let’s look at some of their offseason activity:
Marijuana:
In 2007 it was HGH, now more Patriots (Kevin Faulk and Willie Andrews) were involved in weed related offenses this year than the Cincinnati Bengals. Does this mean that they will get off to a great start and then disintegrate during the last 5 weeks of the season? I think not. In fact this is all part of Robert Kraft’s plan to build up the bad boy image of the patriots while at the same time increasing merchandise sales in Vermont. Also it is well known that Marijuana affects a person’s memory, and hence, the entire secondary and running back corps should have completely forgotten about the Superbowl by week 1. As a sidenote, I know the bust cost Andrews his job but it still works…also, Faulk was busted at a Lil Wayne concert. I have to admit this does trouble me a little bit…the Lil Wayne part that is.
The offensive line
Logan Mankins is HARDCORE.
The offensive line struggled so much in the Superbowl that they were sent to India for several months to participate in “overcrowding prevention” or “unwanted female baby killing” to the lay person. This should make them a far meaner unit as a whole, and according to offensive line coaches around the league, should really improve their ability to block Justin Tuck. Look for fewer sacks of Tom Brady and increased incidences where lineman unleash spontaneous tears of remorse followed by a falling to the knees with arms extended towards the heavens while screaming "SOCIETY!", this has been known to effectively stifle Dwight Freeney.
Randy Moss
Fair enough
Many people wonder if last season was a fluke for Randy Moss. Will defensive coordinators figure him out? Impossible! As if it wasn’t strange enough that he went and started a Racing team this off-season, he also signed a sponsorship deal with….wait for it…PONY! That’s right, the official shoe of Senior Babe Ruth coaches who take their jobs too seriously. I don’t even remember the last time I saw a pair of Pony sneakers not at a yardsale in a cardboard box titled “make an offer”.
Two Visions I have had for the upcoming season:
1) Tom Brady and Randy Moss really are that good together. Pretty self explanatory… I think you will see these two absolutely torch opponents again this year. Remember Moss’ 3 touchdown’s in the first half against Miami last year? I seriously think he will have 5 in one game at some point. And when he does, I will buy a pair of Pony shoes and father a child out of wedlock and then agree to have it take the mothers last name. Badass!
2) The defensive line Kills either Matt Gutierrez or Matt Kassel in practice. Why would this happen? Well, first off at some point this year the Patriots will lose a regular season game. (I can’t take another undefeated run, it is too much pressure to deal with week after week so I hope they drop their regular season game to San Diego, and then beat them in the playoffs, again) The following week the defensive line will be so angry that Vince Wilfork, Richard Seymour, Jarvis Green, and Ty Warren will each grab one of the backup quarterback’s limbs and rip him into pieces. Sure this would be horrible, but it would also send a message to the younger players on the squad that “hey, we are not messing around here.” Also, it’s Matt Gutierrez and Matt Kassel we are talking about here, so no one will really care. When asked to comment on the horrific incident Bill Belichick will say, “they just de-limbed him…it is what it is…we are just trying to concentrate on the Bills. Buffalo is a good football team.”
Some Final Thoughts
I think it’s quite obvious that I am excited for 2008. I think that the pain of the Superbowl loss will prove to be the ultimate inspirational tool for this team. Consider this the Remorseless Revenge Tour 2008. Look for spreads to be covered, and then covered again. Last year was a reality check for all of the Patriots fans out there…a brutal, merciless reality check. Face it, losing to a team led by Eli Manning in the biggest game of the year was the only way that we could ever really begin to understand how truly amazing our upset of the Rams was in 2001. Now I appreciate that win a little bit more. This season I will do less yelling and celebrating and opt for more composed and solemn head nodding, occasionally throwing in a subtle fist pump to emphasize a particularly easy looking 11 play 89 yard scoring drive.
I think it’s quite obvious that I am excited for 2008. I think that the pain of the Superbowl loss will prove to be the ultimate inspirational tool for this team. Consider this the Remorseless Revenge Tour 2008. Look for spreads to be covered, and then covered again. Last year was a reality check for all of the Patriots fans out there…a brutal, merciless reality check. Face it, losing to a team led by Eli Manning in the biggest game of the year was the only way that we could ever really begin to understand how truly amazing our upset of the Rams was in 2001. Now I appreciate that win a little bit more. This season I will do less yelling and celebrating and opt for more composed and solemn head nodding, occasionally throwing in a subtle fist pump to emphasize a particularly easy looking 11 play 89 yard scoring drive.
Some Season Predictions:
1) Jerod Mayo is a standout on defense BUT does not win defensive rookie of the year… that goes to Bills CB Leodis McKelvin…hey he plays against Brett Favre and Chad Pennington TWICE each.
2) The Patriots win the AFC East…I know, I know, you think I’m crazy.
3) Brett Favre makes for a compelling story…and the Jets are relevant for a maximum of 8 weeks.
4) Speaking of the AFC East it finishes like this: New England, Buffalo, New York, Miami.
5) I don’t know why I picked Buffalo #2, but I did, so I’m sticking to it.
6) This is officially the season where LaDanian Tomlinson falls off…just wait for it.
7) The Arizona Cardinals actually make the post season.
8) Jerry Jones doesn't get plastic surgery...I know its a long shot but you've got to take risks every now and then.
9) Felix Jones proves to be the real cream of the crop for this years rookie running backs…I’ve been saying it all along…The New Priest Holmes!
10) They bring back Terry Tate Office Linebacker (I hope)
If this picture made a sound it would be the shriek of an 11 year old girl.Gold.
I will always remember Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor as the team that caught my attention during the 2008 Olympics and helped me realize that beach volleyball is more than something to do when you've been drinking since the early morning and you need to find a way to slow the pace. This sport has been, aside from basketball, my favorite to watch throughout the entire Olympics. It's fast, it's intense, the competitors are incredibly athletic (try jumping in beach sand without a running start and see how high you get), and the overall ambiance of the matches is one that I find endearing (see cheesey 70s and 80s music and cheerleaders running around the court; this is not your typical high pressured Olympic event).
Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh have dominated Olympic Beach volleyball (and international beach volleyball in general, really) like nobody else in history. Last night, they became the first team to repeat as Olympic champions. 108 straight matches won, 14 straight Olympic matches won, and two straight Olympics without losing a single set. The Beijing games will always be remembered for the accomplishments of Michael Phelps, but I would argue that what Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor have done is equally as significant. Not only have they dominated in similar fashion, but they have helped to open their sport up to a new and much larger audience.
If there's anything that I regret about this whole experience, it's that I got on the train extremely late. Those who are in tune with the volleyball world have known about this pair for a long time. Just as I'm starting to be roped in, it looks as if Walsh and May-Treanor may be stepping out of the limelight. Fatspike reports, as have many throughout these games, that Walsh and May-Treanor are both eager to have children once these games end. At this point, there's no way for anybody to know how this will affect their careers. Have we seen the last of them in Olympic play? It's very possible
While we're on the topic of the gold medal winners, I just have to talk about Misty May's tattoo for a second. Now, it has been reported throughout the Olympics that she idolized Jason Kidd growing up. She sought him out back in Athens and the two have been friends ever since (note, she is married to Marlins catcher Matt Treanor. There have been rumors of she and Kidd hooking up, but I doubt it). She even has a roman numeral of the number 5 tattooed on her lower back in homage to Kidd. I can't decide how I feel about this. On one hand, it's sick that she watches the NBA and cares enough about it to get league-related ink. But, JASON KIDD? I hate Jason Kidd. Not only do I hate him because of his role with the New Jersey Nets and their conquest of the once-great Truth/'Toine Celtics, but he was also part of my least favorite trade in NBA history (note, some trades have affected me more, but the Dallas trade for Kidd offends me the most because of the high level of incompetence required to pull it off).
Here is the tattoo:
It kills me. Why not a green 34 or a green 5?
Here she is from the front though, not bad:
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The NFC-East Smackdown: Part Two
The Boys (Continued from Part One)
Let's start this discussion with Tony Romo. As much as I like to make fun of him, he's pretty darn good. He has one of the quickest releases of any NFL quarterback, one of the best receivers in TO, and a reliable ally / vacation partner in Jason Witten. And now that he has a massive contract making him one of the highest paid NFL players, he’s poised to be even better than last year, which is scary because he threw for 36 touchdowns and 4,100 yards. Watch out, NFC East.
You have to assume TO is going to be nasty this year because he usually ends up surpassing expectations. The guy seemingly thrives on people doubting him. I literally hate the guy, but I'll admit he's one of the best receivers in the league (he's also a physical freak of nature). Marion Barber, who made the Pro Bowl despite splitting carries with Jones, is now the sole running back on the Cowboys offense, and if he stays healthy, the 'Boys offense is going to kick major ass. Round out the crowd with Witten and you have quite an arsenal for Romo.
But the Cowboys' offense is not without holes or chinks in the armor:
- Barber can go down with an injury at any time because he runs so damn hard. Add on extra carries and you have to assume the guy will tone it down a bit since he's so much more valuable to the franchise healthy. How will that affect his production?
- Aside from TO, the Cowboys receiving corps is mediocre at best. Yes, Witten makes up for this, but the team lost Terry Glenn and Crayton isn't the most reliable option. Sam Hurd is apparently impressing people at training camp, but that's pre-season propaganda in my mind. I'll wait to see him play well over a consistent stretch of time to believe the hype. So here’s the problem: if Owens goes down, the Cowboys receiving corps looks pretty anemic.
- Terry Glenn is gone now. Say what you want about Jones’ stance in the contract negotiations, the guy is a fairly substantial loss for the Cowboys despite his age and speed (or lack thereof). How do you make up for Glenn? With Curtis? Joe Horn was just released from the Falcons so maybe the Cowboys will bring him in for a career rival. It would certainly bolster their receiving corps.
Moving onto the Cowboys defense – the team improved itself across the board, which again is scary because they were so nasty last year (3rd in sacks, top ten in yards allowed). Want some examples?
1. The team added Zach Thomas who, despite his propensity for injuries, is still very good and can provide leadership within the 3-4 system Wade Phillips is implementing this year.
2. The team signed Pacman who was nasty on the Titans as a kick returner and zone-coverage corner. Watch Pacman have an excellent season, prove everyone wrong and make Jones look like a genius. Swell.
3. The team drafted Mike Jenkins who is nasty at corner. Many people claim he’s the best cornerback taken in the draft this year. I somewhat agree with that assessment.
