Who Doesn't Like a Big Fat One?

Over the past few days LaRocque and I have had the pleasure of conversing with an OLD old pal, Chris Stratton. The following are actual emails, I think you'll agree that the subject matter is fascinating and that Stratton is a wierd guy. But we love him.

To Room Of Zen

from chris stratton

Jan 29

Subject: Who Doesn't Like a Big Fat One?

With all the talk of Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds and performance enhancers, the relationship between athletics and science has never been more intertwined. Athletes are taking any measure they can to gain a competetive edge through science and technology, whether its illegal or accepted practices, and they are able to play well past their physical prime. Work out routines, healthy food choices, and top notch medical staffs are creating some of the most highly tuned athletes the world has ever known, but one does not have to be highly tuned to be called an athlete. There is another breed of athletic competitor, who maybe wants to eat fried chicken instead of green beans, who wants a draft beer instead of a bottled water. My question to you Oracle is who would you consider to be among the best rotund athletes? (Sumo excluded of course) Names like John Daly, David Wells and Andre the Giant come to mind, men who would never gain endorsements from Isotoners or Tag Huer, but are athletes none the less. Some guys have to be gym rats and be all ripped to make it at the big time, while others just rip farts at Jim's Deli and still manage to compete at a high level. It is this group that interests me and I am curious to see what sort of insight the Oracle has on this matter.

I'm hugry,
Shorty Portly Stratton


Room Of Zen
to chris
show details
Jan 29 (2 days ago)

Hello Chris,

Babe Ruth is the all-time answer. But, he played in a more innocent time, so I think we'll have to work past him and also set up some categories. Before the Oracle can answer and publish your question, you must help establish some frameworks.


- Did you consider Charles Barkley fat when he played?

- Do you consider David Ortiz fat?

- Do kickers/punters count?

- Do you consider Sean Bradley fat?

chris stratton to
Room Of Zen
Jan 30 (1 day ago)

Hello Nick,

My apologies for not being a bit more elaborate in my last email, I had to rush through it faster than I had hoped. Babe Ruth is a great answer, he certainly was not svelt by any means and also had no shame in being public with his large appetites (food, cigars, women, booze, homeruns). If you saw Babe Ruth walking down the street and didn't know who he was, based on outward appearance, ball player probably wouldnt be your first choice of what he did for a living and that is more or less of what I was aiming at with my question. The guys with the big bellies who dont look like they belong on a playing surface, but go out and kick ass at their respective positions none the less. Personally, I would say that Barkley and Ortiz are valid entries because when they run it looks like they are working extra hard to get themselves moving, watching Ortiz truck from first to thrid on a base hit is hilarious, but someone like John Daly doesnt run so I'm not really sure what sort of parameters you would like to use. I guess its the best of the bulge, guys who are plus sized but still dominate at their position (hitters, pitchers, golfers, punters, you name it, big guys who are good at their specific job whatever that may be). But I am intersted in your Sean Bradley comment, so maybe just something more along the lines of atypical athletes in the professional realm would be a better way to approach this, but I will leave that to the Oracle to see through my muddled mess of a question. Hopefully this serves as some sort of clarification, but I doubt it.

Keep up the good work,
Stratton



Room Of Zen
to chris
Jan 30 (20 hours ago)

Stratton,

Its your old roommate Babcock here. I agree with you on Babe Ruth and John Daly, and especially David Wells. Wells is a guy who admittedly, and clearly, lived an unhealthy life and yet still reached the pinnacle of professional sports when he threw a perfect game. It has even been alleged that he was nursing a miserable hangover on that momentous day. In fact, the more I think about it, the more Baseball players pop into my mind. Guys like Rod Beck (god rest his soul) and Rich Garces would look more at home being cut off by a cocktail waitress at your local Applebees than they ever did getting the call from the Bullpen in a critical 9th inning situation. Pitching in the major leagues has for years offered these "bad-body" types a place in professional sports. While none of the aformentioned guys could legitamately make it on to any list that involved the words "greatest" and "athlete", with the obvious exception of Rod Beck topping the "greatest athlete to drink whiskey and blow coke with" list. He also had one of the most viscious moustache-mullet combinations of all time, but I digress.

When we bring in "Atypical athlete" to the mix we open the door to some really awesome pros. Think about guys like Spud Webb, Mugsy Bogues, and Early Boykins... relative to other NBA players, how much more atypical could you be? How about Randy Johnson, at 6'10" and an 8 time "world's ugliest human" champion, what are the odds that he would be one of the most dominant pitchers to ever toe the rubber? Now, the world of professional sports are full of anomalies, just look at the NFL...a guy with 1/2 a foot holds a share of the record for longest field goal. But I think I may be getting off topic a bit here. We're just talking about the fat guys now, and we may have to break this down into categories such as "greatest fat athlete that played a sport in which they were required to run (which would eliminate golfers) or "worlds greatest fat athlete who participated in a sport where there was a chance they might have to run (which would be for Pitchers). Its all a matter of degrees. You are clearly more of an expert than I am at being overweight...but you are not alone, America boasts a 50% obesity rate. With this in mind we may well be approaching the dawn of a new era in professional sports...The Age of the Fat Man. I expect that we see a drastic increase in "bad-body" atheletes over the next few years. Get your popcorn indeed.

Out of curiosity does anyone have an entry for "greatest atypical/fat FEMALE athlete of all time"?

God Speed,

Babcock

PS-
"Shorty Portly Stratton" may be the worst self imposed nickname of all time.

Perhaps, in the aftermath of the Super Bowl, roomofzen will undertake an unprecedented task of compling the masterlist of greatest atypical/fat athletes of all time, please feel free to submit your entries to roomofzen@gmail.com.

Ask A Giants Fan, Part Two

Here is the second installment of Babcock's questions to me. This third and final installment will come this weekend, when I will be asked to make my predictions.

Have you learned anything meaningful or interesting from all of the pre- superbowl analysis?

Well, I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned about how much pro football really dominates my life, and how pathetic it is. I can't do ANYTHING. All I think about is the Super Bowl, and how crazy it is that the Giants are in it. I try to sleep, all I can picture is Brandon Jacobs bursting through the line of scrimmage and lowering the shoulder into some defender. I try to watch the Celtics, all I can picture is Aaron Ross blitzing off of the corner. The other day I had to piss really bad, but was in a situation where I had to sit for like 20 more minutes. To calm myself, I pictured Eli Manning running play action passes. As incredible as this run has been for the Giants, I need this game to be played for my own sanity. It's really amazing what an effect the off week has on you when your favorite team is in the big game. I have to give you Patriots fans credit for dealing with it for so many years.


