U2 Is Not Classic Rock Vol. II

Well, it was only a matter of time before I was back with another edition of U2 Is Not Classic Rock. As I mentioned in the first edition, I don’t need an excuse at all to purchase albums, in fact when I have an excuse (such as an upcoming roadtrip, or say, the fact that it is a Wednesday) I tend to go a little overboard, which is evident by the first album up for review today: As always, I’ll keep this to two paragraphs or less, and grade on a scale of 0-3 Cocks, or roosters, if you will…

Patti Smith “Horses”





I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this described as a “groundbreaking” , “revolutionary”, “quintessential” album. I bet its at least three or for times. Well, I have a tendency to act on such adjectives, so I saw this album and thought, ‘what the hell? Ill give this a shot’. What the hell indeed. Do you have to be a chick to appreciate this? I think maybe you do.

First off, if you are like me you are thinking ‘hey Patti Smith, didn’t she sing that really sick 80s jam “The Warrior” that was featured prominently during the Charles Barkley montage in the ‘NBA Superstars’ VHS that came out in like 1988?’ Well that happens to be PATTY SMYTH and her band Scandal. This is Patti Smith; a strung out punk rock chick reading… er…singing…poetry about horses and the oceans. Her artwork has been described as extremely vaginal. Ok, I stole that line from the Big Lebowski, but it fits here. The actual music isn’t that bad, but I lose all interest when Patti starts yelping about this or that. Also I saw her in an interview on some documentary and I swear to god she had a moustache. This just isn’t my bag. ½ a Cock.








Joe Walsh “The Definitive Collection”



A couple of weeks ago I was complaining about relying on “greatest hits” albums to fill up your musical library with well known artists, so I’ll be the first to kick myself in the balls for going out and buying a “definitive collection” a few days later. What a hypocrite you might say…however, my point was only that if all you ever buy are greatest hits records than you are selling yourself short, ESPECIALLY when it comes to older artists and groups. So there’s a couple of reasons that I bought this particular Joe Walsh album: 1) I have wanted to get a James Gang album for a long time (that’s his earliest band) but I haven’t been able to find one in a record store around here (Gaithersburg, MD at the moment) and this album has a mix of his early James Gang recordings as well as his solo stuff. 2) There was a decent mix of songs that I knew and didn’t know from many albums; this allows me to pick and choose future albums based on which tracks I liked the best. 3) This was the only Joe Walsh album at the store I went to.

(Sidenote: you are thinking “two paragraphs or less doesn’t mean anything when you can just write really long run-on paragraphs”, you’re right, but I make the rules here)

In closing, it is clear to me that Joe Walsh kicks ass. There are so many great tracks on here from “funk 49” and “Walk away” to “The Bomber” “Mother Says” “Turn to Stone”, and a surprise track “Life of Illusion” which you will almost immediately recognize as the song playing during the opening scene of “40 year old Virgin”. It’s infectious. You’ll also get his radio staples “Life’s been good” and “Rocky Mountain way” so there’s something familiar there too. I won’t recommend these kinds of albums too often, but today I must. 3 Cocks.

And here's a little treat for you:

Next time on U2 Is Not Classic Rock: The Blues...Old School Blues.