Sunday, October 25, 2009

What ever happened to...

I'm starting a "What ever happened to..." series here at ROOMOFZEN that delves into fictional characters from movies, television and video games and figures out what the hell they're up to now. Hopefully it's more successful than the fantasy football league updates that caused Bad Newz Kennels to plummet from a previously strong position. First up - Butch Coolidge.

Last time we checked Butch was driving Zed's chopper, with the Coolidge family watch in his possession, to pick up his girlfriend Fabienne. Since there never was a Pulp Fiction II, which is a good thing, I'm left to my own devices on this one. Here goes.

The Assumed Ending: Butch was financially set. He used Marsellus Wallace's bribe to bet on himself and realistically struck it rich in the process. On top of that he definitely seemed like a fighter approaching the end of the line. Provided he recognized it was time to hang up the gloves and accepted the Marsellus Wallace decree of lost "LA privileges", Butch could have disappeared with his golden parachute to start fresh somewhere else. That's entirely plausible. However, I'm not convinced that happened. Here's why:

The Breakup: Fabienne was incredibly annoying. While they enthusiastically played the part of an over the top teenage couple throughout the movie, I see Butch eventually tiring of her. And let's not forget that she had one real responsibility in the whole movie - keep track of the Coolidge family watch. She failed. Now factor in the astronomical divorce rate of professional athletes, particularly in retirement. Greg Bishop explored just that in this article, which looked at a number of factors including the following:

"When athletes retire, most face an identity crisis. Many do not retire on their own terms, and once they leave the game, they also leave behind the fame and fortune, the crowds and adoration. Their wives experience a similar loss of status. The dynamic players they married can become passive and withdrawn."

And Butch wouldn't even have to go through the hassle of a div
orce.

The Finances: Butch received a substantial pay day for his successful double cross. Yet athletes have a long history of going broke. While he seemed to avoid the drug, alcohol, and procreating potholes, I envision him making some bad investments and burning through his nest egg. We also know that prior to that fateful night Butch's entire boxing career netted him a modest apartment and a white civic. He's no Hakeem Olajuwan (although I wonder how the Dream is doing since the market downturn).

The Personality: Butch was not someone who shied away from danger. First he enraged Marsellus Wallace, which by all accounts is an awful idea. Then he returned to his apartment for the family watch when everyone in the Wallace organization had to be looking for him. Upon retrieving the watch he disregarded his hunted status for a toaster pastry snack. Tangent alert - I'm not prepared to choose a winner in the Pop Tart versus Toaster Strudel debate. I'm just here to say, "Pop tarts win because you can eat them hot or cold" is not a valid argument. Cold pop tarts are no bueno. But back to Butch. He risked death at the hands of 2 gun toting, deranged rednecks to save Wallace. Granted Butch had a samurai sword and his decision ultimately removed the bounty from his head. Doesn't mean it was a safe bet. Are we really expected to believe he simply rode off into the sunset?

Retirement?: As previously discussed Butch appeared to be at the end of the line. But often times an athlete will struggle to retire. And it wasn't like he won his "final bout" in unconvincing fashion. Butch killed his opponent. Provided the whole legal, public homicide doesn't psychologically drive him away from the only career he's ever known, Butch could very easily get the itch to fight again. I'm betting he'd scratch it.

The Fall of Wallace?: And finally the most crucial point of all. Marsellus Wallace banned Butch from a) discussing the rape and b) returning to LA. However, that whole incident may have been the beginning of the end for Wallace. First there's the entire rape and dealing with the aftermath of it. Even if Butch kept his word and remained silent are we sure Wallace's cavalry would? What if one of his guys showed up in the shop, tortured Zed and then decided to take a shot at the crown? From Vincent and Jules' earlier massage conversation we know the organization is prone to gossip. Details of the account could spread like wildfire and cripple Wallace's authority. I picture a mad dash for power reminiscent of European monarchies warring in their heyday. In the resulting power vacuum Butch could return from laying low and pick up where he left off.

Conclusion: In the end the discovery of Vega's bullet ridden body in his apartment, coupled with Coolidge's AWOL status would be the biggest obstacle to his return. However, Vega was a heroin using, career criminal. Any half decent lawyer could help beat those charges. And the notoriety would only increase interest in Butch and the purse for his bouts. I see several more fights, a tell all book (Killer Inside and Out of the Ring?) some paternity suits (he's due) and eventually a remarkable downward spiral that ends with Butch working as a collector for a loan shark, just as Rocky Balboa did before his career took off.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Week 7: Looking to Bounce Back




KANSAS CITY +5 over San Diego: I don't really have the logic to explain myself here. My head is saying I should pick San Diego. But, I hate the Bolts, and they really are not good. They haven't impressed me once so far this year. This Chiefs team seems to be growing more confident each week, and they haven't won at home yet. They're due. The way the Chargers have looked, I think the best case scenario for them this week is a 3 point win.


Indianapolis -13.5 over ST. LOUIS: The three team tease is back and more reliable than ever. The Colts should be at the top of your teaser flow chart every week. You don't even need to look at the matchup. It's like the new Velveeta version of Easy Mac. You can't go wrong.





Chicago +1 over CINCINNATI: The Bengals looked very ordinary last week, and I really don't think they're as good as that 4-2 record. The injury to Antwan Odom makes this game a lock for the Bears, who have impressed me even in their losses. Also, doesn't it seem like it would be smart to always tease an underdog against the Bengals? They seem to always win on the last minute, ensuring a small margin of victory, or they lose. Either way, with the tease, you're probably in good shape.



Green Bay -8.5 over CLEVELAND: The Browns suck, and they seem to be getting worse. I'm really not sure what else you want from me.



Minnesota +5.5 over PITTSBURGH: The Steelers have won 9 in a row at home, and they'll have Troy Polamalu, a major game changer, back in action. But, I just don't like that pass-happy offense against this Vikings defensive front. This could be a long day for Big Ben. The Vikings big wins (San Fran, Green Bay, and Baltimore) have come at the Metrodome. This will be their first major road contest (they've been at Cleveland, Detroit, and St. Louis). This win in Pittsburgh will be a major statement.



New England -15 over Tampa Bay: Last year I lost when I wagered on the London game. I expected the Giants to steamroll the Dolphins, but the rainy field in London made it just a three point game. But, after last week, I certainly can't justify taking Tampa because of weather considerations. The Patriots are building momentum.




San Francisco +3 over HOUSTON: Frank Gore is back, Glen Coffee has some experience under his belt, Michael Crabtree is in the starting lineup, and I love the Niners from this point forward. Plus, they are coming off a bye, and they were embarrassed their last time out. I can only imagine that the image of Mike Singletary's grundle is permanently burned into Dre Bly's memory after that one.




