Foil in the Oven: the Basketball Whisperer

It has been many weeks since the last time I had Sunday off from work. In fact, I think the last time was Super Bowl XLII. So, I was not surprised when I woke up on this rainy, cold morning too sick to physically speak above a whisper. A less balanced person might call this bad luck. Fortunately, I make a habit of keeping a spacious mind. There are countless positive aspects to this situation that the untrained eye may not see. First- Sure, my throat hurts and I can't really talk and I am completely congested and drowsy. BUT, my stomach feels no ill effects. This means that I won't be throwing up and I can spend the day on the futon eating Ramen Noodles with minimal discomfort. Second Yesterday was a beautiful day. It would have been a crime to stay inside and relax all day. Today's weather (considerably more shitty than yesterday's) combined with the fact that I am sick means that I can spend the entire day with the shades down without the slightest feeling of guilt.

The third and most important positive aspect of my situation is that there is literally nothing that can stand in my way of taking in the Sunday NBA doubleheader on ABC. Sunday is the holiest day of the week for many people all around the world. Despite the fact that I have no religious ties, Sundays have always held a similarly sacred and significant place in my life. This is particularly true during the football season, the time of year when the glory of Sunday is at its peak. However, the importance of Sunday during basketball season cannot be overlooked. Sure, there are NBA games on every night of the week. But, we all only have so much time to give, and our viewing during the week is generally reserved only for watching our favorite team. Sunday provides us with a great opportunity to get our finger on the pulse of the rest of the league. The match ups are generally intriguing ones (when was the last time you watched Milwaukee or Memphis play on the Sunday doubleheader?), and the matinee format allows Eastern Conference fans to get a glimpse of the West at a reasonable time of day.

The Sunday doubleheader took on a greater level of importance for me last season. I spent my evenings watching the Celtics lose........all the time. Sure, the team was fun to watch. Rajon Rondo was a sparkplug, Gerald Green always had the potential to wow you when he had the ball in his hands, Al Jefferson was developing a very versatile low-post arsenal, and of course there was the prospects of Kevin Durant or Greg Oden wearing Celtic green in 08. These Celtics were young, feisty, and entertaining, but they didn't win. How do you stay faithful to a team like this? The Sunday doubleheader is really the only way. King James, Kobe and the Lakers, Nash and the fast-paced Suns, Duncan Parker and Ginobli, Dirk and the Mavs. I didn't need to root for these teams, but I needed to get a look. I needed that fix. Remember, Paul Pierce was out for most of last year, and there were nights when I witnessed Brian Scalabrine playing more than 20 minutes. But, every Sunday, I could sit back, and watch the league's best duke it out. There was no pressure, because I didn't care who won. I just wanted to take it in.

So, today's Foil in the Oven will span over several hours, and will feature some key points of today's games. For the first time writing from the futon, here it goes.


MATCHUP #1 Raptors at Pistons

Great matchup here, and interesting because the Raptors will looking to knock the Pistons off today in an effort to duck them in the first round. Certainly, Toronto would rather see the Magic than this seasoned Pistons squad.

- A possible indication of how this game will go: TJ Ford makes a nice steal, takes it down the floor only to botch an alleyoop to Jamario Moon. The Pistons collect it, and Rip Hamilton finishes smoothly on the other end. Ford makes up for this mistake with 2 minutes left in the first quarter when he finds Moon cutting on the baseline for an authoritative throwdown. I'll be very interested to see what Ford does in this game. I don't watch the Raptors very often but I always feel like Jose Calderon is a better point guard than him. People have tried to convince me otherwise, but there weren't many people playing better than Calderon when he carried the team in Ford's absence earlier this year.

- Tayshaun Prince hits a three as time expires on the first quarter. This game may be close throughout but I don't see Toronto taking it unless the Pistons sit the starters for the fourth.

- Anthony Parker, not nearly as impressive as his sister.

- Calderon begins the scoring in the second quarter. I love watching him man, he's nasty.

- Nice to see Theo Ratliff out there for Detroit. His role in the Celtics resurgence this year cannot be understated. When I spoke earlier about last year's Celtics team being "young and feisty", I certainly wasn't talking about him. He was the antithesis of that team. Did you know that he went to college at Wyoming?

Do you ever wonder if Ratliff signed with the Pistons in March because he knew they had the best chance to knock off the Celtics in the playoffs? Do you ever wonder if maybe he has spent all of his time since the big trade training like Rocky Balboa with the singular goal in mind of getting waived by the Wolves, re-joining the team that drafted him, and crushing the hopes and dreams of the Celtics and their fans? Think about it, has there ever been a player who was so blatantly de-humanized publicly than Ratliff when he played for the Celtics? Has there ever been a player that was more clearly regarded by his team as nothing more than a bargaining chip? The good news is, even if this is Ratliff's plan, don't think he possesses the physical capabilities to carry it out.


AT THIS POINT, WE GET THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE:

- 6 minutes left in the first half, Calderon throws a sick alleyoop to Bosch from behind the three point line. Toronto trails by 6.
- Calderon drives hard right, and gets a goal-tending call on his shot. 4 point game, 5 minutes until half.
- 4:15 left, Bosch completes a three-point play and Detroit cuts it to 1. This team absolutely runs better with Calderon at the helm. SO, I have to ask, WHY IS TJ FORD STARTING?
- Right after I ask this to myself, we learn that Calderon went to Sam Mitchell and told him that he was perfectly fine with coming off the bench if it was easier for TJ Ford. Ford had apparently been struggling in games when he came off the bench. So, I guess that answers my question. We also learn that Calderon has the best assist to turnover ratio in the league this year. This all makes me wonder, why wouldn't you have your best players out there as often as you can?



At the half Detroit leads 50-45, and I notice the sun creeping through the shades. Luckily I'm sick, so there are no forces pulling me away from this couch over the next three halves (at least) of NBA action (see how nicely that works out).

Alabama Thunderpussy:


- 6 minutes left in the third, Rip makes a nice steal, cruises down to the other end and feeds Tayshaun. The Pistons appear to be on cruise control despite only being up 5.

- Chris Bosch hits a three, but fails to make a two-pointer that would have tied it up at the end of the third. Bosch has 26 at this point, and Toronto is only down 2


Solid 7 point victory for the Pistons. Rodney Stuckey was a standout as they rode out their lead in the fourth quarter. This was also my first serious look at Aaron Afflalo (18 minutes). The Detroit starters played sparingly, and this was an easy victory. The verdict: If this is the first round matchup, look for a Pistons sweep.


At this point, I have made an executive decision. I am going to cut this edition of Foil in the Oven short, and watch the second game sans computer. Those of you who check in with us regularly know that I have feared the Lakers ever since they made the move for Gasol. Part of this fear is fascination. I can't get enough of watching Kobe Bryant play. The guy is simply incredible. I still give my MVP vote to Chris Paul, but if you ask me who I want to watch play, I'll take Kobe any day of the week. I met a big Celtics fan last night who said to me after shaking my hand "when I watch Kevin Garnett play, I get a hard-on." I agreed. We were both speaking figuratively of course, and not literally. But, surely you can understand the sentiment. I feel the same way about Kobe, and even more so because I watch him less often than I watch KG. This matchup between the Lakers and the Spurs is exactly what I need on this Sunday afternoon.