Sunday Morning

A sick Baroness live video:



Because tommorow is New Year's Eve, this week's edition of Foil in the Oven will be released a few days late. However, please keep checking back with us throughout the week, as we will have lots of great stuff for you.

The final question

This question was somehow lost in the shuffle of the pre-game post. Since it is still relevant even after the game, I thought we'd include it. It is me asking Babcock.

7) I have been a Randy Moss fan since his Marshall days. I have a fathead of him. I have had many Patriots fans (not you, but others) criticizing this decision. They said things like "how can you like a guy like that? He embodies everything that's wrong with pro sports!" "The Pats would NEVER get a guy like that!" Well, now they all worship him. So, obviously I assume that you've been pleased with the acquisition of Moss. Is re-signing him a blank check situation for you? Are you willing to pay anything? How far would this offense drop off without him (I have my own thoughts. I won't share them, but I think you know what they are).

Babcock: I think the Patriots need to sign Moss...Here's why: First Tom Brady has never had the kind of weapons that he has had this season, sure we've all heard that a million times this year but the numbers don't lie. You can do things in an offense when you have Randy Moss that you simply cannot do with any other receiver in the NFL. With Welker and Watson underneath and Moss over the top Brady is going to have the ability to put up huge numbers every year (Note: I am assuming that Stallworth and Gaffney are expendable here...they are good receivers but they are easily replaceable in my opinion.) Besides Brady himself no other single player is going to provide the offensive production that Moss can. Beyond this, I think that Moss wants to stay with the Pats. He has been in some shitty situations and now has a chance to play with one of the best QBs ever on a team that will compete to win a championship every year. I think this matters. Also, he is not going to have the chance to put up the same numbers anywhere else in the league, thus securing his legacy as one of the best receivers in NFL history and putting his name in the record books.

As a side note, I am staying in my cousin's bedroom in Santa Cruz, CA and next to the bed is a framed autographed picture of Randy Moss... he has been among my first thoughts every day since I got here. I also almost bought a Moss jersey at Logan airport but you can't get a good deal on a jersey at an Airport kiosk, everyone knows that.

I had hoped that a deal would get worked out before now, but at the same time its always good to leave contract negotiations aside until after the season, they certainly don't need any more distractions. The Patriots may have a reputation for being cold hearted when it comes to its personnel decisions which is great in this case because there would be nothing more cold hearted that they could do besides resign Moss. Basically they would be saying "Fuck You we are going to be nasty for X number of years" to the rest of the NFL. The rich getting richer in other words. As far as the character issues that you mentioned, I can't argue with you there. New England sports fans are notorious douchebags. Speaking only for myself I can say honestly that I never thought Moss was a bad idea...given the amount they paid for him. Now it would be ridiculous to not pay him, and pay him well (I won't try to give you a number here but it should be among the better deals for a receiver in the NFL taking of course into consideration the complete incompetency of most GMs in the NFL) Also, to pat myself on the back I predicted that Welker would have 1000 yards receiving this year, so I am on my way to an OTB right now.




I can't wait to see this thing all finished, Im going to get fruitloops

---A seperate note: I have been a Randy Moss fan for a long time, and anyone who knows me knows that I have been supportive of him this year and I have been very happy that he has done well. The one thing that made me happy tonight (in a game that was otherwise very frustrating) was seeing Moss in his interview stating that the best part about the record was shutting up his critics. I never understood what problems people had with this guy, but I couldn't be happier for him.

Not Perfect Yet

With our favorite teams squaring off on Saturday night, his with a perfect regular season hanging in the balance, Babcock and I thought a pre-game podcast might be in order. Unfortunately, we don't have pod-cast technology yet at room of zen (or, if we do, we obviously don't know how to use it). So, instead we opted for e-mail correspondence. The premise here is simple, we each e-mailed each other questions earlier in the week, and now the questions and answers will be posted. If you are unfamiliar with either of these teams, we hope that you will read this post, and maybe carry a new perspective into Saturday night's game. If you are familiar with them both, then please feel free to take issue with anything we say and e-mail us at roomofzen@gmail.com . So, without further ado, here is the transcript (copy and paste) of our conversation.

First, my questions to Babcock on the Patriots:

1) Obviously this Patriots team has been putting together one of the greatest seasons in history, and has a great chance to go 16-0. What is more important to you as a fan, a perfect season or the super bowl? How does a 15-1 season with a super bowl stack up against a 16-0 season without a super bowl?
Babcock: A good question...but easy to answer. I would take the super bowl no questions asked but it would not be easy to swallow. At this point any loss seems impossible without the patriots playing a terrible game. Indy and Jacksonville are playing very well right now but I still don't see anyone in the entire NFL that is a "better " team. That being said, I don't want to see Mercury Morris ever again for the rest of my life except possibly in some "where are they now" TV special with Bryant Gumbel where he is doing an interview from a jail cell and talking about how he is "taking things one day at a time", so ideally they will go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl. Push comes to shove 15-1, they still go down as one of the best teams in history.

2) I for one don't see the Patriots losing again. Barring any unforseen injuries, I expect them to crush everyone and win the super bowl by 20 points. However, regardless of how well a team has played, we often find that the most important thing in the playoffs is how each team is playing right now and who is the hottest. What team do you think is most likely to give the Patriots problems in the AFC playoffs?
Babcock: The biggest threat to the Patriots is Jacksonville. I don't think Indy can come to Foxboro and beat the Pats without Freeney and with a hobbled Marvin Harrison. Lets also remember that the Colts don't have Brandon Stokely any more, he has always killed us in the past. Jacksonville is without question the "hottest" team in the NFL (with the exception of course of New England) They are physical and have a very good defense. David Garrard is coming into his own and has been very efficient over the past few weeks. More importantly they have a great running game that might be able to keep the Pats off the field long enough to keep the game close. With a few turnovers or special teams plays they could possibly pull off a win against the Pats. Then again I could possibly start at Power Forward for the Milwaukee Bucks this weekend.

3) If the Patriots are able to finish a 19-0 run to a super bowl championship, I would have to imagine that we would see some of the older members of the team retire. What better way could there be to go out than 19-0? Who do you think these players would be?
Babcock:I think the most likely would be Troy Brown, Teddy Brushci, Rodney Harrison, and Junior Seau, also throw in Chad Brown (might not have a choice, and now that I think about it he might not even be on the team at this moment). I don't really have anything funny to say about this, they would all be missed by fans but are probably not worth keeping around (speaking strictly from a "front office" point of view). Look for all four to possibly become members of the coaching staff in some capacity, at least one will go on to work in TV or radio.

4) To continue the previous question, the Patriots (in a move that frustrates me beyond belief and yet also leaves me in awe of this organization) will have the 49ers pick in this year's draft despite being the best team and having lost their first round pick because of a violation of league rules. How do you anticipate the team handling this pick? Included in that question, I wonder how comfortable you are with Laurence Maroney as your team's main running back. Although he has been effective, he has also shown early signs of being a player who gets injured every year. What would you like to see them do with the pick and what do you think they will do?
Babcock: First, let me say that I am very comfortable with Lauraence Maroney as the future back for the Pats. We will need to get him a solid backup ala Sammy Morris. When these two guys were healthy at the beginning of this year they were the perfect NFL backfield both capable of giving you 15-20 carries a game and 100 yards on the ground. Faulk gives them a great complement on third down and specialty situations. Lets be honest, the patriots are never going to rely solely on a running game to win while they still have Tom Brady. Now as far as the pick goes I really see them trading down for a couple late 1st rounders or a 1st and a 2nd or possibly even a veteran player. I can't see them spending such a large amount of money on a rookie and the number two pick is going to command money that will be on par or above the contracts of Tom Brady, Richard Seymour, and Randy Moss just to name a few (The list would go on and on) We really need to get younger at Linebacker so look for them to move in that direction...then again I cant say they have had many disappointing picks at all over the past ten years (Marquis Hill perhaps). Chad Jackson and Brendan Merriweather are still up in the air but we can't say just yet...Let's just say I trust the judgement of Peoli and Belichick, in fact I would venture to say there is no less dissapointing front office in Professional sports.