While we're on this topic, I need to apologize to our readers. We've prided ourselves on providing you with quality material every week, and we haven't been up to par this week. We've both been totally consumed, and drained, from the Super Bowl hype. This is evidenced by the fact that the last 10 days have seen our youtube to print ratio skyrocket to an all time high. The reason is simple: we can't think, therefore we can't type. This whole thing is crazy. What if the Giants win? What if then my head explodes?

I think that one of the things that kills me is how much time is spent covering nothing. The only thing I learned from Media Day Coverage was that both Tom Brady and Eli Manning got marriage proposals while they were answering questions (I only remember this because I was pumped that our quarterback is popular with the ladies as well.) Other than that, I learned nothing, aside from the fact that I learned that BOTH Junior Seau and Antonio Pierce want to win a Super Bowl ring very badly. Imagine that. That made up two whole seperate articles on ESPN. I'd like to think that if roomofzen had gone down to Glendale, we either could have gotten some new information, or we would have at least found a way to spice things up a little bit.

So no, I haven't learned anything, except how much I hate this extra week. However, I will say that it proved to be a positive thing this year for both teams. If the game was last Sunday, Tom Brady would have been hurt and about 10 of the Giants would have had a severe flu from standing in frigid conditions in Green Bay. But really, now I just can't wait for these guys to step on the field on Sunday so that I can feel normal again and just watch a Giants game.

2) Plaxico Burress came out and guaranteed that the Giants would be victorious on Sunday...what are your thoughts on the "Victory Guarantee" in general, and how does this particular one sit with you?

Two things here:

1) The victory guarantee is an interesting phenomenon, particularly in a sport where the success of each player is so dependent on the performance of his teammates. But, to be honest with you, the way I feel about the guarantee all depends on how it turns out. Anthony Smith is an idiot, because he made a guarantee and got touchdowns thrown right over his head. On the other hand, I still believe that Joe Namath's delivery on his Super Bowl guarantee and Babe Ruth "calling his own shot" are two of the more bad ass moments in sports history.

2) Perhaps I'm biased. But, much like his response to the question about the Patriots receivers, I really think that what Plax said is being taken out of context. Burress was walking into Giant Stadium and a New York Post reporter asked him if he was ready to make history. His response was "Yes Sir." He then said "My prediction 23-17."

Now, let me analyze

A) A prediction is totally different than a guarantee. If he had said "I guarantee a win", that would change the whole dynamic of a comment. Included in a prediction is always the assumption that you may be wrong. Often when you read predictions, writers joke about how their predictions are probably wrong. However, they usually have a "lock of the week" or something like that, and THAT is the guarantee.

B) Michael Strahan had a similar response that day. He walked out of Giants Stadium and was asked if he was ready to make history, and he said "You better believe it. History will be ours." Now, first of all, that sounds a little more like a guarantee to me. But, This really just means that they are confident, and they believe they can win. They HAVE to believe that they can win, otherwise we might as well not play the game.

C) I have seen all kinds of Patriot shows and heard quotes that indicate to me that everyone is ready for this team to make history, and yet this is not perceived as being cocky or arrogant. In fact, the Super Bowl coverage on Comcast Sports Net is called "the Road to Perfection." Why is it alright for the Patriots and their fans to assume that their team will win, but not alright for the Giants and their fans?

D) If we really believe that all the records go out the window in the playoffs, then each team has an equal chance to win this game. All the Giants are saying is that they're confident and they think that they will win. This is the same thing that we hear from every team every year. The fact that the Patriots are 18-0 does not change anything for the Giants. They still have to play. And if they win, they will be the NFL champions. If we aren't going to allow the Giants to be confident, if we are going to mandate that they must bow down to the Patriots' greatness before the game even takes place, then we should just cancel the Super Bowl.

E) All that being said, it wasn't the best decision. But, I really don't think it was a guarantee. However, as is often the case with star receivers, Plaxico is not indicative of most Giants players. When I think about the face of our franchise, I think about Eli Manning, Michael Strahan, and Antonio Pierce. These guys are very classy, and they took a more humble and reserved approach to Media Day. However, I can assure you that they are just as confident as Plaxico Burress, they just choose not to express it. That's the way football is. They have to be that confident, regardless of what the Patriots' record is.

5 More Days...

After listening in on Media Day on and off for the past 8 hours the only thing I found of real interest is that apparently Junior Seau has a collection of 300 or so hats.

An offering to the readers

Because Foil in the Oven was less than satisfying, I would like to offer these sick videos as an offering to hold you over until the Super Bowl hype begins. Riley recently introduced me to the AC/DC live at Donington DVD, and it is sick. Here are two of my favorite cuts from it. I think that the shot of Angus coming out and starting Thunderstruck before a massive crowd is hands down one of the most epic moments ever captured in rock cinema (or whatever the hell these things are called). Note, these are from the same show, the sun just went down somewhere in between. I hope these videos feed your spirit until tommorow.

Foil in the Oven (is cancelled)

So, no football this weekend which means that you'll all have to wait until next Monday for an extra long Foil in the Oven, the Super Bowl edition. But, don't worry, we are going to have a lot of cool stuff for you this week, as we prepare for the big day in Glendale. By now, I think that we've exhausted every resource (unsuccessfully) possible to try and get press passes. There's really just not enough respect out there for this genre. Anyways, we're going to have at least two more Q and A posts and an oracle speaks this week, not to mention all the fallout from the game next week. Please e-mail us if you'd like to ask any questions or share anything.

A few bullet points of things I'd like to quickly say


- Look out for UCONN. Those young guys had to shoulder the load by themselves last year after Marcus Williams, Josh Boone, and Rudy Gay bolted early. This year, they look dangerous and ready to put UCONN back on the map. A huge upset win on Saturday without Dyson or Wiggins means that this team could go a long way in March if they continue to improve.

