Friday, June 20, 2008

Kane is Able

After a couple of weeks of negotiations that included several e-mails, one arbitrary Blue Chips reference, and a promise to finally make good on previous statements of my desire to purchase a shirt or two from the ROOMOFZEN store, I have joined the ROOMOFZEN crew. Big day. I'm not entirely sure what I'll be posting about primarily. However, I figured I'd start by praising Joe Kane from The Program, or as I like to call it - the greatest college football movie of all time. So without further ado the Joe Kane experience:

1) It all starts with his image. Jeans, leather jacket, sunglasses, huge forehead, and Nomaresque hair. Unfortunately there were also a disturbing number of scenes in which Joe wore tight sweat pants. The count stands at three to my knowledge and one was too many.

2) Kane’s attempts to keep his edge. This included riding his motorcycle over suicidal type jumps in a gravel pit at one point. And of course he got drunk enough on the eve of the biggest game of the year that he played chicken with a train.

3) And finally Kane had the unique ability to deal with failure. The quintessential example occurred after a loss to Michigan simultaneously derailed ESU’s perfect season and the “Kane is Able” Heisman campaign. Predictably Kane embarked on an alcohol-fueled bender. Eventually he found himself in a local bar. There, in the midst of drowning his misery, he caught the eye of a local, much to the outrage of her jealous boyfriend. It led to the following exchange:

Townie: “Hey you looking at my girl?”
Kane: “I don’t know. Which one is she?”

Townie: “You think my girl’s hot for you?”
Kane: “Probably.”

Now that is one hell of a line. The guy was battling inner demons and yet he still brought his A game and elevated a tense situation into violence. Of course Kane threw the guy into a trophy case (shattering glass everywhere), ran out of the bar with Darnell Jefferson (Omar Epps - tail back), and got picked up for a DUI within the next five minutes driving a buddy's car. So in a span of 24 hours Joe got drunk twice, dodged a train, lost a hard fought football game in front of 80,000 fans, threw a guy into a trophy case, and was arrested. That's an epic stretch. Contrast that with Joey Porter getting shot in the ass, engaging in a war of words with Ray Lewis, and spitting in William Green’s face to start a pre-game brawl over the course of a whole year.

And yet I haven't even mentioned the highlight of the Kane's magical performance in the Program. Way back before his roller coaster junior year Kane's sophomore campaign ended without a major bowl appearance. That's a major no-no for a storied program such as ESU. Think Florida State in the Emerald Bowl and the Music City Bowl in the last seasons. Well Kane returned to his father’s small shack in the shadow of a huge smoky factory. Interestingly we never saw if the Kanes had any neighbors. As far as we know their house was inexplicably located in the midst of an industrial zone. Inside the house we are treated to Joe drinking beers on the couch with his father and brother. There was some talk about his place on the couch (apparently the Kanes sat around and drank together a lot) as well as his most recent failure on the gridiron. And then it happened. Joe’s father finished his beer, rose presumably to get another cold one, and placed his empty on their Christmas tree. It was a Christmas tree and the only ornaments were empty beer cans. The message was clear: the Kanes are a long line of alcoholics. The point was further hammered home by a later exchange:

“Whatcha doing here?” - Kane’s Dad
“Thinking about some things.” - Joe Kane
“That’s what the damn rehab will do. Make you think a about a lot of things you can’t do nothing about.” - Kane’s Dad

Ironically Kane didn't enter rehab until a year later. Still it doesn't get much better than Joe Kane. And yet he might not even be the best character in the movie. A PLACE AT THE TABLE:

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