5) By the time this is posted, all of our readers will have seen or heard about this Sports Illustrated Cover. Do you believe in the SI cover curse, and how do you think it compares to the Madden cover curse (which terrifies me)? Do you see this affecting the patriots from here on out?

Babcock: Everyone knows it is impossible to curse Bill Belichick because he is a level 8 Warlock and is immune to all curses, spells, and voodoo in addition to HIV, the Flu, Rickets, Whooping Cough, sore throats, Gout, and sleep apnea. However, if he was on the cover of Madden 08 then you might have a case here...

6) The Patriots have shown a desire to leave their starters in the game even when the other team seems totally defeated. I have taken no issue with this: They are pursuing greatness and the other team is made up of professionals. However, I am wondering about your predictions this Saturday. How much of Tom Brady and company will we see? DO you think Belichik has a plan or do you think the game will dictate that? ALso, I would like your prediction about the final score.

Babcock: If there is one thing that Belichick always has its a plan. I am sure that he has almost every single possibility typed up, color coded, and laminated in addition to using an elaborate system of varying Fonts to symbolize on a scale of 1 to 11 how much he likes a given plan for a given scenario...That being said, I think that he wants to get the records for Brady and Moss so we may see those guys in the game until that is accomplished. I don't think anything is scripted, rather, and he will say this to the media ad nauseam, he will "just try to win the game". Whatever that might entail. He has shown in the past that he has a real respect for records and historical feats i.e. Vinny Testaverde throwing a touchdown in 21 straight years and Doug FLutie's drop kick-- and I think he wants to acquire as many team and individual records as he can this year. So to recap: Brady and Co. will stay in to get the records and then the game will dictate his decisions.

For my predictions, I think you see everyone in the game at least into the fourth quarter (we do have a bye first round so they will be able to rest) and for a final score 35-21, with at least 7 points for the Giants coming in "garbage time".




Now, Babcock questions me on the Giants:

1) The Giants have had a very up and down season, in your opinion does their inconsistency come from the top, i.e. Tom Coughlin, or does the repsonsibility lie with the players? Also, speak to the future of Coughlin with the Giants, how secure is his job?
This has been one of the most frustrating things about the Giants over the past few years. They are a talented group of individuals, but they can't seem to put it together on a consistent basis. In my opinion, the blame has to fall on Tom Coughlin. The second-half skid has become the signature of this team since he has been the coach. Every year it seems as if everything has finally fallen into place, and then the slide begins. I fell into the trap again this year (as evidenced by my posts from earlier in the season). Coughlin's job is certainly not secure, and barring any unexpected pleasant suprises in the playoffs, I don't expect him to be back. I was shocked when we extended his contract in the offseason, and I really feel like this was his last shot to get this team playing consistent football.

2) How big is the loss of Jeremy Shockey? Do you think that he is an overated player?
It's a huge loss. There's no way for me to accurately convey through this medium how much he means to this team. He is the emotional leader of our offense, and really the one guy that we can count on to never come out flat. When we get him involved in the game early on, which is not often enough (see above), he is incredibly effective and opens up the field for Eli Manning and our wide outs. He is not just a great receiving tight end, but also one of the most underated blockers at the position. We will miss his presence in the run game just as much as we will in the passing game. His presence will be missed tremendously on Saturday evening. There are some Giants' players who may come out flat and feel like they have nothing to play for. Jeremy Shockey's intensity is something Giants fans can count on regardless of the situation.



3) What are the biggest needs that the Giants need to address in the draft/offseason?

That's an excellent question. In my opinion, this team needs to continue building its defense. We have some excellent young players (Osi Umenyiora, Gibril Wilson, and Aaron Ross), but we also have a lot of veterans. This team needs as many quality players on the defensive side of the ball as it can get. I'm also tempted to say the wide receiver position. Plax has been great this year. However, Amani Toomer is aging and the more guys we have to compete with Sinorice Moss and Steve Smith, the better off we will be.

4) What are your feelings on Eli Manning? Can he lead this team to the promised land or should the giants cut their losses and look in a new direction?

I thought this would be question number 1. Well, I am happy and disgusted with the Eli Manning situation all at once. He is a good starting quarterback. He has a great work ethic, he is capable of making all the throws, and he has led his team to the playoffs in each of his full three years as a starting quarterback. If his name was not Manning, I don't think that he would receive the harsh criticism that he seems to be getting from analysts all across the nation. However, I am still disgusted with how much we gave up to get him. Quarterbacks are a crap shoot in the draft (take Tom Brady for example, nobody saw that coming). The Giants roster is proof of how valuble second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth round picks can be. Brandon Jacobs, Osi Umenyiora, Gibril Wilson, Michael Strahan, Chris Snee, and Justin Tuck were all taken by the Giants after the first round. Countless other impact players such as Fred Robbins were drafted after the first round by other teams. Antonio Pierce signed his first NFL contract as an undrafted free agent. There is no player in the draft that is worth giving up so many valuable picks for. There's just too much uncertainty. But yes, I do think that he is capable of leading this team to a Super Bowl if the circumstances are right.

5) I have been impressed with Brandon Jacobs, just how good is he?

He's very good. He's fast, he's strong, and he even has a few moves. Our ground game in general has been great all year. Reuben Droughns, Derrick Ward, and Ahmad Bradshaw (from what we've seen so far) have all run well and I relly believe that our offensive line is one of the best run-blocking lines in the NFL. I think that Jacobs will be a solid player for the Giants for many years to come. He reminds me of one of my childhood heroes, Rodney Hampton. See the pictures below.





5) Talk about the potential Playoff opponents and whether or not you see anyone from the NFC beating the Cowboys/packers? Legitimately, how far can the Giants go this year?

I like the matchup with Tampa Bay. I like the fact that we're in Tampa, because we have been better on the road than at home this year and Eli Manning seems to be a better warm weather quarterback. I think that we run the ball better than they do, I think that we pass block better than they do, and I think that we put pressure on the quarterback better than they do. However, they have a better secondary and they have Jeff Garcia (who has already proven his big-game worth against the Giants in San Francisco in what was one of the worst days of my life). Realistically, I wouldn't expect more than that from the Giants. They are certainly capable of beating any team in the NFC, but I don't expect them to. I expect Dallas to emerge and represent the NFC in the super bowl. They are very balanced on offense, and they have a tremendous defense. However, the Giants have Jeff Feagles, so you can never count them out.

6) Think about question 6 that you gave me, i.e. how does Coughlin use starters etc... How important is winning this game for the giants? DO they have a Chance? Also, include your final score predictions...

Coughlin has said that he will play his starters, and that he does not believe in resting guys for the playoffs. In my opinion, Plaxico Burress and Brandon Jacobs should not play in this game. But, I think that they will. I think that Coughlin is going to feel the game out during the first quarter. If the Patriots take control early, I think that the Giants will pull their starters and start preparing for Tampa Bay. If it is close throughout, then I expect to see the starters for the whole game. Basically, we're going to play hard with our starters until we feel that the game is out of reach. This could happen in the first quarter or it might not happen throughout the entire game.