Of course their defense was sick to begin with. Ware, Ellis, and Spencer round out a fantastic pass-rush, which will keep teams off-balance when they try to throw. (And if they do throw, they have to deal with Newman, Jones, Jenkins, and Williams in the secondary.) Throw in Tank Johnson at NT, Spears and Canty rushing up the middle, and you get a defense which kicks major ass. I'm actually not looking forward to our Cowboys match-ups this year when I sit down and think about it now. These guys are legit. They remind me of the Ravens in all honesty and that’s saying a lot.
Plot-lines / Players to watch
How thirsty is this team for revenge and face-saving? To my delight the Cowboys were humiliated last year when their star-QB and tight-end went on vacation before the biggest game of their lives. Of course they lost this game and I couldn't stop laughing as a Redskins fan. Will the Cowboys make up for this gaffe last year? Will their coach break his reputation as a first-round playoff master and choke-master in the playoffs? Stay tuned, folks.
TO and team chemistry. What's that you say? TO is happy with the 'Boys and the days of his off-the-field antics are over? Think again. TO will always be TO and the guy is a bona-fide asshole. One thing can go wrong and the guy can erupt, burning down the entire franchise in a lava of selfish pride. A part of me is astonished that TO has lasted this long with the Cowboys. Maybe Jones has a special contract clause which allows him to release Owens if he even sneezes improperly. And judging by his treatment of Terry Glenn, a good guy by most accounts, this wouldn’t surprise me. (Please let there be an Owens breakdown this year…)
The 'Iggles
Most experts can’t agree on the strength or potential of the ‘Iggles this year. Some people laud the Eagle’s decision to bring in depth to running back and receiver, while others point to McNabb’s declining production and increasing age. Talking heads rave about the addition of Samuels, but I'm skeptical for many reasons. Since the Eagles have been defined by the play of McNabb in recent years, let’s start with the aging veteran.
The Eagles are at best a mediocre team in the NFC without Donovan McNabb. He missed two games last year and the team went 8-8 in the NFC. Conversely McNabb hasn’t been playing too well in recent years. Last year he threw almost ten interceptions and both his yards per throw and total passing yards were well below his career averages. You also have to worry about injuries to McNabb because it limits his running game which made him special to begin with. If I remember correctly, last year he took many more sacks than usually because his running game was limited by injuries and age. Added sacks to an aging and already injured veteran does not bode well for the Eagles team.
The Eagles running game more than makes up for the declining production of Donovan McNabb. In Westbrook you have one of the best running backs in football. (With the exceptions of AP and Tomlinson, I don’t think you can find a better running back.) Behind Westbrook you have Booker, Buckhalter, and Hunt – three guys who can effectively substitute for third downs or goal-line situations. This type of depth and talent across the board gives the Eagles options to deal with their fading quarterback and dubious receiving corps. If these guys stay healthy, expect the running game to keep the Eagles competitive for a playoff run.
The Eagles receiving corps, with the exception of LJ Smith and Kevin Curtis (when he's not being jammed at the line), is terrible. I would even argue their starters, Brown and Curtis, are not very good because neither of them consistently put up more than 1,000 yards per season nor do they stay healthy with any consistency. For example, Curtis became the 2nd (or 3rd?) Eagle in the past ten years to put up more than 1,000 yards. And Brown, despite all the hype, barely had 600 yards as a starter. Both are under 6 feet tall and even with the addition of DeSean Jackson, the Eagles have a Redskins' version of the mighty-mites. I'll conceed LJ Smith is nasty, but can he stay healthy for more than a game? And what were the Eagles thinking when they tagged him franchise player? Catching a few touchdowns and staying injured each year shouldn't warrant that decision. Ted -- any insight here?
The Eagles defense also confuses me. Why did they sign Samuels when they had Sheppard and Brown holding down the fort? With a healthy Brian Dawkins, the Eagles secondary is pretty damn good and intimidating. Was the signing of Samuels related to the Eagles lack of defensive takeaways or turnovers (I think they ranked dead-last in the league last year in these categories)? Maybe. But was it necessary to spend all that money on an aging veteran when they had two very good corners? Debatable I guess.
Another weakness in the Eagles defense is their relative youth at linebacker -- Bradley, Gaither, and Gocong. How well will these guys play with added responsibilities and the expectation that they'll be responsible for three downs every time they hit the field? I won't go into the Eagles pass rush / d-line because I think it's above average across the board. Trent Cole is nasty and I expect him to kick ass as usual, so I'll leave it there.
Plot-lines / Players to watch
Injuries: McNabb, Sheppard, Samuels, and LJ Smith. The Eagles need all of these guys healthy to regain their prior form. Will Samuels be worth the money they paid?
Linebackers: can the youth movement step up to the plate? Especially without Spikes this year.
McNabb's quaterbacking: can he return to past form and lead the Eagles to glory? Can he stay in good shape? Will the Eagles fans turn against him?
Let's start this discussion with Tony Romo. As much as I like to make fun of him, he's pretty darn good. He has one of the quickest releases of any NFL quarterback, one of the best receivers in TO, and a reliable ally / vacation partner in Jason Witten. And now that he has a massive contract making him one of the highest paid NFL players, he’s poised to be even better than last year, which is scary because he threw for 36 touchdowns and 4,100 yards. Watch out, NFC East.
You have to assume TO is going to be nasty this year because he usually ends up surpassing expectations. The guy seemingly thrives on people doubting him. I literally hate the guy, but I'll admit he's one of the best receivers in the league (he's also a physical freak of nature). Marion Barber, who made the Pro Bowl despite splitting carries with Jones, is now the sole running back on the Cowboys offense, and if he stays healthy, the 'Boys offense is going to kick major ass. Round out the crowd with Witten and you have quite an arsenal for Romo.
But the Cowboys' offense is not without holes or chinks in the armor:
- Barber can go down with an injury at any time because he runs so damn hard. Add on extra carries and you have to assume the guy will tone it down a bit since he's so much more valuable to the franchise healthy. How will that affect his production?
- Aside from TO, the Cowboys receiving corps is mediocre at best. Yes, Witten makes up for this, but the team lost Terry Glenn and Crayton isn't the most reliable option. Sam Hurd is apparently impressing people at training camp, but that's pre-season propaganda in my mind. I'll wait to see him play well over a consistent stretch of time to believe the hype. So here’s the problem: if Owens goes down, the Cowboys receiving corps looks pretty anemic.
- Terry Glenn is gone now. Say what you want about Jones’ stance in the contract negotiations, the guy is a fairly substantial loss for the Cowboys despite his age and speed (or lack thereof). How do you make up for Glenn? With Curtis? Joe Horn was just released from the Falcons so maybe the Cowboys will bring him in for a career rival. It would certainly bolster their receiving corps.
Moving onto the Cowboys defense – the team improved itself across the board, which again is scary because they were so nasty last year (3rd in sacks, top ten in yards allowed). Want some examples?
1. The team added Zach Thomas who, despite his propensity for injuries, is still very good and can provide leadership within the 3-4 system Wade Phillips is implementing this year.
2. The team signed Pacman who was nasty on the Titans as a kick returner and zone-coverage corner. Watch Pacman have an excellent season, prove everyone wrong and make Jones look like a genius. Swell.
3. The team drafted Mike Jenkins who is nasty at corner. Many people claim he’s the best cornerback taken in the draft this year. I somewhat agree with that assessment.
Of course their defense was sick to begin with. Ware, Ellis, and Spencer round out a fantastic pass-rush, which will keep teams off-balance when they try to throw. (And if they do throw, they have to deal with Newman, Jones, Jenkins, and Williams in the secondary.) Throw in Tank Johnson at NT, Spears and Canty rushing up the middle, and you get a defense which kicks major ass. I'm actually not looking forward to our Cowboys match-ups this year when I sit down and think about it now. These guys are legit. They remind me of the Ravens in all honesty and that’s saying a lot.
Plot-lines / Players to watch
How thirsty is this team for revenge and face-saving? To my delight the Cowboys were humiliated last year when their star-QB and tight-end went on vacation before the biggest game of their lives. Of course they lost this game and I couldn't stop laughing as a Redskins fan. Will the Cowboys make up for this gaffe last year? Will their coach break his reputation as a first-round playoff master and choke-master in the playoffs? Stay tuned, folks.
TO and team chemistry. What's that you say? TO is happy with the 'Boys and the days of his off-the-field antics are over? Think again. TO will always be TO and the guy is a bona-fide asshole. One thing can go wrong and the guy can erupt, burning down the entire franchise in a lava of selfish pride. A part of me is astonished that TO has lasted this long with the Cowboys. Maybe Jones has a special contract clause which allows him to release Owens if he even sneezes improperly. And judging by his treatment of Terry Glenn, a good guy by most accounts, this wouldn’t surprise me. (Please let there be an Owens breakdown this year…)
The 'Iggles
Most experts can’t agree on the strength or potential of the ‘Iggles this year. Some people laud the Eagle’s decision to bring in depth to running back and receiver, while others point to McNabb’s declining production and increasing age. Talking heads rave about the addition of Samuels, but I'm skeptical for many reasons. Since the Eagles have been defined by the play of McNabb in recent years, let’s start with the aging veteran.
The Eagles are at best a mediocre team in the NFC without Donovan McNabb. He missed two games last year and the team went 8-8 in the NFC. Conversely McNabb hasn’t been playing too well in recent years. Last year he threw almost ten interceptions and both his yards per throw and total passing yards were well below his career averages. You also have to worry about injuries to McNabb because it limits his running game which made him special to begin with. If I remember correctly, last year he took many more sacks than usually because his running game was limited by injuries and age. Added sacks to an aging and already injured veteran does not bode well for the Eagles team.
The Eagles running game more than makes up for the declining production of Donovan McNabb. In Westbrook you have one of the best running backs in football. (With the exceptions of AP and Tomlinson, I don’t think you can find a better running back.) Behind Westbrook you have Booker, Buckhalter, and Hunt – three guys who can effectively substitute for third downs or goal-line situations. This type of depth and talent across the board gives the Eagles options to deal with their fading quarterback and dubious receiving corps. If these guys stay healthy, expect the running game to keep the Eagles competitive for a playoff run.
The Eagles receiving corps, with the exception of LJ Smith and Kevin Curtis (when he's not being jammed at the line), is terrible. I would even argue their starters, Brown and Curtis, are not very good because neither of them consistently put up more than 1,000 yards per season nor do they stay healthy with any consistency. For example, Curtis became the 2nd (or 3rd?) Eagle in the past ten years to put up more than 1,000 yards. And Brown, despite all the hype, barely had 600 yards as a starter. Both are under 6 feet tall and even with the addition of DeSean Jackson, the Eagles have a Redskins' version of the mighty-mites. I'll conceed LJ Smith is nasty, but can he stay healthy for more than a game? And what were the Eagles thinking when they tagged him franchise player? Catching a few touchdowns and staying injured each year shouldn't warrant that decision. Ted -- any insight here?