- Don't worry about the Celtics. Look, yesterday's game was impressive. The fact that it took a miracle shot for Orlando to win that game against a KGless Celtics team means that we're still in good shape, and again shows how strong our bench is. Now KG will get some rest while his ab gets right. They'll be fine. They're not the 96 Bulls, but they're still pretty damn good. A real backup point guard couldn't hurt though.


- Look, it's been a great NBA season, and I can't wait to talk about it more starting next week. But, I just can't do anything or write about anything right now without thinking about the fact that the Giants are in the fucking super bowl. So, I'm going to cut this short, and we'll be back with you all week.

I have to post this again, George Corpsegrinder Fisher (lead singer of cannibal corpse):



and this sick mewithoutyou video:

Ask a Giants Fan, Part 1

Before we begin this segment, I just want to clear something up. Much is being made of Plaxico Burress' comments regarding the wide receiver matchup in Super Bowl 42. Burress was asked a direct question about how he thought the Giants receivers matched up against the Patriot receivers. Here was his answer:

"We have guys that can go out and do things just as well or maybe better than some of those guys,"

To me, that is a perfectly normal, legitimate, and true answer. Look, he's not going to say "We suck. Randy Moss is god." But, nowhere in his answer does he claim to be better than Randy Moss or that the Giants receivers are better than the Patriots receivers. His answer is also true. Randy Moss is the best receiver on the field in every game. However, Plaxico provides some matchup problems of his own (see NFC Championship game). As far as the other Patriot receivers, they have done a great job capitalizing on the attention that Randy Moss gets but they are role players. Again, I'm not trying to criticize anybody here. I just think that Plaxico's comments are being a little overblown. This is what happens when we have to wait two weeks for one game. The media always needs something to talk about. As Babcock said earlier in the season, the Patriots have learned to be very media savvy. The Giants are just starting to learn that anything you say can be turned against you.

Moving on to the questions:

1) Bill Simmons has put out a call to Giants fans to create a nickname for Brandon Jacobs...please throw your hat into the ring.

To be honest with you, I really think that people are over thinking this one. I've heard a lot of people referencing Christian "The Nigerian Nightmare" Okoye when brainstorming for Jacobs' nickname. While I realize that they are both very large, the similarities end there. Jacobs is from Louisiana, which doesn't really lend itself to nicknames. Plus, even the ones that do work (ie ragin cajun) are out because there are tons of people from Louisiana that play in the NFL. Also, I'd like to think that Jacobs is a more versatile runner than Okoye, who was more or less a battering ram. Look, we've had MJ, we've had TD, we've had KG, I've heard AP used for Adrian Peterson, and of course we've had LT, the greatest linebacker in history. For this reason, I move that Brandon Jacobs be known as BJ from this point forward. It satisfies on so many levels.
























Eat this Rodney.






On a side note, I'd be interested to hear from our readers on what was or is the greatest nickname of all time. The general consensus seems to be "the Big Unit." However, I've always been partial to "the Worm."


2) As an outsider, I have been very impressed by Eli Manning's performance through the playoffs. But I am unsure what this all really means in the grand scheme of things... Do you think he can maintain, or elevate, his performance for one more game? Does his appearance in the Super Bowl finally get him a seat at the grown-ups table with Archie and Peyton next Thanksgiving? Why did he run 40 yards to hug punter Jeff Feagles after the game winning kick, is something going on there?

As an insider, I have been shocked by Eli's performance throughout the playoffs. Not surprisingly, it has turned out that as Eli goes, so go the Giants. Anybody that watches the Giants every week knows that Eli, much like the entire Giants team, has the talent to make all of the plays. However, much like the Giants, up until the playoffs, he never seemed to be able to put everything together. It has been great to watch, and I couldn't be happier for him. I know that there are people out there who will never like Eli because of how he came into the league. However, he has done everything right since he has been here. The reports are that he works diligently all year round at the Giants practice facility, never complains or gets down on any of his teammates, and spends significantly more time watching film than anyone else on the team. In fact, it was Eli that convinced Plaxico Burress to spend the off-season in New York so that the two could improve their on-field connection. Clearly, this has paid huge dividends, particularly with Burress unable to practice all year. You always hope that things will work out for a guy with his work ethic.



I don't believe that Archie Manning ever played in a Super Bowl. After Sunday, Eli and Peyton will have been to the same number. So, really I think that he may be sitting at the head of the table from now on. Although Eli's stats have not always been great, he has led the Giants to the playoffs in every season that he has started, and he obviously took a huge step this year. The Giants are a good, young team and I think that they will be good for many years. Eli may not finish his career with better statistics than his older brother or his father (who was always throwing because the Saints were always losing), but I really think that he will be remembered as being the most successful of the three in the post-season. To me, nothing could be more important.

Listen man, the only other person I can ever remember in sports history running around after a huge win looking for someone to hug is Jimmy V. If Eli has one half of the charisma and drive that Jimmy V had, he will no doubt be very succesful. Also, Jeff Feagles is THE GREATEST PUNTER OF ALL TIME. How many times do I have to say this? I think that he has probably had a great impact on Eli, and rightfully so. We joke about punters a lot on here, but Jeff Feagles is the real deal.

Finally, I think that the following quote from Eli Manning demonstrates why he, and not Philip Rivers, is the perfect quarterback for the Giants. The day after the Giants defeated the Packers, Eli Manning was asked if he was happy to prove all of his critics wrong. Keep in mind that nobody in the entire league has earned more of a right to stand at the podium and tell everyone to fuck off, and Rivers probably would have.

Here was his answer:
"This is bigger than that. This is about this team. It is about the players, the coaches, everybody who has believed in us, who has had no doubt and just comes to work every day preparing and keeps working. That is what it is about. It is not about proving anything to anybody. It is just about doing it for yourself, doing it for your teammates."



3) If you would, please explain to me how it is possible for Tom Coughlin to have such a Red Face?

I really can't explain this phenomenon. It's like asking me to explain Dolly Parton's bust size, or how Manute Bol could be so large and yet this wrist band seems so loose on his dainty wrist:

Look, I'll be honest, I worry about Old Redface. Maybe he has high blood pressure. Maybe he gets embarrassed whenever people are watching him. I can't explain it, and I'm not going to try. Instead, why don't all of you watch this sick Slayer video:

Ask A Pats Fan Pt.1

It's time again for LaRocque and I to ask each other questions about our respective teams as they prepare to do battle. (Check out our Posts from week 17 Here and Here) This time the stakes are higher. Two men enter, one man leaves.