OAKLAND +6 over NY Jets: 6 points? really? The Jets have lost three straight, and haven't looked good doing it. Their head coach seems completely shell-shocked after these losses, and they're bringing a rookie quarterback into the black hole to face a tough defense. On the other hand, the Raiders seemed to have bounced back extremely well from the ass whooping the Giants put on them a couple of weeks ago. They just beat a team that was playing in the NFC championship game last year, their coach was just cleared of assault charges, their new stud defensive lineman has guaranteed they will make the playoffs, and their recently deceased players are coming back to the field as pigeons. Yeah, I like Oakland here.







Buffalo +7 over CAROLINA: I don't care if Ryan Fitzpatrick is playing quarterback or not. There is no reason for Carolina to be giving 7 to anybody besides St. Louis.



New Orleans -6.5 over At Miami: Miami is a very popular pick this week. I guess I understand it from the standpoint that the wildcat might neutralize the Saints pressure and Miami will chew up minutes. But, I will direct your attention back to Monday night in week 2. Miami perfectly executed their game plan, holding the ball for over three full quarters. And yet, despite having less then 15 minutes of possession, Peyton Manning was able to score his points quickly enough to win the game. The Saints can do the same thing.



DALLAS -4 over Atlanta: I love Dallas coming off the bye here. Some of you out there might be wondering what it's going to take for me to believe in the Falcons. I don't have an answer. Every week I'm wrong about them, and I'm still not convinced.



NY GIANTS -7 over Arizona: I wouldn't want to be the Cardinals this week. The Giants were embarrassed last week. They are better than they showed, and I'm sure they are itching to get back out on the field. They were getting blown out in the first half, and they still had a chance to make it a one possession game had it not been for Roman Harper's forced fumble.

CC Brown had the Roy Williams syndrome last week. He was so eager to play the run that he got roasted in the passing game. Of course I'd rather have Kenny Phillips. But Brown started in this league for 4 years with Houston, and I expect him to bounce back and at least play competently from here on out.



Philadelphia -7 over WASHINGTON: NFC East divisional matchups are always closer than you'd think. Were it not for the Eagles losing to Oakland last week, I might like the Skins here. But, like the Giants, I'm sure the Eagles have had a bad taste in their mouth all week.



Your Teaser of the Week:




10 point teaser:

Indy -3.5 over St. Louis, Green Bay +1 over Cleveland, and New England -5 over Tampa Bay.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

ROOMOFZEN Fantasy Football Update

Awards

The 2006 LaDanian Tomlinson Top Performing Team of the Week: Flying Elvises hung up 108 points and grabbed a playoff spot for the time being.

The 2009 JaMarcus Russell Low Performing Team of the Week: We all have our down weeks. This week it just happened to be Rogue Trader's 65.26 points that stood out. That's good enough to lose every single matchup from week 6 with everyone else scoring at least an 80. And in typing this I'm heading for a solid 55 next week.

The Clutch Pick Up of the Week: Not a lot to choose from on this one. Put it this way - no one is praising my (Bad Newz Kennels) pick up of Mike Wallace. So I'm giving the hat tip to Movie It Up 5 for grabbing Nate Kaeding. That's 14 points and a comfortable victory. Had Move It Up 5 gone with Rod Bironas, as favre's old balls did, it would have netted him 0 points. Of course both those teams won their matchups and who thought the Titans would be that awful?

Owner of the Best Overall Player: I'm going with ranking instead of points. And the current leader is...Adrian Peterson of Pitino's Spamortion. Although it's worth noting that 5 QBs currently have more points over the course of the season than the former Sooner.

Owner of the Worst Overall Player: Initially I started with ranking instead of points. But I wanted to go with someone who had played in all his team's games to date and started for his fantasy squad in Week 6. That eliminated Chansi Stuckey (sat out the last 2 weeks), Josh Johnson (Byron Leftwich was the starter on opening day) and Davone Bess (bye week). Strangely all 3 of those guys are on Drugs Delaney's roster. But I digress. And the winner or loser is...LenDale White (ranked 1370) of OBI WAN CANOLI. Bonus points because White scored -.50 points and looked atrocious in New England. Of course if OBI WAN CANOLI had dropped him last week I would have swooped in and promoted White over Derrick Ward. As is Ward earned 0 points. So what do I know?

Call Out of the Week: I was all set to call out Nick (Stan Mikita's Donuts) for starting a player (Adam Vinatieri) in his bye week. But then Nick beat me. Now he looks like an evil genius - "Hey Weeks I only need 8 to beat your 9, a receiver (Wes Welker) from your favorite team will thrash you, I don't need Laurence Maroney's 19 points either, and I'll even taunt you with the best kicker in your team's history. Have the Pats won a Super Bowl since he left? What about in 2007?" I haven't seen someone this unnecessarily vengeful since *Rick James assaulted Eddie Murphy's Couch (NSFW). As a side note, I'm assuming that's a Wayne's World reference, but Stan Mikita was pretty cool. Long story short, I'm calling myself out for losing to an undermanned team.

The 2007 Derek Anderson He's Ranked What? Award: That's right Derek Anderson was ranked 9th in 2007. 9th! He's completed 11 of his last 41 passes and has as many yards in his last 2 games (145) as some QBs have had in quarters. Okay I'm too lazy to do the research on that one, but I assume Brady, Brees and possibly Peyton Manning have done it lately. I thought about Ray Rice (5th), but he's freaking awesome and is just coming into his own. I was tempted by Kyle Orton but he out dueled Brady, is 6-0 and once had this picture taken. Orton might have a mustache too. No the winner was drafted in 36% of Yahoo! leagues and usually went around 109th. That's right Cedric "I was cut by the Bears in June 2008" Benson. He's ranked 13th and plays for shotintheleg.

Matchup to Watch in Week 7: We're all looking forward to That's a Tasty Burger facing off against Flying Elvises. They're currently tied at 4-2 and separated by just under 15 points and one spot in the standings. For our purposes let's also pretend they hate each other.

If the Season Ended Today...: Pitino's Spamortion, Bad Newz Kennels, Awkward Silences, and Flying Elvises would make the cut. Of course there's a lot of season left.