The Eagles defense also confuses me. Why did they sign Samuels when they had Sheppard and Brown holding down the fort? With a healthy Brian Dawkins, the Eagles secondary is pretty damn good and intimidating. Was the signing of Samuels related to the Eagles lack of defensive takeaways or turnovers (I think they ranked dead-last in the league last year in these categories)? Maybe. But was it necessary to spend all that money on an aging veteran when they had two very good corners? Debatable I guess.
Another weakness in the Eagles defense is their relative youth at linebacker -- Bradley, Gaither, and Gocong. How well will these guys play with added responsibilities and the expectation that they'll be responsible for three downs every time they hit the field? I won't go into the Eagles pass rush / d-line because I think it's above average across the board. Trent Cole is nasty and I expect him to kick ass as usual, so I'll leave it there.
Plot-lines / Players to watch
Injuries: McNabb, Sheppard, Samuels, and LJ Smith. The Eagles need all of these guys healthy to regain their prior form. Will Samuels be worth the money they paid?
Linebackers: can the youth movement step up to the plate? Especially without Spikes this year.
McNabb's quaterbacking: can he return to past form and lead the Eagles to glory? Can he stay in good shape? Will the Eagles fans turn against him?
Monday, August 18, 2008
Every Day I Do
Classic:
I don't like to put much stock in pre-season football games. As Ted Gilbert wisely told me one day "the pre-season makes good players look worse than they are and marginal players look better than they are." As much as I try to keep these words in mind, I can't help being excited about the way the Giants played in the first quarter tonight. Eli Manning looked great, and he did it without his normal receivers. Of course, Domenik Hixon might only score three touchdowns, his total from the first quarter of tonight's game, throughout the rest of the entire year. And, after the first quarter this game melted away into nothing. I'm also aware that if I'm going to argue to you that you should only take into account the first quarter, then I'm admitting that this means nothing.
The one thing I am sure of after watching pre-season football is that JaMarcus Russell is nasty. He performed exceptionally well. I could not have been more impressed with him, even if he was dialing up long TD bombs all night (because that would have had that "pre-season flukiness" feel to it). But, what he did showed that he has the foundations to be very successful for a long time. He moves well. Even when on the run, he squares his body up before he throws. He throws bullets despite a delivery that looks virtually effortless, and (at least from what we've seen) those passes are very accurate. The experts report that the Raiders (who averaged the most rushing attempts per game last season) will be looking to ease Russell into the offense during the early half of the year. This will allow him to work within his comfort zone and build his confidence, which should foster long-term success. Expecting him to bite off more than he can chew right now, which would be more typical of this Raiders franchise, would most likely lead to a lot of mistakes and interceptions.
I said in my AFC West preview that I believed Oakland would be a surprise team this year and finish second in the division. They could also slide into a wild card spot by virtue of the weakness of their division. I also wrote earlier this summer about why Al Davis may end up looking like a genius if the NFL's next Collective Bargaining Agreement does not include a salary cap (with the understanding that if it does include a salary cap, then he's been spending very irresponsibly this off-season).
Nevertheless, the point of all this Raiders talk is that after much deliberation, I've decided to choose Oakland as my franchise for Madden 09. This is not a decision that I take lightly, and I spend the better part of the day weighing my options and checking out the individual player ratings for this year. Just to give you an idea of my process, here are some examples of teams that I eliminated:
Giants: When it comes to playing franchise mode with your favorite team, people often feel very strongly one way or the other. I don't do it. I never have and I never will.
Patriots: Considering that both Tom Brady and Randy Moss are rated 99, New England was probably the best option. The only reason I even considered it as a possibility for any period of time (about half a second) was because Randy Moss is my favorite player. But, I just couldn't do it.
Cardinals: The Cardinals are a great Madden team because Fitzgerald and Boldin are both rated above 95, and Edge is a 92. But, there are two major problems. First, this was my 08 franchise, and I can't see the sense in starting all over in 09 with a team that I already took another decade ahead. Essentially, it would mean that all my hard work last season was for not. I already won the 09 super bowl with Arizona, and 2010, and 2111, you get the idea. Second, Anquan Boldin is still requesting a trade and I wouldn't feel right about throwing to him if that trade happens (I don't think it will, but Problem #1 renders Problem #2 meaningless anyway).
Cowboys, Eagles, and Redskins: Please.
Indy: Too easy
Minnesota: Adrian Peterson makes this attractive, but I like to throw a lot as well. Plus, I have a feeling that this is going to be everyone's pick.
San Diego: LaDainian is a 99, but this would make me want to lose on purpose.
New Orleans: Of all the teams in this game, the Saints might be the most fun on offense. But, the Shockey situation makes them off-limits. That's not my style.
Pittsburgh: I can't stand Ben Roethlisberger or Pittsburgh fans.
Anyways, you get the point. By the time everything was said and done, I had narrowed things down to two finalists: Cincinnati and Oakland.
The Bengals might have made more sense here, and I had essentially settled on them by early this afternoon. Their offense is incredibly explosive, and you'd think that their off the field issues and all of their yelling at each other on the sidelines last season wouldn't matter. You'd thing that right? You'd think that because it's a video game? Me too. But, apparently in the year 2009 video games take these things into account. Check out the morale ratings for some of the Bengals players. Rudi Johnson, 70. Levi Jones, 50. Carson Palmer, 75. Chad Johnson, 20. T.J. Houshmandzadeh, 30. Dexter Jackson, 70. I can't have low morale scores like that from my stars! I don't know exactly what type of impact it can have. But, it's part of the overall equation, and no other team has such low morale scores listed among all of their key players (except maybe Dallas, I didn't look them up because I never considered them). The Bengals are out.
And so it will be Oakland. I can tend to JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden and make sure that they are able to flourish and restore the pride of the Oakland faithful.
Commitment to Excellence:
The point of all of this is that it's that time again. We're not out of the woods yet, but we're preparing to get there. We're adjusting our views on pre-season football to fit exactly the way our teams perform. We're starting our Madden franchises. We're tinkering with our fantasy football draft boards. I've already checked out all the week 1 lines several times. It's hard to even think straight right now (I realize I still owe the readers 5 more players to watch in college football. It's coming). We're on the verge of greatness once again, and you need to be prepared.
And, if you're wondering, yes I did DVR women's volleyball against Brazil tonight. I know they won convincingly, but I'll still check it out once the Giants are over.
In honor of our site returning to its full-blown glory during football and basketball season, I give you these sick Baroness videos:
I don't like to put much stock in pre-season football games. As Ted Gilbert wisely told me one day "the pre-season makes good players look worse than they are and marginal players look better than they are." As much as I try to keep these words in mind, I can't help being excited about the way the Giants played in the first quarter tonight. Eli Manning looked great, and he did it without his normal receivers. Of course, Domenik Hixon might only score three touchdowns, his total from the first quarter of tonight's game, throughout the rest of the entire year. And, after the first quarter this game melted away into nothing. I'm also aware that if I'm going to argue to you that you should only take into account the first quarter, then I'm admitting that this means nothing.
The one thing I am sure of after watching pre-season football is that JaMarcus Russell is nasty. He performed exceptionally well. I could not have been more impressed with him, even if he was dialing up long TD bombs all night (because that would have had that "pre-season flukiness" feel to it). But, what he did showed that he has the foundations to be very successful for a long time. He moves well. Even when on the run, he squares his body up before he throws. He throws bullets despite a delivery that looks virtually effortless, and (at least from what we've seen) those passes are very accurate. The experts report that the Raiders (who averaged the most rushing attempts per game last season) will be looking to ease Russell into the offense during the early half of the year. This will allow him to work within his comfort zone and build his confidence, which should foster long-term success. Expecting him to bite off more than he can chew right now, which would be more typical of this Raiders franchise, would most likely lead to a lot of mistakes and interceptions.
I said in my AFC West preview that I believed Oakland would be a surprise team this year and finish second in the division. They could also slide into a wild card spot by virtue of the weakness of their division. I also wrote earlier this summer about why Al Davis may end up looking like a genius if the NFL's next Collective Bargaining Agreement does not include a salary cap (with the understanding that if it does include a salary cap, then he's been spending very irresponsibly this off-season).
Nevertheless, the point of all this Raiders talk is that after much deliberation, I've decided to choose Oakland as my franchise for Madden 09. This is not a decision that I take lightly, and I spend the better part of the day weighing my options and checking out the individual player ratings for this year. Just to give you an idea of my process, here are some examples of teams that I eliminated:
Giants: When it comes to playing franchise mode with your favorite team, people often feel very strongly one way or the other. I don't do it. I never have and I never will.
Patriots: Considering that both Tom Brady and Randy Moss are rated 99, New England was probably the best option. The only reason I even considered it as a possibility for any period of time (about half a second) was because Randy Moss is my favorite player. But, I just couldn't do it.
Cardinals: The Cardinals are a great Madden team because Fitzgerald and Boldin are both rated above 95, and Edge is a 92. But, there are two major problems. First, this was my 08 franchise, and I can't see the sense in starting all over in 09 with a team that I already took another decade ahead. Essentially, it would mean that all my hard work last season was for not. I already won the 09 super bowl with Arizona, and 2010, and 2111, you get the idea. Second, Anquan Boldin is still requesting a trade and I wouldn't feel right about throwing to him if that trade happens (I don't think it will, but Problem #1 renders Problem #2 meaningless anyway).
Cowboys, Eagles, and Redskins: Please.
Indy: Too easy
Minnesota: Adrian Peterson makes this attractive, but I like to throw a lot as well. Plus, I have a feeling that this is going to be everyone's pick.
San Diego: LaDainian is a 99, but this would make me want to lose on purpose.
New Orleans: Of all the teams in this game, the Saints might be the most fun on offense. But, the Shockey situation makes them off-limits. That's not my style.
Pittsburgh: I can't stand Ben Roethlisberger or Pittsburgh fans.
Anyways, you get the point. By the time everything was said and done, I had narrowed things down to two finalists: Cincinnati and Oakland.
The Bengals might have made more sense here, and I had essentially settled on them by early this afternoon. Their offense is incredibly explosive, and you'd think that their off the field issues and all of their yelling at each other on the sidelines last season wouldn't matter. You'd thing that right? You'd think that because it's a video game? Me too. But, apparently in the year 2009 video games take these things into account. Check out the morale ratings for some of the Bengals players. Rudi Johnson, 70. Levi Jones, 50. Carson Palmer, 75. Chad Johnson, 20. T.J. Houshmandzadeh, 30. Dexter Jackson, 70. I can't have low morale scores like that from my stars! I don't know exactly what type of impact it can have. But, it's part of the overall equation, and no other team has such low morale scores listed among all of their key players (except maybe Dallas, I didn't look them up because I never considered them). The Bengals are out.