Q: The last time we corresponded like this, the Patriots were 15-0, and one game away from perfection. During that time, you said that as great as 16-0 would be, the most important thing was a super bowl championship. Now, your team is 18-0, and has put together the greatest season in history. Now, if the Patriots were to lose this game (unlikely, but obviously still a possibility), how would you remember this season? Would you remember it fondly as the longest winning streak ever and a Super Bowl appearance? Would you have negative feelings when you thought of it? Either way, the team accomplished a great deal, but I can't imagine what it's like to have so much riding on one game.

This is a good question. As I was watching the previous meeting between these two teams my uncle Steve brought up a great point as the issue of the perfect season and how hard you play debate was being waged over chicken wings and beers. What he said was that, in a sense, the perfect regular season would be perhaps the most memorable achievement, because it was the most unlikely feat to be replicated by a future team. Every year somebody wins a Super Bowl, but it had been 35 years since someone went through the regular season undefeated. So, from now on, every single unbeaten team will face comparisons to the 2007-2008 Patriots until they lose a game. Maybe another 35 years, most likely more than that.

That being said, and I wrote this during our earlier correspondence, it would seem like a waste if Randy Moss wasn’t standing on stage holding up the Lombardi Trophy next Sunday night. Believe it or not, I think a lot of pressure has been lifted from the Patriots. They don’t have to worry about “next week” anymore. It finally is a one-game season for them. And, they know that they can beat the Giants. IF they do lose the game, I am going to deny—until my death—that this season ever happened.

Q: Let's take a moment to congratulate each other on the Chargers being eliminated from the playoffs. I first want to thank your team for knocking those crybabies out for the second year in a row, and I also want to thank you for setting the record straight on LaDainian Tomlinson's nickname. The Sports Guy has also been pushing for a while for him to get rid of "LT." Certainly, I haven't yet met a Giants fan that calls LaDainian "LT". But, it is reassuring to hear non-Giants fans making the argument. LT might have been the most dominant player at his position of all time. He changed the game. Please use this answer as an opportunity to A) make disparaging remarks about the Chargers, B) praise Lawrence Taylor, C) offer up a new nickname for LaDainian Tomlinson, D) make some commentary on an unrelated issue, or E) All of the above.

Here we go...

A) Nothing brings me more joy as a Patriots fan than a Chargers loss. Each year there are a few things that are a guarantee with San Diego: They will go on a run where they win several games in a row and begin to proclaim that they are the best team in the NFL. They will mouth off to opposing teams coaches, fans, and players. They will hire an inept coach, and our last shot of him will be on the sidelines following a playoff loss to the Pats looking like he just shit his pants at a dinner party.

LOSERS.

B) I cannot say enough good things about Lawrence Taylor. The “Between the Lines” Lawrence Taylor is one of my favorite sports shows of all time. Whether it was coming to college practices drunk and still dominating to showing up to a team meeting wearing a prostitute’s hand-cuffs, this guy is a legend by any standards. I also heard that he used to eat shotglasses at the Bar. (re-read that sentence, yep, badass) Plus, I dare say there has not been a more intense, gifted, dominant, defensive player in the NFL since he retired.

There is a lot of leather in this picture.

C) From this day forth LaDainian Tomlinson will only be known as………..Complainian Tomlinson... also, Darth Hater would work nicely as well.

In addition I propose: Philip “Cry me a” Rivers.

D) As far as Global Warming goes, I think we’re all fucked.

E) Done and Done.

Q: Randy Moss has not been a major statistical factor in any of the playoff games. What impact has he had on the victories despite this lack of stats, do you think the allegations against him have had an effect on him, and what do you expect from him in the Super Bowl?

Moss has had a huge impact on the playoff games. One needs only look as far as Lawrence Maroney’s statistics to see this. Both Jacksonville and San Diego made the calculated choice to game-plan against the hellacious deep-threat that is Randy Moss. Both teams committed a cornerback and safety to Moss on almost every single offensive play. Jacksonville hardly even blitzed the whole game, choosing instead to drop 7 and 8 guys into coverage consistently. If you do the math, that leaves 4 on 3 and 5 on 4 matchups favoring the Patriots offensive line all game long. That is why Maroney has rushed for 100 or more yards 4 out of the last 5 weeks (The Giants held him to 46, but he had 2 TDs.) He has put in back to back 122 yard games against two of the “best” defenses in the league. NO defense in the NFL can stop the Patriots running game with 3 or 4 guys in the box.

Careful with that finger Randy

However, despite Maroney’s success in the past few weeks I think that teams are still going to try to make him the primary option for the Pats, because, lets face it, scoring points on the ground usually takes more plays, more time, and doesn’t offer the same opportunity for the quick-strike as a 60 yard bomb to Moss does. Teams are so afraid (and for good reason) of falling behind the Patriots early that they have begun resorting to playing 3rd and 36 defenses on 1st and 10. It is the classic “Pick Your Poison” dilemma. You can’t win, in fact, no one has all year.

I really don’t believe that the off-field stuff will have an effect on Moss. I guess we will have to wait until the hearing on Jan. 28th for a definitive answer, but on the surface this just seems like a case of stinky-pinky gone horribly awry. Moss will have several catches and 1 touchdown, but I don’t think this Super Bowl will be his finest hour statistically. Remember, he has already had the greatest season ever by an NFL wide receiver, so winning this game is really all that he, and the Patriots, are worried about.

Stay Tuned for more Q and A throughout the week.

Saturday Morning

It is easy to just chalk last night up as another unimpressive win for the Celtics. They didn't play particularly well, and the league's worst team took them right down to the wire. But, there are a couple things that we need to keep in mind. The first is that the Timberwolves are never easy to beat. I can remember going with Riley to a Sunday afternoon matchup against Minnesota last season. The Celtics played one of their best games of the season, and yet they still needed double overtime to pull out the win because Ricky Davis was continuously hitting three pointers and then taunting the crowd. The fact that three of Minnesota's starters last night were wearing Celtic Green a year ago (and that there were two more ex-Celtics that saw significant time off the bench) made this more than just a normal game. In fact, I would bet that Al Jefferson was more emotional playing in Boston last night than he has been in any of Minnesota's previous games this season, home or away.



