Notes on the Boston Celtics

I intended to write this post before the news of Kevin Garnett's continued injury woes surfaced. However, I got distracted and now its inevitable that Doc Rivers' recent take on the situation, "It's just not progressing the way we anticipated it would progress" will linger over the entire post. But here goes.

- Mike Gorman and the ABC crew have done a great job pointing it out, but it deserves my attention. Eddie House has been outrageously hot from deep. Dating back to January 12th, over a 36-game stretch, he's gone 79-152 from beyond the arc. That's 52%. In one 4-game strech he went 7-11 (Miami), 0-1 (Orlando), 7-11 (Dallas) and 8-9 (Sacramento). Factor in the entire Eddie House experience and it has been tremendous to watch. Though I'm rightfully concerned by the Stephon Marbury/House pairing on the defensive end, it's nice to see the former ASU star get minutes at the 2, run off screens, and get it done.

- As well as House has shot he's got nothing on Paul Pierce, who has had some fantastic stretches. I know the game went to overtime and Dwyane Wade didn't suit up, but it doesn't take away from the fact that Pierce was lights out against Miami. He pulled a similar effort in defeat the previous night in Chicago. He's evolved into a tremendous weapon from around the free throw line. Yet Pierce still takes it to the rack and gets to the line. And when KG made his short lived return the Truth immediately worked to get Garnett back in the flow of the offense. Pierce's growth as a player has been rocky and ultimately rewarding.

- A while back Mike Gorman's disdain for Carmelo Anthony's game came through in Boston's trip to Denver. Gorman went as far to say that he wouldn't trade a bag of balls for Anthony. Ignoring the obvious salary cap issues with the proposed deal I was somewhat bothered by the commentary. First of all the Celtics broadcast crew is widely considered to be the most biased in the entire Association. Tommy Heinsohn and Donny Marshall see to that. So I've always relied on Gorman to stay above the fray, provide some objectivity and keep the broadcast from falling into an unmitigated Celtics love fest. That's particularly the case when Marshall is on the air as Heinsohn has earned the right to do whatever he wants given his decade long assocication with the organization. Furthermore, I don't entirely agree with Gorman's assessment. Yes, he knows the players better than I do and has the best seat in the house. However, Carmelo can flat out score. And though he's made it into the headlines for his fair share of idiocy, it's way too early to cut ties with the former Syracuse star. Just look at Pierce's growth and maturation process.

- I might be in the minority on this one, but I was a little disappointed to see Mikki Moore and Stephon Marbury running around in the numbers formerly worn by Big Al and Antoine. Granted the C's have a lot of unavailable numbers. And Jefferson and Walker didn't exactly have the most distinguished careers. I just felt that same way I did when I first saw Rocco Baldelli's rocking Nomar's #5. I'd feel better if those numbers were taken by better players or guys with a future in Boston. In the end it's really a minor thing. More importantly Moore's love of personal fouls and Marbury's inconsistent play have concerned me. Still it's hard to join a team late in the season and there are signs of both guys coming along. And no matter what happens Marbury took a charge against Tim Duncan of all people. True story.

- I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Stan Van Gundy. I tend to agree that he's one of the better coaches in the NBA. I follow the line of thinking that the Shaq feud was pretty one sided and unnecessary on the Diesel's end. Van Gundy's defense of Patrick Ewing/shots at the Knicks caught me off guard. However, it's always admirable to see a head coach try to get his assistants to the next level. In fact it's something that probably doesn't happen enough. So ultimately my hesitation on Van Gundy comes down to 2 things.

1. We'll never know exactly what went down, but he was bounced in Miami by Pat Riley who then took the Heat all the way. Does that happen with Van Gundy? Once again we'll never know. And while Van Gundy has clearly bounced back well, it does linger at least somewhat. Maybe that's just me.