My prediction is that the Giants will lose by two touchdowns. Let's say 31-17. I think that this New England team has been too dominant and has too many veterans to blow this oppurtunity. However Babcock, just know that your boys had better not take this matchup lightly. The New York Giants have had a great defense for a long time, and this is what could happen if the offensive line is not prepared:


Thanks again for reading and I hope that you all enjoy Saturday night's game regardless of who you're rooting for.

From The Frontlines

The following is a reproduction of an email we received from one of our many (?) ROOMOFZEN correspondents. I really enjoyed getting this report and I hope you do to...(Note: The total lack of regard for the paragraph break was left intact to preserve its artistic integrity)

"So yesterday I was at the Natick mall doing some of my Christmas shopping, and after I was done I decided to hit the food court to get something to eat before I left. Now as I was walking through the all the tables, I noticed a there was a guy to my left wearing a Colorado All Star Game varsity letter jacket, and I mean purple fabric for the jacket and black leather for the sleeves, a serious varsity letter jacket. He was sitting sort of hunched over at the table with his back to me but I could see his pants were all jacked up at the ankles (which means they were probably tapered jeans) and I could see his exposed bunched up half calf socks, and I just sort of thought to myself, "Who is this fucking clown?" I walked by and didn't give it much of a second thought. After I got my food I was looking for a place to sit and I sort of walked back towards the way I came in and I noticed that the guy in the varsity jacket had two huge hot dogs and an absolute pile of chili cheese and bacon fries in front of him and I thought to myself as I was walking past where he was sitting "what a fucking piece of..." and just as I was about to finish my thought I saw his face. It was none other than CURT McGURT SCHILLING!! The blogger himself, I shit you not. I mean the bloody sock. I mean the curse killer. I mean arguably the most dominant post season game pitcher in the history of the game, right in front me. At the natick fucking mall. No way. There he was, boasting the glory of his All-Star appearance at Coors field with his preposterous letter jacket, looking like he hasn't shaved in three weeks, wearing some jacked up pants, about to gorge himself on hot dogs and fries. I'm telling you fellas, I could feel the greatness emanating off of him like a warm summer breeze. After I did a bit of a double take, I walked past his table and found a spot that was sort of back behind him on the right where I could see him, but if he was going to see me he would have had to turn around, if that makes sense. So I sat down and started to eat so I wasn't obviously staring at him, and then I saw him go to work. He sort of sat for a minute like he was gathering his thoughts, and then he started to go to work. First he went in for one of his profoundly large hot dogs, and this thing was in no way a weenie, this was an honest to God jumbo frank, one metric pound of meat in a bun. He added no ketchup, no mustard, no relish. Just a plain dog, personally I respect a man who takes it plain. He scooted up to the table, flared his elbows wide, leaned in hard, grabbed the dog with two hands, and opened wide and I mean wide. I wouldn't say his pace was fast, but he was consistently taking huge bites and chewing, taking huge bites and chewing, much like a batter might take batting practice. A hard swing, followed by composure followed by another hard swing. He dabbled in his fries and drink, but only a dabble. That hot dog was clearly his focus. And once he was finished with his first dog, he moved promptly to the next in the same wide mouthed methodical manner. I can see why this guy is in the show. He had dispatched of his first two opponents rather easily, now there was only the mound (pardon the pun) of chili cheese and bacon fries that stood between him and victory, and there was no way those fries were going to beat him. After maybe a moment's pause, he dove right in and did...not...stop. One hand full after another, after another. It was as if there were two outs in the bottom of the ninth and the man had business to attend to, and his business was fries. I'm talking gobs of cheese, chili, and bacon running all down his fingers and grease all over the rim of his mouth. Dripping down his chin, the whole nine. Now you may be asking yourself, "Did Stratton really just sit there and watch Schilling eat?" and the answer to your question is, yes I did, but that was not my intention. I wanted to go up to him and say, "Fantastic season, best of luck next year." And that was all. No hand shakes, no autographs, just in and out. I was wating for a break in the action so I wasn't going to disturb him while he was eating and get a look from him that said, "Can't you see I'm fucking eating?" But alas, that break never came because the guy didn't come up for air. Looking back I think it was a wiley veteran move that he pulled because if his mouth was completely full of food he wouldn't be able to talk to his adoring public and it worked, no one bothered him. So that's how a top of the line professional athlete stokes his competitive fires, with two pounds of hot dog and a hill(again, pardon the pun) of chilli cheese and bacon fries. But I guess that's what makes him great."

You heard it here first,

Stratton, Junior Field Correspondent

Remembering a Legend

There will be a lot happening here at Roomofzen over the next few days as we attempt, from all corners of the globe (or at least the Eastern region of the United States) to capture all of the magic of the Giants/Patriots matchup, the BCS bowl games, and the celebration of the start of a new year and (more importantly) the NFL playoffs. But first, we'd like to pay tribute to a great man.
























...and perhaps the greatest one:

A Rant

As a Red Sox fan, I couldn't be more appreciative of the way that Curt Schilling has played over the past four seasons. His skill, grit, and leadership abilities have been instrumental in helping the Red Sox win two World Series, and I appreciate the fact that he was willing to take less money in order to re-sign with the Red Sox. He has all of the on-the-field intangibles that you could ever want from a starting pitcher, and he has a colorful personality to boot. I really do appreciate everything that he has brought to the Red Sox. But, sometimes I wish that he would keep his mouth shut.

Last week, in a post on his blog, Schilling stated that Roger Clemens should be stripped of his final four Cy Young Awards (1997, 1998, 2001, and 2004) and have his numbers from 1997 on erased if he is not able to prove that he is innocent of the accusations brought against him in the Mitchell Report. Curt is certainly entitled to his opinion. However, I have to take issue with much of what he said. First of all, how in the world would Schilling like Clemens to prove his innocence? This has been the single greatest question I have for all of the reporters out there who have called for the players claiming their innocence to "prove it." I understand the sentiment, but I just don't see how they are supposed to do it. I hate to harp on this point, but there are no drug tests from these years. So, unless Roger has had somebody videotaping him 24 hours a day for the past ten years, I really don't see how he can prove his innocence. In fact, if anybody out there has a feasible way that Roger Clemens can prove to all of us that he is innocent, please let us know. I'd be very interested. So, first off, I take issue with the fact that Curt is suggesting that Clemens be stripped of all of his accomplishments of the past ten years (even though we have no real proof of his guilt) unless he is able to do the impossible.

Kevin Garnett just hit one of the sickest turn around jumpers that I have ever seen. I'm a little worried about the fact that we are tied with the Sonics right now.

Secondly (and again, I feel like a broken record here, because I've covered a lot of this before), Schilling is suggesting that Clemens be punished in a way that would be totally unprecedented under the current league drug policy. Under today's league drug testing policies, a player who is found to be guilty of using PEDs is suspended. They are not stripped of all previous accomplishments. It is totally outrageous to suggest that Clemens, for whom we have no failed drug tests, should be stripped of his accomplishments. The idea that we have enough here to definitively say that Roger's accomplishments are not legitimate is ludicrous.

Only up by one at half against Seattle. What the hell is going on here. And Delonte gave KG a hard foul from behind. I don't like this at all. It's hard for me to be upset at Delonte.