The second thing that we have to remember is that the significance of KG's performance last night cannot be understated. The guy that left with an injury, came back out and begged his way back into a seemingly meaningless game, and then provided an emotional lift to the Celtics' defensive effort as well as a steal on the Wolves' final possession is worth everything that we gave up for him and more. Look, this guy had no reason to go back out there. An abdominal strain is not that serious, but nevertheless, I really don't think there are a lot of guys that would have been begging their coaches to put them out there even though their team's trainer advised against it. KG is a special player. I've always known this, but I can't help thinking about it everyday and reminding myself how great it is to have him playing for my favorite team. I can't wait to see him fuel us in the playoffs, pushing us to pull out wins even when we're not playing our best. Honestly, I feel like he's been a Celtic for his entire career.




Moving on to football, I want all of you to check out this video. I love Charles Barkley. He was my favorite player when I was a kid. He's my favorite analyst in all of sports. He once had me thrown out of a bar in North Carolina, and I still count that as one of the greatest nights of my life. So, I couldn't be happier to hear him make that Super Bowl pick.

Finally, there is a great piece by John Clayton outlining the incompetence of Al Davis. The reports that he was calling for Lane Kiffin's resignation (going so far as to draft a letter of resignation that Lane only needed to sign) infuriated me. Honestly, this guy is the worst owner in sports. He trades for Randy Moss and then promises his fans that he is going to make positive changes, and instead he bring in Art Shell so that he can fire him a second time and passes on Drew Brees to sign Aaron Brooks. I really thought the Raiders took great strides this season, and I can't help but feel like giving Kiffin more time to continue implementing his system with this young team is the Raiders best option. The WORST possible thing would be to bring in someone new and start the re-building process again. This would totally kill the morale of the players and fans. Davis seems to think that if he keeps changing coaching staffs, he can somehow bypass the re-building process and return the Raiders to glory. Unfortunatly, this is impossible.

Perhaps I am biased, because I am a huge Randy Moss fan, but I can't understand why everybody was so frustrated with the lack of motivation that Moss had to work for Davis. There are workers out there all over the world that are working in a less than motivated manner because they feel like their boss is incompetent. Moss is no different. Look at how his motivation changed when he was signed by Robert Kraft and the Patriots even though he was making less money. You can't say that players shouldn't be motivated by money and then turn around and say "that guy should be motivated no matter what because he's making 9 million dollars this season!". It doesn't work both ways. Moss was unhappy in Oakland because he felt that the people in charge were putting him in a position where it was impossible to be succesful. He then took a 2/3 pay cut this season to go somewhere where he could be succesful, and look at the way his motivation has changed despite the pay cut. Guys like Moss truly embody Davis' famous "commitment to excellence" creed. Without these players and the Raiders fans refusing to accept Davis' incompetence, there may never be hope for this Raiders franchise.



the most overblown story in sports history.

Steve Earle : Fort Worth Blues

So instead of boring you with senseless banter during the dead stretch bewteen Conference Championships and the Super Bowl, the Oracle has chosen to enlighten all of us with some straight up kick-ass tunes. Steve Earle popped into my head last night while I was watching season 1 of HBO's "The Wire". He makes a cameo as a recovering drug addict named Waylon. In an effort to keep myself out of trouble I have embarked on a quest to see every episode ever made of "The Wire" and "The Sopranos". I have developed a strange freindsip with many of the guys who work at the video store; they know what I am all about. I have them looking out for Season 2 volumes 1 and 2 of "The Wire" as we speak. In fact I am expecting a call before the weekend is through. It is good to know people.

Also, the newest edition of "The Babcock Report" is further down the page underneath the Neil Young Videos, if anyone cares.

Cortez The Killer

Such a Jam...I love Neil Young.

Honoring a Legend

January 24th is Neil Young's Birthday. I think you all know how we feel about Neil Young here at roomofzen. I missed sharing his birthday by two days, instead, I share a birthday with Steve Perry. You can't win em all.

The Babcock Report V

Well, another hard fought victory by the Patriots and another year has come and gone in my humble existence. Its hard to believe I am 25. Do I feel older? Yes. Do I feel wiser? Maybe. Did somebody at work comment on the speckling of gray hairs coming in around my ears this morning? Absolutely. My girlfriend has had no problem reminding me that I am now "almost 30", to which I say: Awesome. At least I am not as old as Stratton, who is now enjoying his 42nd year on this Earth. Throughout this week I have been taking copious notes for this next edition of the Babcock Report. There are many things that I want to touch upon, and on the surface there isnt much connection between these things except that I thought of them, or experienced them, and had the time and energy to write them down. I put them all here so that one day when I am competing in a shuffle board tournament and pooping into a plastic bag tied around my waste I can say that once upon a time I did something even more useless and self serving for society. So here goes:

Limpin' Aint Easy

I wish I was the least bit surprised that the Patriots were playing in the SuperBowl in two weeks. Alas, such is the fate of rooting for the greatest football team of all time: there are no more surprises in store. I did certainly enjoy the win of the Chargers who are quickly replacing the New jersey Nets and the Indianapolis Colts as my least favorite professional sports team. What can I say about the victory? I enjoyed it. Whats more it only proved that the Patriots, despite what the Chargers will say and have said are a far superior team. Even off the field the Patriots dominate them. Tom Brady was spotted wearing a protective boot on his foot following Sunday's game. Despite the attempts of the press to stir up some excitement during the absolute boredom fest of the two weeks leading up to the superbowl any real issue was put to rest a short while later when Brady was seen sporting cowboy boots around NY with his special lady friend Giselle Bundchen in tow. My best guesses for the purpose of the boot would be A) Just a precautionary measure B) Extra support neccessary to carry such huge balls around, C) to mock Philip Rivers and LaDanian Tomlinson, or D) an attempt to tease the spread down from 14 to 12.5 points for the big game. One thing is clear: Tom Brady is a Pimp.

Clearly, if anything was wrong with Brady he would not be wearing Cowboy boots or such a blatantly metrosexual collared-shirt-v-neck-sweater combination. What this look says is "I am the man, and I have no issues with my ankle." However, we all know that he will be listed as "questionable/probable" with a shoulder injury from now until 3200 A.D. It should be noted that whoever the guy is who is walking in front of Brady has just become a victim to a serious Flat-Tire at the hands of Brady Himself. Obviously he is operating at peak intensity in preparation for the SuperBowl. Even Giselle seems to know enough to stay no less than yard away from Brady, and to not make any sudden movements.