2. Van Gundy was recently critical of Boston and its injuries excuse: "I want to know how some teams get on the list, where they get excuses and other teams are not on that list. All I've been hearing about is all the injury problems the Celtics have had this year." Is he right? Maybe. Still there's no denying that losing KG, Leon Powe and as weird as it may sound Brian Scalabrine has had a noticeable impact. The C's are incredibly thin at the 4 and by extension the 5 as some of the aforementioned guys get minutes at center as well. Factor in Rajon Rondo's ankle issues and that's a legitimate excuse. At the same time every team has injuries. Off the top of my head LA (Andrew Bynum), San Antonio (Manu Ginobili), Orlando (Jameer Nelson), Cleveland (Ben Wallace), Milwaukee (Michael Redd), Philadelphia (Elton Brand), and Washington (Gilbert Arenas) come to mind. The list goes on.

Ultimately I always prefer the Bill Belichick style refusal to even acknowledge injuries. And of course Van Gundy is doing his job attacking the bullies in the East. It just makes me want to see the C's drive the dagger through the Magic even more. That's it for now.

Guatemala and Jerseys

A few weeks back I headed down to Guatemala. Whenever I leave the country I always have several goals:

1. Don't get arrested.

2. Eat some local cuisine. Unhealthy in a caloric sense is a plus. Of course any type of Montezuma's Revenge scenario is not.

3. Do something that would be hard/impossible to experience in New England.

4. Keep track of NBA jerseys.

In the words of Will Ferrell, "I think I did alright." (Sadly I spent the last 20 minutes trying to find the classic "Delco Cat Toys" skit that I just referenced. It's nowhere to be found. If you haven't seen it I'm deeply sorry.) Ultimately goal #4 is the only one that really has any relevance right now. So let's get right down to the rankings.

Honorable mention: Though this is really about NBA jerseys I did get a kick out of a number of random t-shirts. In the end the Springfield YMCA basketball t-shirt stood above the rest. It's at least slightly odd to come across in a village of people mainly of Mayan descent.

5. Kobe Bryant's #24 home jersey: As a Celtics fan one would expect this would grab the final spot. First of all it's Kobe. And second of all I despise his move away from #8 to #24. But the owner of said jersey flew by me at a high speed on a motorcycle. This deserves respect for a couple of reasons:

- The roads in Guatemala are treacherous. Think of the worst frost heave hit road you've come across and you're on the right track.

- I found little to no evidence of road rules. Yes, I saw a few pick up trucks pulled over with police standing by with intimidating guns. In fact we were pulled over at one point so the police could check us out. However, pedestrians have no rights, everyone (sugarcane trucks included, which are outrageously long and in a hurry) passes with reckless abandon, and though there were some posted speed limits, the government/police seem to rely on numerous speed bumps instead. Add it all up and it's not that easy to drive around. Of course the motorcycle only increases the degree of difficulty.

Having said all that it's still Kobe. So he's last, but I thought about it.

4. Jason Kidd. Team unknown: I was a passenger in a yellow school bus, the kind you see on American streets everyday, that was in the process of dangerously passing another yellow school bus. As this happened I saw several old women hacking branches with machetes, three policemen brandishing guns by a pickup truck they pulled over, and a random dude in a J-Kidd jersey. It was too much to take in at once and I blanked on the team. Sadly it was definitely not a cleverly made volleyball throwback style jersey created on the heels of completely unfounded, borderline irresponsible rumors.

3. KG's home Timberwolves jersey: This gains points because KG is involved. Yet it's lower on the list because the owner lives in Texas most of the time. I think that matters. Meanwhile, though this has absolutely no relevance, I am intrigued by KG's new commercial.

2. Vince Carter's purple Raptors jersey: It's important that you disregard everything I previously wrote about Kobe. Here goes. I actually like Vince Carter, mainly because nearly everyone despises him. It's not that I admire everything about his game, his last days in Toronto or his legacy. And I understand the criticism. Most of it seems to revolve around his unwillingness to go to the rim, a tendency to get franchise player money and not deserve it and a collective decision that he wasted his talent. It just seems like animosity towards a player gets to a certain point where everybody makes the same critiques time after time and he becomes underrated. Put it this way. There are some guys on this list stealing money and Carter is by no means the biggest offender. Bonus points because the owner was seven years old and was carrying a cinder block on his shoulder. Awesome.