Standings:
* It seems like all of those clips were remixes on YouTube.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Book Recommendation: Bringing the Heat

The Reader's Digest (hopefully someone gets that reference) version from the Publisher’s Weekly review on Amazon.com:
“This look at the Philadelphia Eagles covers both the tenure of coach Buddy Ryan, which began in 1986 and ended with his firing in 1991, and the next three years of current coach Rich Kotite's regime. The 1992 season is the focal point, but Bowden, who covered the Eagles for the Philadelphia Inquirer, deals in depth with the years leading up to that season. Of particular interest are Bowden's profiles of many of the Eagles' colorful characters, including Ryan, owner Norman Braman (who sold the team to Hollywood producer Jeff Lurie in 1994) and players Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner and Randall Cunningham. Bowden pulls no punches, documenting the stormy off-the-field lives of several team members including Joyner and Wes Hopkins, as well as describing the players' dislike of star quarterback Cunningham. Although a bit melodramatic at times, this is as thorough an account of a sports franchise as any fan, even Eagles fanatics, could want.”
Ten Reasons You Should Read This Book:

Bonus reason #1: It's a minor thing, but Bringing the Heat is a great title, epitomizes the style of those Philly defenses and still works. Even today you can use it to describe both football and daily interactions. How many things that were cool from the early 90s have that kind of staying power? For example, consider this.

Bonus reason #2: - Let's just say this book does nothing to dispute the fact that many professional athletes end up broke when their careers are over.

10. Mark Bowden. He is a fantastic writer/author. I haven’t read all of his work, but Killing Pablo (Vince should have bought the rights), Guests of the Ayatolla (great title), and Black Hawk Down (mesmerizing in the movie theater as a side note) speak to his talent. When a real writer completes a sports project it's almost always better than anything from the average sportswriter or hack blogger (damn). While I can't say that I agreed with everything and at times wondered if Bowden had disdain for the entire football enterprise, it's easily a top football book.

9. The Eagles of that era were an underrated video game team. Even to this day that squad doesn’t get the respect it deserves. There’s still a ton of buzz about Bo Jackson from Tecmo Super Bowl, and rightfully so. But I’d take the Eagles against his Raiders any day of the week. The defense, led by Reggie White, Clyde Simmons, Jerome Brown, and Seth Joyer, is stacked. Strangely Eric Allen is nowhere near as good in the game as he should be and for some strange reason Andre Waters (more on him later) is awful. So while the defense is dominant against the run and has a great pass rush, it's suspect if the QB actually gets rid of the ball.

However, none of that matters as QB Eagles (Randall Cunningham) is light years better than every other quarterback. If you know how to maximize his running and passing potential he’s better than Bo. And the skill guys, especially Keith Jackson, can play.

Three Tecmo Super Bowl points before moving on:

- If you think this game is dead, think again.

- This website is also incredibly researched and informative. An updated format would put it over the edge.

- It's been 18 years and I still don't understand why they didn't call it Super Tecmo Bowl.

8. Seth Joyner. The Eagles organization caught up with him almost four years ago for a nice "Where are They Now" style piece. It's a quick, interesting, although far from in depth read that portrays Joyner in a better light than Bowden's book. While Bringing the Heat definitely acknowledges how dominant he was as a linebacker, Joyner also comes off as extremely unlikeable. Some of that stems from the fact that Joyner was devoted to Buddy Ryan and simply wasn't a Richie Kotite fan. Yet Joyner also despised Cunningham, barely acknowledged the offense (and never in a flattering way) and was a lousy family man at that point and time.

7. Mike Golic and Eric Allen. Bowden featured both of them prominently and after reading about their football days their respective media careers make sense. Every time I see Allen on ESPN he's as smooth as can be and looks like he could still play. Meanwhile, Golic started out somewhat as a court jester. Although I have to admit I'm still surprised by the success of Mike and Mike, and Golic has evolved over time.

6. Fight at the Vet. I'm linking to this article because it should simultaneously annoy Nick and introduce the story of Wes Hopkins' wife meeting his mistress:
"There was the former Philadelphia Eagles safety Wes Hopkins, whose marriage collapsed one blustery afternoon in Veterans Stadium when his wife discovered a second Mrs. Hopkins in the stands."
Imagine a current NFL player's wife beating up his mistress at a game. I can barely believe it happened. You have to read the book.

5. Randall Cunningham. First check out his stats, particularly his rushing numbers from 1986-1992 and his out of nowhere 1998 campaign with the Vikings. Then remember that he played during a time period when the NFC East was absolutely terrifying. Maybe I was younger and more impressionable. And I'm sure people will talk about the Giants' current D-Line in reverential terms in years to come. But the Skins, Eagles, Giants, and Cowboys were loaded back then. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.

Once again I encourage you to read the book to fully grasp how enigmatic he was. His personality, appearance (seemed to permanently pout), flippant approach to film study, and most of all big contract, caused some of his teammates to loathe him. Cunningham's cult of self, successful self promotion and belief that only Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Aresnio Hall, and a select few others walked in his circle, made things even worse. The following clip actually gets at the heart of a lot of it:

Steve Young was sick too.

4. Free agency. This was right on the cusp of free agency with Keith Jackson jetting for the Dolphins mid-season to unofficially kick off the movement. Of course Reggie White left town following the season to officially get the ball rolling. Do you remember how crazy that was? Politicians tried to lure him to their cities and or states and Sports Illustrated ran one of my favorite covers of all time:


Some more points about White:

- Everyone raved about his "monster contract" - $17 million over 4 years. Don't get me wrong I'd take it. But compare that to some of today's deals.

- I caught a show on the NFL network about this year's Hall of Fame inductees that called Bruce Smith the most feared defensive player and best defensive lineman ever. I respect his game. But don't those titles belong to Lawrence Taylor and Reggie White respectively?

- White was 31 when he signed his deal. That's up there for a NFL player.

- Somehow I didn't realize that White played in the USFL. I love "The Memphis Showboats" as a team name. More on the Minister of Defense later.

3. Social Commentary. Bowden takes the book into a lot of interesting directions. A couple stood out to me:

- Some of the players beat pretty ridiculous odds to make it to the NFL. Yes there were some amazing athletes like Allen, Cunningham, White, Herschel Walker, Keith Jackson, and others. But Andre Waters and several other Eagles literally clawed their way into the league and were far from a sure thing. On top of that some of the players came from the lowest levels of poverty.

- The over the top and in many ways unnecessary "Dream Home for Mom" phenomenon. And it was even more interesting when Bowden looked at the conflicts players' moms and wives had. This was particularly true for African Americans who grew up in poverty and married someone from a very different socioeconomic class than their mothers.

2. Jerome Brown and Reggie White. The book opens with Brown's death, which happened right before the '92 season. It shook many of the players, particularly on defense, to their core and seemed to simultaneously inspire and haunt the Eagles throughout the season. Brown was simply a larger than life figure that lived hard and fast and drew people to him. He was a hero in his hometown as well as an unabashed partier, spender, and pursuer of women. Yet 15 years later White's death has to be even more shocking. Consider the fact that White was far less reckless and just seemed like a super hero. I did not see that coming. Meanwhile, the book obviously can't get into his Super Bowl run with the Packers or his infamous speech to the Wisconsin state legislature. Pretty complex guy.

