Who Doesn't Like a Big Fat One?

Over the past few days LaRocque and I have had the pleasure of conversing with an OLD old pal, Chris Stratton. The following are actual emails, I think you'll agree that the subject matter is fascinating and that Stratton is a wierd guy. But we love him.

To Room Of Zen

from chris stratton

Jan 29

Subject: Who Doesn't Like a Big Fat One?

With all the talk of Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds and performance enhancers, the relationship between athletics and science has never been more intertwined. Athletes are taking any measure they can to gain a competetive edge through science and technology, whether its illegal or accepted practices, and they are able to play well past their physical prime. Work out routines, healthy food choices, and top notch medical staffs are creating some of the most highly tuned athletes the world has ever known, but one does not have to be highly tuned to be called an athlete. There is another breed of athletic competitor, who maybe wants to eat fried chicken instead of green beans, who wants a draft beer instead of a bottled water. My question to you Oracle is who would you consider to be among the best rotund athletes? (Sumo excluded of course) Names like John Daly, David Wells and Andre the Giant come to mind, men who would never gain endorsements from Isotoners or Tag Huer, but are athletes none the less. Some guys have to be gym rats and be all ripped to make it at the big time, while others just rip farts at Jim's Deli and still manage to compete at a high level. It is this group that interests me and I am curious to see what sort of insight the Oracle has on this matter.

I'm hugry,
Shorty Portly Stratton


Room Of Zen
to chris
show details
Jan 29 (2 days ago)

Hello Chris,

Babe Ruth is the all-time answer. But, he played in a more innocent time, so I think we'll have to work past him and also set up some categories. Before the Oracle can answer and publish your question, you must help establish some frameworks.


- Did you consider Charles Barkley fat when he played?

- Do you consider David Ortiz fat?

- Do kickers/punters count?

- Do you consider Sean Bradley fat?

chris stratton to
Room Of Zen
Jan 30 (1 day ago)

Hello Nick,

My apologies for not being a bit more elaborate in my last email, I had to rush through it faster than I had hoped. Babe Ruth is a great answer, he certainly was not svelt by any means and also had no shame in being public with his large appetites (food, cigars, women, booze, homeruns). If you saw Babe Ruth walking down the street and didn't know who he was, based on outward appearance, ball player probably wouldnt be your first choice of what he did for a living and that is more or less of what I was aiming at with my question. The guys with the big bellies who dont look like they belong on a playing surface, but go out and kick ass at their respective positions none the less. Personally, I would say that Barkley and Ortiz are valid entries because when they run it looks like they are working extra hard to get themselves moving, watching Ortiz truck from first to thrid on a base hit is hilarious, but someone like John Daly doesnt run so I'm not really sure what sort of parameters you would like to use. I guess its the best of the bulge, guys who are plus sized but still dominate at their position (hitters, pitchers, golfers, punters, you name it, big guys who are good at their specific job whatever that may be). But I am intersted in your Sean Bradley comment, so maybe just something more along the lines of atypical athletes in the professional realm would be a better way to approach this, but I will leave that to the Oracle to see through my muddled mess of a question. Hopefully this serves as some sort of clarification, but I doubt it.

Keep up the good work,
Stratton



Room Of Zen
to chris
Jan 30 (20 hours ago)

Stratton,

Its your old roommate Babcock here. I agree with you on Babe Ruth and John Daly, and especially David Wells. Wells is a guy who admittedly, and clearly, lived an unhealthy life and yet still reached the pinnacle of professional sports when he threw a perfect game. It has even been alleged that he was nursing a miserable hangover on that momentous day. In fact, the more I think about it, the more Baseball players pop into my mind. Guys like Rod Beck (god rest his soul) and Rich Garces would look more at home being cut off by a cocktail waitress at your local Applebees than they ever did getting the call from the Bullpen in a critical 9th inning situation. Pitching in the major leagues has for years offered these "bad-body" types a place in professional sports. While none of the aformentioned guys could legitamately make it on to any list that involved the words "greatest" and "athlete", with the obvious exception of Rod Beck topping the "greatest athlete to drink whiskey and blow coke with" list. He also had one of the most viscious moustache-mullet combinations of all time, but I digress.

When we bring in "Atypical athlete" to the mix we open the door to some really awesome pros. Think about guys like Spud Webb, Mugsy Bogues, and Early Boykins... relative to other NBA players, how much more atypical could you be? How about Randy Johnson, at 6'10" and an 8 time "world's ugliest human" champion, what are the odds that he would be one of the most dominant pitchers to ever toe the rubber? Now, the world of professional sports are full of anomalies, just look at the NFL...a guy with 1/2 a foot holds a share of the record for longest field goal. But I think I may be getting off topic a bit here. We're just talking about the fat guys now, and we may have to break this down into categories such as "greatest fat athlete that played a sport in which they were required to run (which would eliminate golfers) or "worlds greatest fat athlete who participated in a sport where there was a chance they might have to run (which would be for Pitchers). Its all a matter of degrees. You are clearly more of an expert than I am at being overweight...but you are not alone, America boasts a 50% obesity rate. With this in mind we may well be approaching the dawn of a new era in professional sports...The Age of the Fat Man. I expect that we see a drastic increase in "bad-body" atheletes over the next few years. Get your popcorn indeed.

Out of curiosity does anyone have an entry for "greatest atypical/fat FEMALE athlete of all time"?

God Speed,

Babcock

PS-
"Shorty Portly Stratton" may be the worst self imposed nickname of all time.

Perhaps, in the aftermath of the Super Bowl, roomofzen will undertake an unprecedented task of compling the masterlist of greatest atypical/fat athletes of all time, please feel free to submit your entries to roomofzen@gmail.com.