1. Jermaine O'Neal's blue Pacers jersey: I always enjoyed O'Neal's good Indy teams. And as a fan of the NBA I'm still a little bummed out that core did not reach its natural end. Unless of course you think Ron Artest charging into the stands with Stephen Jackson and the subsequent suspensions/trades was its natural end. As a side note if I'd seen a Ron Artest jersey it would have been #1 on the list and out of respect I would have ranked the next jersey #3. But that almost goes without saying.

Where Will Amazing Happen This Year?........Hopefully the Same Place.

I love the NBA's new "Where Will Amazing Happen This Year?" line of playoff commercials. Far superior to the half-faces from last year (even though those did start to grow on me). There are some good ones...Brandon Roy hitting a long 3, LeBron driving past Pierce for a huge dunk, Dwight Howard throwing down a hard two hander.

But, none are as fantastic as this. I was at this game, and I remember how weird it was for Pierce to get so horizontal on a finish. As great as March Madness is, you just don't get the same level of artistry as you do in the NBA:



Brings a tear to my eye, warms my heart, and makes me hard all at the same time....


Another favorite play from last year's playoffs. Chris Paul is ridiculous:

Thank You Mizzou

Congratulations to the Missouri Tigers on a great win last night. That is not a fluke. Wins like that don't just happen at this stage of the tournament. However, for my purposes, all Mizzou has really done is made Connecticut's road to the national championship a little bit easier. The Big 12 has been very impressive thus far, but the Big East is still king. I love JT Tiller, but there is just no way that Mizzou can win against this UCONN team if they continue playing the way they have. Stanley Robinson's emergence has made Connecticut the clear front-runner. AJ Price, Hasheem Thabeet, and Jeff Adrien will simply be too much for the Tigers.




And, while we're on the subject of Connecticut, let me just say that I couldn't be bothered less by the recent recruiting allegations. They are probably true, and UCONN will happily give up scholarships (or whatever else it needs to do). But, I just don't care.

I think you should be able to call high school juniors as many times as you want. And, I think that if you're meeting with them, you should be able to take them out to dinner and pay for it. I don't think you can give them cars and homes, and I don't think you can pay them to sign like the fab five. I know the "slippery slope" argument, but there has to be a way to draw the line. It's a free recruiting market man. You have to let them know that you want them. To do that you need to be in touch with them. If you're in the area, take them out to dinner. If you want them to hear about what it's like to be in the program from someone other than a coach, have an ex-player take them out to dinner and tell them about it. This all seems like common courtesy and smart recruiting to me. And, I don't see how it hurts anybody. When these kids are juniors, they have already had tons of exposure, and they're going to have to pick from many suitors. Why shouldn't that process start full on during their junior year?

Embrace The Weekend.

Pitt looked like shit. Louisville is sucking it up right now. Things are looking ripe for the Huskies, and I'm looking forward to seeing another banner raised in Storrs. And, on the flip side, we've got KG returning tonight in an epic matchup. I was there when we lost to these fuckers on a Sunday afternoon. I want blood tonight.

Great Herald piece here. I always knew Tony Parker was an asshole. You can also see him being dry and boring on this basketball jones interview from All-Star weekend.


And, for this embrace the weekend, I want to listen to Alone by Heart....don't judge me. KG is clearly singing it in the above picture.

Marching Towards Madness

There is pretty much no way that I can write a dedicated post to just one of the many thoughts that have been swimming around my head in the last few weeks so I'm gona have to lay down some randomness and let the reader(s) sort it out.