1. Andre Waters. When I recently reread this I somehow forgot that Waters committed suicide in 2006. Like my first reading Waters emerged as my favorite player in the book. Yes, he may have made Rodney Harrison look mild. Just ask Dan Dierdorf. Yet Waters truly was an unlikely NFL starter that beat the odds. On top of that he comes off as a great guy. So when I finally remembered his death it was even more tragic. Furthermore, while I'm in no way qualified to fully understand the research, I'm intrigued by the contention that "the depression that family members recalled Mr. Waters exhibiting in his final years was almost certainly exacerbated, if not caused, by the state of his brain -- and that if he had lived, within 10 or 15 years 'Andre Waters would have been fully incapacitated.'" - Dr. Bennet Omalu

As much as we all love football there are two things we have to eventually face.

- A good chunk of these guys have to be using HGH right? The size, speed, strength, and quickness have risen to outrageous and dangerous levels.

- It truly can be a debilitating game. And despite the stellar efforts of the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund it does not seem like monumental changes have been made yet. And watching last year's Steelers, Ravens and Titans it seemed like a player's death on the field was more of a matter of when than if.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Prime Cleveland Real Estate For Sale


Formerly owned by NFL player, 6BR, 4.5 Baths, 5000sf.  Top of the line Kitchen with custom cherry cabinets.  Includes shattered dreams and utter disappointment of Browns fans, Media room, jacuzzi.  In ground pool and 3 car garage full of MetRx supplements.  Finished basement features Wainscotting and unfounded hype.  Used almost as little as owner. Highly (un)Motivated Seller--Make an offer! MLS#100696901

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Week 6 Picks: The Blue Record Edition



My deluxe copy of The Blue Record, the new Baroness album, finally arrived on Tuesday night. Because of this, needless to say, my week has kicked more ass than usual. The album is unreal. Coming off the Red Album, my expectations could not have been higher, and they were all exceeded. On top of that, the deluxe edition of the album comes complete with a live CD with 5 great live Red Album cuts. You need to get this for yourself. You can order it here.





Now, the picks.


Kansas City +6.5 over WASHINGTON: A colleague of mine, who is a Skins diehard, is making a pretty strong case for his team to be the worst in the entire NFL. At first I didn't buy it, but the more he talked with me, the more I became convinced. Even their wins have felt like losses. Despite being an NFC team, the strength of schedule factor hurts the Skins on a historic level. This will mark the 6th consecutive week that the Redskins will face a winless team. This is week 6. Every single team they have played has entered the game winless. That has never happened before. And yet, despite this cupcake schedule, they have not managed to turn in one solid performance. So, are they the worst team? You'd be hard pressed to argue otherwise.


CINCINNATI -5 over Houston: The Bengals are currently one super flukey play in Denver away from being undefeated. They also currently have the NFL's leading rusher. Carson Palmer seems to have returned to form for the time being, and you have to love the way this team is finally gelling after the better part of a decade.



PITTSBURGH -14 over Cleveland: I'm not a Browns fan (which I am thankful for every day), but I have to believe that win in Buffalo on Sunday felt like a loss. Derek Anderson, who was supposed to help breathe some life into this offense, completed 2 passes for 23 yards. Between the piss poor performances on the field, and all of the turmoil off the field (I don't know how often multiple players file grievances against their coach in the same week, but I'd imagine it means 2 things: 1) the players are unhappy, and 2) they don't feel like their coach would be receptive to them communicating that unhappiness), this team is not going to win another game.






MINNESOTA -3 Baltimore: I was sure the Vikings would flame out eventually, but they're showing no signs of that at the moment. In fact, they seem to be getting more and more powerful and in sync as each week passes. Coming off two straight losses, the Ravens are certainly hungry, but I can't pick against Minnesota at home with the way they've looked.



JACKSONVILLE -9.5 over St. Louis: What the fuck was that last week, Jacksonville? All along we've been saying that you never know what you're going to get with the Texans and Cardinals, but this Jaguars team seems like the ultimate wildcard right now. I thought they might have trouble in Seattle and I didn't expect them to win. But, I couldn't believe they got waxed like that. Still, I'll take them at home over the Rams just like I would take anybody at home against the Rams.


Giants +3 over NEW ORLEANS: Maybe I'm missing something, because just about everyone I've talked to or heard talk on tv has picked the Saints. I get that they're coming off of a bye, but the G-Men played the Raiders at home last week. I also understand that if you're not looking any further than the quarterback matchup, it's hard to go against what Drew Brees has been doing. But, this game is about a lot more than Brees vs. Manning.

The Giants can bring huge pressure with their front four, so Drew Brees will have to get rid of the ball quickly. This will prevent big plays. The Saints blitz a lot, and they can get a lot of pressure that way. But, the Giants running game is so solid right now, and it seems like they are always facing manageable down and distance. Because they are so good on the ground, it's hard for me to imagine the New Orleans blitz forcing mistakes. I've tried to slice this one a lot of different ways, and I come up with the Giants winning every time. That being said, don't overestimate the importance of this matchup. It's only week 6.


And then there's this guy.....who I hopes takes a lot of hits on Sunday:








TAMPA BAY +3.5 over Carolina: I'm taking the home team in this matchup, because I can't be bothered to consider any other elements.



GREEN BAY -13.5 over Detroit: With Calvin Johnson most likely on the shelf this weekend, it's hard for me to envision the Lions making a game of this. The Pack should be fresh after their bye week, and I'm sure they're itching to feast on the Lions after losing a tough one to Minnesota their last time out.


Philadelphia -14 OAKLAND: I don't think I realized how pitiful the Raiders were until I experienced it first hand. The Raiders only touchdown came off a Giants muffed punt and an officiating miscue which allowed them to keep possession after a fumble. If Eli Manning had stayed in for the whole game, the Giants were on pace to score 100 points.


Arizona +3 over SEATTLE: That goal line stand against Houston last week was just the kind of thing that rejuvenates good teams (see Giants in week 3 of 07-08 at Washington). That was a gut check moment for the entire season. 1-3 would have been impossible to overcome. At 2-2, I like the Cards to keep improving.



NY JETS -9.5 over Buffalo: On the plus side, the Bills defense held Cleveland to 23 yards through the air on Sunday. But, they lost that game, which is unforgivable. Coming off of two straight road losses, the Jets will cruise at home this week.






