I wrote the following Open Letter to Jeff Garcia in 2004. At the time Garcia was a Cleveland Brown, struggling on the field, and dating Carmella DeCesare. Though I never heard back from Garcia, I figured now was as good a time as any to revisit the subject. Here goes:
"Mr. Garcia,
You came out of San Jose State and toiled in the CFL for five years before eventually starring in the NFL. You set quarterbacking records for a franchise that Joe Montana and Steve Young starred for before you. You made the Pro Bowl three straight years. It has been a good run. Now you are 35 and balding. The program lists you at 6-1, 200 pounds (2 measurements I don’t believe). Any snap now some 270 defensive end with fast twitch fibers could go Lawrence Taylor circa 1985 on you. It is time to put a ring on Carmella DeCesare’s finger before it’s too late. She is a former Playmate of the Year who once drop kicked another woman in the head for you. Maybe her call to WXYT 1270 to defend you was shades of Brenda Warner. But Brenda was never Playmate of the Year. If you keep this up you’re going to end up like George Costanza in the meat packing plant by day, exclusive club by night episode.
P.S. DeCesare is 23."
Some thoughts 4 years later:
- Not only did Garcia not retire, he played for not 1, not 2, but 3 teams after I wrote that open letter. In my defense he did not have success with the Browns and he broke his fibula the following season in Detroit. Not quite LT/Joe Theisman (click on that if you dare), but I'm going to give myself some credit here. Meanwhile, in Garcia's defense, he led the Eagles and Buccaneers to the playoffs and made it to a freaking Pro Bowl when a certain quarterback I'm tired of had to pull out of the game. Hint: said quarterback's last name rhymes with Carve.
- Speaking of that guy I'm tired of hearing about. When it was rumored that he might go to Tampa Bay, Garcia said the following about the Buccaneers' starting point guard job, “[I'm] going to choke it to death until somebody pulls my grip off of it." I wish I had the video of that press conference. It was mesmerizing.
- Garcia did marry DeCesare, albeit 3 years after I called for it to happen.
- I should mention that DeCesare was actually acquitted of the drop-kick charges. So we don't get to rank where said drop-kick would have fallen in the all time list. Yes Izzy Alcantara is still #1. And it's not close.
Random Questions That I'd Like to Throw Out to the Readers:
No matter what NFL squad you root, we all can agree that Lawrence Taylor is an absolute bad ass right? I mean even fans of the other NFC East teams have to recognize that. Hell I begrudgingly respect Dan Marino for all of the damage he did to the New England Patriots in my youth. And LT is on a completely different level as a player and as a bad ass. So here's my question: What do you make of LT jumping around trying to get Theisman medical attention?
Ladainian Tomlinson has quietly morphed into a guy fans love to hate. And it has nothing to do with his incredible talent. Looking back I'm not entirely sure how it happened. However, hypothetically speaking, what if he had come out and said, "There is only one LT - Lawrence Taylor. Please don't call me LT. I won't respond to it or talk to any media members who refers to me as such. I want nothing to do with that nickname. It's taken...forever"? Wouldn't we all feel a little better about him. That is all.
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6 comments:
I hate LaDainian. If he had given that quote that you described rejecting the LT label, I'd have his fathead on my wall, I'd have his jersey, I'd be willing to draft him in fantasy (I realize that my refusal to is the stupidest thing in the world), and I would actually like the Chargers.
Seems reasonable
That quote is awesome because while he's talking about his job with the Bucs, he's actually talking about his career in general. The guys holding on for deal life. He won't let it go.
At the same time, his performance for SF against the G-Men in the 2002 playoffs was one of the worst days of my life (the next day I had surgery to fix a knot in the vein leading to my left testicle, which was nowhere near as bad as watching that game. At least they gave me oxycontin and I got to go home and play video games for the next two weeks in one of those no idea what time or day or month it is kind of drug hazes).
I hate LaDanian, too, but for different reasons: he's a whiny bitch whose always injured and always hiding behind his nasty o-line
take someone like portis and you have a back about the same size with ten times more heart and a noticible lack of attitude which negativly affects his teammates
although stat wise ladanian is better, id take portis 100% of the time
and no, even if he said that about the real LT, i wouldnt give a shit; everyone knows it anyway
I like Portis but Tomlinson is a beast. And he definitely had some big years early on for some bad Chargers teams.
Ted, I can't agree with you. I agree with the sentiment completely. But, I'd have to seriously question any GM that would take Portis over Tomlinson.
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