- First off who the hell gives a shit about the WBC. The only people I know who are even paying semi-close attention are a bunch of Puerto Ricans I used to work with at my old job and now that they are out of it I'm sure I know no one. The bottom line is that international baseball competitions are always suspect because the best players are inevitably MLB'ers who are either A) not there to begin with or B) being held back by their major league club/own self interest. Really the only time I was even remotely interested in checking a game out was one of the times Cuba was playing, and that was only to see if there was anyone the Sox should help defect. Never mind that it has to compete with the best college basketball of the season and the NBA stretch run. Boo in general.

- Speaking of college basketball, this tourney looks to me like one of the most open fields in years. Just a rough estimate looking at my bracket and I could legitamitely see 15-20 teams that could make a run at not just the final four but the actual title. There are some 2,3 and 4 seeds that I think could be very dangerous. Last year all four #1 seeds made the final four. I don't think there is any chance that happens this year.

- The patriots have had a pretty active off season so far and for the most part I am pleased. If Belichick can somehow turn the 2nd rounder they got from KC into Julius Peppers before the draft even happens...well, you know....

VICTORY!!!!!!

A friend of mine who lives in Carolina and has watched him for the last two years swears that he is the Vince Carter of the NFL and the Patriots do not want him. I have ceased communicating with this individual but will ask the Roomofzen, yea or nay?

- I know the whole steroid use in baseball conversation has pretty much blown its load and I have heard Roomofzener's state that they don't give a shit but I have to say that I do. One of the best things to love about basball is the way numbers can be crunched to give a fairly accurate depiction of who were the dominate players of their era. During the late 80's and into the 90's with the advent of Sabermetrics these types of conversations were almost to the point were you could prove that Pedro was the most dominant pitcher for a 3-4 year period since Sandy Koufax. Now in the aftermath of around two decades of tainted baseball we are at a point when those conversations will probably never be had again. At the end of the day I enjoy watching these monstars kick the shit out of the ball and throw nasty stuff night after night out of the bullpen but the purity of the game is gone and it will never return.

(If this sounds preachy or gay I apologize but it how I feel)

- Finally I have been on a Simpsons kick for about the last three weeks. Now I'm sure most of you out their in TV Land became enamored with Family Guy in college or what not(I definitely did) but the Simpsons is the far better show. FG has lost a lot of its luster for me. This is not to say I don't watch anymore because I most certainly do but when you compare it with the Simpsons it is not even a contest. Firstly the animation is about 1000 times better. Second their are actual storylines, not just "that's like the time I..." or "thats worse than...", these are still funny but it gets a little tiresome. I feel like when I'm watching the new episodes I only really laugh like a bastard 1 out of 3. The Simpsons on the other hand contains a whole world unto itself. The amount of supporting charecters in the show is enormous and you don't have to sit through Seth Macfarlane's weird obsession with musicals/vaudville. I could keep going but I'm at work and its quiting time so peace out homies.

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Randy Moss Picture

Someday I'd like to have a house with a room completely designated for the enjoying sports on television. When that happens, I'd like to frame this picture as the centerpiece:




There is no athlete we love at this site more than Randy Moss. Thank you to Shutdown Corner for this badass pic.

Roomofzen Archives Part 2: NFL Week 1 Wrap up, 2004.

I always say that I wished we had discovered blogging in college, because that is really the ideal environment from which to blog. When you take into account the number of hours we spent watching and arguing about sports, it easily surpasses your typical 40 hour work week. A creative outlet like this would have flourished under our hands, and it probably would have helped me channel my energy more positively. However, we never knew what we were missing. Instead, the roomofzen found its early beginnings in the Bowdoin Orient, the nation's oldest continually running college newspaper. Sometimes I like to thumb through the archives to see what I thought about various matters related to sports. I like to look back on old NFL previews anyways, to reflect on how much things changed. However, it's even better to do it with yourself because you can really remember things that bugged you (for instance, apparently I felt compelled to call Jerome Bettis a "touchdown thief" in the article below).


This piece was written after week 1 of the 2004 season. According to this article, this is where we started to see flashes of promise in the Cardinals. It is also funny to read about Michael Vick and have the content be strictly limited to football.

