Two years ago I had the opportunity to accept a 6-week job in England. I had done it the previous summer and loved it. However, I almost turned it down. Why? Because the Transformers movie was coming out that summer and it was not hitting the theaters in England until at least 2 weeks after the US debut. Maybe more. My memory is a little hazy. After way more thought than you’d expect from someone who society considered an adult I signed up for another trip overseas. And when I saw the new Transformers I was embarrassed by the fact that I almost turned down the opportunity to travel, work with some great people and make a little money. I hated Michael Bay’s over the top monstrosity for several reasons:
- Two words: Shia LeBeouf. How about 4 more?: No, no, no, no.
- At numerous points I couldn’t tell the Autobots from the Decepticons. That’s borderline criminal. In a related note I thought I was going to have a seizure.
- The movie was more about Transformers in a human world. I always thought about it the other way around.
- The Iraq stuff was over the top cheesy.
- It was the Coors Light can of movies. You know how the Coors Light can has tons of gimmicks – frost brewed liner (what the hell is that?), the cold activated mountains and the wide mouth opening? Actually you might not know that. Basically it’s the lowest common denominator of advertising. Well Transformers struck me as that.
- Towards the end of the movie there was a fight scene where a Transformer flew over a random woman in slow motion. It made me inexplicably angry.
And now another Transfomers movie is on the way. I've heard it attempts to stay more true to the cartoon version. Consider me skeptical. Ultimately I'll lift my one-man, completely useless Michael Bay boycott. That's just how dumb I am. But no matter what it will be hard pressed to top this:
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The original Transformers movie (I'm talking cartoon version, the one from which that clip is taken) is one of the greatest films of my lifetime. I tell people all the time, some believe me and some don't. People who have no idea about the Transformers sit down and watch it and admit after that it is "actually a pretty good movie". That says a lot, because those people have a lot less emotionally invested in the life of Optimus Prime and the war between the autobots and decepticons.
Michael Bay's movie was crap. The part with Bumblebee peeing was a travesty.
What really upsets me is that Megatron was not Megatron. How can I hate him the way I hate the real Megatron when he looks nothing like him? Imagine a new Star Wars movie with Darth Vader in a totally different outfit and mask...it wouldn't work.
One of the only cool parts was when Megatron said to Prime that humans don't deserve to live and Prime says "they deserve to choose for themselves". That was a new primeism clearly inspired from his old speak. He also says "One shall stand, one shall fall", which is a classic Optimus Prime line also featured in the original.
James Cameron would have done a much better job. Speaking of him, that new Terminator movie does look pretty sweet.
I will still see Transformers Part 2, on the day it comes out, and then I'll most likely see it several more times even though it sucks.
Some things just weren't meant to be seen in real life. I wanted an ecto-suit more than anything in the world. But, at some point, I just had to come to grips with the fact that they don't exist. The Transformers are too complex to be seen in anything other than animation.
You could spend trillions on special effects in a live action movie and it wouldn't look anywhere as awesome as that animated clip. It's not that I don't understand Michael Bay's desire to bring it to life on the screen, it's just that I let that part of me die long ago. I'm surprised he hasn't done the same.
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