The Babcock Report V

Well, another hard fought victory by the Patriots and another year has come and gone in my humble existence. Its hard to believe I am 25. Do I feel older? Yes. Do I feel wiser? Maybe. Did somebody at work comment on the speckling of gray hairs coming in around my ears this morning? Absolutely. My girlfriend has had no problem reminding me that I am now "almost 30", to which I say: Awesome. At least I am not as old as Stratton, who is now enjoying his 42nd year on this Earth. Throughout this week I have been taking copious notes for this next edition of the Babcock Report. There are many things that I want to touch upon, and on the surface there isnt much connection between these things except that I thought of them, or experienced them, and had the time and energy to write them down. I put them all here so that one day when I am competing in a shuffle board tournament and pooping into a plastic bag tied around my waste I can say that once upon a time I did something even more useless and self serving for society. So here goes:

Limpin' Aint Easy

I wish I was the least bit surprised that the Patriots were playing in the SuperBowl in two weeks. Alas, such is the fate of rooting for the greatest football team of all time: there are no more surprises in store. I did certainly enjoy the win of the Chargers who are quickly replacing the New jersey Nets and the Indianapolis Colts as my least favorite professional sports team. What can I say about the victory? I enjoyed it. Whats more it only proved that the Patriots, despite what the Chargers will say and have said are a far superior team. Even off the field the Patriots dominate them. Tom Brady was spotted wearing a protective boot on his foot following Sunday's game. Despite the attempts of the press to stir up some excitement during the absolute boredom fest of the two weeks leading up to the superbowl any real issue was put to rest a short while later when Brady was seen sporting cowboy boots around NY with his special lady friend Giselle Bundchen in tow. My best guesses for the purpose of the boot would be A) Just a precautionary measure B) Extra support neccessary to carry such huge balls around, C) to mock Philip Rivers and LaDanian Tomlinson, or D) an attempt to tease the spread down from 14 to 12.5 points for the big game. One thing is clear: Tom Brady is a Pimp.

Clearly, if anything was wrong with Brady he would not be wearing Cowboy boots or such a blatantly metrosexual collared-shirt-v-neck-sweater combination. What this look says is "I am the man, and I have no issues with my ankle." However, we all know that he will be listed as "questionable/probable" with a shoulder injury from now until 3200 A.D. It should be noted that whoever the guy is who is walking in front of Brady has just become a victim to a serious Flat-Tire at the hands of Brady Himself. Obviously he is operating at peak intensity in preparation for the SuperBowl. Even Giselle seems to know enough to stay no less than yard away from Brady, and to not make any sudden movements.

I don't root for injuries to anyone, but I will go on the record as saying that I really enjoyed watching a hobbled Rivers gimp around and throw 3 picks as well as the frequent shots of Tomlinson (Note: I have just decided that from this day forth I will never refer toTomlinson in print as LT again, I feel that this does nothing but tarnish the great legacy of Lawrence Taylor, the original, and still the best, LT) sitting on the bench, bundled, wearing his helmet and visor to hide the tears he was most surely crying. See you next year bitches!

I will say that Rivers' performance was "gutsy". But thats it, seriously, not one more compliment will I waste on that team of whiny primadonnas.

LaDanian Tomlinson: All Gimp and no Pimp.

Strange Dream Indeed

I don't exactly know why I am going to put this in here but the other night I had a really really wierd dream. You know the ones that when you wake up you remember everything and its all really strange and possibly too wierd to tell anyone and you think about writing it down and then you go about your day and eventually forget it? Well I crossed that line and broke that unwritten rule and jotted down the dream as best as I could remember it:

I dreamt for some reason that I was a reporter and I had been sent to interview Suri Cruise, yes the child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I was walking around in their house, Tom was preparing for a fly fishing trip and he had his fishing gear spread out all over the living room; rods, tackle, waders, the whole nine. Suri was in a somber mood and wasn't sayng much. I had to follow her around their house trying to pry good answers out of her so that I would have enough material for my story (I am not sure exactly what kind of piece I was working on, perhaps a memoir, although she seemed to be only 2 or 3 years old in the dream) I followed her into one room where Tom was playing soccer; another room was filled with beds, just dozens of beds and mattresses of all sizes; queens, doubles, you name it. Some were made, others extremely unkempt as though they had been slept in the night before. I remember being frustrated with the progress of the interview and being led into a large auditorium where they all did their scientology thing. The next thing I know I'm on the side of the road. Then I wake up. That's it. I really wish I had something more for you. If anyone knows what this means please let me know. Maybe I should stop watching E! with my girlfriend? Perhaps this is all a consequence of sobriety? I am sorry for wasting 2 minutes of your life, hopefully this picture of a Yao Ming wax sculpture will ease your mind:

Amazingly Life-Like!