Tennessee +9.5 over NEW ENGLAND: New England has looked good at home, but I don't know if I really buy that the Patriots are good enough to be giving 9.5 here. I don't think they should have been favored at Denver last week, and certainly not by more than three! More than anything, I'm angry about the line, which I just think is too high given New England's holes. So, it may be my undoing, but I'm taking Tennessee on principle. While I'm feeling this way, I'll go bold: Titans get their first win this Sunday.



Chicago +3 over ATLANTA: I showed the Falcons no respect last week, and it came back to bite me. But, I'm still not buying it. I think the Bears make some big plays on Sunday night, and pull this one out.



Denver +3.5 over SAN DIEGO: The Broncos are undefeated, one of the Chargers two wins was a nailbiter against Oakland, and San Diego has key guys banged up. The fact that Denver is getting points at all here is absurd. More than three points certainly makes no sense.


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Remember That Time the Redskins Lost to the Lions...And Other Thoughts

MJ's epic Hall of Fame speech did not bring me back. I did not run a post when a member of the Los Angeles Lakers married a reality television star. I remained quiet when T's Redskins eked out a win against a dreadful Rams team, lost to the Lions and barely managed to top a pretty bad Tampa Bay squad.* And to be honest I didn't even want to touch the nauseating coverage of Tom Brady's return against the Bills that gave me one of those rare, "If I were a fan of another team I would hate this" moments. And yet four events happened within a span of a couple of days that ended a months long drought:

4. I was in a police station getting fingerprinted (background check) by a wildly unfriendly police officer who said maybe 3 words to me and seemed intent on twisting my clearly bruised finger (basketball injury). The bigger point is that on our way back to the lobby I debated the pros and cons of giving him a flat tire. Could he hold me for that? Would it break the awkwardness of his surly demeanor?

3. I've been thinking about running a "Jay Leno joke of the week" segment for about 2 years now. It finally got to the point a couple weeks back where I actually almost did it. It would question the very fact that someone so unfunny could be considered the exact opposite by so many. And then this happened:

"Q: What if there was a day on Twitter where everyone tweeted Leno-esque jokes? Such as: "Dr. Christopher Post saved a man's life at a Pirates game. His only regret? The newspaper printing that he was at a Pirates game!"
-- Dan, Philly

SG: I like it. How's Oct. 16? "Sad day for Charlie Weis yesterday. No, Notre Dame didn't lose again. His local Red Lobster canceled its all-you-can-eat buffet!"

Let's be honest. I don't have that many original ideas. And when I do have one I should jump on it. Alas.

2. I had to wear a suit. That's something I rarely do. The only bright side of wearing a suit is it always makes me think of a line from Hoosiers that goes something like this:

"I got me a suit. A real humdinger. It's the suit I was married in." - Shooter

1. I was playing Mike Tyson's Punchout, which is reason enough to be regularly posting on a blog. As I working my way towards Mike Tyson I couldn't help but think of the huge advantage Floyd Mayweather Jr. had in his recent fight. If that's supposed to be bad for boxing consider Bald Bull's 191-pound advantage on Lil Mac. How much of a fine would that prompt if there were a weigh in? How could Doc Louis even let that fight happen? Ultimately I just can't get that worked up about Mayweather.

These are the kind of things I need to be sending out into cyberspace (do people still say that?) from time-to-time. On top of that ROOMOZEN has been quiet of late. So I'll end this post by reworking a line from Hoosiers, "I don’t know if it’ll make a difference, but I figured it’s time I started writing again."

* That has to be one of the worst 2-1 stretches of football...ever.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Week 5 Picks: Favorites In Rhyme




Babcock is living the good life in Los Angeles, watching games 3 hours early. So, I'm back, and hoping to improve. Rhyming seemed to bring him a lot of success, so I've tried to make all my picks in rhyme. It won't be as good as him, but I've tried.

Tough week. I count two good games, and I expect the favorites to clean house (despite the big lines).

Here we go:

Minnesota -10 over ST. LOUIS:
Clearly I was wrong: this Brett Favre hype was not fake
What a huge difference a good line and a great back can make
Who would have guessed that at night after he pulls down the drapes
Jon Gruden beats off to old Brett Favre practice tapes



Dallas -8.5 over KANSAS CITY:

I couldn't be happier about how things have gone for America's Team
Seeing Tony Romo playing so badly feels like a dream
Kansas City is a good place for people to turn their luck
But no matter how many TDs Tony throws on Sunday, the Cowboys still suck


BALTIMORE -8.5 over Cincy:
Over the past few years I've grown extremely tired
of trying to figure out what it will take for Marvin Lewis to be fired
Sure, right now wins are up and arrests are down
But will that be enough after the Ravens pound the Bengals into the ground?





CAROLINA -3.5 over Washington:
The Redskins may as well be 0-4
They almost lost to both the Rams and Bucs, and what's more...
They lost in Detroit, something no team has done in years
If I were a Skins fan, I'd find Dan Snyder and cut off his ears


TAMPA BAY +15 over Philadelphia:
It was pretty easy for me to pick
that a shitty organization like the Eagles would take a chance on Mike Vick
Killing dogs and racketeering just sounds like foolish fun
compared to some of the shit that Andy Reid's kids have done


Cleveland +6 over BUFFALO:
The only part of this game I can really respect is the fans who put up with this shit
Braylon Edwards gone to an already shitty offense is a pretty big hit
Year after year, fans of both these teams cheer hard, even in the cold
And yet their teams always suck dick, it must be starting to get old


Steelers -10.5 over DETROIT:
I hope Lions fans enjoyed that win, because it may not happen again
Certainly they have no shot this weekend against Big Ben
His team is back on track, and he looked great against the Bolts
In fact, I think the only guys better than him are Drew Brees and #18 for the Colts


GIANTS -14.5 over Oakland:

Eli's Plantar Fasciitis made me feel very sad
Because I remember in 2007 when it made Kendrick Perkins play bad
But even if Carr is in, the offense still cruises
and Osi, Tuck, and Pierce will cover Jamarcus Russell in bruises





NINERS -2.5 over Atlanta (lock of the week):
The Falcons are good, I certainly feel
But this thing the Niners have going is real
Giving less than three at home, this is my lock
If they blow this one, Mike Singletary might show the whole team his cock


BRONCOS +3 over Patriots:
To Randy Moss, Champ Bailey has always been a pest
And I couldn't be happier that Brian Dawkins decided to move West
He put a dirty hit on Ike Hilliard, and I have never forgotten
After this game, Vince Wilfork's jockstrap will smell really rotten


Houston +5.5 over ARIZONA:
Both of these teams look different every week
Some days they're really good, some days they're weak
Kurt Warner in the Super Bowl again? I think it not
But, he can thank God for the greatest miracle of all: making his wife suddenly hot



SEATTLE over Jacksonville (pick em):