And so it will be Oakland. I can tend to JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden and make sure that they are able to flourish and restore the pride of the Oakland faithful.
Commitment to Excellence:
The point of all of this is that it's that time again. We're not out of the woods yet, but we're preparing to get there. We're adjusting our views on pre-season football to fit exactly the way our teams perform. We're starting our Madden franchises. We're tinkering with our fantasy football draft boards. I've already checked out all the week 1 lines several times. It's hard to even think straight right now (I realize I still owe the readers 5 more players to watch in college football. It's coming). We're on the verge of greatness once again, and you need to be prepared.
And, if you're wondering, yes I did DVR women's volleyball against Brazil tonight. I know they won convincingly, but I'll still check it out once the Giants are over.
In honor of our site returning to its full-blown glory during football and basketball season, I give you these sick Baroness videos:
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Steve Earle Live At Newburyport High School
Steve Earle with Allison Moorer August 15, 2008
Newburyport, Massachusetts
A few weeks ago when I stumbled across a flyer for the Steve Earle show at Newburyport High School I wrote about the overwhelming surprise that accompanied that moment. Almost anything would have been less a surprise to me at that particular time in my life. As I had mentioned, I spent the greater part of the spring and summer attempting to locate a venue where Steve was performing. Then, as I walked through the automatic doors into a local Shaws it was as if God himself had squatted in Heaven on High and dropped a magnificent deuce of good fortune upon me. Over the past couple of years or so I have become completely immersed in the Folk-Country-Rockabilly-Blues genre of which Steve is most often classified and includes others like the late great Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark and many others yet the only live performances I had seen of these guys were on Youtube and DVD (Side note: I saw a former neighbor of mine from my days as a resident in Portsmouth, NH at the concert. I still have his copy of Heartworn Highways, and I guess in all honesty I don’t plan on giving it back. I’m an asshole.) Anyway, the concert kicked ass.
A few weeks ago when I stumbled across a flyer for the Steve Earle show at Newburyport High School I wrote about the overwhelming surprise that accompanied that moment. Almost anything would have been less a surprise to me at that particular time in my life. As I had mentioned, I spent the greater part of the spring and summer attempting to locate a venue where Steve was performing. Then, as I walked through the automatic doors into a local Shaws it was as if God himself had squatted in Heaven on High and dropped a magnificent deuce of good fortune upon me. Over the past couple of years or so I have become completely immersed in the Folk-Country-Rockabilly-Blues genre of which Steve is most often classified and includes others like the late great Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark and many others yet the only live performances I had seen of these guys were on Youtube and DVD (Side note: I saw a former neighbor of mine from my days as a resident in Portsmouth, NH at the concert. I still have his copy of Heartworn Highways, and I guess in all honesty I don’t plan on giving it back. I’m an asshole.) Anyway, the concert kicked ass.
Ye Olde Stomping Grounds
First of all, I don’t know if anyone else has had the experience of seeing one of their favorite musicians of all time perform in their former high school. It is a strange thing indeed. Walking up to the show my buddy and I realized that we hadn’t been in the auditorium at NHS since we graduated, so in a way the concert was a sort of homecoming for us. Hard to believe that it has been 7 years since I graduated high school. However, any feelings of “man I’m getting old” were dispelled by the fact that we ended up being some of the youngest people there. A lot of “q tips” were in the house, or, white-hairs if you will. I’ll be honest this made me a little uneasy as I thought that the crowd would be a little “stiff”, and well, for lack of a better word, old. However, we did notice a number of cowboy hats and ponytail-beard combinations that reassured me that this wasn’t just some massive upper middle class night out to see what those rascally folk-country singers were all about. I feared that the show was going to be a sort of novelty to the crowd. Fortunately it wasn’t. The difference between this show and any of the others that I have seen (that I really remember) was that the power of the musicians performances and their amazing songwriting and storytelling literally had a way of silencing those in attendance, inducing a sort of surrender to the music and lyrics. I am used to rocking the fuck out at concerts, and this was different. Awesome, but different.
Steve Earle and his wife Allison Moorer...A mismatch of epic proportions.
What can I say about Allison Moorer. First off she is fucking Hot. I don’t know if you guys have seen Steve Earle lately, but the years have not necessarily been kind to him. I think he would be the first to agree. It has to be tough to be the opening act for a legend like Steve Earle and be a chick, and be hot, AND be the guy’s wife. But, she actually blew me away. She played a nice 45 minute set that included some originals and a couple of cover songs. I have to mention that a while back I reviewed the Patti Smith album “Horses” and I just didn’t get into it at all. I wrote at the time that maybe you had to be a chick to really get into it. I think that’s still true. However, Moorer’s cover of Smith’s song “Dancing Barefoot” was really amazing and so I can honestly say that now I kind of get it, a little bit, kind of. Also, it would be unfair for me to omit that I have a thing for women who play guitar and sing and are attractive (does any straight guy not?). I have become similarly entranced by the live performances of Alannis Morrisette and Eddie Money’s daughter. There must be male groupies out there. I wonder how you break into that line of work?
A young Steve Earle in Nashville, Tennessee
Steve played an amazing 2 hour set in which he spanned a legendary career and took turns on 12 string guitar, banjo, mandolin, harmonica, and even a custom Martin Guitar with his name in it that he noted was “Pretty Fucking cool.” Indeed. He started the show with ‘Christmas in Washington’, and then moved into classic SE tunes ‘Tom Ames Prayer’, ‘The Devil’s Right Hand’, ‘Galway Girl’ (You may recall this song from the movie PS I Love you, if you too were forced to watch this with your significant other), ‘Guitar Town’, and ‘Goodbye’.
He added a DJ for the middle portion of his set which was an interesting touch. The guy basically just substituted for a drummer as Steve rolled through a few of his newer songs including his take on “Down In the Hole” which fans of HBO’s The Wire (Greatest TV Show of all time) will recognize as the theme music for the last season. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have preferred to have an actual drummer there. Either way, it did nothing to take away from the performance, although I suspect some of the older Folk purists may have soiled themselves to see Steve conjugating with Hip Hop.
Those of you who have seen Steve Earle perform live before, or have heard his interviews know that he is very outspoken on issues ranging from the Death Penalty, the War in Iraq, to Immigration. For what its worth, I understand that he has a right to talk about whatever the fuck he wants when its on stage but hearing musicians talk about politics of any kind during a performance makes me cringe a little bit. I was worried that it may get a little bit overwhelming given the current state of affairs in the US (and the World for that matter) and with the election coming up and all, but Steve kept things brief, personal, and heartfelt, which is about what we should be asking of our politicians I suppose.
Anyway, his discussion of his opposition to the Death Penalty led into the performance of the night. It was haunting and powerful, and I had never heard this particular song before:
I was happy to see the crowd give out several standing ovations to both Steve and Allison. The crowd even got borderline rowdy prior to and during Steve’s encore performance of ‘Copperhead Road’, which surprised me after my initial perceptions of those in attendance (except, of course, those rocking the pony tail-beard combo, I knew from the start that these men were badasses of the highest caliber). Overall it was a great night, and a concert I will never forget. I would definitely recommend seeing Steve play live if you get the chance. He is a true American music legend and one of the greatest songwriters living and performing today.
Friday, August 15, 2008
The NFC East Smack-Down: Part One
As many of you know, the RoomofZen holds the NFC East in high esteem. Where else can you find the same level of ass-kickery, history, rivalries, and championships in the NFL? Absolutely nowhere. Don't even try to argue with me here. The AFC North comes close, but keep in mind half these teams have never won a Super Bowl nor have the Ravens been in the league that long. And don't give me any crap about the AFC East. The majority of teams in that division have been mediocre for years. The NFC East is probably the best division because it features so many interesting plot-lines that have not been, nor will be in the near-future, replicated throughout the NFL. Witness:
1. The best and oldest-running divisional rivalries in football (Skins-Cowboys; Philly-Dallas; Giants-Dallas)
2. Divisional teams capable of making and traveling far in the playoffs (can you name another division with this type of potential across the board? doubtful)
3. Teams with combustible and drama-filled rosters which could explode without notice (Owens on Dallas; Jones on Dallas; Philly fans and McNabb; Burress on the Giants; Synder on the Skins; all this makes for interesting drama throughout the regular season)
4. Two of the league's most dynamic and competitive owners (Jones and Synder), combined with two of the league's most conservative and traditional owners (Lurie and Mara), duking it out for NFC East pride. Jones and Synder, love them or hate them, are easily the most competitive owners in the league. Jones would sell his soul for another Super Bowl; so would Danny if Jones did it first.
Long story short: a lot of shit goes down in the NFC East. These teams hate each other and fight to the death. As such, both Nick and I will profile this division for our readers. We owe it to you so let's get started with predictions and team breakdowns.
Overview / Predictions
Predictions are always tough because they're usually wrong and oftentimes make you look stupid. But I'll try anyway since I think history and roster changes make this division somewhat predictable.
The Cowboys will win the Division, followed by the Giants, Redskins, and Eagles. The Cowboys will either get the one or two seeds in the NFC, while the Giants and Skins will most likely pick up Wild Card berths in a nail-biting end to the regular season. I'm not saying the Eagles can't finish higher than the Redskins. If Westbrook stays healthy and McNabb produces, the Eagles have a shot. Make no doubt about it.
The G-Men
The Giants are the reigning World Champs. But we know what happens to reigning world champs outside the Patriots: they usually suck the year after. People forget how close the Giants came to losing the NFC Championship Game to the Packers, a team which was not very good in my opinion. The Redskins almost beat them for god-sakes. I give the Giants all the credit in the world, but for them to repeat would require a near-miracle. People also forget that the Giants almost imploded under Couglin last year, and it's a double miracle that the team pulled itself together for the playoffs.
Players / Plot-lines to watch:
Burress and his new contract. Plaxico was a big reason why the Giants played so well last year. His receiving skills, filling in for the injured Jeremy Shockey, made Eli look like his brother. Burress also gave the Giants a unique offensive threat which was hard to cover. As such, Plaxico wants to restructure his long-term contract, yet the Giants are not budging. They will not pay their best player despite his performance last year. If Plaxico doesn't get his new contract, will he have the same motivation to play well this year? How will this affect his relationship with the team and ownership?
Team Unity and their coach. Coach Coughlin had a sinking ship last year with the Giants. Miracously he pulled the team together and led them to a Super Bowl. But you have to assume there is some underlying disfunctionality within the Giants organization if you followed what happened last year. Players were criticizing the coach and the Giants ownership almost fired the entire coaching staff. Will those same types of issues resurface this year if the Giants lose a few games? I know Nick will disagree here, but there is always doubt in my mind. What led to the Giants organization having those problems in the first place?