Billy Ripken Speaks on the Fuck Face Card

I don't know how I missed this story in December. But, here it is, the story of the 1989 Fleer Billy Ripken Fuck Face Card 20 years later. Apparently Billy wrote "fuck face" on the bat so that he would know it was his batting practice bat (from a shipment of bats that he did not like enough to use in a game). Thank god for things like this.

I was really into this card a few years ago, and even downloaded the CD of the indie band from Hampshire College "The Billy Ripken Fuckface Card". That CD is no longer on Itunes and all evidence of that band seems to have vanished from the internet. Either way, I am surprised that I didn't read this until now. Better late than never I guess.

NBA Says The Celtics Are Not Dirty

It's too bad the league can't take back the ejection as well:


"Glen Davis had his Flagrant 2 penalty from Friday’s win over Cleveland reduced to a Flagrant 1 foul by the league. He was ejected with nine minutes left in the third quarter for his hard hit on Anderson Varejao."


"I thought it was a nice hard play,” said Davis. “I’m not intentionally trying to hurt (anybody). It was kind of an awkward situation because I got there late and I thought I had my hand on the ball. It was kind of weird, but the refs called their call and I thought I did the right play. So I’ve got to live with it. Everybody knows I’m a nice guy. (I’m not) trying to hurt nobody.”





It should be noted here that Kendrick Perkins has also had two of his technical fouls taken back by the league. He now has 8 fewer techs than the league leader (Sheed) this season, and is also behind Stephen Jackson, James Posey, Melo, Amar'e and NBA posterboys Dwight Howard and Chauncey Billups. At 9, Perk is tied with (among others) Chris Bosh, Nate Robinson, Shaq, and........wait for it........Dwayne Wade. Not exactly tough company.


The message is clear. The officials need to keep themselves more in check and not allow their view to be biased by the reputation of the big, bad, dirty Celtics. This would be a MUCH bigger deal if the Cavs had won on Friday night.


Cheap Trick: Dream Police. Sick.





UPDATE:

For the record, and just so people don't think I'm overly-biased, I just want to state that I also don't think Trevor Ariza's foul on Rudy Fernandez last night was a dirty play. It was a flagrant foul for sure because he got him on the head area, but like Big Baby I think he was just trying to play the ball. Ariza is a high energy player, and this was a big matchup against another conference power. If he had made a clean block from behind, or if he had even just fouled him normally and prevented the field goal, we'd be praising his hustle. He was trying to do those things (in order of preference). It's a thin line.......



However, I am still a little slanted in my perspective, so I'm calling for Lamar Odom to be suspended for coming off the bench. If he's not, fans in Phoenix should be outraged.

Ziller on Big Baby's Foul

Ziller is one of the best basketball bloggers out there, and that goes a long way in my book. However, I have to take issue with this post. I think he's giving in to the anti-celtic mentality (which is very prevalent), and I think he's better than that.

The success of the Celtics has been predicated on defensive intensity. They do not allow easy buckets, ever. Every night when they take the floor, their goal is to outwork the opposition on the defensive end. That leads to win. That is their philosophy. When people talk about the change in ideology that Kevin Garnett brought to this team, that is the change to which they are referring. The change has been most apparent in the play of Paul Pierce, but the entire team has embraced the philosophy of relentless effort on the defensive end.

Last night's win required this team to take their intensity to another level. After giving up 100 points in two consecutive games, I had serious doubts about whether the Cs would be able to overcome the defensive voids left by KG and Tony Allen against the league's most explosive scorer. There's only one way to beat the Cavs, and that is to keep them out of the paint. Make LeBron a jump shooter, because he'll eat you alive if you let him get to the rim........

I mean, usually he will.....




Anyways, like I said, you need to make him a jump shooter. It's certainly easier said than done, and it was clear from the very start last night: the Celtics were going to contest anything and everything in the paint. Their intensity was at a playoff level, and anything less would have most likely resulted in a loss.