Thirdly, I have a hard time supporting any action against the names listed in the Mitchell Report for several reasons. The first is that the evidence is inconclusive in all cases. The second is that the Mitchell Report is based on very few sources, and yet it produced a great deal of names. This suggests that if we were somehow to gather a full battery of information from everyone in baseball, we would find that this was a problem that ran so rampant that it is impossible to punish individuals. I have a hard time accepting any form of punishment that focuses on the players rather than the powers that be in baseball. Perhaps I'm an apologist, but in my mind this problem falls squarely on the shoulders of Major League Baseball, not its players. Imagine that you spent your whole life working hard to fulfill your dream of becoming a professional baseball player. Imagine that you knew steroids would allow you to excel as a pro, become a superstar, and become a multi-millionaire. Imagine that you knew Major League Baseball did not have a testing policy and tons of other guys were doing the same thing, so you were really at a disadvantage by staying clean. Wouldn't you do it? Of course you would. Everybody would. That's why these leagues need to police themselves. Baseball had its first hints that players might be taking steroids in the late 80's, and yet it chose not to act. It is baseball that deserves to be punished, and they are. Their punishment is coming in the form of unanswered questions and unsatisfied fans. It is not fair to the fans, nor is it fair to the players who were clean. However, there is no way for baseball to go back in time and fix this problem.

BIG THREE FROM PIERCE, UP 6!

I hope that this is the last time I'll feel compelled to write about these issues, because frankly I'm tired of hearing about them. In ending this post, I would like to state that I sincerely hope that we will now see an end to the involvement of Congress in the issues of Major League Baseball. It just doesn't seem right to me. I highly doubt that Congress would step in to stop corporations like Wal-Mart, Starbucks, or Burger King from mishandling their affairs and driving themselves into the ground. Why should baseball be any different? Baseball doesn't deserve the help of Congress. The lack of regard that they have shown for their fans over the past 20 years is inexcusable (I can't say that it's worse than what we've seen from the NHL lately, but I can't definitively say that it's not worse). It didn't feel right when Congress forced baseball to come up with a drug testing and punishment policy. It didn't feel right when current and ex-Major Leaguers were dragged before Congress in 2005 to discuss the issue of steroids. It didn't feel right when an ex-senator was spending a great deal of time and money investigating the past use of steroids, and it certainly doesn't feel right now when I hear people discussing further investigation into the accusations of the Mitchell Report. Baseball fucked this up, and it should be their responsibility to fix it without any help from Congress. Hundreds of plant workers in the Boston area alone were laid off from their jobs this holiday season. Companies all over the country are losing money. Thousands of city dwellers have been evicted from their homes this winter. Thousands of families celebrated the holidays wishing that their children were home instead of marching around the Middle East wearing about 70 pounds of protective Kevlar. Thousands more of those same children are being seriously wounded and coming home to receive sub-par heath care. I'm not trying to make any type of political statement, and I certainly don't know the solutions to any of these problems. However, I do believe that Congress has more important issues to spend their time and money on than baseball.

Merry Christmas

From roomofzen to all of you out there a Merry Merry Christmas...

Foil in the Oven

So it's Christmas Eve, and I know that there are a lot of you reading this who are stressed out because you still have a lot of Christmas shopping to do and not much time or money left with which to do it. So, we thought that we'd bring you Foil in the Oven a little early this week in order to offer some great gift ideas to help you make this the best Christmas ever.

Do you know someone who loves to play basketball, but has never been able to make their school's varsity team because they are too slow, clumsy, and unathletic? Why not change their life by suprising them with the Full Court Basketball Professional Basketball Drills DVD starring Brian Scalabrine of the Boston Celtics. With the 11 drills shown in this video, and a lot of hard work, your recipient will learn how to move, shoot, and handle the rock just like Scal.


Do you know somebody who has been trying desperately for years to lose weight but just can't seem to find the right program? Wouldn't you like to help them find a program that is fun, easy, and effective? Well, it's the season for giving, so why not help them by giving them Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease Collection? Carmen, a pillar of strength and dignity in a world in which young girls have so few truly positive role models, is quickly becoming one of the most watched and sought after members of the fitness community. The person you buy this for will love it, and we promise, they won't resent you at all. In fact, you may want to purchase a copy for yourself to help shed a few pounds after the holidays. Just make sure to keep it away from the kids, or else their video could be next (and it's not going to be about exercising).

There are amazing things happening right now in the field of glow-in-the-dark technology and you don't want your friends and family to be behind the times. So, it's important that you purchase at least one piece of glow-in-the-dark apparel for your friends and family. Your best bet is probably this glow-in the dark t-shirt with a motorcycle, eagle, and flames. The themes are timeless and yet so fresh. The design is complex and yet so simple. The feel is so American and yet so European and non-Eurocentric at the same time. This really is the perfect gift for anybody in the world.


Meat is always a great present. In fact, I really believe that there is no present quite like really great food. This is especially true when giving nice expensive cuts of meat. What better present could there be than a cooler full of Omaha steaks? Unfotunatly, a good cut of steak can empty your bank account pretty quickly. But, we've got the solution for you right here. This Christmas, you can save yourself a ton of money by introducing your family and friends to the exciting and mysterious world of exotic meats. For less than 12 dollars a pound, your family can stuff their mouths with kangaroo sausage.




I know what you're thinking. These ideas are alright, but you want something that will really leave your friends and family speechless. Well, man, if you really want to leave them speechless, here are a few more ideas:

1) "The Other Woman: My Years With O.J. Simpson" by Paula Barbieri. Now you and your family can read all about what it's like to be romantically involvd with OJ Simpson and not have him kill you. Now available on amazon.com starting as low as 4.94

2) A framed print commemorating Barry Bonds' 715th home run. Perfect for the baseball fan in your life. A bargain at allposters.com. Just listen to that reaction......."Oh!......Barry Bonds!....I......love him."

3) A membership to the Pickle of the Month Club . It's the perfect gift for the pickle enthusiast (which is basically everybody).

4) A pole dancing kit is the perfect thing to help bring that "strip club" vibe to any home or workplace. This one comes with an instructional DVD and can be assembled or broken down in three minutes.

and finally....

5) "Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith". Just look at the cover and tell me that you wouldn't want to open this on Christmas morning. I believe the book comes with a life time prescription of valium........."Great!.....Wow......Well, I am going to read this.....Definately....I am definately going to READ THIS."

Final Exit, sick.



I spent the first two drives of the Giants' game screaming at my television in a state of disbelief about how a team with so much at stake could be so flat. However, after Donte Whitner laid out Jeff Feagles (I was appaled by this. Feagles is a man's man among punters. He is the greatest of all time. He is the Wayne Gretzky of punters) the Giants had all the motivation they needed. They never looked back. Brandon Jacobs and rookie Ahmad Bradshaw (who scored an 88 yard TD) were sensational in the run game and Amani Toomer made some huge catches in less than ideal conditions. I can't say the same for Steve Smith, who dropped a sure touchdown just before halftime. It wasn't pretty, but the Giants are going to the playoffs. 5 weeks ago, I was amped about the oppurtunity for the Giants to give the Patriots everything they had in an attempt to foil New England's perfect season. But, we've made things too hard on ourselves for me to even worry about that game. Hopefully the Giants will just rest Plaxico Burress and whoever else needs it in an attempt to get ready for a postseason run.

Merry Christmas.

The Babcock Report No. 2

Welcome back to my quasi-weekly rundown of things that interest me from the world of sports and beyond. It has been a great week for roomofzen. Over the past eight or nine days we have increased our emails received by over 800%, and this seems to be just the tip of the iceberg. We want you all to know that we appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and comments with us, and look forward to all of our interactions in the future. That being said, please do not send us any pictures of your genitals. I cannot stress that enough.

Bill Parcels: Not afraid to pull up the shorts.

Whores!

