The New England Patriots 2008 Season Preview
It has been exactly 201 days since time ran out on the New England Patriots' run at a perfect 18-0 season. I have done my best to block all memory from this game from my mind. Alas, with the preseason in full swing and on the verge of the 2008-2009 season the inevitable “how the season ended montage” will be played again and again, and undoubtedly, I will see the Eli to Plaxico touchdown one thousand times before week 5 is over. I wrote back in February that this was the first time that I had become physically ill while watching a sporting event, and to this day, Eli slipping from the defensive lines grasp to complete his miracle pass to David Tyree evokes the same dry-heave response that I get from watching 2 Girls 1 Cup. Fortunately I have only seen it a couple of times...the Tyree catch that is.
However, as football season looms on the Horizon I am coming to terms with the disappointment of SuperBowl XLII and beginning to realize the potential benefits this loss might have for the Patriots as they prepare for the upcoming season, and a return to the pinnacle of the NFL. First, let’s look at some of their offseason activity:
Marijuana:
In 2007 it was HGH, now more Patriots (Kevin Faulk and Willie Andrews) were involved in weed related offenses this year than the Cincinnati Bengals. Does this mean that they will get off to a great start and then disintegrate during the last 5 weeks of the season? I think not. In fact this is all part of Robert Kraft’s plan to build up the bad boy image of the patriots while at the same time increasing merchandise sales in Vermont. Also it is well known that Marijuana affects a person’s memory, and hence, the entire secondary and running back corps should have completely forgotten about the Superbowl by week 1. As a sidenote, I know the bust cost Andrews his job but it still works…also, Faulk was busted at a Lil Wayne concert. I have to admit this does trouble me a little bit…the Lil Wayne part that is.
The offensive line
Logan Mankins is HARDCORE.
The offensive line struggled so much in the Superbowl that they were sent to India for several months to participate in “overcrowding prevention” or “unwanted female baby killing” to the lay person. This should make them a far meaner unit as a whole, and according to offensive line coaches around the league, should really improve their ability to block Justin Tuck. Look for fewer sacks of Tom Brady and increased incidences where lineman unleash spontaneous tears of remorse followed by a falling to the knees with arms extended towards the heavens while screaming "SOCIETY!", this has been known to effectively stifle Dwight Freeney.
Randy Moss
Fair enough
Many people wonder if last season was a fluke for Randy Moss. Will defensive coordinators figure him out? Impossible! As if it wasn’t strange enough that he went and started a Racing team this off-season, he also signed a sponsorship deal with….wait for it…PONY! That’s right, the official shoe of Senior Babe Ruth coaches who take their jobs too seriously. I don’t even remember the last time I saw a pair of Pony sneakers not at a yardsale in a cardboard box titled “make an offer”.
Two Visions I have had for the upcoming season:
1) Tom Brady and Randy Moss really are that good together. Pretty self explanatory… I think you will see these two absolutely torch opponents again this year. Remember Moss’ 3 touchdown’s in the first half against Miami last year? I seriously think he will have 5 in one game at some point. And when he does, I will buy a pair of Pony shoes and father a child out of wedlock and then agree to have it take the mothers last name. Badass!
2) The defensive line Kills either Matt Gutierrez or Matt Kassel in practice. Why would this happen? Well, first off at some point this year the Patriots will lose a regular season game. (I can’t take another undefeated run, it is too much pressure to deal with week after week so I hope they drop their regular season game to San Diego, and then beat them in the playoffs, again) The following week the defensive line will be so angry that Vince Wilfork, Richard Seymour, Jarvis Green, and Ty Warren will each grab one of the backup quarterback’s limbs and rip him into pieces. Sure this would be horrible, but it would also send a message to the younger players on the squad that “hey, we are not messing around here.” Also, it’s Matt Gutierrez and Matt Kassel we are talking about here, so no one will really care. When asked to comment on the horrific incident Bill Belichick will say, “they just de-limbed him…it is what it is…we are just trying to concentrate on the Bills. Buffalo is a good football team.”
Some Final Thoughts
I think it’s quite obvious that I am excited for 2008. I think that the pain of the Superbowl loss will prove to be the ultimate inspirational tool for this team. Consider this the Remorseless Revenge Tour 2008. Look for spreads to be covered, and then covered again. Last year was a reality check for all of the Patriots fans out there…a brutal, merciless reality check. Face it, losing to a team led by Eli Manning in the biggest game of the year was the only way that we could ever really begin to understand how truly amazing our upset of the Rams was in 2001. Now I appreciate that win a little bit more. This season I will do less yelling and celebrating and opt for more composed and solemn head nodding, occasionally throwing in a subtle fist pump to emphasize a particularly easy looking 11 play 89 yard scoring drive.