To be honest with you, I really don't have a problem with Big Baby's foul. I do understand that it was a flagrant 2 and he deserved to be ejected. However, it's hard for me to see this as a "dirty play" because it was part of the motion of basketball. He wasn't trying to injure Anderson Varejao. He was trying to contest his drive. Now, he was certainly out of position, which led to a very reckless attempt. But, the theme of the night was to contest everything, and the Varejao was cold as ice from the line. I really don't think he collared him on purpose. He just wasn't in control of his body. Big Z had a very similar motion against Leon Powe at the start of the fourth quarter. He very easily could have caught Powe's kneck. But, he didn't. Being caught out of position, and trying to make up for it are part of the game.

This, to me is the dirtiest play of the NBA season:



This is a non-basketball play that results from frustration. I feel the same way about a clothesline. Big Baby was just trying to deny Varejao from scoring. The Celtics are physical, but I really don't think it is dirty. Will other teams try to match the Celt's physicality? They might. But, this is a big, strong group of guys, and I don't really think there are many teams out there that can bang with them. It is one of their strengths, which is why they play that way. It's not like other teams have the same muscle as the C's but are choosing to hold it back.


Quickly: On Pierce running over Mo Williams, I don't feel bad that it wasn't called. That officiating was extremely one-sided. The Cavs should have been to the line more, but not that much more. I specifically remember Pierce driving hard left and scoring on a baby hook and being slapped on the head in the process. The Celtics were attacking the basket all night, and they were not getting any calls.

With The Playoffs Approaching.....

It only seems right that you should have one of these suckers...




Order it here ......


Also, if you haven't been by in a while (we can't blame you), check out below. We've had a lot of good stuff this week. We keep gaining strength as the warm weather moves in.

Rajon Rondo

Here's to a speedy recovery from that rolled ankle last night.

More Youtube: Kelvin Taylor

Football fans all over New England (except for me, who didn't give a shit) were ecstatic when they heard that the Patriots signed veteran running back Fred Taylor, who is still a huge impact player when healthy.

They will significantly less ecstatic if he moves his family to Massachusetts, and his son starts steamrolling their children:

Note: You may not be that impressed, but he's in the 8TH GRADE and he's playing against high schoolers.

Mike Williams, Vince Young, and Gynecology.

Via Shutdown Corner, this is incredible:

Hearing Crickets

Forget his reputation as a team destroyer. I really believe that the impact of his personality is minimal here. Certainly, his history of being a me-first guy would scare some teams away. But, more often than not people are willing to completely look past those character flaws if you have the kind of talent that Terrell Owens does.

I am living proof of this phenomenon, as I sit here hoping that somehow Plaxico Burress will get off on his gun possession charges so that I can get back to the good old days when he would show up late to practice, skip workouts, and butt heads with the coaching staff and front office on a regular basis. I should not want him anywhere near the Giants training facility. But I do, because what he does on Sunday afternoon totally makes up for his behavior during the rest of the week (accidental self-inflicted gunshot wounds included).

Historically, Owens has been able to draw suitors regardless of what he might have done to tear apart his previous locker rooms. Someone was always willing to give him another shot. He makes his team better on the field. Nobody can dispute that. You can't coach height and you can't coach speed. That's what they say about guys like this, and it's true. Unfortunately for TO, you also can't coach youth, and that is why the 35 year old receiver has very little leverage in this situation.


The kind of contract that TO will be looking for is typically backloaded pretty heavily. I can see a team dumping a lot of money into TO for one season, but Drew Rosenhaus will no doubt be trying to get his volatile client something more long term. But, if you're a GM, how in the world can you justify pledging a large sum of money to a 37 or 38 year old Terrell Owens? I know the guy is a freak, but all the hyperbaric chambers in the world won't keep his speed from diminishing as he approaches 40. And, as his skills diminish, so to will his role in the offense. And then....once his physical skills are less of a factor.....his personality suddenly seems so much more important. This is not a guy who is going to be willing to take a lesser role for the team, and he's certainly not the kind of guy (a la Vinny Testaverde or Sam Madison) that you bring in to help mentor your younger players. There is just nothing positive that an almost 40 year old TO can bring to your franchise.