Maybe its just that I am more in touch with the world of sports now that I have this blog to look after, but it seems to me that coaches these days are becoming more and more promiscuous. When Bobby Patrino left the Falcons a couple of weeks ago in the midst of a season he received a lot of warranted critiscism. I may be old school, but I believe that coaches should be held to a higher standard than players...if they aren't that undermines the entire power structure that having a "coach" gives you in the first place. How often do we see these guys taking over a NFL team or a college team and promising to rebuild the program, blah blah blah, and 12 weeks later they are giving the same speech in a different town with a different colored polo shirt on? ALL the time. Lets put NFL coaches aside for a second. Now I may be a naive hillbilly from New Ulm, Minnesota, but I still believe that the purpose of college is to get an education. All that mushy stuff aside, when a kid signs on with one of these Division 1A schools they are making a huge commitment, and a coach has a lot to do with this decision. I just don't know how a guy like Nick Saban, who just took over the Alabama job (with a HUGE contract) can go and throw his name into the mix at West Virginia after only one season with the Crimson Tide. How do these guys look kids in the face and tell them that they can be a part of their system for the next four years and then run off to the next "hot" coaching vacancy? Oh yeah...its the money. I know there are a lot of great coaches out there who are also great people, so lets not forget that, just something I have noticed.

I really almost felt bad for Falcons owner Arthur Blank after the whole Vick fiasco and then Bill Parcells dissing him to sign with the Dolphins (has anyone else ever been dissed by someone choosing to align themselves with the Miami Dolphins?...I am embarrassed for him) and having Joey Harrington on the team and all...then I realized, hey this motherfucker is RICH! I can't feel bad for anyone who has enough money to BUY A PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM. In fact nobody should. So forget about feeling bad for Arthur Blank and feel bad for Bill Parcells. Unless something really crazy happens...like one of the coaches invents that invisible forcefield ball from The Explorers (sick movie and check out the tagline "You don't need a drivers license to reach the stars"...so true) and sticks Ronny Brown inside of it, the Dolphins will suck for at least the next 6 years. By that time Parcells will be enjoying his 17th retirement from the league and somewhere the Patriots will be laughing because their GM will be banging his daughter...we win again!

Ok so while I am writing this column I am drinking a Vitamin Water..Formula 50 to be exact and I'm thinking to myself why didn't they just give you the full 100% of all of those vitamins and minerals? Why I am paying to only get 1/2 of all of these necessary nutrients? Is this a genius marketing ploy (because you have to buy 2) or another example of how stupid we are as consumers? Why am I writing about Vitamin Water? Honestly I don't know..but is it me or is it crazy that we have a nutitional supplement that bears the name of a Rapper? SOCIETY!!!!!

Music

I was planning on writing a review of the Ween concert that Old Man Stratton attended a few weeks ago but for legal issues I will not put any details of the events that unfolded that evening on this blog...let's just say that the show really kicked ass and that I have been taking it easy ever since...very, very, easy. My buddy Jonny was sitting in a Roast Beef place in Haverhill, MA when this song (above) came on...he said that strangely no one seemed to find it out of place at all. These guys are one of the most under appreciated bands ever and they have some of the best random ass-kicking (that is a sick combination of words if I may say so) songs out there. They can certainly be a little inaccessible to new fans, especially if you find it wierd to listen to a song about spinal meningitis, but if you put in the time to check out some of their stuff you will not be disappointed. My favorite albums are 1) White Pepper 2) 12 Golden Country Greats 3) Live in Chicago. They are also awesome live so if you ever get the chance check them out, just don't go with Stratton or I if you know whats good for you. Check out this sick video for "The Mollusk":







I also bought a couple of albums last week that I am very satisfied with..."Sticky Fingers" by the Rolling Stones and "Cure For Pain" by Morphine. I have always been one to choose the Stones over the Beatles, and I could listen to this album a million times and not get sick of it, I cannot say the same for Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. This album has some great great underrated Stones tunes, particularly "Moonlight Mile" and "Sway" and I would consider this an essential piece of any music library. I have been meaning to grab this Morphine album ever since I heard the title track on my Sirius one day. I just think that they have the coolest sound and you have to respect a band that is made up of just drums, a baritone sax, and a two string bass guitar. Less is more sometimes, its true, except when it comes to having all of your fingers.

Hey look...its Mick Jagger's wang!

The Oracle Speaks: Part 3 of a Weekend Series

Dear Oracle,

With the roller coaster ride that is the NFC who do you think will
ultimately come out the of the NFC. Dallas and Green Bay after
farvored but if Tavaris Jackson can play solif the Vikings become an
immediate threat, last nights game not withstanding. The AFC divisonal
round is shaping up to have some great matchups with possibly the
Chargers vs the Browns and Steelers vs the Jaguars. Who might you like
to come out of this round to face the Pats and Colts.

Loyal Fan (Alex in Southie)

Alex,

Before we begin, I will ask you kindly to please show your "loyalty" a little more in the future by running a spell check over your questions. The Oracle has a great deal of business to watch over, and frankly it is a little insulting to receive this chicken scratch. I see everything, and while I may take issue with your clear inability to master the English language, you have shown yourself to be a loyal follower from day one. Therefore, your question will be answered.

First, I would like to thank you for acknowledging the NFC wild card race. It is refreshing to have someone other than myself bring this up in a sincere manner. It also shows that you are clearly much more of a true NFL fan than many of your Patriot-fan bretheren in the Boston area, who are quick to brush off any non-Patriots related NFL talk as unimportant. Essentially, unless you're interested in debating for hours whether the Patriots will score above or below 50 points against Miami, they can't be bothered with you. Seriously, I have had several occasions when I have discussed the Patriots for over an hour with several fans. When I simply try to point out that I have been slightly frustrated with the recent poor play of the Giants and am worried that we will blow our playoff spot, they suddenly become uninterested. It's like I'm trying to bring up fencing or archery. They act like I'm wasting their time. Well, I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say that those of you who fall into this category should follow Alex's lead. There are 32 NFL teams, and the playoffs are one of the most exciting times of the year. It doesn't make you less of a fan to be interested in other teams. It makes you more of a fan. So Alex, thank you for being both a loyal reader and an informed NFL fan. I have always known this about you, but I'll just take this oppurtunity to point it out. Seriously though, learn how to spell.

A lot will be determined by this weekends' matchups. You hit the nail right on the head with Minnesota. They look the best of the teams vying for the final spot. Let's not forget that they had Dallas on the ropes earlier this season before Tavaris blew it. It will be interesting to see what happens in their week 16 matchup with the Redskins, who will be looking to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. The Redskins have a reputation for being tough against the run, but Brandon Jacobs was able to rush for 130 yards against them last week. I have to imagine that a healthy dose of Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor will be too much for this Washington defense to handle. Minnesota's biggest achilles heel last year and early this season was their pass defense. However, this has improved by leaps and bounds lately and they seem to be rolling right along now with a great deal of momentum. I expect the Vikings to take this one, and I expect them to take one of the Wild Card spots.

In my mind, the team with the toughest matchup is New Orleans, who will host the Eagles on Sunday. Look, this Eagles team is scary right now.
They are a tough group of veterans with nothing on the line besides their pride. They have taken the Patriots, Seahawks, and Giants (on a good day) down to the wire. They just beat Dallas this weekend. They have some great players in the secondary, and can get to the quarterback from many different spots. This defense is going to cause a lot of issues for the Saints offensive line, which has struggled all year long. Furthermore, Brian Westrbook is once again one of the most bad ass men in football. Unsung as always, he continues to be a dominant force in the league. I expect the Saints to struggle in this game, and I don't see them making the playoffs.

AND that brings us to our next topic of conversation, the New York Giants. A win last week agains the Redskins would have been exactly what this team needed. It would have secured a playoff spot, given them a three-game winning streak, given them a full sweep of Watshington and Philadelphia (important for division pride, especially considering they were swept by Dallas), and allowed them to rest Plaxico Burress for three weeks. However, in typical Giants fashion, they weren't able to close things out. And, the Giants will now be without tight end Jeremy Shockey for the rest of the season. So, the situation is simple, win at Buffalo and you're in. Lose, and you may need a miracle (a win against New England). Note: If I am correct about the outcome of the two above games ((eagles and Vikings win)) then the Giants are in even if they lose).