I'm sure it will be another packed house at Qwest
Fans at the games - The Jags will be impressed
Nobody ever comes to see them, they're blacked out every day
On this pick em game, no money should you lay


Indy -4 over TITANS:
It sure looks LenDale White must be back on the sauce
The Titans without a win- I'm at a loss
Avoid the Tennessee betting trap, there is no turnaround in sight
Only a fool would bet against Peyton Manning on a Sunday or Monday night


Jets -2 over DOLPHINS:
Even on the road I like the Jets here
Miami's wildcat is something the Jet's defense does not fear
After the game, Mark Sanchez will probably sleep with many a Miami Dolphin dancer
Don't get too excited Jets fans....on the way is a locker room cancer





COLLEGE PICK OF THE WEEK


LSU +7.5 over Florida:
"A win is a win" is the cliche I normally expect
from these experts who refuse to give the Tigers respect
History tells me LSU is good, and Tebow may be out....the feeling is right
for an upset in Death Valley on Saturday night.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Week 4 Picks: Digital Underground Edition

"Its Shock G...The one that put the satin on your Panties."






Here we go, for no apparent reason whatsoever.  Week 4 coming at ya....



Houston -9 vs Oakland
I think the struggles over, I think the time is now,
I think that Old Al Davis is milking his own cow.
I dont know what that means, I know this spread is large
Its time for Stevie Slaton to step up and take charge.

Tennesee -3 @ Jacksonville
Tennessee is 0-3, somewhat hard to swallow,
Three tough games without a win, leaving me so hollow.
Chris Johnson will run wild, Kerry will sling passes
I walk these lonely streets at night and stare at women's asses.

New England -2 Vs Baltimore
Essentially a pickem game, this one is mighty tough
The weather man has called for rain, conditions will be tough.
Ravens have the Defense, the Pats have all the weapons
You should take the under too, if youre smellin what I step in.









Cinci -6 @ Cleveland
Maybe its because I watch the TV show Hard Knocks
Or maybe its because Coach Mangini gargles cocks,
Cleveland's changing horses, Cinci's got some style
Watching Cleveland struggle really makes me smile.

New York Giants -8.5 @ Kansas City
The Giants are a juggernaut, the NFLs best team
The d line and their running backs are something from a dream
This one wont be that close at all, probably 21
Stick a fork in Cassell, Kansas City's done

Chicago - 10 Vs Detroit
Chicagos playing pretty well, Detroit is riding high,
I picked the lions right last week, now its time to die.
Forte finds the end zone for the first time in this season
But Stafford throws the ball away, thatll be the reason.

Tampa Bay +7.5 @ Washington
Haynesworths on the sidelines, too bad he aint the coach
This games going to be ugly, I wish I had a roach
I wish I had a reason to sit and watch this game
The Redskins are pathetic, floundering, and lame.

Seattle +10 Vs Indy
Indy's going to win this game, but the seahawks keep it tight,
Seattle's kind of scrappy, but they face an awful plight.
Peyton's looking pretty good, so is Reggie Wayne,
If I don't eat some chicken wings I think Ill go insane.

New Orleans -7 Vs New York Jets
The Jets are 3 and 0 whoopty fucking Doo
But can they stop an offense that does what Drew Brees do?
I think this is the week, where Sanchez acts a rookie,
I hope that he goes camping, and gets molested by a wookie.








Me and Shock G at the Topsfield Fair, 1998.


Buffalo -1.5 @ Miami
The Dolphins lost their quarterback, but I forget his name,
Buffalo could use some offense, But won't get much in this game
TO hasn't caught a touchdown, hes barely caught 5 balls,
But I bet hes got pictures of Himself all up on his walls.

Saint Louis +9.5 At San Francisco
The Rams have been depressing, but I think that theres a reason,
That they can cover 9 point 5 at this point in the season.
I hated to watch the game last week, when Favre pulled one out.
Vikings fans get ready, he'll sabotage without a doubt.

Dallas -3 @ Denver
Dallas heads to the Rockies, Their balls might get real cold
The air is thin like wisps of hair, the mountains are so old
This pick does nothing for me, but Im confident its right
Im confident Im going to hump a couch on Friday night.

San Diego +6.5 @ Pittsburgh
The reason that I pick this one is that the Steelers are so Blah,
And Philip Rivers makes me mad, hes probably in a spa
Waxing off his nutsack, So LT can lick his nuts.

Green Bay + 3.5 @ Minnesota
Please, Please, make this Brett Favre ball-lathering stop.




Week 4 Picks Coming Soon...

This ought to hold you over...



Thursday, September 24, 2009

Week 3 Picks: Random 90s TV Show Edition



Here are the Roomofzen Picks for week 3...after a slow start we are looking to pick things up.  First we have to acknowledge that we are not worthy of using a theme such as Greg Lloyd until performance improves, hence this weeks theme of early 90s TV shows that I may or may not have watched occasionally featuring girls I may or may not have humped my couch to.  Also, the picks will be made to rhyme. 

Tennessee + 2.5 @ New York Jets:
The Titans getting 2.5, surely you must be joking,
Rex Ryan's eating candy bars... oh no I think hes choking!
Alas they beat New England, but I think they are a fluke,
If I knew where Mark Sanchez lived, you can bet I'd hide the Duke.

Houston -4 vs Jacksonville
For the last two weeks this season, I've spent some time a waitin
For the appearance of a running back- the one they call Steven Slaton
Jack Del Rio may call to mind a sideline Charlie Bronson,
But the Jags won't stop the Texans, especially Andre Johnson.

Philadelphia -9 vs KC
It won't even make a difference-  Ty Thigpen or Matt Cassel,
KC won't make this close at all ,it will barely be a hassle
If Kolb starts to struggle, we just might see Mike Vick,
Westbrook, McCoy, and Jackson, The Eagles O is sick.

Baltimore -13.5 vs Cleveland
I think this is the year that the Browns turn things around,
No I don't, I'm only kidding, they're the biggest joke in town.
The Ravens D is playing well, thats really all they need,
And seriously is there anyone more badass than Ed Reed?

New York Giants -7 @ Tampa Bay
The Giants are really rolling, two good wins to start,
Tampa's got no Quarterback and I just ripped a fart.
In fact even on the road I'm surprised its only seven,
Does anybody out there know what became of Dorsey Levens?

Detroit -6.5 vs Washington
The Lions have some talent, I guess that much is true,
And I want to pick this upset, honestly I do.
I think the Redskins blow this one, despite playing solid D,
But the Lions are so due to win, it makes me have to pee.

Green Bay - 6.5  @ St. Louis
The Packers are a solid team, they're going to win this game
On the road or in Green Bay, its really all the same.
The Rams have Steven Jackson, but it really aint enough,
I heard that Aaron Rodgers loves a hairy muff.

