Dear Oracle,
After the Patriots/Jets game this past sunday when Bellichick went in for the post game handshake, he gave Man-gina the industry standard "great game," but afterwards he also dropped an "awesome" as he was walking away. Now I highly doubt that Bellichick has ever shredded the pipe line on the north shore of Oahu, and I don't even think he would chuckle at the clip of the squirrel on mini water skis getting pulled by a mini boat, in mini circles. This is what brings me to my question: Is there a time when it is not awesome to use the word "awesome?" Does the word "awesome" come with a term of conditions? At what point does one become the out of touch hipster that tries to relate to those crazy kids by using such jargon as "awesome?" Now I am not saying that Big Bill is not awesome, his record speaks for itself in that regard. While his "awesome" may have felt a bit out of place I don't believe it was totally uncalled for, but if he had said "totally awesome," I think that would have been over the line. I ask this question because I am a recently turned 26 year old, and I would like to know if my time is runing out on the use of "awesome." I understand that certain terms fall out of grace as we grow older. For instance I have not called someone a "poopy head" in quite some time and my only concern is that "awesome" will fall by the wayside as said "poopy head" has. I use"awesome" on a regular basis and feel that I am able to carry the mantle of "awesome," but I ask you oracle, is my "awesome" time running out?
I appreciate your devine intervention,
Awesomely Awesome Old Man Stratton (In Brighton, MA)
After the Patriots/Jets game this past sunday when Bellichick went in for the post game handshake, he gave Man-gina the industry standard "great game," but afterwards he also dropped an "awesome" as he was walking away. Now I highly doubt that Bellichick has ever shredded the pipe line on the north shore of Oahu, and I don't even think he would chuckle at the clip of the squirrel on mini water skis getting pulled by a mini boat, in mini circles. This is what brings me to my question: Is there a time when it is not awesome to use the word "awesome?" Does the word "awesome" come with a term of conditions? At what point does one become the out of touch hipster that tries to relate to those crazy kids by using such jargon as "awesome?" Now I am not saying that Big Bill is not awesome, his record speaks for itself in that regard. While his "awesome" may have felt a bit out of place I don't believe it was totally uncalled for, but if he had said "totally awesome," I think that would have been over the line. I ask this question because I am a recently turned 26 year old, and I would like to know if my time is runing out on the use of "awesome." I understand that certain terms fall out of grace as we grow older. For instance I have not called someone a "poopy head" in quite some time and my only concern is that "awesome" will fall by the wayside as said "poopy head" has. I use"awesome" on a regular basis and feel that I am able to carry the mantle of "awesome," but I ask you oracle, is my "awesome" time running out?
I appreciate your devine intervention,
Awesomely Awesome Old Man Stratton (In Brighton, MA)
Well Old Man Stratton, you truly have asked an awesome question. Indeed many people may have found Coach Bellichick's words intriguing to say the least. In fact, there was a great deal of speculation surroundthing the aforementioned postgame exchange between Bellichick and Mangini, chiefly, if it would even take place given the bad blood between these two teams and their coaches. Now, in my opinion, there are several ways which you could interpret "Big Bill's" use of the word "Awesome", but before I break down each one of these potential reasons, we must further probe the depths of "Awesome" and in doing so you will soon see that we unlock the secrets to many a quandry, including whether or not you're personal "Awesome time" is running out.
First, the word itself must be given careful attention, the way that you might inspect a piglet purchased from a roadside cart in rural Mexico. The oldest meaning of "awesome" is "something which inspires awe", but the word is also a common slang expression in English. As the original meaning of awesome has become somewhat antiquated in general use, the term awe-inspiring is now generally used for the same meaning. So where you might have once said "The power and beauty of Niagra Falls was truly an awesome sight." Now you might say that "Jessica Simpson is a retard, but she has awesome tits."
So, now that we have our definition we may begin to examine the possible intentions behind Bellichick's usage of this wonderful adjective:
1) The traditional usage: "Awe-inspiring".
I find this one the most unlikely, although Bellichick is reputed to be quite well read and therefore potentially prone to what some might call "proper" usage, I doubt that he personally would have found anything "awe-inspiring" about this game. It was far too messy for his likings. It is quite evident that he is a perfectionist in the truest sense of the word and would be able to find fault in anything, even the girl-on-girl scene from Wild Things. Certainly he was not referring to Chad Pennington's performance, or to his own Punter Chris Hanson blowing on his fingers on the sideline doing his best to look too-cold-to-catch-a-snap after botching a punt that was picked up and run in for a score.
2) Awesome, as in "That was great"
Again this is doubtful, I still think there were too many things about the game that would have driven him crazy...Unless beating Mangini is really all that matters to him, which I guess is possible, but still I think that the real answer lies in number 3...
3) Awesome, as in "Awesome..............NOT!"
Some might say that sarcasm is the harshest form of belittlement, and in this case, my instincts tell me that this was his true intention. When he said "great game", that was all well and good, pretty much your token coach to coach exchange...but then...just when you thought everything was cool..."Awesome". Which I take to mean any one of the following:
"Your team is horrible thanks for wasting our time"
"I am having an extramarital affair with your wife"
"You suck and you always will, say hi to Hank Poteat for me"
"That was a joke of a gameplan, have another burrito"
Or something along those lines, really the ultimate insult---to call someone awesome and mean the opposite.
Now, is Bill Bellichick too old to say Awesome, I would say yes, but then again Ron Jeremy is still making porn and Vinny Testeverde is still playing in the NFL. So I think he has every riht to use the word, especially since he obviously knows how to get the most out of it. In regards to whether or not "totally-awesome" would be over the line, I would say yes, that would have been wierd and inexplicable, unless we later found out that he is in fact a ninja turtle, separated from Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donnatello, and Rafael and left to fend for himself in the sewers without the tutelage of Master Splinter. (Unlikely, but certainly worth pondering). BUT, with the additon of one word "totally awesome" becomes "totally fucking awesome", which I think would have worked nicely and would have been perfectly fine for him to say given the circumstances. Personally, I try to say "totally fucking awesome" at least once per day, it is surprisngly therapeutic, give it a shot. I'm serious.
In regards to your current age and your ability to use words such as awesome, the truth is that there is no set time where your right to use the word expires. Now, I agree that you should not use the phrase "poopy-head", it will probably not get you a lot of numbers at whatever college bar you are hanging out at these days, but it would be fine for you to use awesome, unless you are describing something about yourself like "I have an awesome sense of smell", or "I have a really awesome room in my parents house (trust me), or "I have an awesome cat named Mr. Bolivia" But you could definitely say "That was an awesome concert" or something along those lines. In fact, saying "awesome" might help to keep you young, although you may allready be too far gone.
Personally I do find the video of the squirrel on mini water skis "awesome", and I would bet that Bill Bellichcik would let out a chuckle if he ever came across it, after all he is human, I think.
Awesome.
BB
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