Look, the Giants offense has looked bad, and that is not suprising. Amani Toomer is old, and nothing more than a possession receiver at this point. Plaxico Burress is not healthy enough to run his routes. This has been evident on some of the miscues that they have had over the past couple of weeks. Sinorice Moss is coming along, but has some maturing to do. Eli Manning is not a guy who is going to make great plays no matter what the cicumstances. The one strong point of late (and really all season) has been the play of the offensive line and Brandon Jacobs. If the Giants are going to make any noise from this point forward, they are going to have to run the ball down teams' throats and make plays in the play action passing game. Furthermore, the New York defense, which has been outstanding this year, is going to need to continue putting a great deal of pressure on opposing quarterbacks and forcing turnovers. I expect the Giants to win. I think that their defense is too strong for Buffalo, and I really do believe deep down that they are the better of these two teams. So, I believe that the Giants will be the second wild card team.

As far as the playoffs are concerned, I still think that we're either going to see Dallas or Green Bay representing the NFC against the Patriots in the super bowl. I believe that Dallas is the best team because they have an outstanding defense and a very balanced offense. Much like the Patriots, they are excellent in all phases of the offensive game. You can't focus on stopping the run, because they'll beat you with the pass. If you focus on the pass, they'll pound you all day. If you focus on not letting TO beat you deep, they are lethal with their intermediate routes. In my mind, they are the favorite. However, at this point, we still are not sure about who the NFC's top seed will be. If Green Bay ends up with the number one seed, and Dallas has to travel to Lambeau Field to take on Brett Favre in the NFC Championship Game, anything can happen. Maybe not anything. But certainly either the Packers or the Cowboys can win the game.




As for the AFC playoff picture, this thing is wide open and already decided at the same time. Look, nobody is going to come to Gillette and knock the Patriots off in a playoff game. It won't happen. This team is just too good and has too many veterans for that to happen. The Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl. The only way I see them losing is if they play a horrible game and beat themselves. But, nobody is going to knock them off. Besides the Patriots, Jacksonville is the scariest team right now. They are running the ball well, they're playing great defense, and their passing game is much more effective than people realize. But, all of the AFC playoff teams are good, and it is going to be exciting to see who ends up with the oppurtunity to lose the AFC Championship game. Now, I'm going to go smash my nuts with a hammer.

Thanks for the e-mail,
NL

Badass:

The Oracle Speaks Pt. 2 Of a Weekend Series

Dear Oracle,

After the Patriots/Jets game this past sunday when Bellichick went in for the post game handshake, he gave Man-gina the industry standard "great game," but afterwards he also dropped an "awesome" as he was walking away. Now I highly doubt that Bellichick has ever shredded the pipe line on the north shore of Oahu, and I don't even think he would chuckle at the clip of the squirrel on mini water skis getting pulled by a mini boat, in mini circles. This is what brings me to my question: Is there a time when it is not awesome to use the word "awesome?" Does the word "awesome" come with a term of conditions? At what point does one become the out of touch hipster that tries to relate to those crazy kids by using such jargon as "awesome?" Now I am not saying that Big Bill is not awesome, his record speaks for itself in that regard. While his "awesome" may have felt a bit out of place I don't believe it was totally uncalled for, but if he had said "totally awesome," I think that would have been over the line. I ask this question because I am a recently turned 26 year old, and I would like to know if my time is runing out on the use of "awesome." I understand that certain terms fall out of grace as we grow older. For instance I have not called someone a "poopy head" in quite some time and my only concern is that "awesome" will fall by the wayside as said "poopy head" has. I use"awesome" on a regular basis and feel that I am able to carry the mantle of "awesome," but I ask you oracle, is my "awesome" time running out?

I appreciate your devine intervention,
Awesomely Awesome Old Man Stratton (In Brighton, MA)

Well Old Man Stratton, you truly have asked an awesome question. Indeed many people may have found Coach Bellichick's words intriguing to say the least. In fact, there was a great deal of speculation surroundthing the aforementioned postgame exchange between Bellichick and Mangini, chiefly, if it would even take place given the bad blood between these two teams and their coaches. Now, in my opinion, there are several ways which you could interpret "Big Bill's" use of the word "Awesome", but before I break down each one of these potential reasons, we must further probe the depths of "Awesome" and in doing so you will soon see that we unlock the secrets to many a quandry, including whether or not you're personal "Awesome time" is running out.

First, the word itself must be given careful attention, the way that you might inspect a piglet purchased from a roadside cart in rural Mexico. The oldest meaning of "awesome" is "something which inspires awe", but the word is also a common slang expression in English. As the original meaning of awesome has become somewhat antiquated in general use, the term awe-inspiring is now generally used for the same meaning. So where you might have once said "The power and beauty of Niagra Falls was truly an awesome sight." Now you might say that "Jessica Simpson is a retard, but she has awesome tits."

So, now that we have our definition we may begin to examine the possible intentions behind Bellichick's usage of this wonderful adjective:

1) The traditional usage: "Awe-inspiring".

I find this one the most unlikely, although Bellichick is reputed to be quite well read and therefore potentially prone to what some might call "proper" usage, I doubt that he personally would have found anything "awe-inspiring" about this game. It was far too messy for his likings. It is quite evident that he is a perfectionist in the truest sense of the word and would be able to find fault in anything, even the girl-on-girl scene from Wild Things. Certainly he was not referring to Chad Pennington's performance, or to his own Punter Chris Hanson blowing on his fingers on the sideline doing his best to look too-cold-to-catch-a-snap after botching a punt that was picked up and run in for a score.

2) Awesome, as in "That was great"

Again this is doubtful, I still think there were too many things about the game that would have driven him crazy...Unless beating Mangini is really all that matters to him, which I guess is possible, but still I think that the real answer lies in number 3...

3) Awesome, as in "Awesome..............NOT!"

Some might say that sarcasm is the harshest form of belittlement, and in this case, my instincts tell me that this was his true intention. When he said "great game", that was all well and good, pretty much your token coach to coach exchange...but then...just when you thought everything was cool..."Awesome". Which I take to mean any one of the following:

"Your team is horrible thanks for wasting our time"

"I am having an extramarital affair with your wife"

"You suck and you always will, say hi to Hank Poteat for me"

"That was a joke of a gameplan, have another burrito"

Or something along those lines, really the ultimate insult---to call someone awesome and mean the opposite.

Now, is Bill Bellichick too old to say Awesome, I would say yes, but then again Ron Jeremy is still making porn and Vinny Testeverde is still playing in the NFL. So I think he has every riht to use the word, especially since he obviously knows how to get the most out of it. In regards to whether or not "totally-awesome" would be over the line, I would say yes, that would have been wierd and inexplicable, unless we later found out that he is in fact a ninja turtle, separated from Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donnatello, and Rafael and left to fend for himself in the sewers without the tutelage of Master Splinter. (Unlikely, but certainly worth pondering). BUT, with the additon of one word "totally awesome" becomes "totally fucking awesome", which I think would have worked nicely and would have been perfectly fine for him to say given the circumstances. Personally, I try to say "totally fucking awesome" at least once per day, it is surprisngly therapeutic, give it a shot. I'm serious.