Can they replace Shockey with Boss or their secondary receivers? Like him or not, Shockey was a huge offensive threat for the Giants. I know they won without him, but his skills are still a huge hole to fill. Let's say the injury-prone Plaxico goes down this year. What will the Giants do for offense at receiver? Can Boss step it up?
Bradshaw's sentencing. I know this may be a minor issue, but he could face suspension from Goddell. It's still a distraction, like it or not.
Loss of Strahan and health of their defense. Will Strahan's role be filled by his counter-part, Mr. U? I think the Giants are ok here, but Strahan's loss is a big one both in terms of leadership and pass-rushing ability.
Repeat pressure. Like any Super Bowl victor, the Giants have pressure to repeat, or at least perform at a high level again. Can they repeat? I'm sure Nick will tell you yes, but I'm doubtful. Pressure eats away at teams and coaches and without Shockey, an unhappy Burress, a tough schedule, and high expectations, I expect the Giants will collapse miserably. Yes, I am a Skins fan and yes, misery loves company.
The 'Skins
The Deadskins continue to struggle under the reign of Napoleon Snyder. And until the owner sells the team, I will be skeptical of "our chances" or Super Bowl possibilities. This is sad but true.
Yes, I think the Redskins are good enough to make the playoffs. But the NFC, apart from our division, is pretty shabby although Arizona and Minnesota may be good this year. No, I don't think they'll ever get past the first round with our current roster of midgets and QBs learning their 10,000th offense in five years. A QB can only learn so much.
Roster mistakes, thanks to Dan and Vinny, get to the heart of the matter: we have a new coach teaching a new offense to a guy who never mastered an offense in the first place. Remember our playoff run came from a 40 year old guy who never played a down of football as a starter. What does that say about Campbell who already had (has) more experience than Collins? Combine Campbell's learning curve with: tiny receivers; injury prone running backs not built for a ground and pound offensive line (which we have); throw in a rookie coach brought in to bid time for Bill Cowher and presto, you have the Washington Redskins. Bring on the pain, Danny-boy. (Side-note: I hope to be proven wrong here. If the Redskins are nasty, I will eat my shorts. But it's doubtful.)
Players / Plot-lines to watch
How well Zorn performs and the availibility of Coach Cowher next year. My sense is that Danny-Boy would, and probably will, fire Coach Zorn if Coach Cowher becomes available next year. Anything short of a second-round playoff run will liquidate Zorn if Cowher returns next year. Stay tuned. Zorn is already operating on borrowed time if you ask me.
Transition to a West Coast offense. As mentioned above, the Redskins have to go through another learning curve under another set of coaches and philosophies. Granted the Redskins are built to run a West Coast Offense in their receiving corps (speedy threats that can stretch the field, reliable tight ends for short routes and running backs who can catch the ball (Portis)), their offensive line is built for Riggins or Jerome Betis. And Clinton Portis is not John Riggins. Sorry. So can the O-line pass protect better than their run blocking skills in order to execute Zorn's offense? That's a huge liability in my mind which needs to be addressed since our pass rush defense was abysmal last year. Just ask Jason Campbell and his knee-cap.
Jason Taylor and the defense. I've already commented on Jason Taylor, but suffice to say I'm skeptical of this guy and I hope he proves me wrong. Dancing with the Stars was obviously a good career move for him, but he did leave his Miami teammates in the dust. That Parcells released him and refused to even speak to him speaks volumes in my mind. Parcells is probably one of the best coaches of all time, up there with Gibbs and Belichek. Nobody messes around with Parcells and gets away with it. But of course the Redskins will let you if you've made the Pro Bowl enough times.
Jason Campbell's knee-cap, his ability to learn the new offense, and frankly his ability to play at a high level in the NFL is still up in the air for me. Like Taylor, I am very skeptical about this guy, although he could turn out a decent year if the 0-line gives him protection. I like Campbell as a person, but he has yet to really impress me. Stay tuned here, folks.
Health of Landry, Portis, Randle-El & the Offensive line. This goes without explanation. Landry has a hamstring injury which could languish, Portis is always injury prone (as is Randle-El), and the O-Line is constantly having surgery. Let's just hope we have better luck than last year.
The 'Boys
This pains me to write, but the Cowboys are really f-ing good this year. Romo and Owens are always a threat; Barbor, if healthy, is one of the best backs in the league; Witten is nasty if he stays healthy; and with Jones / Newman / Williams, the Cowboys have one of the sickest secondaries in the league.
The thing about the Cowboys is that while you love to hate them, you can't deny how nasty they are with Owens happy. Of course Owens is always a risk to team morale (see my post on the Owens virus awhile back) and Pacman, if reinstated, can also be a huge distraction. But the Cowboys are always a threat with Owens, and I get the sense that the teams feels as though their season was short-changed last year. And I think this year they will take everything more seriously and maybe not go on vacaction before the playoffs.
Part Two: the remaining breakdown of the Boys & the hated Iggles preview and breakdown.
1. The best and oldest-running divisional rivalries in football (Skins-Cowboys; Philly-Dallas; Giants-Dallas)
2. Divisional teams capable of making and traveling far in the playoffs (can you name another division with this type of potential across the board? doubtful)
3. Teams with combustible and drama-filled rosters which could explode without notice (Owens on Dallas; Jones on Dallas; Philly fans and McNabb; Burress on the Giants; Synder on the Skins; all this makes for interesting drama throughout the regular season)
4. Two of the league's most dynamic and competitive owners (Jones and Synder), combined with two of the league's most conservative and traditional owners (Lurie and Mara), duking it out for NFC East pride. Jones and Synder, love them or hate them, are easily the most competitive owners in the league. Jones would sell his soul for another Super Bowl; so would Danny if Jones did it first.
Long story short: a lot of shit goes down in the NFC East. These teams hate each other and fight to the death. As such, both Nick and I will profile this division for our readers. We owe it to you so let's get started with predictions and team breakdowns.
Overview / Predictions
Predictions are always tough because they're usually wrong and oftentimes make you look stupid. But I'll try anyway since I think history and roster changes make this division somewhat predictable.
The Cowboys will win the Division, followed by the Giants, Redskins, and Eagles. The Cowboys will either get the one or two seeds in the NFC, while the Giants and Skins will most likely pick up Wild Card berths in a nail-biting end to the regular season. I'm not saying the Eagles can't finish higher than the Redskins. If Westbrook stays healthy and McNabb produces, the Eagles have a shot. Make no doubt about it.
The G-Men
The Giants are the reigning World Champs. But we know what happens to reigning world champs outside the Patriots: they usually suck the year after. People forget how close the Giants came to losing the NFC Championship Game to the Packers, a team which was not very good in my opinion. The Redskins almost beat them for god-sakes. I give the Giants all the credit in the world, but for them to repeat would require a near-miracle. People also forget that the Giants almost imploded under Couglin last year, and it's a double miracle that the team pulled itself together for the playoffs.
Players / Plot-lines to watch:
Burress and his new contract. Plaxico was a big reason why the Giants played so well last year. His receiving skills, filling in for the injured Jeremy Shockey, made Eli look like his brother. Burress also gave the Giants a unique offensive threat which was hard to cover. As such, Plaxico wants to restructure his long-term contract, yet the Giants are not budging. They will not pay their best player despite his performance last year. If Plaxico doesn't get his new contract, will he have the same motivation to play well this year? How will this affect his relationship with the team and ownership?
Team Unity and their coach. Coach Coughlin had a sinking ship last year with the Giants. Miracously he pulled the team together and led them to a Super Bowl. But you have to assume there is some underlying disfunctionality within the Giants organization if you followed what happened last year. Players were criticizing the coach and the Giants ownership almost fired the entire coaching staff. Will those same types of issues resurface this year if the Giants lose a few games? I know Nick will disagree here, but there is always doubt in my mind. What led to the Giants organization having those problems in the first place?
Can they replace Shockey with Boss or their secondary receivers? Like him or not, Shockey was a huge offensive threat for the Giants. I know they won without him, but his skills are still a huge hole to fill. Let's say the injury-prone Plaxico goes down this year. What will the Giants do for offense at receiver? Can Boss step it up?
Bradshaw's sentencing. I know this may be a minor issue, but he could face suspension from Goddell. It's still a distraction, like it or not.
Loss of Strahan and health of their defense. Will Strahan's role be filled by his counter-part, Mr. U? I think the Giants are ok here, but Strahan's loss is a big one both in terms of leadership and pass-rushing ability.
Repeat pressure. Like any Super Bowl victor, the Giants have pressure to repeat, or at least perform at a high level again. Can they repeat? I'm sure Nick will tell you yes, but I'm doubtful. Pressure eats away at teams and coaches and without Shockey, an unhappy Burress, a tough schedule, and high expectations, I expect the Giants will collapse miserably. Yes, I am a Skins fan and yes, misery loves company.
The 'Skins
The Deadskins continue to struggle under the reign of Napoleon Snyder. And until the owner sells the team, I will be skeptical of "our chances" or Super Bowl possibilities. This is sad but true.
Yes, I think the Redskins are good enough to make the playoffs. But the NFC, apart from our division, is pretty shabby although Arizona and Minnesota may be good this year. No, I don't think they'll ever get past the first round with our current roster of midgets and QBs learning their 10,000th offense in five years. A QB can only learn so much.
Roster mistakes, thanks to Dan and Vinny, get to the heart of the matter: we have a new coach teaching a new offense to a guy who never mastered an offense in the first place. Remember our playoff run came from a 40 year old guy who never played a down of football as a starter. What does that say about Campbell who already had (has) more experience than Collins? Combine Campbell's learning curve with: tiny receivers; injury prone running backs not built for a ground and pound offensive line (which we have); throw in a rookie coach brought in to bid time for Bill Cowher and presto, you have the Washington Redskins. Bring on the pain, Danny-boy. (Side-note: I hope to be proven wrong here. If the Redskins are nasty, I will eat my shorts. But it's doubtful.)
Players / Plot-lines to watch
How well Zorn performs and the availibility of Coach Cowher next year. My sense is that Danny-Boy would, and probably will, fire Coach Zorn if Coach Cowher becomes available next year. Anything short of a second-round playoff run will liquidate Zorn if Cowher returns next year. Stay tuned. Zorn is already operating on borrowed time if you ask me.
