Well, I have returned to Massachusetts from the left Coast ready to tackle another posting. I am still recovering from jet-lag and a freak freestyle-walking injury which fortunately spared my eyesight and most of the digits I use to type but I have regained enough strength and motivation to complete what I hope to be a good summation of the regular season of the NFL and a look forward at the next couple of weeks, aka Playoffs. Tonight, while I was preparing this post Seattle and Jacksonville advanced past the wildcard round. All I have to say is that I was not surprised by Jacksonville's win, and that I dont think any team in professional sports is less interesting for me to watch than the Seattle Seahawks, I'm not sure why, I really have no good reason. When I see Sean Alexander and Lofa Tatupu I just have a very strong urge to switch to the Food Network. I really can't explain it.
All I have to say about the Pats-Giants game (Which I watched in the home of a Raider's fan in Santa Cruz) is that I was surprised (and impressed) by the intensity of the Giants. I was equally not surprised when they blew the game at the end. The best moment of the night came when Randy Moss dropped a wide open pass and the Raider's fans started yelling things like "That Looks familiar asshole!" and "that guy sucks" and then on the next play he caught a bomb for his 23rd receiving touchdown and broke the single season record and my father, mother, and I all stood up screaming...that is family bonding. Later the Raider's fan, who my uncle referred to only as "The Greek", shook my hand and congratulated me. It sure does suck to be him.
Eli Manning...Can't seal the deal...on the field anyway.
MVP
Tom Brady…what a joy to watch this year, every Sunday I feel very lucky that I am not rooting for anybody named Philip Rivers to succeed.
Offensive player of the year
See above, those numbers are pretty amazing, second place goes to Randy Moss. Yes I know there is no second place...this is a good piece by Scoop Jackson about why Randy Moss won't be (and isn't) MVP. Food for thought.
Defensive Player of the year
Bob Sanders...dude makes plays. Pound for pound the most tattoos in the NFL.
Best Coach
Bill Belichick. There will never be another 16-0 team in the NFL’s regular season. You heard it here first.
Worst Coach
Scott Linehan (St. Louis Rams) I’m not even sure how this guy got hired as an NFL coach…wait…he was the offensive coordinator of a 9-7 Miami Dolphins team last year! No wonder they only won one game this year.
Toughest Division in NFL
NFC East
Unsung Hero
Brian Westbrook…Maybe this generations Jim Kelly. This guy does EVERYTHING well, and I agree with LaRocque he doesn’t get enough respect.
Offensive and Defensive Rookies of the year
On Offense Adrian Peterson…on Defense Patrick Willis. I had so hoped that the Pats would make a move for Willis on draft day last year, too bad that didn’t work out for us. Honestly though, I wish I had a chance to see him play more because he might as well be working at a Victoria’s Secret in North Dakota playing for the 49ers. If you’re scoring at home that makes it unlikely for me to ever come across him.
Most embarrassing arrest/encounter with law enforcement
Michael Vick...although hearing Andy Reid's House referred to as "a drug emporium", made me chuckle and then feel very cold and hollow inside.
Most likely to be arrested in near future
This guy: Raiders Defensive Coordinator Rob Ryan...
Something about him says “Posession of Strange Pornography” or "Aggravated Assault".
Best game
Patriots vs Ravens…I was actually nervous for about 4 minutes during this one.
Worst game
Dolphins Vs Steelers on Monday night. The Steelers won 3-0, and I lost 3.5 hours of my life and $50 FOR EVER! Sidenote…by far the worst season of Monday Night Football I can remember. And Tony Kornheiser was terrible. I sometimes agreed to watch America’s Next Top Model reruns with my girlfriend, seriously, it seemed like a viable alternative many a Monday night this year.
Most annoying ex-player
Tiki Barber/Chris Collinsworth. I wonder if Tiki has any friends left in New York who don’t do his hair and makeup? Collinsworth...if you are out there...I hate you.
Best quote of the year (player or coach)
"I am the Man." Randy Moss.
(ok...so I don't have time or the memory cells to remember or look up my favorite quote of the year so I made that up.)
Best press conference (too bad dennis green is still not coaching)
Bill Belichick addressing the New York Media: (I could not find a recording of this interview anywhere so I have to paraphrase, so bear with me…this is pretty accurate so you should get the gist)
"NY Reporter: How is Tom Brady's shoulder he was on the injury report listed as probable?
Belichick: You will have to check the injury report at the end of practice.
NY Reporter: Well aren't you at all concerned? Its been listed on the inury report for a few years now.
Belichick:................................(Long Pause).................right."
Best special teams player
Devon Hester. People still kick to this guy?
Worst kicker
Anyone who punted to Devon Hester.
Best punter
Chris Hanson…the peoples choice.
Player with no business in the NFL
Martin Grammatica…because he looks like a rat and hurt himself during a celebration. Why can’t we get a Pete Rose-esque “banned for life” here…seriously its bad for the integrity of the sport. Also, I move that all kickers be forced to wear the facemask worn by LT (Shark) in Any Given Sunday
Worst teammate
Terrell Owens…every year until he retires.
Surprise team of the year
Miami Dolphins…as in “Holy Shit they suck THAT bad?”
Most embarrassing drug scandal
Cowboys Assistant gets busted with HGH for “male enhancement”. Talk about having your business put in the streets.
Most unhealthy looking coach
Joe Gibbs naked. Whoops.
Best fans
Patriots Fans…because my mom is one.
Worst fans
Patriots Fans…because every time I listen to talk radio some idiot (who also happens to be a Pats fan) calls in to talk about the Pats and I say “that is the most ignorant person I have ever heard”…then I wait five minutes and say the same thing. Also, I don’t think that there are any Cardinals fans out there, I have never met one, and I defy anyone to name a Cardinals fan that they personally know, that must make them some of the worst fans too.
Biggest disappointment player/team/coach
Cincinnati Bengals…they have so many offensive weapons but always seem to suck.
Most pleasant surprise
I don’t have AIDS…and Randy Moss’ attitude and performance this year.
Strangest turn of events
Randall Gay causes a fumble, recovers it, and runs in for a “meaningless” score Vs. the Browns allowing the Pats to cover the spread…I can actually hear my buddy Bobcat shit his pants…with joy… three blocks away.
Team most likely to suck next year
Atlanta with Miami a close second--- I mean a close second to last.
Team that you expect to win the NFC
Dallas
Team that you expect to win the AFC
New England
Team that you expect to win the Super Bowl
New England
Team that you expect to win the Pro Bowl
File this under “Who gives a shit”
Super Bowl MVP
Tom Brady
Pro Bowl MVP
Hmmmm....most obscure award ever…Braylon Edwards?? Who gives a shit?
Who will be the first pick in the NFL draft in 08?
Matt Ryan (Boston College)...because it's Miami's pick...and Keanu Reeves may not be available.
Who will be the starting QB for the Browns next year?
Brady Quinn…Apparently he's been using Myoplex religiously…
Who will be the starting QB for the Dolphins next year?
Approximately two career backups, one rookie, and a guy in Georgia who is currently doing oil changes at a Valvoline.
Who will be the starting QB for the Bears next year?
Trick question! The Bears will revolutionize offensive football by punting the ball to Devin Hester on every possession…madness ensues.
Who will be the starting QB for the Eagles next year?
Donovan Mcnabb…wait...maybe they can pry Rex Grossman from the Bears???
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