I think it’s quite obvious that I am excited for 2008. I think that the pain of the Superbowl loss will prove to be the ultimate inspirational tool for this team. Consider this the Remorseless Revenge Tour 2008. Look for spreads to be covered, and then covered again. Last year was a reality check for all of the Patriots fans out there…a brutal, merciless reality check. Face it, losing to a team led by Eli Manning in the biggest game of the year was the only way that we could ever really begin to understand how truly amazing our upset of the Rams was in 2001. Now I appreciate that win a little bit more. This season I will do less yelling and celebrating and opt for more composed and solemn head nodding, occasionally throwing in a subtle fist pump to emphasize a particularly easy looking 11 play 89 yard scoring drive.
Some Season Predictions:
1) Jerod Mayo is a standout on defense BUT does not win defensive rookie of the year… that goes to Bills CB Leodis McKelvin…hey he plays against Brett Favre and Chad Pennington TWICE each.
2) The Patriots win the AFC East…I know, I know, you think I’m crazy.
3) Brett Favre makes for a compelling story…and the Jets are relevant for a maximum of 8 weeks.
4) Speaking of the AFC East it finishes like this: New England, Buffalo, New York, Miami.
5) I don’t know why I picked Buffalo #2, but I did, so I’m sticking to it.
6) This is officially the season where LaDanian Tomlinson falls off…just wait for it.
7) The Arizona Cardinals actually make the post season.
8) Jerry Jones doesn't get plastic surgery...I know its a long shot but you've got to take risks every now and then.
9) Felix Jones proves to be the real cream of the crop for this years rookie running backs…I’ve been saying it all along…The New Priest Holmes!
10) They bring back Terry Tate Office Linebacker (I hope)
If this picture made a sound it would be the shriek of an 11 year old girl.
4 comments:
Babcock, I'm glad that you are able to take the 2001 upset of st. louis and use it to understand what a great feeling that game was for Giants fans. I'm not trying to rub it in, but it's just great because there is literally nothing anybody can ever say about that game that can tarnish it for me. Was that catch bullshit? Who knows, he made it. Should a bunch of those balls have been picked off? They weren't, so who gives a fuck. Were the patriots better than the giants last year? No question about it. Will they be better this year? Most likely. But, I just don't give a fuck. The Giants could go 0-16 and I probably wouldn't come down from this super bowl high until about week 9 (and it would probably be an ugly crash landing).
Anyways, I think what you've said about tempering your excitement is something all Patriots fans should think about. I don't think this fanbase meant to become so arrogant, but they were.
I remember the week after the game when I was talking to a customer at my old job who I talked sports with every day. I told him that I felt really fortunate and that it was a great game. He agreed. Then this crazy bastard starts yelling at me:
"just wait until next year, when we get you in New England, you guys are screwed!".........
ME: "Wait, why would we play you in New England next season?"
"Well you might."
ME: "Nope. we just played the AFC East this season. So, the only way it could happen literally would be in the Super Bowl again, and it's always played at a neutral site."
"Well then you're lucky, because we'd crush you."
ME: "I don't know. We went to Tampa and then Dallas and then Green Bay before beating you at a neutral site."
"Yeah, but nothing is like coming in to Foxborough."
ME: "Dallas and Green Bay are pretty tough places to play."
"They're NOTHING like Foxborogh"
ME: "You make it sound like Foxborogh is the 7th circle of hell."
"it is."
----You want to avoid these types of fans as much as you can. They obviously don't know shit about football and have a level of arrogance that is off the charts. I think that many Patriots fans got to this level during this 18-0 run (although it should be noted that babcock pellerin and ferrante were all very mature).
Trust me, you'll all like yourselves a little better this season.
It should be noted that I worked on Newbury Street and that this guy wore excessive hand jewelry. This might explain why he didn't understand that the Giants and Patriots wouldn't be playing this season.
Excessive hand jewelry is a tell tale sign of a true douchebag...on behalf of all patriots fans we disown this man.
Motion seconded, he is officially disowned.
Babcock I laughed out loud when I read your Belichick quote. Brilliant.
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