Transition to a West Coast offense. As mentioned above, the Redskins have to go through another learning curve under another set of coaches and philosophies. Granted the Redskins are built to run a West Coast Offense in their receiving corps (speedy threats that can stretch the field, reliable tight ends for short routes and running backs who can catch the ball (Portis)), their offensive line is built for Riggins or Jerome Betis. And Clinton Portis is not John Riggins. Sorry. So can the O-line pass protect better than their run blocking skills in order to execute Zorn's offense? That's a huge liability in my mind which needs to be addressed since our pass rush defense was abysmal last year. Just ask Jason Campbell and his knee-cap.
Jason Taylor and the defense. I've already commented on Jason Taylor, but suffice to say I'm skeptical of this guy and I hope he proves me wrong. Dancing with the Stars was obviously a good career move for him, but he did leave his Miami teammates in the dust. That Parcells released him and refused to even speak to him speaks volumes in my mind. Parcells is probably one of the best coaches of all time, up there with Gibbs and Belichek. Nobody messes around with Parcells and gets away with it. But of course the Redskins will let you if you've made the Pro Bowl enough times.
Jason Campbell's knee-cap, his ability to learn the new offense, and frankly his ability to play at a high level in the NFL is still up in the air for me. Like Taylor, I am very skeptical about this guy, although he could turn out a decent year if the 0-line gives him protection. I like Campbell as a person, but he has yet to really impress me. Stay tuned here, folks.
Health of Landry, Portis, Randle-El & the Offensive line. This goes without explanation. Landry has a hamstring injury which could languish, Portis is always injury prone (as is Randle-El), and the O-Line is constantly having surgery. Let's just hope we have better luck than last year.
The 'Boys
This pains me to write, but the Cowboys are really f-ing good this year. Romo and Owens are always a threat; Barbor, if healthy, is one of the best backs in the league; Witten is nasty if he stays healthy; and with Jones / Newman / Williams, the Cowboys have one of the sickest secondaries in the league.
The thing about the Cowboys is that while you love to hate them, you can't deny how nasty they are with Owens happy. Of course Owens is always a risk to team morale (see my post on the Owens virus awhile back) and Pacman, if reinstated, can also be a huge distraction. But the Cowboys are always a threat with Owens, and I get the sense that the teams feels as though their season was short-changed last year. And I think this year they will take everything more seriously and maybe not go on vacaction before the playoffs.
Part Two: the remaining breakdown of the Boys & the hated Iggles preview and breakdown.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Dominance Continues
After defeating their most difficult opponents to date in the form of two very feisty Norwegians, Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh will take a perfect 3-0 record with them as they advance to the medal round. May-Treanor and Walsh, dawning navy blue uniforms for the first time since official Olympic play began, the top seeded American team knew that they would be challenged by the Norwegians, whom Walsh said was the best serving team in the pool (the round robin pool obviously, there is no swimming pool in beach volleyball).
Decades of ping pong experience tells me that any competitor with a tough serve can be especially dangerous (my girlfriend has defeated me in ping pong about 97 times utilizing a very tricky serve that her grandmother taught her). The Norwegians' strong serve allowed them to make this matchup respectable, as they gave Kerri Walsh some problems when they sent the ball her way. But, in the end, we'll remember these Norwegians as nothing more than another notch on the Americans' belt. This thing was over in straight sets, 21-12 and 21-15. At this point, it's hard to imagine anybody taking May-Treanor and Walsh to three sets, never mind actually beating them.
What stood out to me most in last night's match, and remember I'm new at this so I really need to be guided by the announcers, was Misty May-Treanor's ability to dive fully extended and save a ball and then immediately recover and be back in the air in time to get a kill off of an assist by her partner. I'd like to see how many up-downs she can do in 60 seconds. I bet she would beat every single person in the world that I know, male or female.
Really, you don't like this song, you heartless empty-souled son of a bitch?
Russia and Georgia also faced off in beach volleyball, and I think this quote from Jim Caple's article really touches on the things that make this such a great sport. In comparing this match yesterday to the famous "Blood in the Water" water polo match between Russia and Austria-Hungary in 1956, Caple says:
"If it lacked the animosity -- to say nothing of the violence -- of the water polo match, perhaps it was because this venue was the beach volleyball pit. And the competitors wore sunscreen, sunglasses and bikinis. And tanned, long-haired cheerleaders strutted in the sand. And the sound system blared such classic Eastern European folk tunes as "La Bamba," "Highway to Hell" and the "Ghostbusters" theme."
At this point, there's no denying the powerful impact that this sport has had on me.
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Chad Johnson wants to legally change his name to Ocho Cinco. Needless to say, I'm going to be very upset if he doesn't follow through. (From profootballtalk.com via shutdown corner)
This whole story just looks really bad for Spain, and it gets worse every time I read about Gasol and Calderon defending it.
The Irony of a Judo Match
From ESPN.com:
Georgia's Tsirekidze beats Russian in semifinals, wins judo gold
BEIJING -- Irakli Tsirekidze won Georgia's second Olympic gold medal on Wednesday after advancing through an emotionally charged semifinal against Russia's Ivan Pershin.
Tsirekidze triumphed as world powers tried to implement a peace deal, agreed to in principle by Georgia and Russia, to halt a conflict over the South Ossetia region.
The 26-year-old world champion, who pointed at the Georgian insignia on the back of his judo suit after beating Pershin in the semifinal, won the title bout in a dour struggle against Algerian Amar Benikhlef.
"It means a lot for Georgia because as you know there is a conflict now," Tsirekidze told reporters through a translator.
"We are very happy today to have won two medals as it means very much for our country," he said."
....This situation is about as awkward as the Iranians competing against Israel or Russia competing against the US during the Cold War.
Georgia's Tsirekidze beats Russian in semifinals, wins judo gold
BEIJING -- Irakli Tsirekidze won Georgia's second Olympic gold medal on Wednesday after advancing through an emotionally charged semifinal against Russia's Ivan Pershin.
Tsirekidze triumphed as world powers tried to implement a peace deal, agreed to in principle by Georgia and Russia, to halt a conflict over the South Ossetia region.
The 26-year-old world champion, who pointed at the Georgian insignia on the back of his judo suit after beating Pershin in the semifinal, won the title bout in a dour struggle against Algerian Amar Benikhlef.
"It means a lot for Georgia because as you know there is a conflict now," Tsirekidze told reporters through a translator.
"We are very happy today to have won two medals as it means very much for our country," he said."
....This situation is about as awkward as the Iranians competing against Israel or Russia competing against the US during the Cold War.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
We Love Chuck
Charles Barkley was not afraid of Angola in '92. As someone who was once thrown out of a bar by Charles, I can tell you from personal experience that he means business when he has that look in his eye.
Thanks for your take Bob Costas....dildo.
Thanks for your take Bob Costas....dildo.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Dimebag, the Olympics, and College Football Players to Watch
In response to Ted's post relaying the news about the Dimebag Darrell Ozzfest tribute (which took place in Dallas this past weekend) , a reader named Stinson1976 has left the following comment:
"I WENT TO THIS SHOW AND IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING THAT WAS THE BEST OZZFEST EVER IT WAS HOT AS HELL OUT THERE BUT IT WAS WELL WROTH IT.I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY.
OTHER THAT THE PIT WAS BRUTAL ALL DAY LONG. IF YOU MISSED YOU SHOULD KICK YOUR SELF IN THE ASS. MY FREINDS AND I DROVE 71/2 HOURS TO MAKE THE SHOW. ROCK ON AMERICA!!!!!"
I think it's safe to say that ever since we learned about the Dimebag tribute, we've been kicking ourselves in the ass for not being in attendance. Everything that I have read indicates that the tribute went off incredibly well. Most of the youtube videos that I have found are of Jamey Jasta (Hatebreed) doing his part of the tribute. There appears to be a pretty sick cover of Mouth For War. But, the quality thus far is not great. I'm sure more will leak out as the week continues. For now, this will suffice:
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Before we get to college football, I just have to mention that I have enjoyed the Olympics far more than I ever expected to. Obviously I knew that I would enjoy watching the basketball team play, but I never expected that I'd get so in to watching the other events. Perhaps I needed to be in my most cynical frame of mind to realize that there perhaps things are better than I thought. It's a good feeling.
The Michael Phelps storyline is obviously a good one, and it took an especially exciting turn last night, as Jason Lezak swam the fastest relay leg in history to keep Phelps' dream of 8 gold medals alive. What makes this story even better is that Lezak caught up to and edged out French swimmer Alain Bernard at the very end for the American victory. Bernard is the world record holder in the 100 meters, and earlier in the week he stated that he and his French teammates came to Beijing to "smash" the Americans. Trash talking always makes things more exciting. Better stick to painting buddy.
In possibly the most unexpected turn of events in my entire life, my favorite Olympic event thus far (aside from basketball) has been beach volleyball. I didn't even know this was an olympic sport. Well, it certainly is and it has sucked me in like no other Olympic event (except for curling in the winter of 2002 in Salt Lake City).
So far, I've only watched two matches. In the first, the number 2 seed United States team of Phil Dalhausser (a very lanky and gawky man whose head is shaved bald and who wears oakley glasses without any lenses in them. He was only wearing the frames) and Todd Rogers were upset by the 23rd ranked team from Latvia. Latvia really controlled this game the whole way through. The commentators indicated throughout that Dalhausser and Rogers were really shitting the bed. Perhaps I should have been upset at such a poor showing by an American team. But, I was very happy for the Latvians. They were clearly the hungrier team, and frankly the Americans didn't deserve to win. And, on top of that, it's beach volleyball. There's really no national pride lost in any way, which is nice.
After watching their male counterparts succumb to the pressures of the olympic stage, the top ranked American women's team of Misty-May Treanor and Kerri Walsh salvaged the pride of American beach volleyball program by defeating their opening round Japanese opponents in dominating fashion. This was the 63rd victory in international play for May-Treanor and Walsh, who are the reigning world champions and appear to be some pretty badass competitors. As you can see from this picture, the action is very intense at the international level:
May-Treanor may have cemented herself as one of my favorite Olympic athletes after I read this article , in which she asked President Bush to slap her ass earlier this week when he paid a visit to the volleyball team (for the record, he declined to do so. Probably a good move I guess).
Alright, I'd better start talking about college football here before I lose all credibility.
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I expect this college football season to be one of the most exiciting that we've ever had. There are a number of exceptionally strong teams. And, at this point, it's difficult to say which two will be playing for the national championship in January.
I talked about Tim Tebow last week . I expect him to win his second Heisman Trophy, lead Florida to its second national championship in three years, and to eventually be remembered as the greatest quarterback in college football history. Clearly, I am excited to watch Tebow this season. However, there are many other players who we will be keeping tabs on, and I want to present you with a list of the ten players other than Tebow that I am most excited to see play. I'll give you five today and five more later this week.