I don't root for injuries to anyone, but I will go on the record as saying that I really enjoyed watching a hobbled Rivers gimp around and throw 3 picks as well as the frequent shots of Tomlinson (Note: I have just decided that from this day forth I will never refer toTomlinson in print as LT again, I feel that this does nothing but tarnish the great legacy of Lawrence Taylor, the original, and still the best, LT) sitting on the bench, bundled, wearing his helmet and visor to hide the tears he was most surely crying. See you next year bitches!

I will say that Rivers' performance was "gutsy". But thats it, seriously, not one more compliment will I waste on that team of whiny primadonnas.

LaDanian Tomlinson: All Gimp and no Pimp.

Strange Dream Indeed

I don't exactly know why I am going to put this in here but the other night I had a really really wierd dream. You know the ones that when you wake up you remember everything and its all really strange and possibly too wierd to tell anyone and you think about writing it down and then you go about your day and eventually forget it? Well I crossed that line and broke that unwritten rule and jotted down the dream as best as I could remember it:

I dreamt for some reason that I was a reporter and I had been sent to interview Suri Cruise, yes the child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I was walking around in their house, Tom was preparing for a fly fishing trip and he had his fishing gear spread out all over the living room; rods, tackle, waders, the whole nine. Suri was in a somber mood and wasn't sayng much. I had to follow her around their house trying to pry good answers out of her so that I would have enough material for my story (I am not sure exactly what kind of piece I was working on, perhaps a memoir, although she seemed to be only 2 or 3 years old in the dream) I followed her into one room where Tom was playing soccer; another room was filled with beds, just dozens of beds and mattresses of all sizes; queens, doubles, you name it. Some were made, others extremely unkempt as though they had been slept in the night before. I remember being frustrated with the progress of the interview and being led into a large auditorium where they all did their scientology thing. The next thing I know I'm on the side of the road. Then I wake up. That's it. I really wish I had something more for you. If anyone knows what this means please let me know. Maybe I should stop watching E! with my girlfriend? Perhaps this is all a consequence of sobriety? I am sorry for wasting 2 minutes of your life, hopefully this picture of a Yao Ming wax sculpture will ease your mind:

Amazingly Life-Like!

Wednesday Morning

Foil in the Oven: the Glendale Edition

Whether it be Ronde Barber, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson, Terrell Owens' ankle, or Brett Favre's "magical" season, there always seems to be something more interesting for people to focus on than the New York Giants. As has been the case throughout the entire postseason, the Giants will most likely be nothing more than a side-story as we approach Super Bowl XLII. I suppose that's not unfair treatment when your opponent is the 18-0 New England Patriots, and you certainly won't hear any complaints from the Giants themselves. Not only is this team supremely confident in what they're doing, but they also seem to relish the role of the underdog. As Eli Manning said in his press conference after the Dallas win "No one's given us much credit and probably still won't. But that's OK. We like it that way."



It's very difficult for me to sort my thoughts out about last night's game. It will most likely take a few days for me to straighten everything out in my head. Frankly, I'm finding it difficult to write about the game in a coherent manner. So, instead, let me just give you a numbered list of random thoughts as they keep rushing through my head, and over the next two weeks I'll make an effort to organize my thoughts more clearly:

1) The consensus was that the Giants would need to play a near-perfect game in order to have a shot at knocking off Green Bay. Clearly, this was not true. In fact, if the Giants had been able to cut out a few mistakes throughout the game, this could have been a blowout.

2) There were several dropped passes throughout the game that would have extended drives. This problem has emerged several times this season (most recently against Washington). For some reason, the one that kills me is Amani Toomer's drop on our second drive. Going down the field on that drive would have been big for building momentum.

3) I wanted Plaxico Burress to hold on to that ball inside the five at the end of the first half in the worst way. This would have been the second straight playoff game in which the Giants offense marched down the field to score and take huge momentum into the half.


4) While we're on the subject of Plax, we need to talk about his performance, which was epic. This is a guy that has been playing injured all season. He has been playing this postseason with an ankle that has been sprained for five months and has torn ligaments inside of it. There was not one person on the field last night with more of a reason to get lost in the cold conditions. This would have been no surprise to the experts, who spent all week talking about what a great matchup the Packers had at cornerback. Burress dominated Al Harris all game long. I have one question for the people who thought that Green Bay had the best chance to beat New England: Can you imagine what Randy Moss would have done to that press coverage from Harris?

speaking of epic performances (feel free to fast forward through the first 2 minutes)...........


5) I was on the phone with Jarrett (a roomofzen follower and Giants fan) last night after the RW McQuarters interception and fumble. After we both yelled a slew of profanities, I said "that's alright, I'm confident." He said "I'm totally confident that Eli can lead us back." I echoed this sentiment. Neither of us were reaching or trying to convince ourselves. We were both genuinely confident that Eli Manning was perfectly in control of the situation and was ready to lead the Giants on a scoring drive (which he did). I have felt this way throughout the entire postseason. People can say whatever they want about Eli not looking like a leader and not having the demeanor of a leader, but the single most important quality of a leader is that he has the confidence of those that he leads.

6) In discussing who has been the unsung hero for the Giants thus far, there are many people that need to be brought up. As he always does, Fred Robbins has been a rock in the middle of the defensive line. Corey Webster has stepped up his game in a big way and has made huge plays in every game (including last night's overtime INT to set up the winning field goal). Justin Tuck has had a career year, and just signed a long term extension with the G-Men last week. Steve Smith has made several of the biggest catches of this run, and will hopefully be ready to be a regular contributor next year. Certainly, Kevin Boss has stepped in and played well in Jeremy Shockey's absence. However, all of these players have received at least some degree of recognition over the past few weeks. If you go to the Giants roster, and click on kick returner Domenik Hixon, there is not even a headshot. I would imagine that you could even talk to some Giants fans who wouldn't know who he was. Yet, this guy has been HUGE for us in the playoffs (not to mention the fact that he ran one back against New England in week 17). The field position game has been key to the Giants success during these playoffs, and Hixon has given us a short field many times. On top of all of this, he came up with a HUGE recovery of RW McQuarters' fumble.