San Francisco +7 @ Minnesota
I wouldn't eat food at Friendly's, in fact I'd rather starve,
And I'd rather wax my asshole than put money on Brett Favre.
The 49ers have some juice, so I'm going to take a chance,
I love a team whose coach is known for taking off his pants.

New England -4 vs. Atlanta
The offense it has struggled, the point production poor,
But lose two games back to back? it aint been done before.
The Falcons they are a decent team, in fact they are quite good,
But will win this game I say-- Giselle she gives me wood.

Chicago -2 @ Seattle
The Bears head out west this week, to the land of rain and grunge,
Does anybody anymore use a spermicidal sponge?
Forte has a breakout game, I think this one's a lock,
I wish I had a hundred grand and a 12 inch cock.

New Orleans -6 @ Buffalo
The Saints can score with ease, some would say at will,
If TO doesn't catch a score there'll be one unhappy Bill.
I know the meltdowns coming, I can feel it in the air,
New Orleans might hang 50 and I still might not care.

San Diego - 6 Vs Miami
San Diego can put up the points, and I hate Phillip Rivers,
And Merriman is a dirtbag, and Darren Sproles delivers.
Miami is a year away...we've heard that one before,
I've also read somewhere that Tia Tequilla is a whore.

Cinci +4 Vs Pittsburgh
The Steelers running game it blows, and Polamalus out,
Cinci has some talent, of that there is no doubt.
Big Ben will turn it over, that same old tale again,
Chris Henry looks exactly like a Roswell alien.

Denver pk @ Oakland
Who Cares!

Indy +2.5 @ Arizona I think the Colts are solid, though they struggled Monday night,
Peyton has some weapons, and man is that guy white!
I laugh at his commercials, he plays a real good tool,
Kurt Warners wife is hot now, man am I a fool!

Dallas -9.5  vs Carolina
Lose twice at Jerry's palace, you know it can't be done,
The Boys are back in town they say, Panthers on the run.
Delhomme is mighty shitty, they used to call him good,
Tony Romo dumped Jess Simpson cause she gained 47 pounds. Haha. Yes.













Tuesday, September 22, 2009

'Big Fan'




The Nick LaRocque story? Roomofzen can neither confirm or deny. Now showing in Kendall Sq. in Boston...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Foil in the Oven: Week 2 Picks



If you're reading this, I can only assume that you didn't follow my picks last week. Those who did can probably be found camped out at the nearest street corner.

5-10....not a great showing. But, weeks 1 and 2 are always the toughest to pick. The NFL is the most unpredictable of the 4 major sporting leagues, and this unpredictability is one of the elements that makes it so great. I was way off on some, and missed by half points on others. Nevertheless, it's great to be picking games again. I feel much more confident as we head in to week 2. Here they are. Home teams are in caps.:


Raiders +3 over CHIEFS: Even as the home team, I don't see how Kansas City can be favored here. Despite putting up 24 points against Baltimore, the Chiefs were dominated in all phases of the game. Most notably, they were only able to muster 29 yards on the ground. Oakland, on the other hand, looked great on Monday night. They outgained the Chargers, the had the edge in time of possession, and they held even in first downs (19 a piece). Richard Seymour may no longer be playing for another Super Bowl, but he is playing for a new contract and it showed. The guy made a huge impact with virtually no practice time. I love the Raiders here. I still meant all that bad stuff I said last week about them though.


TITANS -6.5 over Texans: I wasn't right about much last week, but I think I was dead on about Houston not being able to live up to the hype and about the Jets being better than you think. In that same post, I said that the Texans can't be a favorite in the AFC South because they are nowhere near as good as the Titans. I guess we'll see if I was right. That was a staggeringly lopsided affair in Houston last week.


Patriots -3.5 over JETS: This is tough. The Jets looked fantastic on the road last week, while New England looked completely out of sync at home. The Jets defense looks better than ever, while the Patriots are down Teddy Bruschi, Rodney Harrison, Mike Vrabel, Richard Seymour, and now Jerod Mayo. All this, plus the fact that this game is in the Meadowlands, says to me that the Jets should be giving points. Since they're getting points, it seems like a no-brainer that I should pick them. But I can't. Not when we've got a rookie head coach and quarterback taking on Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, and especially not when they've got defensive backs talking shit just days before suiting up against Randy Moss.






Bengals +9 over PACKERS: I'm such a dumbass. Look, the Packers are a really good team. And, there's no question that year 7 of the Marvin Lewis era is shaping up to look just like year 6. HOWEVER, the Bengals have a habit of showing up, playing hard, and then losing by about three when they play really good teams. Knowing that, I can't in good faith advise you to take the Packers by 9. But, if you really lay it down on the Bengals, you're going to feel like a real dickhead if you're wrong. Best to stay away from this one. Bet on Tennessee.


Vikings -10 over LIONS: I've never heard commentators so captivated by a 110 yard, 1 touchdown passing performance. I would rather bathe in shit than watch this game.



Saints even over EAGLES: We can't just dismiss the Saints win last week because it was against the Lions. They didn't just beat them. They fucking killed them. They did everything they should have and more. I'd lean towards New Orleans even if Donovan McNabb were healthy.


Panthers +6 over FALCONS: Of all my blunders last week, none is more humiliating than Carolina being my "lock of the week". But, I'm far from quitting on the Panthers. Things got out of hand pretty quickly last week. Jake Delhomme is a hot-cold guy and he could play great against Atlanta.



REDSKINS -9.5 over St. Louis: This will make the Redskins wish they played in the NFC West. They'd probably take home the division crown.



JAGUARS -3 over Arizona: the Eastern seaboard has not been kind to the Cardinals.



Seahawks +1.5 over NINERS: Here's your lock of the week. I'm drinking the Seahawks kool-aid, and I'm not yet ready to say the Niners "look good".



Bucs +5 over BILLS: The Bills love to tease us into believing in them during these Sunday and Monday night performances. I don't know how much they have left this week.



Steelers -3 over BEARS: The Bears are interesting at home here, particularly with everyone questioning Jay Cutler. But, if you followed us last season, you know I always have a hard time picking the Bears because I can't hitch my wagon to a team that relies on flukey special teams plays and converts kick returning defensive backs into number one receivers. Jay Cutler will play better, but they need to run for him to be successful. They won't do that against Pittsburgh. Also, I think the absence of Urlacher is much more crushing than the absence of Polamalu (not because I don't think Polamalu is elite, but just because I think the Steelers are better built to absorb that loss).





Ravens +3 over CHARGERS: The Ravens are a very quiet contender in the AFC. Even at home, I don't think the Chargers have the cajones to hang with them.