In regards to your current age and your ability to use words such as awesome, the truth is that there is no set time where your right to use the word expires. Now, I agree that you should not use the phrase "poopy-head", it will probably not get you a lot of numbers at whatever college bar you are hanging out at these days, but it would be fine for you to use awesome, unless you are describing something about yourself like "I have an awesome sense of smell", or "I have a really awesome room in my parents house (trust me), or "I have an awesome cat named Mr. Bolivia" But you could definitely say "That was an awesome concert" or something along those lines. In fact, saying "awesome" might help to keep you young, although you may allready be too far gone.

Personally I do find the video of the squirrel on mini water skis "awesome", and I would bet that Bill Bellichcik would let out a chuckle if he ever came across it, after all he is human, I think.

Awesome.

BB

The Oracle Speaks: Part 1 of a Weekend Series

I would like to request a special feature done on Robert Swift of the Seattle Sonics. I feel that the East Coast bias is depriving most of the United States of one of the great national treasures along with the Internet and Patrick Swayze. --Matt in Seattle

First Matt, I'd like to thank you for this request, which I am happy to grant. You are certainly dead on in your assessment of the effects that the East Coast media bias can have on an up-and-coming player's exposure. Sure, players like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Greg Oden have been able to maintain a high profile despite playing (or, at least being under contract with in Oden's case) for Western Conference teams. However, there are plenty of guys (Kevin Martin and LaMarcus Aldridge come to mind) who are not getting the type of national attention that they would if they were playing on the East Coast. In the case of Robert Swift, I think that his relative anonymity is more a product of his inability to stay healthy than anything else. After missing all of last season with a knee injury, Swift has been on the shelf this seaon since November with knee and heel troubles. In the five games that he has played, Swift is averaging 1.6 points and 3 rebounds per game. Surely, you'd like to see more production from a center that is over 7 feet tall. Furthermore, Head Coach PJ Carlesimo has been outspoken about Swift needing to shed some of the weight that he has put on over the past two off-seasons. The fans from Boston would like to warn Swift to heed Carlesimo's advice. Otherwise this: could soon become this:
Perhaps the East Coast media bias is what's keeping Robert Swift from becoming a household name. But, I think that this guy needs to at least make it to Christmas healthy before we can really know what kind of star potential he has. Unless that happens, fans in New York, Detroit, Cleveland, and Miami may never know the name Robert Swift. In fact, they may confuse it with Stromile Swift. They may think that Robert Swift has not played an integral role in shaping the state of the NBA in 2007. They couln't be more wrong............

You see Matt, to the people in Boston, Robert Swift is a somebody. In fact, he's more than a somebody. He's a beacon of hope and good fortune. The name Robert Swift serves as a reminder to Celtics fans that no matter how incompetent the people managing your organization may be, there are always team executives out there who are equally or maybe even more incompetent. Because of this, the law of averages tells us that our team will indeed reap the benefits of other inept NBA executives from time to time. Still confused? Let me explain.

You see Matt, the Celtics right now are 20-3, and people all over Boston are singing the praises of Danny Ainge. Suddenly it all makes sense they say. We see what his plan has been all along. Well, the bottom line is that Danny Ainge fell ass-backwards into this good fortune. Look, as a credit to him, he remained true to his rebuilding system all along, refusing to compromise any pieces of his young core for crowd-pleasers such as Allen Iverson. I'm sure that these moves were tempting, and would have temporarily aleviated the pressure from the fans. But, they would not have put this team in a position to win a championship. Because Ainge held on to these young players, he was able to acquire Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett. However, it has been well documented that the Timberwolves had much better offers for Garnett from a couple of Western Conference teams (I believe the best one was from Golden State). However, McHale chose to trade Garnett to Boston. Why would he do this? Why wouldn't he make the best move for his team? All signs point to the fact that he didn't want to move Garnett to another Western Conference team. Well, that is textbook incompetent GM strategy. Look, we're not talking about refusing to trade him to a division rival whom you might be battling for the top spot. We're talking about refusing to trade him to HALF OF THE OTHER TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE when you suck and aren't going to be competing for anything. If McHale had made the best trade for his team, the Celtics would be left without Garnett, which would have certainly meant no Eddie House or James Posey. Now, take last years team, add Ray Allen. The Celtics would be better, but certainly nowhere near as good as they are now. So, who do we really have to thank here? Certainly, Danny Ainge's role can't be discounted, but this would have never been possible were it not for McHale's incompetence.

Now, I realize that this is really long, and the last paragraph had nothing to do with Swift. But, you asked for a feature. So, you're getting a feature. Keep reading.

Now, let's take a stroll down memory lane. The date, June 24, 2004. The place, Madison Square Garden. I'm talking of course about the 2004 NBA draft. While most national sports analysts were busy debating about whether the Orlando Magic would select Emeka Okafor or Dwight Howard with the number 1 overall pick, sportswriters in Boston were reporting that Celtics GM Danny Ainge was absolutely smitten with a young seven footer from California: Robert Swift. In fact, ESPN.com's mock draft projected the Celtics taking Swift at 15, and says "if he makes it all the way to 15, the Celtics will definitely not pass on him. This pick has been in the works for months." The scout.com mock draft predicted the same choice and said "Celtics GM Danny Ainge reportedly loves Swift, and for good reason." Everyone knew it, the pick was a sure thing. Ainge and Swift were in love. And, really who can blame Danny here, let's take a look at Swift's air-tight resume at that point:

-Swift switched between three different schools in two years. He transfered from Garces Memorial High School to Highland High School after his junior year, and then to Bakersfield High School right before his senior year began. This seems sketchy.

-All of this transfering caused the California Interscholastic Federation to suspend him for the 03-04 season (his senior season). The decision was later overturned.

-A Seattle Times piece from June 28, 2004 by Percy Allen (note: the article was released after the draft, but NBA scouts and executives were privy to all of this information) read "His family's motives have been questioned and his former high-school coach was forced to resign as rumors swirl about recruitment and alleged improprieties."

- The following is a list of the creeds that appear atop the websites of the three high schools that Swift attended, in order.
First (Garces): "California's premeir high school."
Second (Highland): "Challenging students to acheive excellence."
Third (Bakersfield): "Once a driller, always a driller." Does this raise any questions about intelligence? Perhaps a wonderlic test is in order.

- Swift would be the first white player to be picked straight from high school, which would serve to further the unfair stereotype about the Celtics organization. (great article on ESPN.com by JA Adande about this misperception).

-Finally, this is a guy who did everything he could to avoid working out for NBA teams. The fact that he was doing this knowing that it would be a huge strike against him suggests that he was trying to hide some serious shortcomings. Brandan Wright and Chairman Yi both refused competitive workouts, but at least the scouts saw Wright against top-tier college talent and Yi against NBA talent in international play.

Now, everything that I just wrote on that resume is true, but bullshit at the same time. I mean, it's all true, but I don't actually think that these (aside from avoiding workouts) were legitimate reasons to pass on Swift. I'm just trying to show my dramatic side so that maybe I can be hired by a major network to work as a scab during the writers strike. But, I'm sure that none of this really factored in to why Danny Ainge was so fond of Swift. In reality, Swift had to leave Garces, a catholic school, because of some financial issues. So, he made the natural transition to Highland High School, and then realized that Bakersfield had the best basketball program (which makes sense, since he was planning on either attending USC on a basketball scholarship or playing in the NBA). But, regardless of the reasons, Danny Ainge wanted Robert Swift in the worst way. Well, maybe not the worst way. But, he really wanted him.