7) Apparently Joe Buck and Troy Aikman haven't spent a great deal of time watching the Giants this season, as evidenced by this quote last night: "Tom Coughlin might really want to consider putting something warm over his face. It looks really red."

8) Obviously the Giants made a lot of plays on both sides of the ball last night, but none stick out in my head as much as Antonio Pierce sniffing out a well designed screen, going through two blockers on his own, and giving an outstanding individual effort to help save a touchdown.

9) Obviously a lot was made before the game about how wonderful it would be to see Brett Favre back in the Super Bowl. I love Favre, and seeing him on the Super Bowl stage would have helped to soften the blow of a Giants loss. However, Favre has won a Super Bowl. Michael Strahan has not. I understand that Favre is a quarterback, and has been the face of the league for a long time. But, Michael Strahan is a future hall of famer and one of the greatest ever to play his position. He is an outstanding pass rusher and run stopper, and he has played at a consistently high level throughout his career. Let's put my Giants allegiances aside for a second. There are many of you out there, like me, who in their days of playing football were reduced to the less glorious positions (offensive and defensive linemen). As one of those people, I am happier that I'll have the chance to see Michael Strahan win his Super Bowl than I would have been to see Favre have a shot for his second. As a Giants fan, obviously, nothing would make me happier than to see Strahan finally hoisting the Lombardi trophy.


I could go on with this stuff all day, but I won't. The experts all picked Tampa Bay. They all picked Dallas. They all picked Green Bay. I'm sure that all of the experts will pick New England in this game. I have to admit that I'm less confident about this game than I was about the last three. However, it is by no means a foregone conclusion. The Giants have built their confidence and hardened their resolve considerably since the last time these two teams met. The neutral site in Glendale will be the least hostile environment they have played in since before the playoffs began. They have no pressure on them in this game. Their season has been a success. They just need to go out and play as hard and as well as they can. The Patriots, on the other hand, have all the weight of a fanbase that is thirsting for a perfect season. It's like week 17 all over again, but with higher stakes. Hopefully this time the Giants can author a different ending.

Predictions

We'll have Foil in the Oven for you tommorow to recap all of today's action. Not surprisingly, not a single expert has picked the Giants. But, those guys have been wrong for two weeks straight, and I think that they're wrong again today.

Predictions:

New England 41, San Diego 28
New York 24, Green Bay 21

News Update

In following up on the Babcock Report from last night, I just wanted to keep everyone aware of the latest on the Moss situation. We learned today from Moss' legal team that the female in this case suffered a finger injury during "consensual horseplay." We may never know the full extent of what happened that night in Florida, but if this is true then it sounds like nothing more than some rough sex and bruised egos (and the finger obviously......which doesn't make sense, why is it her finger?). Hopefully it will blow over soon....right after the video becomes available for download.

The Babcock Report: IV

Straight Cash Homey...
This has been a tough couple of days for me. Much of the positive excitement surrounding this weeks inevitable dismantling of the San Diego Chargers has been disrupted by the breaking story involving Randy Moss and some woman in Florida. I'm no legal expert, and do not claim to be, in fact I have no real credibility when it comes to obeying the law (although I do pay my taxes and frequently come to a full stop at stop signs). This whole story just doesn't sit right with me.

First, I admit, I am a Randy Moss fan and therefor inherently biased in this issue. And I think that is ok. Isn't that what being a fan is about? It allows you to be irrational for no other reason than some guy plays for a sports team that you happen to like. This is why people in San Diego still root for Shawn Merriman even though he got busted for steroids; this is why I root for Rodney Harrison because he was falsely accused of purchasing HGH. See what I mean?

A little anecdote...I was vacationing in San Francisco a few weeks ago and my girlfriend and I and my buddy and his girlfriend were sitting in a bar chatting with some locals. Upon hearing that we were from the Boston area the conversation immediately turned to sports. This one guy who, to his credit, looked exactly like the Dude (I mean exactly) told me that he had been to Fenway park while the Giants were visiting. He explained to me, that as a hardcore Giants fan, he had no problems rooting for Barry Bonds. He went on to say that while at said game he turned to a Red Sox fan who was at the game with his kid and said, 'Hey man, its really great that you brought you're kid to see the greatest baseball player who ever lived play baseball." He told me that the guy turned to him and said "Go Fuck Yourself", and then proceeded to call some wierd hotline that you can call to have people removed from Fenway Park. An inning later he was escorted from his seat and from the stadium. I guess the point, if you can call it that, is that I actually sympathized with this guy. As fans we are all allowed to possess our own opinions about individual athletes. Sure I hate Barry Bonds with a passion, I think he has cheated baseball and baseball fans. There are some people who believe that he is the best thing to ever happen to the sport. I can see why someone would think I was a hypocrite because I like Rodney Harrison. And maybe I am, I know I still sleep at night. I could go on with this for days, I know, but you get the point.

So back to Moss. Acknowledging my inherent bias because I am a Patriots/Moss fan, I have a few observations. First, this whole thing does seem to reek of blackmail ala Kobe Bryant (I admit I openly proclaimed Kobe's guilt, at one point in time I even posessed a T-Shirt that read : KOBE IS A SCUMBAG, of this, I am proud.) The fact that Moss knew this woman for 11 years is interesting. The fact that there was apparently a concious decision to release the story at this particular point in time, AND the fact that there was apparently a request for money to keep the story quiet from the woman prior to its release. In addition, I found that the fact that Randy Moss came out immediately and held an impromptu press conference, in which he did not read a rehersed statement, really swung me (further) to his side. This openess with the media and willingness to talk to the press and fans without being forced to or waiting while the story festers in the public domain (Roger Clemens) makes Moss' side of the story, although vague, more believable.

Next, and on a funnier note (I think), I heard on Sports Radio WEEI's Dennis and Callahan show this morning that a source in Florida claims that the injury in question here occurred while Moss and this woman were, and I quote, "Vigorously enjoying each others company." You can't make that up...wait yes you could...but lets run with this...So, you might have a restraining order being taken out for a sex injury? And, the body part in question is a hand. There are definitely a few "Spreading the defense" and "Deep threat" jokes to be made here, but I digress, my mother actually reads this blog.