Ian Johnson, Boise State, Running Back
There are some guys who just seem like they've been playing college football forever. Ex-Boise State QB Jared Zabransky was one of those guys. It seemed like he had been calling signals for Boise State ever since I was in elementary school. Brooks Bollinger at Wisconsin was the same way. Drew Weatherford, who will play quarterback for Florida State AGAIN this season, is another. There is perhaps no greater example of this phenomenon than Ian Johnson. Remember his performance in Boise State's historic bowl victory over Oklahoma (which he capped off by proposing to his girlfriend)? Doesn't that seem like a really long time ago? Well, Johnson will be a senior this season, and he should be one of the most exciting players in the WAC. He rushed for over 1,000 yards as a junior and has scored 46 total touchdowns in his college career.
Noel Devine, West Virginia, Running Back
I can't ever remember being more excited to watch a freshman play in a college game than I was to watch Noel Devine last season. The guy had become a legend because of his youtube highlight videos, which are still hands down the best I've ever seen. Although he did not see the bulk of the load last season (playing behind the now departed Steve Slaton), he was an extremely explosive and exciting player that averaged an eye-opening 8.6 yards per carry. A lot of questions about Devine will be answered this season. Nobody can question his talent, but many have questioned his character and his ability to stay healthy playing at such a small size (5-8, about 175 pounds). Devine and quarterback Pat White, who are crucial to the success of this Mountaineer team, will be playing behind what many experts have said is the nation's top offensive line. This should translate to a big year for both players and a Big East championship for West Virgina.
Rich Rodriguez put the West Virgina football program on the map. An appearance in a BCS bowl game would go a long way towards helping Rodriguez' former assistant and replacement Bill Stewart recruit the way he needs to to help this program maintain his current level of excellence. There is potential for an undefeated season if they don't falter in the Big East.
We'll find out just how good West Virginia is on October 23rd, when they host Auburn.
A sample of the fabled high school highlights:
Brian Cushing, USC, Linebacker
Everyone talks about Ray Maualuga, but there are a lot of extremely talented players on defense for USC. Cushing, a fellow senior who missed much of last season with injury, plays on the strong side and could be the key to an undefeated season for the Trojans (remember, they host Ohio State September 13th, a tough test early). Although he racked up impressive numbers in his limited junior season, Cushing was a standout as a sophomore. He was the defensive MVP of the Rose Bowl and came up with many big Special Teams plays that included this onside kick return against Notre Dame:
that game was tough on Brady Quinn:
Joe McKnight, USC, running back
I have been keeping personal tabs on McKnight since his senior season of high school. I was totally won over by the Noel Devine highlight tapes and I simply couldn't understand how any prospect, particularly another running back, could be ranked more highly than Devine. But, McKnight was it. The number one prospect in the land. I created my own personal competition between the two, which I would score in my head as their careers progressed. Certainly, Devine won last season, but McKnight never had a chance. He was playing for a USC team that was more stacked with talent at the running back position than any team we have seen since the Portis/Gore/McGahee teams at Miami. That will be the case again this season, as McKnight will lose a great deal of carries to Stafon Johnson and C.J. Gable. Nevertheless, I expect him to come on strong this year. We have all seen a lot of Stafon Johnson (the slated starter). He's very good. But McKnight is supposed to be a superstar, and I expect we'll all see that in him before this season ends.
Percy Harvin, Florida, WR/offensive weapon
Do I even need to explain this one? If I do, please watch this video below:
My second 5 later in the week.................
Mike Tyson's Punchout and National Basketball Teams
You could make the argument that this whole exercise is pointless because boxing is an Olympic sport and there is no reason to devote a post to whether or not video game boxers could make real life basketball teams. Of course if you did make that argument I would counter by calling you an idiot. So hat tip to this website for the pictures in the post and on to the analysis.
Glass Joe – France: At age 38 and 110 pounds we should immediately rule him out. But that wouldn’t make for much of a post. Instead I’ll give you three reasons Glass Joe wouldn’t make the cut.
3. One of Glass Joe’s favorite sayings, “Make it quick…I want to retire” would only strengthen a certain French stereotype. For the record Ronny Turiaf mocks said stereotype.
2. In Jack McCallum’s phenomenal Seven Seconds or Less: My Season on the Bench with the Runnin’ and Gunnin’ Phoenix Suns Boris Diaw famously said, “I do not date American women. I have them.” There’s no way he’s hanging out with the least confident, worst wingman ever.
1. If Vince Carter did this to Frederick Weiss what would LeBron James do to Glass Joe?
Von Kaiser – Germany: Disregard the fact that Von Kaiser is 42 and a complete pus
h over. The bigger concern is that he frequently talks about his military background. I'm going to make a bit of an intellectual leap here and assume that Von Kaiser would aggressively push a pro German agenda. As a result he would not be happy with Chris Kaman joining the squad. This would create huge issues and destroy the chemistry Kaman enjoyed so much upon his arrival. Although we all can agree that Von Kaiser automatically gets a spot if he convinces the entire team to grow ridiculous mustaches.
Piston Honda – Japan: At age 28 he’s in his prime. However, despite a hulking frame, at 174 pounds Honda weighs significantly less than you would think. There’s no way he h
as the quickness or skills to play the 2 and there’s a great chance he’d get pushed around at the 4, which is most likely his natural position. For what it’s worth I feel his pain. I was a back to the basket center that played rooted to the floor and checked in at just over 6 feet. Bad combination. Still with their current ranking (32nd in the world) the Japanese might be more inclined to take a shot. Perhaps Piston Honda could tire out opposing 4s by sprinting up and down the court. That was always Bill Russell's approach as an undersized 5.
Don Flamenco – Spain: Flamenco’s youth might help his cause with some countries, but not Spain where Ricky Rubio and Rudy Fernandez lead a talented group of young players that complement the more experienced Spanish members currently in their primes. Strangely the biggest issue might not even be basketball related. There’s a strong chance that some of the Spaniards would not tolerate Flamenco’s constant plea, “People like my hair. Don’t mess my hair.”
King Hippo - Hippo Island: Before you rule him out for his surely epic weight (exact figure unknow
n) remember how big Sofoklis Schortsanitis is. The bigger issue is whether or not Hippo Island constitutes a sovereign nation that is recognized by the United Nations and the International Olympic Committee. If it is, King Hippo will play if he wants to and there’s nothing you can do about it. It's good to be king. Furthermore, though his mobility is atrocious, how many basketball players are there on Hippo Island? Chances are the team couldn’t turn him away, despite his weaknesses.
Great Tiger - India: So far Glass Joe and Don Flamenco were emphatic rejections. Von Kaiser's inclusion depended entirely on whether or not he could get the Germans to a
ll grow mustaches. Meanwhile, Piston Honda and King Hippo were probably in, but nobody felt all that good about their inclusion. However, the Great Tiger is an entirely different case. True India (currently ranked 46th in the world) is the most desperate team we have encountered thus far, not counting the Hippo Island squad, which may or may not exist. And as I considered him two glaring issues jumped out at me:
1. Much like Piston Honda, Great Tiger tips his punches big time, as the shining jewel precedes any jab. It's not out of the realm of possibility that he would telegraph his passes as well and be a turnover machine.
2. There's a massive chance that FIBA and the IOC would ban Great Tiger's teleportation method. And to be honest that's what made him so appealing in the first place.
So here's the plan. India would need to qualify for the Olympics without Great Tiger playing. With a population somewhere around 1,147,995,898 people this is doable if it is an agreed upon goal. Meanwhile, Great Tiger would practice with the team in secret and join the roster at the last minute. I'm pretty sure there is nothing in the current rule books against teleportation, because why would there be? Boom Great Tiger shows up and stuns opponents with his teleportation, leading India to a medal in the process.
Bald Bull - Turkey: During Team USA's tune up against Turkey a couple of things came to light:
1. Turkey's new coach was putting an end to established Turkish players negotiating late arrivals to camp. The idea was that everyone has to be on the same page. At 2 pounds shy of 3 bills Bald Bull could easily be the heavy and pressure his peers into making the full commitment.
2. At one point Kobe Bryant bounced a pass off the floor for an ally oop to Carmelo Anthony. That's downright embarrassing. Yet it was only possible because the Turkish players gave up on the play. Of the 5 on the floor only one player was remotely close and he was furious at his teammates. Once again if Bald Bull is running the court, and despite his size you know he will, everyone else will fall in line.
But there's more. As I mentioned Bald Bull will run the floor. That's a given due to his favorite move - the Bull Charge. Additionally I could see him taking the ball and driving strong to the hoop. There would only be two ways to stop him - punch him in the stomach or take a charge. The former is illegal and the latter takes a lot of courage. Finally, I dare you to try a bounce pass ally oop or any other chicanery against a team that features Bald Bull.
Soda Popinski - USSR: Let's get it out there on the table. Soda Popinski is an alcoholic. He drinks between rounds and his drivers license was revoked. Are we going to split hairs? So from that s
tand point his participation would be in doubt. And then there's the whole dilemma of what exactly Popinski's nationality is. It's hard to say. One of the underrated aspects of the old USSR was how it created a Soviet identity that was not synonymous with a Russian identity. Still I'm going with my gut on this one and assuming that Popinski was not born in one of the satellite countries. In the end I see David Blatt (Russian coach) saying thanks but no thanks and passing on Popinski. It's fine if Andrei Kirilenko roams on defense. That's part of the Russian scheme. But Popinski would be a completely liability and the system would break down. Think Zach Randolph with the '07 Trail Blazers. That's actually a decent comparison because Popinski obviously loves strip clubs too.
Mr. Sandman - USA (Philadelphia): Ultimately Mr. Sandman has several issues standing in his way.
1. What is his real name? I can't imagine the US issuing a passport to a someone under the following scenario:
First Name: Mr.
Last Name: Sandman
And even if he got that American passport officials in the host country would be less than impressed.
2. He's from the USA, which pulls entirely from the NBA. On top of that the American squad is currently heavy on guards and wings. So Mr. Sandman would be up against the same thing Tyson Chandler was when Jerry Colangelo chose Tayshaun Prince to wear the red, white, and blue.
3. You know he's a back to the basket, low post kind of player. International basketball is not conducive to that style of play.
Still given his size, toughness, and lack of character issues compared to the other Americans in Mike Tyson's Punch Out (more on this later) Mr. Sandman has the best chance of making the squad.
Super Macho Man - USA (Hollywood): Even though he just entered his prime Supe
r Macho Man looks about 27 going on 40. My guess is that in addition to boxing he's a big time body builder. I bet he's spent plenty of time in the sun pumping iron on Venice Beach. And let's be honest, he's getting a lot of help from steroids. And I'm not taking HGH or any other top of the line banned substances. He's definitely walking around all jacked up on steroids that would knock a horse off its feet. I feel strongly about this. Therefore, given the IOC's strong stance on banned substances Super Macho Man has absolutely no shot.
