Do Not Leave Eddie House Open

Last year I dedicated a post on my old website to Eddie House's son and his presence at Celtics games. You can find the full version here. However, in honor of Eddie House's offensive explosion last night - (as I wrote earlier) 31 points, 11-14 from the field, 4-4 from deep, 5-6 from the line, and 10 times as many points as the Truth - I wanted to post part of it here. When I wrote it I was a bit more constrained with language than here at the ROOMOFZEN. Yet I decided to leave it as is. This should go without saying, but it's satire. Hopefully you'll enjoy:

The Houses Attend Jalen's First Grade Parent/Teacher Conference

Teacher: "To be honest we are concerned with Jalen's behavior. He frequently runs around the classroom knocking other students down with chest bumps, aggressive high fives, and jump celebrations. Furthermore, he recently held auditions for a dance team. Several of the girls he cut were devastated, prompting complaints from home. At the same time many of the girls who made Jalen's dance squad are completely disinterested in academics, as make up and wardrobe changes dominate their lives. I tried to get Jalen to disband the dance team and asked him how he would feel if his sisters were put through such a stressful experience. Jalen simply said, 'I don't have any sisters motha f#$%a!' I said how about cousins? He replied, 'It's like I tell my uncle blood is thicker than water but Rondo's better.' I don't even know what that means. So I gave up on the dance squad. Meanwhile, every time Jalen answers a question correctly he runs around the classroom beating his chest, staring off into space, and screaming 'motha f#$%a' repeatedly. Of course Jalen maintains that he is not staring off into space. Rather he is looking into the 'motha f#$%in cameras trying to f#$% up the f#$%in 7-second delay.' I'm at a loss here."