BUT...what kind of effect will this have on the Patriots? My guess = NONE. Is there a more media Savvy organization, top to bottom, than the New England Patriots? In this season alone they have dealt with the acquisition of Moss, Camera-gate, Rodney Harrison's (phony) HGH suspension, The death of a teammate (Marquis Hill), and a quarterback with a bastard child and a foreign super-model girlfriend. Nothing distracts them. They are like Drago training in that wierd Russian workout laboratory in Rocky 4: methodical, angry and sweaty. If none of those things have derailed this magnificent locomotive of football awesomeness, than what, in the name of all that is pure and good in this world, could? A freaky sex injury? Doubtful. Moss has been such a model teammate and player this year and I would hate for there to be any kind of tarnish on the amazing season that he has had for the Pats.

When Fans Attack
Here's a disturbing story about a Packers fan who restrained his 7 year old son with tape for an hour and then taped a Packers jersey to the boy after he refused to wear the jersey. Moments after the story's release the man was given the key to the city of Green Bay for outstanding cheeseheadship. Also, this story wins the award for "Most Arbitrary Fine Amount" as the man was forced to pay $186 to get out of jail after his arrest. In a striking show of solidarity, the man's wife followed in the footsteps of Moss' accuser and took out a restraining order on the man. No word on whether the Jersey involved was either Dorsey Levens or Mark Chmura.

It should be noted that I have just reread the previous paragraph and I realize that it may seem like I am a heartless human being.

So, as a feel-good follow up story...feast your souls on this. The young girl who represented the Patriots in the NFLs Punt, Pass, and Kick competition last sunday in Indianapolis will be brought out onto the field at Gillette Stadium this Sunday for the coin toss and also received tickets to the game for her friends and family from Robert Kraft himself. If you recall, Colts fans booed her when she was announced on the field during halftime last week. Karma is a bitch Indy!

Homage
If you have never seen the Gary Gaetti Cult of 514 Cottonwood, Grand Forks, ND webpage, you really need to check it out. I stop by from time to time for the sick music (crank up your speakers) and outstanding collection of Gaetti memorabilia and folk-lore. This is America at its best. I often stop by here for motivation, although I am not sure what for.

Final Thoughts...
Today, in a rare moment of nostalgia, I recalled that when I was in middle school and playing on a travel basketball team we used to warm up to the Wutang Clan's 36 Chambers album. I wish I had footage of a bunch of white kids from Newburyport, MA warming up to Protect Ya Neck, and C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me). I'm not actually sure why our parents allowed it. I guess, as is the case with all winning teams (we were nasty, for suburban middle school kids) people let things slide while you are putting up W's (no pun intended).



This song really encapsulates my youth...actually no not at all. BUT, this is one of the best rap albums ever. Continuing with my WuTang tangent, the following scene is from Jim Jarmusch's film Coffee and Cigarettes and it features the RZA the GZA and Bill Murray. Basically the whole movie is just scenes of famous people having coffee and cigarettes, theres nothing more to it, really. However, I did rent it once and this just stuck in my head, I think its pretty funny, then again I'm a wierdo.



And finally, a little kick in the ass:

Oracle Speaks, Volume 6

My name is Jon Ladd. I've been friends with Ben Babcock since 6th grade. I'm very much surprised that him and I are still alive. I've become a big fan of the Roomofzen web site, and I've followed the success of your page since the beginning.
I'm e-mailing you guys because it's a small fucking world. I actually watched a pats game at Winner's in Brunswick Maine earlier this year. I was with my father and his buddies, one of which has a place up near Brunswick. I drank four Busch beers on the car ride to Winner's. When I finally walked in I was blown away by the Pro Football Utopia we had entered.
I drank beers and ate chicken wings with my old man and his buddies. There was couple who sat right next to me because of how crowded it was. They were Atlanta Falcons fans. I was somewhat uncomfortable with them interupting my personal space, but in the end I concluded that it was nice that Patriots fans and Falcons fans could watch football together and share the same view of the waitresses ass when she walked by.
The fact that i randomly went to this Sports Bar in Maine gives me more of an appreciation for this web site. I hope that Vince Wilfork literally rips Phillip Rivers head off this sunday.


Sincerely,
Jon Ladd


(note: picture included in message to oracle)

Jon Ladd,

I am pleased to report that as I am recieving your message, the Celtics are finally starting to drive to the basket again, and have taken a three point lead just before half. This gives me great hope for this post, and I thank you for helping to turn around this team's offensive struggles.

It is indeed a small world Jon. Not only have you been to the same sacred spot as all of us, but we have all most likely also been to that spot in close proximity to your dad's friend and that Falcons couple at the same time. I can also say with 100 per cent certainty that both Ben and myself (and most likely that Falcons couple) have drank four Busch beers on the way to Winner's on occasion. As you said, a small fucking world. And yet, I can't help but feel that your experience did not take place completely by chance. Your friendship with Babcock and your loyal devotion to this site show that you are pure of heart, and I'd like to think that there was some greater force that led you to our place of worship that day. You are one of the chosen ones, and are destined (as we are) to one day find enlightenment through the ever elusive journey to find the devil throwing a banjo into the fire.



Your experience brings up another element of Winner's that I never mentioned. On Sundays, the tables that are usually seperate are suddenly lined up to form two or three very long tables with many chairs. I imagine this is how Viking armies ate in miedevil times, which is why that is how people eat at Winner's every Sunday now. Now, this means that your rubbing shoulders with some bottom-feeders. Falcons fans, Cardinals fans, the whole lot. But, your overall message is much more profound and powerful than you might imagine. Sure, I never made eye contact with any of those freaks until about the fourth quarter of my first time, and that's when I began to realize:
We're not really so different. Sure, right now your favorite team is getting ready to cap off a historic 19-0 Super Bowl run, and I'm hoping that my team will take home the NFC crown, but it's not like this for everyone. Frankly, it's an embarrasement of riches. Can't we all remember a time when we were sitting in the exact same position. Dave Brown was the Giants starting quarterback! For a long time! Him being put in prison for dogfighting would have been the highlight of my whole childhood as an NFL fan! Your message is clear: you've never been the same since that day, and the rest of the world will never be the same if they can understand what we're preaching on this site.

Great call on the volcano wings.

In closing, I wish you the best of luck this weekend. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hate this Chargers team. Igor Olshansky has clearly never taken a trip to the Room of Zen. I only hope that my team has the honor of losing to yours twice this season.