CBS, MMA, and Tyson Reborn

As I sit here watching Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) and now Headbangers Ball on MTV-2, I can’t help but feel like fighting someone or at least shadow-boxing in my driveway. For those of you who missed it or have something better to do on a Saturday night, Tyson-look-alike Kimbo Slice beat the living crap out of a 6’4 Brit with a disgusting cauliflower ear. The fight was nasty and brutal: by the end of the match you could see the Brit’s ear dangling off his skull while Kimbo delivered pummeling hooks to the bloodied and infected organ; nasty stuff to be sure. Some people like this type of stuff, while others hate it.

Kimbo Slice is somewhat of an interesting dude. After attending the U on an academic scholarship, he dropped out after two years and started working as a bodyguard for the infamous MILF Hunter (note: if you don’t know who this is, go ahead and google him). Presumably the MILF Hunter arranged for Kimbo to fight pathetic white dudes in his backyard which he then broadcasted on the Internet. (Note: I am fairly confident the MILF Hunter could arrange for this to happen, based on his known technological capabilities.) Overnight Kimbo became an “Internet celebrity,” which means about a million people went on Youtube to gawk at this menacing beast owning a few brave souls who dared to fight him. A few months later he started training to become a MMA fighter with Bas Ruten.

CBS, always struggling for ratings and ad-revenue from younger viewers, aired this madman on Saturday night. Yes, this is the same channel with Katie Couric and 60 Minutes. And while the build-up to the fight was agonizing and long-winded, Kimbo did not disappoint his fans or CBS. He ended up winning because the Brit was not allowed to continue facing Kimbo's ounslaught. The Brit was pissed, but somehow I don’t blame CBS for ending the fight: Kimbo is one scary dude with a nasty right hook. As Frank Shamrock commented last night, "this is a very large man with a very disturbing tendency for violence."

All of this insanity got me thinking: what’s the straight dope on this sport? Why is CBS, one of the flagship TV networks in America, broadcasting a recreation of the Roman Coliseum? Are they desperate for ratings or onto something? Is Fox really kicking their ass that badly?

The answer is both – CBS has long struggled to keep up with Fox and MMA is undeniably America’s fastest growing sport among men ages 18 to 35 (at least that’s what they told you every five minutes on CBS). Whether or not it’s true, this demographic is highly sought after by companies hawking products like beer, gaudy video games, and fast food. See the Super Bowl for an example.

CBS undoubtedly sees dollar signs in this sport and actually, I'm surprised that Fox doesn’t have MMA on their channels. The sport is edgy, borderline trashy, and fairly graphic. Sounds like a match made in heaven for Fox, based on their current lineup (the Shield, Nip Tuck, ect.). Don't be surprised if Fox finds a way to get MMA onTV soon. But I digress.

The broader question is why MMA is America’s “fastest growing sport”? Why do more and more guys turn on MMA each weekend or follow it with the same intensity as football or baseball? If you like MMA, I hope this doesn't offend you, but the sport is pretty homoerotic. And that's what confounds me about it's popularity. I'm not saying I dislike it for that reason, I am only wondering why so many dudes like it despite this characteristic of the sport.

My question is this: why would you want to see three semi-naked dudes roll around on the ground trying to choke each other out? I guess that's pretty cool if you know what moves to look for. But most of the fights are not like boxing, where two guys stand around and slug it out for points or knockouts. MMA, the majority of the time, is fought on the ground where the fighters engage in highly technical moves to gain an advantage over one another. Furthermore, severe beat downs rarely seem to occur, so what is the appeal among guys? Blood-lust doesn't seem to be a good explanation for popularity since most of the time it doesn't occur. In fact, most of the fighters do not sustain brain damage from the sport because of its technical nature and lack of direct headshots.

Is it because people like the fighters and their stories? I guess Kimbo Slice has a pretty interesting story: former bodyguard and ex-con gets "turned around" by MMA and finds overnight celebrity. Maybe, maybe not. Guys like Frank Shamrock are pretty interesting too: they spend their entire lives learning about ancient martial arts and how they can apply it to extreme fighting and combat. Meh.

Maybe the sport is so popular because each of the fighters can bring a wide range of martial arts or fighting disciplines to the table. That means unlike Boxing, you can hypothetically see a fight with Brazilian jui-jitsui, wrestling, and boxing being practiced at once. Variety and diversity may be exciting viewers because any given fight may showcase multiple fighting styles and therefore lead to unique outcomes. You can always figure what happens in a boxing match: two guys throw different punches until the other guy gives up. MMA, on the other hand, could end a million different ways (knock-out, submission, TKO) through a million different combinations. Unpredictability and surprise definitely work to MMA's favor here.

I won't go over the blood-lust theme again, although that may be a contributing factor. We've known that people since the Roman times shelled out good money to see two people fight to the death, or near death as in MMA. Fair enough. Let the blood and money flow freely. We're in America, after all, and it's a free country.

Personally, something about MMA interests me like a car wreck would. When driving by a car accident, you almost always sneak a peek and quickly regret doing so thereafter. Like MMA, car wrecks are ghastly spectacles of people and things gone awry in a chaotic and intense setting. A part of you wants to see the wreck in order to find out what happened to the people (whether they are alive or dead) just like a part of you wants to see if Kimbo Slice gets his head ripped off by James Thompson, or wins by submission. Oftentimes viewing a car-wreck leaves you nauseous and MMA is the same way. You really wish you could just leave it alone and forget about it, but somehow the sport draws your attention when driving by on the remote. That said, don't expect me to seek out MMA matches, just like you wouldn't expect me to seek out footage of a car-wreck. If it's there, I will somehow take a glimpse. If it's not, I will be happy to keep it that way. Case closed.