This whole thing reminds me of the Manny negotiations in a way. Teams will be happy to pay big bucks in the short term, but are going to be hesitant to fork over long term money. Drew Rosenhaus (like Scott Boras) will drag it out because he will be completely unwilling to accept any reasonable offer (which I have no problem with. These two are very good at their jobs). In the end, TO will end up settling for something less than he wanted and more than what he really should be getting. And, because teams already know that they either want a happy and motivated TO or no TO at all, they are not even going to bother entering the sweepstakes.

There are really only three teams stupid enough(yes, I have a group of smart teams and dumb teams) to pay TO the way he might want. The first one just cut him. So I guess they're out.


The second is the Raiders. Al Davis has no fucking idea what's going on in terms of the cap, and he clearly has no concept of how age can affect one's performance at work. It's hard for me to believe they have cap room to make this happen after all the contracts they took on last season, but if he wants it bad enough, it can happen. All he has to do is give the order. People will make cap space or heads will roll. He's just crazy enough to do it. He loves players with character issues. He loves the long bomb down the field and refuses to incorporate the principles of the West Coast offense into his team's offensive system. TO would be a nice fit here.

The third is the Redskins. Nothing they do ever makes football sense (except signing Albert Haynesworth. I'm surprised they knew that was a good idea). It's all about increasing ticket sales. They also have a long and well-documented history (at least over the past 8-10 years) of dishing out huge amounts of money for old veterans that are clearly past their prime. It started with Bruce Smith, Deion Sanders is probably the most memorable, and most recently it was Jason Taylor. TO could be the next link in the long line of washed up veterans to receive handouts from Dan Snyder.

A Look Into A New Era

From Lion In Oil : A study done by mycelebrityfashion.co.uk found that most European men (34% of the over 1,000 polled) would be more turned on by seeing their sexual partner in bed wearing the jersey of their favorite soccer team than seeing them wearing "sexy lingerie", fantasy role playing outfits, normal nightwear, and even nothing at all.


I'm sure there are people out there who will find this study shocking, and chalk it up as a testament to how fanatical European soccer fans are. I for one was not shocked, and am in fact surprised that the number was not higher than 34%. This is not rocket science. There is nothing hotter than a girl dressed up in a jersey of your favorite team. Every guy knows that. But, they would never say it. That's what makes this study so groundbreaking. We need to get this information disseminated to females everywhere.

Women have been led horribly astray by all of the advertising that's out there. Yeah, sexy lingerie is nice, don't get me wrong. It will never be turned down. Naked is great. It speaks to our primal instincts. French Maid outfits, Police uniforms with handcuffs, full black leather suits with whips and nipple clamps......for the most part, guys are always open to adventure. But, ladies, things don't need to be so hard. You don't need to drop 100 dollars on underwear, and you don't need to degrade yourself by sneaking in and out of sex shops wearing a large trench coat and sunglasses. It's a nice gesture, and we appreciate it. But, if you really want to give us what we're looking for, all you need to do is remember the famous words that Warren Sapp shouted to Mike Sherman and put a jersey on.





I'll be honest, I read this article this morning, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. There is so much more to be uncovered, and I think that there's a lot of money to be made now that we've cleared the air on this subject. Never again shall NFL Shop catalogs use males or blank space to model their jerseys. They will use buxom women. Guys know they can buy the jersey to wear to the game. But, when they see this women wearing it while striking a sexually suggestive pose, they will feel completely compelled to buy. I expect Internet jersey sales to skyrocket across the four major sports.

Now, I have been struck by a number of random thoughts, questions, and rules on this subject and I feel the need to get them out here:

1) Redhead or not, A Brian Scalabrine jersey is NOT a turn-on.