Giants +3 over COWBOYS: Did you see the way Tampa was able to run on Dallas? This Cowboys team is very ordinary. I can't wait for Sunday night.


Colts -3 over DOLPHINS: This is my one to skip. But, I will just say that I think this line should be wider.

UPDATE: I forgot to add this one:

Cleveland even over BRONCOS



Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Greatest Day of the Year

Happy Week 1 everyone. I know the Super Bowl is supposed to be the greatest day of the year, but I've always found it to be bittersweet because of the season being over. Sunday of Week 1 gives us the fix we've been craving for 7 months, and it also provides the comfort of knowing that things are going to be like this for a long time.

I don't want to discount thanksgiving. Maybe we can call it a tie.

see our week 1 picks below.


To celebrate, some Marshall Faulk highlights:

Friday, September 11, 2009

Foil in the Oven: The Greg Lloyd Edition: Week 1 Picks



Well, just like last season, we missed the kickoff spectacular. However, there was no way I could let this week pass without getting up the rest of my week 1 picks. Generally, these will be up by Thursday night.

Miami +4 over Atlanta: I was originally inclined to go with Atlanta. I feel great about the Matt Ryan era, and Tony Gonzalez brings more (tangibles and intangibles) than just about anybody they could have brought in. On top of that, the Falcons are at home. But, I hate their defense, and I can't get that out of my head. Miami is the more balanced team, so I'm taking them. However, they say you should always stick with your first instinct, so we'll see how it works out.



Baltimore -12.5 over Kansas City: Steep line here, but how can you not take it. Even if things were going smoothly in Chiefs camp, I'd like the Ravens. The fact that things have been disastrous makes it a no-brainer.



Carolina +2.5 over Philadelphia: This line infuriates me. Carolina is the lock of the week.



Bengals -4 over Broncos: This Bengals team is very intriguing. Cedric Benson could be primed for a huge year. Laverneus Coles is a nice piece to put with Ocho Cinco and a supposedly refocused Chris Henry. Tank Johnson and Roy Williams have come over from Dallas. If they weren't in the AFC North, I'd give them a fighting chance to be a playoff team. The Broncos, on the other hand, have been spiraling out of control ever since Mike Shanahan was fired at the end of 2008.






Cleveland +4 over Minnesota: Now that TO outed the Browns QB situation, is it really necessary to leave the QB section of their depth chart completely blank? The Browns are well built on both sides of the line, and I like them at home here. The Vikings are pretenders.



Jets +4.5 over Texans: The Texans seem to be this season's "it" team. I was shocked to log on to espn.com earlier this week to see them listed with the Steelers, Patriots, and Giants as favorites. That's a tough division that they play in, and in my opinion they are nowhere near as good as Tennessee. The Jets are better than you think.



Indy -7 over Jacksonville: Each week this season, I will pick one game that I would prefer to not discuss. This is it for week 1.



Detroit +13 over New Orleans: Maybe I'm crazy, but 13 just feels like a lot. Great teaser potential here.



Dallas -6 over Tampa Bay: This will be a tough year in Tampa, but I'd say the reconstruction is off to a good start.





Arizona -6.5 over San Francisco: Kill me please. NFC west matchups are the only thing keeping me thinking that maybe I really don't need to bother getting Sunday Ticket.



Giants -6.5 over Washington: The Giants are, in this one incredibly biased fan's eyes, the unquestioned favorite in the NFC. Their defensive line is going to set a new standard for dominance this season.

The Redskins, on the other hand, are as uninspiring a group as I can imagine. They've made it clear that they have no confidence in their quarterback. Clinton Portis will be worn down by week 8. The offensive line is old, and struggled mightily last season. Albert Haynesworth is the most dominant player at his position, but frankly not even he could help this group. Throwing 100 million dollars at one great defensive lineman and surrounding him with bums does not work. Haynesworth was able to make such an impact in Tennessee because he was surrounded by other good players (did you even notice that Tennessee didn't have him last night? No. That defense didn't miss a beat). The Redskins are starting Phillip Daniels at defensive end. He's 36 and coming off knee surgery. Guys like this make Haynesworth less effective.



Seattle -8 over St. Louis: Don't let the monochromatic turquoise uniforms fool you. Seattle has a lot of playmakers on both sides of the ball. Everyone is talking about the addition of TJ Houshmandzadeh, but I'm really more interested to see if Edgerrin James will be rejuvenated by the change of scenery.



Green Bay -3.5 over Chicago: The Packers, in my mind, are the clear favorite in this division.



New England -11 over Buffalo: The Patriots are not fucking around right now, and I'm excited to watch their offense operate. I'd be more excited if I wasn't constantly surrounded by their insufferable fans.





San Diego -9.5 over Oakland: Oakland doesn't deserve to play on Monday night. In fact, they don't deserve to ever be on television outside of the Bay Area. They are an absolute black eye on this league, and they should be treated as such. Oakland had the highest payroll in the league last season (over 152 million). This is a very puzzling fact when you consider the 5-11 record they compiled and the fact that a recent Forbes article lists them as the least valuable franchise in the entire NFL. So, really, it would seem impossible for things to get worse. But then, at the end of last week, they did.

Really stop and think about this most recent deal. Richard Seymour is a guy who many feel has been on the decline over the past few seasons. He's a guy who many believe, despite playing for an extremely competitive team, lost motivation after signing his last contract. Already, he doesn't sound like the type of guy you want to give up too much for. His momentum's going the wrong way. On top of that, he's up for free agency at the end of this season, and there is NO FUCKING WAY he would ever consider signing with the Raiders (why would anybody) as a free agent unless Oakland just blew away all the other bidders. So, on top of being on the decline, he's a guy that will only help you for one season.

There is no way in the world I can ever imagine giving up a first round pick for this guy. That, in itself, is ridiculous. What's equally ridiculous is that the Raiders never talked to Seymour before making the deal. If you're going to give up something as valuable as a first round pick, you'd better make sure the guy you're getting is motivated and start negotiating long-term before the ink dries. There are rumors that the Raiders requested contact with Seymour and the Patriots refused. If that is true, then it should have been a dealbreaker for Oakland. Now they've given up a first round pick, most likely a top ten pick, for nothing.

I understand that Davis (and I blame only him, because he's the only name you can click on when you go to the Raiders administrative page) has the right to do whatever he wants with his team. I also understand that he's not a bad guy and that he's been extremely influential in this league. However, it is unacceptable. The NFL needs to start pushing for a change of hands, and that starts with refusing to put this team in a prime time slot. At some point, Raider fans are going to lose interest in professional football.






Son Volt, Windfall:



and Uncle Tupelo, Gun, from 1992: