The Walton Watch

While watching the Suns - Celtics game the other night I couldn't help but be amazed at the number of rediculous comments that Bill Walton made before, during, and after the game. I actually took the time to get up from the couch, grab a pen and pad of paper and jot things down as they came out of his mouth. I have been doing so ever since, and rather than have these little notes go to waste I decided that I would use them to create a regular post called "The Walton Watch" where I would post some of the ludicrous things that he says during the course of the analysis of NBA games. Now, I can't do this alone, so I am going to ask all of you who might happen across Walton commenting on the great calves on his son Luke, or the particular hairstyle sported by an NBA ref, you can send them to me and they will make it to The Walton Watch. Of course, I will take all of the credit. Just kidding.

Before I get into Walton's comments I need to say a few more things...First, the more I think about it the more I can remember several instances in my life where I was listening to Walton talk and I let forth an audible "what the fuck is this guy talking about?", sometimes even in front of children. I cannot decide if ESPN uses Walton to bring in the crunchy, environmental, liberal demographic who might see NBA Basketball as too much of a capitalistic, anti-vegan, hip-hop enterprise. Or, perhaps they are just trying to make their other analysts seem more intellient. The pairing of Walton and Stephen A Smith is genius...Walton, even though he's one of the NBAs 50 greatest players sounds like Johnny Depp on acid when he's breaking down a game. It is safe to say that a lot of ex-players that get into broadcasting are obviously better at playing the game than they are at providing color commentary, but I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt when they have a strong opinion about whats going on. I'm not so sure that you can do that with Walton, when, for example, he calls "Grant Hill the luckiest man alive" simply becuase he is healthy and playing for a very good NBA basketball team. When I think luckiest man alive I think "guy who went over Niagra falls and survived", or "guy who fell two stories onto a metal spike but the spike missed all of his vital organs and spine" , not a small forward in the twilight of his career. 9 out of 10 times Smith takes the opposite stance as Walton does, AND when they do agree he always prefaces his statement by "I hate to agree with you...", and you can tell that he really does. This is a great duo, a lot of unintentional comedy, and I must say, bit by bit, I am warming to Smith.

Bill Walton and I have the same size biceps...SICK.

So, in this weeks edition of The Walton Watch, Walton touched on a comment he made during the Suns Celtics game on NBA tonight about Shaq's huge new truck that appears to be a Tractor Trailer that has a regular pickup bed on the back of it, sick rims and probably a really badass stereo system in it. Walton first boasted that his home state, "The great state of California" probably wouldn't allow such a vehicle under their strict emissions testing laws. He then went so far as to suggest that developing nations such as India and China would specifically point to Shaq's truck when arguing with the US over responsibility for the production of greenhouse gases. In essence, the fact that Shaq drives a huge truck is a reasonable excuse for the third world to ignore our suggestions for lowered emissions in those nations, essentially branding all Americans hypocrites. Unfortuanately we all can't ride around in cars powered by happy thoughts, farts, and bong resin, Bill. How do you go from talking about the Phoenix Suns to the Kyoto treaty? Just watch Bill Walton. Almost as amusing is watching Smith shake his head in disbelief occasionally shrieking out an awkwardly loud "WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!????", thats good television.

Here's a couple sites/links you should check out, the first is the Bill Walton official website, lots of good stuff like links to the Grateful Dead Hall of Honor, which Bill is a member of.

This one is an article about Walton commenting on his son Luke for basically an entire game.

The following is a youtube clip of Bill Walton...great line: "When I think of Boris Diaw, I think of Bethoven and the age of the Romantics."

awesome.