Mike Tyson - USA (Catskill, NY*):
Mike Tyson's Punch Out came out in 1987, which was definitely before the rape, jail time, ear biting, and everything else that went wrong with Tyson. Still in terms of creating an international incident he's right up there with Bald Bull and Soda Popinski. I can picture Tyson going into the stands Ron Artest style. At the same time Tyson says, "Is this kid a joke? Where's the real challenger?" That exemplifies an attitude that got the Americans in trouble in international play in 2002, 2004, and 2006. Add it all up and Mike Tyson does not make the cut.
Little Mac and Doc - USA (Brooklyn): Right off the bat I know what you're thinking - Little Mac is way too short to play basketball, especially when you realize that Team USA purposely went with bigger guards (Jason Kidd and Deron Williams) in '08 after possibly being undersized in '04. However, Patrick Mills of Australia showed that a lightning quick, shorter guard can do some damage in that warm up game against Team USA. And I don't doubt that Little Mac ca
n move. So the biggest issue is that Little Mac is part of a package deal. He'd definitely want to bring Doc with him. It's similar to the way relatives or coaches of some high school basketball players join the staffs of the colleges those big time recruits choose to attend. Team USA would not want Doc on the staff. First of all he only gives vague advice to Little Mac. Secondly Doc pitches the Nintendo Fan Club at the worst possible moments, like when Tyson is pounding on Little Mac. And in the end the players on Team USA stay in excellent shape and would not go for jogging behind Doc's bike, which is his biggest strength as a coach. So Little Mac and Doc don't make the cut.
* I listed Iron Mike's hometown as Catskill, NY because the game did. But let's not for a second pretend he's from anywhere but Brooklyn.
Glass Joe – France: At age 38 and 110 pounds we should immediately rule him out. But that wouldn’t make for much of a post. Instead I’ll give you three reasons Glass Joe wouldn’t make the cut.
3. One of Glass Joe’s favorite sayings, “Make it quick…I want to retire” would only strengthen a certain French stereotype. For the record Ronny Turiaf mocks said stereotype.
2. In Jack McCallum’s phenomenal Seven Seconds or Less: My Season on the Bench with the Runnin’ and Gunnin’ Phoenix Suns Boris Diaw famously said, “I do not date American women. I have them.” There’s no way he’s hanging out with the least confident, worst wingman ever.
1. If Vince Carter did this to Frederick Weiss what would LeBron James do to Glass Joe?
Von Kaiser – Germany: Disregard the fact that Von Kaiser is 42 and a complete pus
h over. The bigger concern is that he frequently talks about his military background. I'm going to make a bit of an intellectual leap here and assume that Von Kaiser would aggressively push a pro German agenda. As a result he would not be happy with Chris Kaman joining the squad. This would create huge issues and destroy the chemistry Kaman enjoyed so much upon his arrival. Although we all can agree that Von Kaiser automatically gets a spot if he convinces the entire team to grow ridiculous mustaches.Piston Honda – Japan: At age 28 he’s in his prime. However, despite a hulking frame, at 174 pounds Honda weighs significantly less than you would think. There’s no way he h
as the quickness or skills to play the 2 and there’s a great chance he’d get pushed around at the 4, which is most likely his natural position. For what it’s worth I feel his pain. I was a back to the basket center that played rooted to the floor and checked in at just over 6 feet. Bad combination. Still with their current ranking (32nd in the world) the Japanese might be more inclined to take a shot. Perhaps Piston Honda could tire out opposing 4s by sprinting up and down the court. That was always Bill Russell's approach as an undersized 5.Don Flamenco – Spain: Flamenco’s youth might help his cause with some countries, but not Spain where Ricky Rubio and Rudy Fernandez lead a talented group of young players that complement the more experienced Spanish members currently in their primes. Strangely the biggest issue might not even be basketball related. There’s a strong chance that some of the Spaniards would not tolerate Flamenco’s constant plea, “People like my hair. Don’t mess my hair.”
King Hippo - Hippo Island: Before you rule him out for his surely epic weight (exact figure unknow
n) remember how big Sofoklis Schortsanitis is. The bigger issue is whether or not Hippo Island constitutes a sovereign nation that is recognized by the United Nations and the International Olympic Committee. If it is, King Hippo will play if he wants to and there’s nothing you can do about it. It's good to be king. Furthermore, though his mobility is atrocious, how many basketball players are there on Hippo Island? Chances are the team couldn’t turn him away, despite his weaknesses.Great Tiger - India: So far Glass Joe and Don Flamenco were emphatic rejections. Von Kaiser's inclusion depended entirely on whether or not he could get the Germans to a
ll grow mustaches. Meanwhile, Piston Honda and King Hippo were probably in, but nobody felt all that good about their inclusion. However, the Great Tiger is an entirely different case. True India (currently ranked 46th in the world) is the most desperate team we have encountered thus far, not counting the Hippo Island squad, which may or may not exist. And as I considered him two glaring issues jumped out at me:1. Much like Piston Honda, Great Tiger tips his punches big time, as the shining jewel precedes any jab. It's not out of the realm of possibility that he would telegraph his passes as well and be a turnover machine.
2. There's a massive chance that FIBA and the IOC would ban Great Tiger's teleportation method. And to be honest that's what made him so appealing in the first place.
So here's the plan. India would need to qualify for the Olympics without Great Tiger playing. With a population somewhere around 1,147,995,898 people this is doable if it is an agreed upon goal. Meanwhile, Great Tiger would practice with the team in secret and join the roster at the last minute. I'm pretty sure there is nothing in the current rule books against teleportation, because why would there be? Boom Great Tiger shows up and stuns opponents with his teleportation, leading India to a medal in the process.
Bald Bull - Turkey: During Team USA's tune up against Turkey a couple of things came to light:
1. Turkey's new coach was putting an end to established Turkish players negotiating late arrivals to camp. The idea was that everyone has to be on the same page. At 2 pounds shy of 3 bills Bald Bull could easily be the heavy and pressure his peers into making the full commitment.
2. At one point Kobe Bryant bounced a pass off the floor for an ally oop to Carmelo Anthony. That's downright embarrassing. Yet it was only possible because the Turkish players gave up on the play. Of the 5 on the floor only one player was remotely close and he was furious at his teammates. Once again if Bald Bull is running the court, and despite his size you know he will, everyone else will fall in line.
But there's more. As I mentioned Bald Bull will run the floor. That's a given due to his favorite move - the Bull Charge. Additionally I could see him taking the ball and driving strong to the hoop. There would only be two ways to stop him - punch him in the stomach or take a charge. The former is illegal and the latter takes a lot of courage. Finally, I dare you to try a bounce pass ally oop or any other chicanery against a team that features Bald Bull.
Soda Popinski - USSR: Let's get it out there on the table. Soda Popinski is an alcoholic. He drinks between rounds and his drivers license was revoked. Are we going to split hairs? So from that s
tand point his participation would be in doubt. And then there's the whole dilemma of what exactly Popinski's nationality is. It's hard to say. One of the underrated aspects of the old USSR was how it created a Soviet identity that was not synonymous with a Russian identity. Still I'm going with my gut on this one and assuming that Popinski was not born in one of the satellite countries. In the end I see David Blatt (Russian coach) saying thanks but no thanks and passing on Popinski. It's fine if Andrei Kirilenko roams on defense. That's part of the Russian scheme. But Popinski would be a completely liability and the system would break down. Think Zach Randolph with the '07 Trail Blazers. That's actually a decent comparison because Popinski obviously loves strip clubs too.Mr. Sandman - USA (Philadelphia): Ultimately Mr. Sandman has several issues standing in his way.
1. What is his real name? I can't imagine the US issuing a passport to a someone under the following scenario:
First Name: Mr.
Last Name: Sandman
And even if he got that American passport officials in the host country would be less than impressed.
2. He's from the USA, which pulls entirely from the NBA. On top of that the American squad is currently heavy on guards and wings. So Mr. Sandman would be up against the same thing Tyson Chandler was when Jerry Colangelo chose Tayshaun Prince to wear the red, white, and blue.
3. You know he's a back to the basket, low post kind of player. International basketball is not conducive to that style of play.
Still given his size, toughness, and lack of character issues compared to the other Americans in Mike Tyson's Punch Out (more on this later) Mr. Sandman has the best chance of making the squad.
Super Macho Man - USA (Hollywood): Even though he just entered his prime Supe
r Macho Man looks about 27 going on 40. My guess is that in addition to boxing he's a big time body builder. I bet he's spent plenty of time in the sun pumping iron on Venice Beach. And let's be honest, he's getting a lot of help from steroids. And I'm not taking HGH or any other top of the line banned substances. He's definitely walking around all jacked up on steroids that would knock a horse off its feet. I feel strongly about this. Therefore, given the IOC's strong stance on banned substances Super Macho Man has absolutely no shot.Mike Tyson - USA (Catskill, NY*):
Mike Tyson's Punch Out came out in 1987, which was definitely before the rape, jail time, ear biting, and everything else that went wrong with Tyson. Still in terms of creating an international incident he's right up there with Bald Bull and Soda Popinski. I can picture Tyson going into the stands Ron Artest style. At the same time Tyson says, "Is this kid a joke? Where's the real challenger?" That exemplifies an attitude that got the Americans in trouble in international play in 2002, 2004, and 2006. Add it all up and Mike Tyson does not make the cut.Little Mac and Doc - USA (Brooklyn): Right off the bat I know what you're thinking - Little Mac is way too short to play basketball, especially when you realize that Team USA purposely went with bigger guards (Jason Kidd and Deron Williams) in '08 after possibly being undersized in '04. However, Patrick Mills of Australia showed that a lightning quick, shorter guard can do some damage in that warm up game against Team USA. And I don't doubt that Little Mac ca
n move. So the biggest issue is that Little Mac is part of a package deal. He'd definitely want to bring Doc with him. It's similar to the way relatives or coaches of some high school basketball players join the staffs of the colleges those big time recruits choose to attend. Team USA would not want Doc on the staff. First of all he only gives vague advice to Little Mac. Secondly Doc pitches the Nintendo Fan Club at the worst possible moments, like when Tyson is pounding on Little Mac. And in the end the players on Team USA stay in excellent shape and would not go for jogging behind Doc's bike, which is his biggest strength as a coach. So Little Mac and Doc don't make the cut.* I listed Iron Mike's hometown as Catskill, NY because the game did. But let's not for a second pretend he's from anywhere but Brooklyn.
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