10. Lots of people go to all you can eat buffets. But fat guys can be seen eating food off their plates on the way back to the table. To review there is a ton of food, and no limit on how much one can consume. And yet the fat guy can’t even wait to get back to his table.
9. Has at least one homemade food concoction, and I say concoction because it involves a bizarre assortment of food that does not belong together, a sauce, and perhaps other elements as well, that horrifies others.
8. He’s eaten at 2 different fast food restaurants in the same day.
7. Orders a buffalo chicken sub with four types of cheese, bacon, and ranch dressing but has it with lettuce on wheat bread. So it's not bad.
6. Will always give food a shot if it’s fried.
5. Has at least considered a peanut butter and bacon sandwich. As a side note I’m convinced this is the least healthy sandwich in the world. Something beyond just a high fat or calorie count happens when peanut butter fuses with bacon that takes time off a person’s life. Trust me. It’s Über cholesterol or something. Stay away.
4. Will buy a 6-month pass to a gym because having spent the money will definitely be motivated. Will go steady for a week, sporadically after that for a bit, and then not at all, well before the pass expires.
3. Has used bag balm. Here’s the thing. Bag balm use should be #1 and eliminate the need for 2-10. However, it is also big in the running community, which is decidedly unfat. Still it was originally developed for cows. Freaking cows! So it has to be high on the list.
2. Will eat a large portion of food that is both unhealthy and not to his liking because it’s there.
1. “Are you hungry?” – Friend, relative, random person, whoever.
“I could eat.” – Fat guy.
Clearly the fat guy ate within the last hour and probably quite well. So there really is no need to eat. But he’s going to because he can.
7 comments:
Well done Weeksy.
Numbers 10 and 1 are me to a tee. I even consciously think about 10 while I'm doing it and how ridiculous it is, and yet I still do it.
The fact that 10 and 1 fit me means that most of the ones in the middle do as well.
That being said, I would just like to say that I have never eaten the peanut butter and bacon sandwich. I have witnessed certain people (such as the person who wrote this very post) do it, but I have managed to abstain. But, have I considered it? Yes, every time I go to the grocery store I consider it. Maybe it's only a matter of time......
Excellent list. Right on the money. I'd like to add a few:
- will not turn down seconds or even thirds at holiday meals
- can eat an entire chipotle burrito and still be hungry 30 minutes later
- enjoys A1 on multiple meat products
- enjoys ranch dressing on assortment of unrelated foods
- will eat an entire box of cheezits
- enjoys chips and ranch dressing on pizzas
- will drive long distances to get to roy rodgers, jack in the box, or sonic
Despite the fact that I'm not fat, most of those items apply to me. I have one major question: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WITH BAG BALM? I have never even heard of it, and cannot imagine a practical use. Someone please tell me what is going on here. Also, how widespread is its use? This deserves and entire article.
P.S. Larocque isn't fat anymore.
Listen Casten, just because I have never eaten a peanut butter and bacon sandwich does not mean that I am not fat. I meet just about every other criteria on that list aside from the bag of balm (like you, I have no clue about that. I have to believe it has something to do with chafing). And, this morning I drove through Boston traffic just so I could try the McDonald's chicken breakfast biscuit and the mcskillet burrito.
Not only that, I wore sweatpants to McDonalds this morning. Yeah that's right, sweatpants in July. So, I suggest you think a little more carefully before throwing around these statements so freely.
Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches? I prefer peanutbutter on cheeeburgers - been doing it for years.
peanut butter and bacon sandwiches kept me from loosing weight in basic training. I was the only one in the platoon who gained weight. A whole pound and a half!!!!
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