Danny would never have the oppurtunity to draft young Robert, who was taken by Seattle with the twelfth overall pick. Chad Ford's analysis of the Sonics pick reads: "Danny Ainge is crying his eyes out. At least we think so. The Celtics and Jazz were both trying to move up to get Swift so it's possible that this is a trade. However, it sounds like the Sonics are determined to keep him." That's right, determined to keep him. In his 2004 NBA draft diary, Bill Simmons (wiser than his peers as always) says of the pick "8:43 -- Thank God ... the Sonics just took Robert Swift, the high school center who looks like a cross between Fred Weis and Eric Montross. Of course, the Celtics loved him. Talk about dodging a bullet. Any time someone is avoiding workouts, all-star games, even interviews ... is this ever a good sign?" The rest Matt, as they say, is history. The Celtics never got Robert Swift on June 24, 2004. However, they did get Al Jefferson, Delonte West, and Tony Allen. Jefferson and West, both fan favorites during their time in Boston, were key pieces in the acquisitions of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett. So you see Matt, without Robert Swift somehow making himself attractive enough to warrant a selection at number 12 by the Sonics, none of what's happening right now in Boston would be possible.

Finally, I would just like to say that you may be right about Swift being a national treasure. I doubt he'll be one in the United States, but there are many great oppurtunities for him in Europe. I can't help but liken Swift to an ex-Sonic (and an ex-Celtic), Marty Conlon. Conlon averaged 2.7 points per game in 45 appearances for Seattle during the 1991-1992 season. So, they seem to have similar playing styles (although clearly Swift is lacking some of Conlon's durability). Conlon, although never finding great success as an NBA star, did serve as the co-captain of the Irish National Basketball team. I'm not sure how this happened, because he was born in New York. But, I read it, and I have even found a roster that confirms it here (you have to copy and paste it into your browser because I don't know how to put links in here): http://www.britball.com/irelandmen050804.html . The possibilities for Swift include, but are not limited to, Germany, France, England, Russia, and Hungary. Only time will tell Matt, but you may be right. Robert Swift may indeed be a national treasure.

Thanks for the e-mail,
NL

Odds and Ends

So, the Tuesday night show at the Middle East was scheduled to feature Stolen Babies as the first band, followed by Genghis Tron, A Life Once Lost, and the Dillinger Escape Plan. I was very pumped, as I have heard that all four of these bands are sick live. Well, Stolen Babies ended up having to drop the show for some reason. To the best of my knowledge, this was in no way similar to the incident when Axl Rose kept an entire arena waiting so that he could watch the rest of the New York Knicks game (now, if he really wanted to prove his fanhood, he could try pulling that this season.) Instead, a band called Shat kicked off the show. This band sucked. I don't know how else to put it. It was four guys who were stripped down to nothing but body armor that was totally covered by dildos. Their songs were each about one minute or so in length (their latest CD features 69 songs in 72 minutes), and they generally consisted of no more than one line that kept being repeated. An example of a song (this is one that is a little less graphic, for the kids out there) was a rendition of the BINGO song, but instead it was Fat ho (F-A-THO instead of B-I-NGO). This was probably the best piece musically, most likely because they ripped it off from whoever wrote the original bingo song. It was very awkward because they were making it clear that they were pissed and thought the audience sucked because they weren't into it (in fact the lead singer said "we may never play here again"......so there's reason to be hopeful), and the audience was upset because they had to watch this god-awful band for the first act. I was just upset because the lead singer's balls were hanging down below his strap-on. Riley hit the nail on the head when he compared the act to seeing Jack Black dress up crazy and play songs on stage, except if none of the jokes were funny. They are on youtube if you want to check them out. I refuse to include it in here.

So, the change in the first act was a huge downgrade. However, Genghis Tron, A Life Once Lost, and especially DEP more than made up for this unfortunate turn of events by blowing our faces off for the next three and a half hours. Genghis Tron (pictured) has a really cool and different sound, and the show is really cool because of their unique nature of music. Their lead singer has great stage presence, and his voice reminded my of Dennis Lyxzen during the Refused era (a huge compliment from me, I love refused.) I didn't really know much about A Life Once Lost other than that their sound is pretty typical for your run-of-the-mill metal band. Their show was outstanding and filled with energy. The Wanderer in particular stood out to me as a sick performance. So, by the time we got to the break between A Life Once Lost and Dillinger, I was feeling pretty good about the show. We were having a great time, and would have been perfectly happy if the show continued on the same wavelength for the rest of the night. I never could have imagined that Dillinger could have raised the intensity level the way that they did. The beginning of their first sounds hit me like a lightning bolt thrown from Zeus. I have heard that their shows are incredible, but I never imagined how sick it would be. What struck me most was how loud, fast, and crazy they were able to be on stage despite how technical their music is. I would recommend seeing any of these three bands live, I believe they are touring for the next few months. Hopefully you will get Stolen Babies instead of Shat.

There will be a lot of roomofzen material coming to you this weekend. I hear rumors that we may even hear from the oracle. However, I just want to hit on a few points quickly:

1) Can we all stop with the talk about how Tony Romo was cursed by the presence of Jessica Simpson at the Cowboys game. She goes to all of the Cowboys games! She just usually sits somewhere else. Now, maybe we can pin it to a seat, or a specific article of clothing (I hate pink jersies too), but how far can we go with this. She has literally probably been at over 50 per cent of his home games since last year.




2) I'm going for an unprecedented fantasy three-peat this weekend. Now that there are only two teams standing in the league, I want to share with the people out there a strategy that has served me well up until last week (when it backfired for the first time). Now, people always say that your defense doesn't really matter unless they suck. Well, last year I was very unhappy with my defense (Seattle). I was sitting on the playoff fence, and looking for a way to get over (how embarrassing, to win the championship and then not even make the playoffs). I was fortunate to have a solid lineup of starters, so I dropped all of my bench guys, and picked up the defenses that were playing the Raiders for the rest of the weeks (it was lucky that I was able to do this. We had an 8 person league ((now 12)) and most people only carried one DST at that point). Now, for those of you who may not remember, that Oakland offense was one of the worst as far as giving up sacks and turnovers. I won some close games for the rest of the way, always getting 25+ points from my defense. So, this year, I spent weeks 11, 12, 13, and 14 with the defense that played Miami. Again, this couldn't have worked out better. Miami's offense wasn't quite as bad as Oakland's last year, but they were certainly the worst out there. Unfortunately, last week I realized that Miami would be playing Baltimore and New England (both taken) and I had no defenses for the two most important weeks. So, last week I rolled the dice and took Denver against Houston. My strategy for playing the defensive matchup failed me for the first time. This week, for the championship, I have chosen Arizona, who takes on Atlanta. I'm confident in this choice, and so confident in this system that I don't believe it can fail me twice in a row. So, just remember, by paying attention to the details, you too can one day be a three-time fantasy champion.




3) The Celtics are going to face a huge test tonight against Detroit. They are going to be challenged a great deal over the next few weeks as they will soon be starting a West Coast road trip. Look, people are saying that this team has been playing an easy schedule so far and that they're too old to make it through the season healthy. But, honestly, I think that these arguments are being made by people who are just looking for reasons to knock this team down. True, they haven't played the other top four or five teams in the league. But, they have been blowing out their competition by 20 points pretty regularly. They did absolutely crush Denver. They are 20-2, which means that they must be doing something right. Next, any team is going to be decimated by multiple injuries to key players, so that argument is not specific to the Celtics. But, they won two tough games pretty convincingly without Ray Allen this weekend, and we've been saying on this site all year long that the best surprise about this team has been its bench. I think that given their record right now, they will be able to suffer minor injuries to key players and still win the Atlantic when it's all said and done. Listen, I really believe that we are witnessing one of the great seasons in recent memory. Until the Celtics actually prove me wrong, I refuse to believe otherwise.

4) The more I think about the matchup for the G-Men against Buffalo this weekend without Shockey and with a hobbled Plax, the more I feel this turning in my stomach as I imagine the Saints taking our playoff spot. We need this one bad.