2) Which sports jerseys are the most sexually appealing and why? My mind gravitates directly to football and basketball, but those are also my two favorite sports to watch. Baseball could work unbuttoned, but overall I'd say it's the weakest.

3) Hockey jerseys have to have their own discussion here. At first, I dismissed them quickly because there is too much skin covered. However, it's hard to simply dismiss the sex appeal of a classic styled jersey with the top laces undone. If you're unfamiliar with this style, see below (I know the Rangers wear them):



This look is very classy, and says a lot about the girl with which you're sleeping. If you find girl who sleeps in an untied Chris Drury jersey, you take her home to mom right away.

4) What type of footwear goes best with the jersey? I once knew a girl (this couple's identity will remain confidential) who bought her boyfriend a Jeremy Shockey red Giants jersey (which could only be pulled off by a non-blonde. A blonde might appear a little too close to reality) for his birthday. She surprised him with it by wearing it with nothing else but red high heels. Matching heels are nice, but are they the ideal match? What about a pair of Air Jordans? Is this taking things too far? Difficult to say. (Note: The Shockey jersey would have been perfect for some hate fucking last summer, and would now no longer be effective).

5) Why aren't strip clubs on top of this? Babcock and I discussed the city of Tampa and it's lack of imagination on our pre-super bowl podcast. The city has 42 strip clubs, EXACTLY the number of Super Bowls that had occurred at that point. Having each one devoted to a specific super bowl and having the girls shed their sparkly high dresses for jerseys of players and teams from those historic game seems like a no-brainer. The introduction of jerseys would be a great way for strip clubs to up their purchases of lapdances. What would be the most common jersey amongst strippers? My money is on LeBron....I have no basis for this, but I think it's true.



Don't tell me you wouldn't buy champagne from this lovely lady....


6) What exactly makes the best jersey to wear? It's difficult to say. I don't think it necessarily has to be your favorite team, or even a team that you like. I hate the Lakers as much as anybody in Boston, but the thought of a girl coming to bed in a Magic Johnson jersey scratches me right where I itch. Scal, as I said, is a no go. KG is a go. As much as I love Eli Manning, I don't see this jersey doing anything for me. But, a Tim Tebow jersey would be great. I don't think I could get in to a Charlotte Bobcats jersey, but I think I'd be all over a UNC tarheel basketball jersey or a Penn State football jersey. Who knows.

7) Pink jerseys do not apply here. In fact, there is not a bigger turnoff out there than the pink Red Sox shirt or hat. Only the real thing please.


8) Why do we feel this way? We don't want to sleep with these athletes. Do we feel like we might somehow take on some of their powers by engaging in coitus with their jersey? Do we feel like it somehow solidifies a connection that we want desperately to have with them? I have read comments on sites (this article has been linked all over) by people who feel that jocks and sports fans have repressed homosexual tendencies. I feel very secure in my sexuality, and I really don't think it's homoerotic. A hot girl in a KG jersey is hot. However, I can say with quite a bit of certainty that I am not sexually attracted to KG himself. Who knows. Whatever it is, I assume it is probably related to the same underlying feelings that cause us to buy these jerseys for ourselves in the first place.


9) Does this have to end at major sports? What about pro wrestling? Would a girl dressed up with arm ribbons, boots, and face paint like the ultimate warrior do it for you? It's hard for anybody to say yes or no for sure without actually putting themselves in this situation. There is a lot of market research still to be done. And, at what point does the line become blurred between sports memorabilia and role playing outfits?




10) Finally, while I'm writing, I feel the need to chime in on what I think are the best jerseys for this type of thing. Here they are...the all-star team...hopefully appearing soon at a gentlemen's club near you:

This Guy's The Man.

See more here on Ball Don't Lie . The President attended Friday night's matchup between the Wizards and his hometown Bulls. It probably shouldn't matter to me that he enjoys taking in an NBA game and drinking a beer. I did the same in Boston on Friday night. Perhaps we are of the same minds. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Leave your thoughts.